Category: feedback

I had an interesting conversation about dating, marriage and religion with an old friend from college that I’ve recently reconnected with thanks the wonders of Facebook. Before I go in, let me give you a little background on dude- He is a good looking, intelligent, well traveled, African American in his early 30s that resides in Atlanta. With his wife and multiple kids- so, there’ll be none of that type of scandal in this post thank you very much.

Anyhoo, to quickly sum the exchange up: First, he spent what felt like 3 hours steady grilling me about who I was dating, all the potential I was wasting by dating what he deemed as the wrong types of guys, why I refuse to move to Atlanta and of course, why it was really my fault that I’m not married yet.

SIDEBAR: have you ever noticed how much ADVICE married people feel COMPELLED to give their single friends?? As if being single is such a TERRIBLE affliction. And since they’re no longer in the same boat, they just HAVE to help you get out too??

Then (when he finally paused to take a breath) I countered with: ‘Since you’re so confident there are HOARDS of overlooked eligible Black men out there restlessly waiting for me to get my life together and find them, why don’t you introduce me to a few? You know, kinda like, put your money where your mouth is?’

Well to what should be no one’s amazement, he immediately changed his tune.

His NEW song and dance became even shadier: while all of his single friends are intelligent, great looking, in their late early 30s, allegedly above & beyond eligible, and actively looking to get married in the near future; NONE are be willing to enter a serious relationship with a woman of a different faith. Mind you, when he said different, he wasn’t talking about a Christian to a Muslim or even Jehovah’s Witness to Jewish. Oh no. He was a specific as Protestant to Catholic. And since my faith lends itself more towards deeply committed spiritually than any conventional organized religions, he wouldn’t feel COMFORTABLE introducing me to any of his boys.

So much for all my potential, huh? *SIDE-EYE*

For the record, it has never in a million years occurred to me to disqualify a potential mate based on faith. Truth be told, I’ve even dated a guy who was so “religious” he felt the need to repent for his sins every time we had sex b/c I wasn’t “saved.” (Yeah, I wish I was making that up too.)

But back to the convo with ‘ole boy… So at the end of the morn (’cause for the record, his happily married behind called me at midnight) I still refused to believe that the majority of people that I know would agree with him and disqualify a potential mate because the individual was Protestant and he/she was Baptist. But it did make me wonder how many folks are as liberal minded as i am when it comes to marrying someone of a drastically different faith. So of course, I asked.

73% of you guys said you wouldn’t do it
26% of you said it wouldn’t matter

Interesting. I guess as folks get older and go through real life trials and tribulations, being specific about faith matters more… And I wish you all good luck with that. ‘Cause please believe, as long as a man is mature, open-minded and recognizes some kinda higher power the doors of MY church will remain what? WIDE open.

Let the choir sing.

About a month ago, I read an article on Reuters about the significant rise of people in London preferring to use email and social networking web sites to break up with their partners. Mmm-hmmm…

Apparently, over 34 percent of the people polled admitted that they’d ended a relationship by email, 30% had simply changed their status on Facebook and wait on it… 6% of these e-thugs got extra gully and released the news unilaterally on Twitter. TWITTER???


I am happy/ blessed to say that to date, I have NEVER had anyone end of relationship with me via email. Shoot, if you ask me over the phone is super shady let alone digitally. but I didn’t want to assume that just because I haven’t had the unpleasant experience, it wasn’t happening to my friends and peeps. So I put up the poll question- Have you ever dumped o been dumped via text message?

And guess what?

83% said never.
2% ended the relationship that way.
13% received notice via text.


While I’m relieved for the 83%, I cant believe this bullish has happened to 13% of us. What is the world coming to when folks can’t even sum up enough courage to look you in the eye and tell you the relationship is over? Yeah, I’m talking to the 2%. It’s not that damn hard. Seriously, unless your life is in danger, it’s the least. Even if you’re pissed off, there’s something very powerful about saying the words- This is Over… I don’t want to be with You… This Isn’t working for Me… Or my favoritest- So yeah, I’d rather not.

And yes, that includes the times I’ve been on the receiving end. Cause once I hear the words out of your mouth, there is instant clarity. Grand opening, grand closing.

What do you think?

Hmm, slow news day and it’s Monday. You know what that means… Time for an old poll question!

OK, now here’s a funny one: Would you share your toothbrush with your significant other?
12% of you guys say sure
87% of you guys say heck no

Wow, 87% said no? I’m really surprised. I figured it would be the other way around…

Granted, I’ve never been in the position where I’ve needed to do it or vice versa but I’m not adverse to the idea. I mean, we’re a couple, right? And in my mental Mitzi Dictionary, that means that dude and I have swapped spit (amongst other bodily fluids) more than once, twice, thrice… You get the picture.

So then, what’s the big deal about sharing a toothbrush?

Cause real talk, if it’s between that and my better half walking around with a yuck mouth for an extended period of time, by all means- have at it. God forbid, someone ever has to say, “You know, he’s a great guy and all BUT Mitzi’s boyfriend has the WORST breath!”

Uugh I would DIE.

And not for nothing, doesn’t everyone clean off their toothbrushes in hot water when they finish brushing? So it’s not like I’m asking to use his dirty dental floss… Right?


Oh wait, I get it! Is this just one of those boundaries issue? Like how, even on the hottest day in hell I will never, ever ever share a bikini with anyone? No? Its bigger than that? Well in that case, you tell me, why does the idea of sharing your toothbrush with someone (who’s prob already put a private part in your mouth) gross you out?

Another snowy day, another old poll question.

What’s worse, knowing your significant other’s family doesn’t like you or not getting along with his/her friends?
65% say family.
34% say friends

Real talk, both of these situations suck. Period. Cause who doesn’t want to be liked? Not to mention, we all know that having the friends and family on your side is like a secret insurance policy during those times when your relationship is on the rocks (and you probably don’t even know it). You always want somebody to be willing to say, “Dude she/ he is the best thing that ever happened to you…” or “If you mess this up, you’re an idiot.”

But since I have to choose, I’m gonna go with family.

‘Cause the thing is, you can always limit your interaction with the friends. Nothing says that we all need to hang out or vacation together. Matter of fact, I’ve already got a ridiculous amount of friends that I barely get to see let alone, spending my time around yours. At a certain point, you can always pull the old ‘what happens between us, stays between us’ rule of relationship silence. And if your partner is genuine, that should limit the amount of shit talking they get to do about you to him/ her. At least until you can convince your beloved to move the hell away from the entire worthless bunch.

But the family? Uh-uh.

Them mo-fos are around for good. His nasty mama and slutty sister will forever be at your crib on holidays. All those dirty looks from his know-it-all father will just keep coming like shit in the sewer. Oh and trust, you’ll never stop blocking the unwanted advances of his favorite alcoholic uncle. *crickets*

Oh and God forbid, the two of you get married and have kids?? YIKES. Who the hell wants all of that at your wedding? As expensive as weddings are? The last thing I want are folks that work my nerves hanging around making faces on our special day. I don’t know about you but I’m not leaving MY child around ANYONE that doesn’t like me. I don’t give a DAMN whether you’re a relative or not.
But now I’m curious. If you’re more worried about the friends hating you, tell me why.

Aside from the tragic suicide of Alexander McQueen and Bill Clinton’s near heart attack, it’s a super slow news day. I mean, that is if you don’t count the triflin’ Brooklyn school aide who encouraged an elementary school bully to beat up another student cause the latter got on her nerves. But I digress.

Anyhoo, so I’m taking it back to the polls. Here’s a more recent question that got a good voter response:

Do you think it’s possible to hook-up with a good friend 1x and still be as cool afterwards?
59% say Yes. If both parties are mature/ consenting adults it should be no problem
40% say No. Sex changes everything.

Quick disclaimer: I haven’t had any experience with the one-time homie hook-up. BUT I was thinking about it…

You see normally, I hook-up with men that I’ve recently met but don’t have any shared history. Since it’s all we know, we’re generally able to keep it going for at least a couple months (who turns a good thing away?). Then when the whole sexual aspect of the relationship fizzles, we remain cool. Truth be told, in most cases we’ve become really good friends because in such casual arrangement there’s no pretension. READ: he sees/ appreciates me for who I am and vice versa.

Mind you, the ONE and ONLY time that I did hook-up with a guy that was friend, it turned into a freaking 2-year long SHITSHOW. *shudders visibly in recollection*

In fact, now that I’m seeing all this written out, my mind is made up- I’m going with no-thank you.

As hard as true platonic friends of the opposite sex are to come by, I doesn’t seem worth potentially screwing up the relationship for a one-off. Over the years, I’ve come to depend on my guy friends’ brutal honesty in everything from work to relationships (cause please believe even when your mom won’t, a dude has no problem telling you when you’re playing yourself). The LAST thing I need is for my boy to be all distracted from the matters at hand or giving shady advice b/c they’re too busy thinking about the crazy thing that I can do with my whatchumacallit.

No ma’am.

It’s so much easier to ask questions than to answer them… But since my girl D got all up in my ‘ish the other day about not posting the results of the weekly polls since like forever, I promised I’d get back on my job.

Okay, so here’s an old one that we didn’t discuss…
Do men want sex more than women?

26% said Yes. they just can’t help themselves
73% said Nope. As women, we simply control our urges better.

You know, I think it depends on the individual man. ‘Cause I have certainly dated men that are literally driven to distraction if they are not sexually active on a regular basis. And we both understood that if he wasn’t getting it from me, too much time wasn’t going to pass before he was on to the next one. Real talk. But quite honestly, that never really presented a problem for me… At all. So perhaps there’s an itty bit of dude in me. I’m just saying.

My thing is, once I’m sexually intimate with someone, I also need it to pop off regularly. As in every day. The time of day (and often place) makes no difference, let’s just get it in. But if I’m not ‘dating’ or in a relationship, my “urges ” are completely turned off. I have very little interest and in fact, become very territorial about my personal space. READ: I don’t want no random mo-fo all up under me. Shit.


So ladies, for those of you actively “controlling an urge,” how’s that working out for you? And why do you even do it? Aren’t we at a point in our culture and personal lives where if you feel the need to get broken off, you should make the magic happen. Of course, please be sure to be safe (condoms, 2nd form of birth control, absolutely no video, cameras or witness)You know, and then (like the properly raised individuals I know you all are) simply pretend it wasn’t you in the morn.


The only drawback to having a great birthday is the day after, you have to come back to reality. And let me assure you, reality sucked this morning. What with the body of that poor little 5 year-old girl in North Carolina whose mother sold her into prostitution being found and the father, sons and uncle in Missouri that raped GENERATIONS of women in their own family? Uuugh, my stomach is officially in knots.

So I thought we light keep it light and talk about the 27% of you guys that are willing to date someone who doesn’t believe in/ isn’t willing to perform oral sex. Um really? So what you’re really saying is: if things work out, you’re willing to go your ENTIRE life without the lickey-lickey??? Woah.

Okay, okay, I won’t even go all in and talk about you. I’ll simply explain why I can’t even consider joining the compassionate 29% who said that for the right person they’d be willing to pray on it. As my girl Nikki is so fond of saying, God Bless their little hearts…

Granted, everybody is different. BUT like the 42% majority, I don’t know if I could really stay interested in someone who suffers from that type of issue. No, not because I’m angry or even offended about their personal choice to abstain. Not at all.

It’s just that after 30-something years, I know Mitzi. And eventually, somewhere down the road, I will have a moment of sheer paranoia. Out of nowhere, I’ll start wondering whether there’s another, dare I say- more fishy reason that keeps my sig other from even wanting to TRY to go down on me…. And trust, that moment will not end well. *Insert image of me bent over with my head in my crotch sniffing like a wild banshee* Err-um, no thank you.

So avoid making your issue my own crisis, I will not.

Since yesterday’s post was such a Debbie Downer, I figured I’d keep it light and dig up an old poll question.  So here’s one that I found:

 Are you willing to be tied up during sex, tie your partner up or both?

8% said they prefer to be the one who gets tied up
44% said that they’d tie their partner up but, them?  Not so much.
46% were down for it either way

For the record, I find it very encouraging to see that so many people are pushing the limits in their sex lives. Personally?  I don’t know how… 

Why?  Cause we all know negroes are tricky. And not for  nothing, I kinda need to feel like I can always get up and be out at a moment’s notice. Not to mention, I’ve never been one of those chicks that has S&M fantasies. Don’t get me wrong- I’m all for the dress up (gotta keep it interesting) but I just don’t feel the need for anyone to pretend to kidnap, rape, arrest, force me into bondage etc. At. All.

Call me old fashioned, but there’s just something very effeminate about a man that really, really wants to be tied up. Think about it.  Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.

Real talk? Most men that I’ve been intimate with are cool with a little bit of role playing and  domination when we’re getting it on but all them handcuff games?  No ma’am. Not even on a dare…

There’s never really a good time for break-up, is there?  Unless of course, you’re the one doing the breaking (and if you’re anything like me, by that point, you’ve already mentally separated from the situation long before so it really doesn’t matter).  

But I was kinda curious, in terms of season, when is the easiest time to deal with a break-up.  So you know how I do, I asked.  And here’s what you guys had to say:

winter- 6%
spring- 18%
summer- 73%

Eh, I guess the results are kinda predictable. I think it’s safe to say that most folks like to drown their sorrows in warm weather, strong drink and hopefully the arms of a stranger. I’m just saying.

 But for me, not so much.  Honestly, I like my summers way too much to be trying to forget about the last trifling negro I mistakenly let get too close.  I’d MUCH rather suffer through a break-up during the winter. That way, I can be totally anti-social without a million people wondering- “Dang dude, what’s wrong with  Mitzi?  Why she giving everybody the side-eye?”  Mmm-hmmm.

In my opinion pissy cold, gray skies, dismal weather are God’s gift to the broken hearted.  It’s the perfect time to sequester yourself, mope around (’cause you always have to rehash every red flag that you missed/ ignored) and be all psuedo-introspective (read: spend lots of dough on self-improvement books you’re never going to finish reading and make a million fake promises to the universe not to fall for the same banana in the tailpipe bullshit again, blah, blah, blah). Not to mention, there’s to time like the winter to lose all that damn love weight I seem to pack on as soon as my lazy behind gets a little happy. 

‘Cause nothing says kiss my ass/ it’s all your loss/ who’s sorry now/ I’m not bitter just better than you, like a flat stomach and rock solid thighs.  


It’s not necessarily a slow news day but it’s definitely a slow Mitzi day. Sigh. So instead of combing my favorite sources for the tomfoolery, I’ll reach back in the crates and grab an old poll question. 

Ah, here’s a good one:
If your significant other cheated on you with your BFF, who would you forgive first?
60% said the BFF 
40% said the significant other 

Now for the record, when I wrote “forgive,” what I had really meant is ‘who would you stop feeling the urge to slap box in the street every time you laid eyes on them first?” Cause there’s no way in HELL, anyone in their right minds is continuing a relationship with either one of those two folks again in LIFE (thankfully, a good cussing does not equal speaking).

Hmmm… you know, after praying on it, I think I’m rolling with the minority on this one. It would be way easier for me to forgive the significant other than the BFF. And no, not because I’m ‘one of those predicable females who constantly blames the woman- cause I don’t.  It’s actually the opposite. 

I simply expect more from my friends.

Granted, I’m disappointed when a guy hurts my feelings or lets me down. As in, a complete fall out.  But let it be someone I consider a close friend… Shoot,  I’m damn near DEVASTATED.  I may know a lot of people but there are very few that I consider to be my friends.  And BFFs? Well that count ends with about 4 fingers. So the idea that one of those women or even one of the women in my immediate circle of friends would shank me like that?? No sir, I . Can’t.

I had an ex-who as much of a waste of the precious two years of my life that he was- had this great saying: there are some things that you have to be willing to take it to the mat for. My friends? Without a doubt. 

A dude? Eh. Not so much… I’m certainly sad to see you go but better now than when we’re years in the game. And more importantly, I truly believe that karma is a bee-yatch.  So here’s wishing you and all the peg-leg, big-head, retarded kids you’re gonna have well. 

I’m just saying.



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