Mitzi Moments

Category: why we as a people can’t get ahead

like bam, bam, bam, bam…

By on December 7, 2010 in it's in the genes, Mitzi- all day every day, never too grown, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So naturally as soon my to-do list becomes longer than Kim Zolciak’s ratty hair extensions, I immediately try to find creative ways to procrastinate. And this morning’s tomfoolery of choice was purging my iTunes Library. Why? Well because every once in a while, a girl’s gotta delete some worthless Lloyd Banks nonsense to make room for some even more triflin’ Key$sha crap on her iPod.


Don’t judge me.

So anyhoo, in the midst of squandering precious periods of productivity, I came across an oldie-but-goodie that made me truly reflect on the type of music I’ve been shaking my behind to over the years: The Ying Yang Twins’ single, Wait (a.k.a. The Whisper Song).

Yo, was this craziness really a chart topping song? Forreal? Profanity-laced lyrics hoarsely whispered by two men who I wouldn’t want to shake hands with let alone “beat the pussy up”? SMH. I Can’t.

*swandives into the shallow end of the pool*

Oh and the worst part? As SOON as I pressed play my hips involuntarily started to twerk a lil’ something. Sigh. I hate myself.

Lord forgive us for our questionable musical taste. We know not what a dope beat will do. In the name of trashy hip-hop, stripper theme songs & the come-up of ugly men everywhere… Amen.

more important than nikki minaj album sales numbers…

By on December 1, 2010 in moment of silence, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Just a quick note to ask everyone to say an extra prayer for all the TWO MILLION people that will be losing their unemployment benefits as of today because our government couldn’t put aside their differences and agree on an extension period.


Many of them are educated, responsible citizens with children who have been looking for work in a barren job market since 2009.

It’s not a good look. Seriously.

*stares directly at all the conservative Democrats, Republicans and Tea Party congressional members going hard while people go hungry*

ain’t it hunting season yet…

By on November 17, 2010 in desperate cry for help, i die, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister’s atrocious dancing skills “faggots” and “so gay?” Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed “strict Christian morals and values?”


Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it… then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, “you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

Sources talking about they’re just baby bears protecting the Mama Grizzly.

BLANK STARE

Honestly? I can’t.

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn’t fall too far from the tree? Don’t either of these girls have something better to do like I don’t know… go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, …

there’s a limit to the stupidity…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

WOWOWOW, Amazon.com is BUGGING.


How in the ‘twisted-unethical-hell’ are they selling a book entitled, ‘The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure’???? And wait on it, the freaking product description boldly states:

“This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.”
(FYI- the spelling errors are all theirs not mine.)

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOONG BLINKS


*gags*

For the record:
1 in 4 girls in the United States have been sexually abused
1 in 6 boys in the United States have been sexually abused

And Amazon thinks it’s a good idea to sell a how-to guide for perverts and sexual deviants 2 months before Christmas???

SMH. Greed is a bish.


**UPDATE** Do to the overwhelming negative response and consumer threats of a massive boycott weeks before Christmas, Amazon has decided to stop selling the book. READ: Money talks & bullshit walks.

the mugshot says it all…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

I have to tell ya, I’m definitely at a loss for words this morning.

First, there’s the Manhattan judge that co-signed on a plea bargain that will give Tony Simmons, a juvenile court counselor who raped a 15-year-old and sexually assaulted a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old 10 years’ probation and NO prison time. Mind you, all three of the girls were his clients at the time of the rapes.

And then, there’s Lyndsey Fiddler, the 26 year-old Oklahoma woman who accidently tossed her 10-day old baby in the washing machine with a load of dirty laundry. It turns out homegirl was high as a kite on meth, amphetamines, benzodiazepine and opiates at the time. Anyhoo, so this mom of the year proceeds to pass out on a chair while the baby drowns. She’s only facing child neglect charges.

BLANK STARE

I mean seriously? How can the Manhattan DA that originally crafted the plea bargain or this wack FEMALE judge sleep at night knowing they’ve allowed a serial rapist to simply go free. Cause the last time I checked, probation ain’t never stopped nobody from committing a crime. Just ask the doctor in CT who’s family was burned and burned to death.

And as for the trashy chick in OK, what makes the story even more horrifying is that her family tried to get her parental rights revoked when she was 4 months pregnant because they KNEW she was an addict and endangering the child’s life. But no. The courts denied their request.

I thought the purpose of the judicial system was to protect the innocent and serve justice. Apparently, not so much.

*logs off*

i like my fries hot…

By on November 9, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So, it seems city leaders in San Francisco have voted to ban McDonalds Happy Meals because wait on it… they’re not truly healthy.


DEAD FISH EYES

Yo, can someone please tell what exactly IS healthy in McDonalds??? (And puh-lease don’t EVEN say the Apple Dippers because once you dip the fruit slices in the freaking caramel sauce it’s officially candy)

*crickets*

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I swear, people K-I-L-L me. If you’re really that damn concerned about kids leading healthier lives why not put some of that time, energy and MOOLAH into making sure all children have access to GYM CLASSES, AFTERSCHOOL SPORTS PROGRAMS and CLEAN PUBLIC PARKS???

Or my bad, does that just seem too much like the right thing to do?

BLANK STARE

Commonsense beats an education all day, every day I tell ya.

fodder for the tea party…

By on November 1, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

It’s amazing how fast time flies! Not only is it already the first of November- let the official birthday countdown begin- but it’s already time for midterm elections. READ: Obama is already halfway through his presidency. WHEW!!


Now, I know that I don’t have to remind/ encourage any of you guys to go out and vote tomorrow. But in case you needed a specific reason to stay involved in politics and be mindful of how your tax dollars are being WASTED, here ya go:

EXHIBIT A:
A NY Judge recently ruled that a 6 YEAR-OLD can be sued over accusations that she ran over an elderly woman with her training bike.The little girl was 4 YEARS-OLD at the time of the incident/

BLANK STARE
No seriously. King’s County Supreme Court Justice Paul Wooten ruled that a first grader can be sued.

I. Will. Not.

While I can certainly understand that the family of the victim, 87- year old Claire Menagh are probably sad and still grieving (apparently Claire’s fall required surgery for a fractured hip and she subsequently died three months later), but COME ON.

The lady was 86 years-old. She lived a long and hopefully happy life. Accidents with kids happen all the time. Are you REALLY so litigious that you’re going to waste taxpayers dollars on suing a little girl who wasn’t even in kindergarten at the time?? And this fool as judge is going to give you a forum for this nonsense?

*sucks the back of teeth clean & rolls eyes*

Good luck.

why i refuse to go to queens…

By on October 29, 2010 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Whew! It is good to be home.


Love LA to death but there’s nothing like waking up in my own bed and NOT having to sit in traffic for an hour and a half just for a simple 45 minute meeting. Okay?

Anyhoo, so I see I arrived back home just in time for the nonsense to pop off. Mmm-hmm… In what can only be described as a scene straight out of Law & Order (the original MYC-based joint NOT this LA spin-off nonsense), some group of fool ass jurors had the nerve and audacity to ACQUIT that sicko rape-text suspect from Queens.

BLANK STARE

Now for those who are unfamiliar, this pint-size pervert climbed in through the unlocked kitchen window of a waitress that he’d apparently been stalking, grabbed a kitchen knife and repeatedly raped her in her bedroom while her family was asleep down the hall. THEN, after he was finished, he asked her for her cell number so that “maybe we could still be friends.”

*gags*

So basically, homegirl gives him her number (cause who’s telling the man that just repeated raped you and threatened to kill you and your entire family, anything but yes???) in hopes that he’d be stoopid enough to call and she could give his the number to the cops.

Well in what could only be described as a minor miracle, the genius calls WHILE the police are at the house investigating. And he even cops to the rape during his monitored conversation with the girl Talking about, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Don’t get me in trouble.”

DEAD SILENCE

Yet and still, despite the recorded phone call admission & evidence from her rape kit, the irresponsible jury acquitted this psycho because “there were no signs of forced entry.”

Um, since when does a person have to force his way through an open window???

I. Can’t.

he ain’t no kinda friend…

By on October 22, 2010 in it's in the genes, love be a cellulite cream, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

So last night the bestie forwarded me an article from the Detroit Free Press Newspaper. And I swear, it is the craziest story I’ve heard all week. Okay, wait. I take that back. It’s the SECOND craziest behind presumptuous ass Ginny Thomas leaving stalker voicemails. But anyhoo I digress…


Apparently, this past Tuesday afternoon, a Detroit man shot and killed a would-be carjacker when the assailant tried to stick him up at a gas station. The victim, Omar Mixion was filling up his Escalade (BLANK STARE for still pushing such a ridiculous gas guzzler in 2010) when 20 year-old Kenyon Reese Jr came up from behind and demanded the truck at gunpoint.

Well, turns out Kenyon wasn’t the only one packing heat that afternoon. Your man Omar has a license to carry a concealed weapon. And so he refused to give up the keys to the Caddy and ‘ish went DOWN straight wild, wild west style.

When it was all said and done, the wanna be jacker was dead and Mixon was hospitalized with hits under his eye, in an arm, leg, through his hip and backside.

N-U-T-S.

So THEN, the article goes on to report eyewitness testimony from a woman who happened to be inside the gas station when all the madness erupted. And I quote:

“Lonya Smoot said she heard the gunshots when she was in the gas station buying a lottery ticket Tuesday night, playing her favorite four digits: 1-0-1-1. **

‘The manager said, ‘Hit the floor!’ Smoot said. ‘And that’s what I did.’

The station attendant, she said, locked the doors from the inside, but a woman inside who was with the carjacking victim yelled, ‘Oh my god! That’s my man!’ and he let her outside.

Smoot said the other woman came back in with another younger woman and a child. Smoot said she believes both were in the SUV when the would-be carjacker tried to steal the vehicle.“

And while police confirm the eyewitness’s account, turns out Omar’s wife Brenda Mixon and her children were NOT part of the aforementioned group of women and child at the gas station when the incident occurred.

SILENCE.

But wait on it… Here’s the BEST part. And I quote:

“Brenda Mixon said she doesn’t know who was with her husband, who initially denied that there was another woman present.

Right now, Mixon said, she wants to focus on getting her husband of 10 years and father of her two children better.

‘When he gets better, then I will talk to him about everything else,’ she said. ‘That’s my husband, that’s my heart, that’s my best friend right there.’

She said she’s glad her husband was carrying a gun.

‘Whoever has a CCW, do not be afraid to use it,’ she said.”

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOOONG BLINKS.

So essentially, you co-signing on your man’s trifling ass getting into a shoot out at a freaking GAS STATION over a piece of shit Escalade (insert image of the whole place exploding into high hell) while he’s chilling with his jump-off and her kid?? And that’s your best friend?? Sweetie, what the HELL kinda friends do you have??

*nosedives into the shallow end of the pool*

Yo. As for as I’m concerned, Omar deserves every bullet he took for that reckless ass shit he pulled. Quietly, he really needs to go to jail for public endangerment. Can you imagine how many people could’ve been killed just because his ego was too big to give up the truck?? SMDH.

Oh and as for his retarded, low-self-esteem having, co-signing wife?? She is EXACTLY why even the most random, average men continue to believe it’s cool to behave badly in relationships. Yeah, I said it. ‘Cause for every decent woman that says no to the nonsense, there are HUNDREDS of Brendas willing to look the other way even when the craziness lands on the front page of your freaking local newspaper. Talking about, ‘that’s your heart and when he gets better, you’ll talk about everything else.’ SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, good luck. Had Omar been married to me, after 10 YEARS and multiple CHILDREN, there wouldn’t have been a home for him to return to whether we ‘talked’ about it or not.

Bet that.

*drops the mic & walks away*
**But, before I go, why are they reporting on this woman’s lottery number picks?? DFP staff, I’m gonna need ya’ll to tighten up on those writing skills ASAP. Thanks.

my money is on the back-hand…

By on October 13, 2010 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, it takes a village, made for the maury show, tagging out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay, so you know I’m like totally obsessed with this whole Chilean miner rescue situation, right?


Cause the lord knows that I can barely make it through twenty minutes in an MRI machine without having a claustrophobia induced panic attack, let alone 69 freaking days in a dark hole with no bathroom.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and, thanks to my Twitter fam @looseneck I’m really, really on pins and needles waiting on the rescue of the trifling miner who’s wife discovered his affair when she met his mistress of several YEARS at a vigil by the collapsed mine. Talking about, “she heard another woman calling out his name.”

BLANK STARE

I mean, can you even believe the audacity of this bish? Not only is she in an international forum laying claims to a married man but then she got the nerve to be out there carrying on and screaming louder than his damn wife?

When I tell you, 2010 is the year of the jump off?

And wait on it, here’s the BEST part: Apparently neither woman is backing down. Both the wife and the mistress have publicly vowed to remain on site and wait for him to be brought to the surface. And then he’ll have to choose. On international television.

*faints, regains consciousness and reaches for the popcorn*

Mark my words, SOMEBODY is getting their face smacked in on CNN before this is over.

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