Category: miracle on 169th street

LOVE it when technology gets it right.

Just read about this new computer program called “Silence of the Celebs” that will filter out any mentions of which ever celebrity you are most tired of reading about from your online news media just by entering their names.

Mind you, it’s totally not limited to celebs. Feel free to filter out any topic of choice. (So basically, we can all pretend that Sarah Palin, the entire Tea Party and the ignorant Arizona GOP don’t even exist.)

Although currently it only works on Twitter, NYTimes, CNN, Huffington Post, NYPost, Google News, Gawker, Mashable and TMZ; the creators are working on expanding it more sources as I type.

And and wait on it… it’s FREE.

Check it out HERE. You can thank me later.

With all of that rain, yesterday seemed like such a cold and miserable day. But after watching this video of a cow in stranded in an Indiana farm field by a flood, I will not complain. At all.

Life is good.

As if this weather isn’t bad enough, now we’ve got nuns in Brooklyn falsely accusing Black men of rape.

*sucks the back of my teeth CLEAN*

Apparently, Sister Mary Turcotte, who just so happens to be white, filed a false police report claiming she was attacked on the street last Thursday by a 6-foot-4, 250-pound black man.

The 26 year-old liar told detectives the assailant choked her, dragged her through the streets and left her unconscious in a snowbank with her underwear down and her breasts exposed. Mm-hmm, she was real detailed.

It was only after the manhunt kicked off, that the religious fraud caught a bad case of the guilts and admitted that she concocted the entire assault to cover up her sexual shenanigans with a bodega worker.


The bodega worker? As opposed to the bodega OWNER?? READ: The random dude who stocks the diapers on the shelves in the back???

*nosedives in the shallow end of the pool*

You know what… all that using your hidden sexual fantasies of being dragged through the streets and left in a snowbank to get it in with homie from the bodega is doing way too much. For her sake, I hope Gold helps her figure out whats really going on in that screwed up mind, while her ass sits in a jail cell for a couple of years.

Scandalous trick.

Hola compadres!!!

Just a quick heads up that I’ll be taking the next week off to keep the official Double M 35th birthday bash going in Buenos Aries, Argentina!

Mmm-hmmm, beef, red wine & tango for everybody!!!

Until we speak again… Ciao chicas!

Seriously? As a woman, there’s little in life better than receiving an unexpected compliment on your hair. Okay, well then again, there might a couple of things but very few can I do on my own.

*dead fish eyes*

So needless to say, it totally made my day when the Lenora the woman behind Newbie Natural Diva blog selected me to be the Natural Beauty of the Month!

Awwww. Thank you, thank you very much! You’re far too kind!

Be sure to check out my naps (and their backstory) in their full glory here:

Hmm, does anyone care about this alleged Jennifer Lopez “sex” tape that might be coming out? Wait, here’s an even better question- Does anyone remember Jennifer Lopez? *crickets*

Yeah, that’s what I figured. So real talk, was it Marc Anthony or Kim Kardashian that stole her life? ‘Cause its not like she was ever more than a wavy-haired big butt and a smile… No offense. I’m just unclear who are the “fans” that she doesn’t want to see her in these unguarded moments (apparently she’s filmed admiring herself in a bra/ panty set, being spanked and jumping on the back of a motorcycle sans drawers) to the tune of $10 million dollars. Feel free to insert DEAD FISH EYES right here.

Err-um, good luck with that mamacita.

Quick shout to my girl, Nicole for hooking a sista up with a ticket to Game 6 of the World Series last night. There are no words to express what an AMAZING experience it was to watch my favorite team in the entire UNIVERSE win their 27th Championship title in the new stadium. And to think, I didn’t even have to perform unspeakable sexual acts live on the Times Square Jumbo-tron for it…

Seriously ma? I owe you my first born.

All I can say is: WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

So at the top of the month GAP finally rolled out their new line of premium women’s jeans- GAP 1969. Which for those non-fashion folks is apparently a very big deal in the clothing world because it’s the first time like, EVER that the company has changed the design pattern of the jeans… (feel free to insert blank stare with 3 blinks).  

Now truth be told, had it not been for the cute little monthly freebie situation, this info probably wouldn’t have garnered more than an “uh-huh, that’s nice” comment from the kid. But since a sample in just my size showed up at the door, I figured it couldn’t hurt to try the thing on. You know for kicks and giggles…

Well lo and behold don’t you know, the damn things actually fit!! GASP!  

Yes, as in, the skinny jeans will slide up your thighs, over the booty and cinch close without leaving that angry red ‘yes, I know better but I still want them’ mark under the belly button. Added bonus for those with height issues: the various lengths are on point; sparing us the additional$15 hem fee (shut it up in peanut gallery, pls). Can you say praise the affordable priced clothing God????

But wait on it, just to ensure that the recession wasn’t clouding my fashion sense (’cause the $69.99 price tag def makes a bitch side-eye all the $200 pairs hanging in the closet), I bribed a few of my girls with chips, chaser and a free eco-friendly Born To Fit tote to spend this Sat night testing some of the samples too. And survey says…  I’m not crazy, the Born To Fit campaign is officially a go. 

There’s more than enough spandex in the skinny and real straight style  to work for every size and shape (and please believe my crew proudly runs the 0-12 range). The weight of the jean is definitely legit (cause who doesn’t HATE thin, flimsy jean material). The various color washes are cute enough to wear to the club (LOVE the dark distressed look) or every day (you can never wrong with true indigo). And most importantly the back pockets made every one’s booty POP.  Which is all a girl ever asks for, right? 


OMG, OMG, OMG! My Mommy (yes, it becomes Mommy in moments like this) just surprised me with a brand new Kindle!!! Woo-HOO, go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Mitzi, get busy!

Um, actually, it’s not. But yet and still. Big E hooked a sister up for no reason at all, except that she thought it would be something that I’d L-O-V-E. And even though I am SO not the new gadget/ techie-type person at all; I really, really do.

Seriously, tho? There is absolutely nothing in the world better than random acts of kindness. You know the funny card in the mail, ‘have a great day’ flowers on a Wed, taking my car to get washed ’cause you know I HATE to do it or simply having the bed made by the time I drag my butt out the shower. Can the church get an amen? (On the flip side, this is prob the reason I’m so damn relationship retarded… ‘Cause I don’t understand when the person you’re dating doesn’t seem to ever think outside the box and you know, do something special just for the hell of it. It’s damn. My mom is better at his than you and I don’t even got to swing from a chandelier for her…. But I digress.)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU MOM. I am SOSOSOSO excited. You just made my whole summer!!

Since the summer is (eventually) coming, I’ve decided to try and start my workdays a little earlier… as in four hours earlier.  Um yeah, you read that right.  The “I don’t use an alarm clock” queen is about to get it popping at 6am in the morning.  Feel free to stop laughing any time now… Cause I’m so forreal.  I see my friends with kids do it all the time, so I figure what the hell?  
This way I can actually go to bikram regularly (instead of just giving them my $115 a month), walk poor Drama before 3 o’clock in the afternoon (any day now she’s gonna call the ASPCA on my ass) and most importantly, spend more time trolling the headlines for news that makes you go hmm… Like the review of Tuesday night’s season premiere of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Which apparently left the reviewer from the NY Daily News thinking, “Good Lord, what a piece of trash. That was great!” Err-umm yeah, I will so be watching. Or better yet, how Rihanna’s people are cracking down on blogs that posted the alleged naked photos of her. But wait on it… not denying that the photos are of her.  Insert huge sigh.  
Of course, I am going to need your prayers in this endeavor because I don’t even know what six o’clock in the morning looks like let alone to be getting up and trying to function.  So light a candle,  yours truly is about to get focused.



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