Mitzi Moments

Category: why we as a people can’t get ahead

its all about choices…

By on August 24, 2010 in cuteness kills, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Why lawd god, why????

Who in the hell told Fantasia she could get away with wearing a skin tight dress sans the proper undergarments? Like, in life? Let alone, for a nationally televised appearance on Good Morning America? I can’t. My eyes hurt from looking at this craziness.

Yes, I know that the super strength, full body slimmers can be kinda pricey. And yes, I understand that she was already two seconds off of dead-ass broke before racking up the new medical bills. But still…

I think I can comfortably say that the majority of us would much rather see Fanny repeat an outfit or two rather than look at pictures of her saggy boobs, side roll ripples and flabby belly hanging over the top of the generic low-rise Spanx (which for the record, should never be peeping out from under the dress, thanks).

There’s got to be a better way.

(And you know I’m trying to be a better person, because I’m not even gonna go in on the ridiculous sideburns, extra pale pink lip gloss that does nothing for her lips or how filthy the tattoos on her legs make her appear. Thank you very much.)

feel better fannie…

By on August 11, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Dang, I feel kinda bad for Tasia. I mean, just a little.From the winner of American Idol to hiding in a closet while trying to OD on an aspirin& sleeping pills cocktail? YIKES. That’s a looong, hard, humiliating fall.


And over what? a dude that when shit hits the fan, is no where to be found?

(Like seriously, I can get totally accept that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with a man that worked in a T-Mobile store and CLEARLY, planned to live off of whatever monies she had left after supporting every last member of her family. But what I cannot accept or remotely understand is why was it the diarrhea- mouth manager discovering her in the back of the closet? Where the hell was Mr. Cook?)

Aye mami, lo siento.

But what’s done is done, just ask Britney Spears. The important thing is to learn from the lessons that God gives us. So while you’re laying up in the padded room trying to figure out how Angelina & Alicia ended up with rings while your ass on Nancy Grace’s hit list, remember this: SILENCE & DISCRETION ARE GOLDEN.

READ: Enough with these ridiculous damn statements! You sound a mess and nobody believes a single word. The. End.

Wishing you a speedy recovery…

atlanta stand up…

By on August 9, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

“When things go bad, people want to look good. When things are good, people want to look better.”


Err-um well alrighty then, I guess that’s all there is to that.

Now if someone, ANYONE could please explain what in the unholy- dredlocked-hairbug- hell is hanging from Big Bad D’s chin, life would be complete.

let this be a swift lesson…

By on August 5, 2010 in end of days, it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, why we as a people can't get ahead

So from what I understand the senseless event in this video occured because homie was “trying to make a funny video for YouTube.” Um, make a funny video for Youtube? Like that’s an occupation now? SMDH. I can’t.

Ya’ll fools gonna learn to stop cooning for the camera…

keepin’ up the crazy…

By on August 3, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, honorary white woman, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Since it’s so late in the game I really, really didn’t think I should bother posting this video. But as many times as I watch this video, I just can’t get enough. And I figure if the Essence controversy can still be going on strong than shoot, I’m gonna get mine in too.

Now remember:

Hide ya kids, Hide ya wife and hide ya husband, cause they raping everybody out here!

*swan dives into the shallow end of the pool*

lookin more like the Bronx…

By on July 29, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead



So I’m really starting to believe that ignorance is way too underrated. Mmm-hmm… There are just some things that I’m just never going to understand and clearly, better off never even knowing about.


Exhibit A: the seeming “normal” French couple that just so happened to have eight and counting newborns buried in their backyard garden?

BLANK STARE

EIGHT babies? Dude, how were they able to snatch EIGHT (probably more) babies and nobody noticed? Now I don’t have kids, so I could be wrong… Howsomever, if my newborn offspring suddenly went missing, I’d probably want to tell somebody. You know, like file a report with the police, do a TV appearance, maybe put up a flyer…. or something. Right? SMH.

I’m just so confused.

Oh and for the record, the attached six minute Bodega Queen- Busted remix that I receive courtesy of one GPayton, is NOT helping my state of mind. At all.

*proceeds to vogue on the corner*

stealin’ sneakers from behind the speakers…

By on July 26, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, i die, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

So I started out the day thinking, “Wow. I really need to say an extra prayer for President Obama. ‘Cause it seems like every other day it’s something else. If it’s not the recession, health care, BP’s oil spill or an improper firing of an official then it’s the leaking of classified military documents that make the entire administration look CRAZY for A) allowing top secret info to get out and B) continuing to send our soldiers into a war that we obviously cannot win. It’s too much.


BUT THEN, I saw the senseless tragedy that are the pics of Foxy Brown from her performance at B.B. Kings on TheYBF.com…

Umm.

First of all, who are her family and friends? Because aside the fact that some fool co-signed on the idea of a wearing brown leather mini in the middle of July- as a woman, I can take one look at this ridiculous contraption and know that she needed about two or three strong people to help squeeze her fat ass into it. So before I even go a sentence further, be very, very clear, whomever those people are- they HATE her. HATE.

Now beyond the obvious treachery, what the hell happened to her body? I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to gain weight. Especially since Foxy has clearly been on a permanent hiatus since Jay-Z stopped hitting her off with lyrics and whatever else your dirty little minds can imagine. DEAD FISH EYES. But forreal? What in the lopsided hell happened to Inga? About the skinny chicken legs, multiple Michelin tires around the waist, fat boobs hanging out around her belly button and still no eyebrows in 2010? Uh, uh Ms. Marchand, no bueno.

And the absolutely worst part to me? WHAT’S GOING ON WITH HER TEETH?? Why in the world is it all dark, black and empty where her back molars should be?? AAAHHHHH! And ya’ll already know, how I feel about the dentist… *gags* But I’ll tell you what, this rotten tooth smile nonsense right here makes me want to bump appointment up to like, tomorrow.

I mean… I’m just so sad. It’s so awful how far she’s fallen. SMH. Perhaps we should all just be thankful that her cotton panties match her nail polish.

No? Not going for that? *kanye shrug* Fuckkit. At least I tried…

*cues Brand Nubian’s ‘Slow Down’ and turns it ALL the way up*

yo, where are his clothes…

By on July 20, 2010 in end of days, i die, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh. My. GOD. This video is so many things, and every last one a damn shame.

Real talk? Can’t nobody tell me that YouTube wasn’t created by the devil explicitly to drive people to commit social suicide. The. End.

“Can I be the one that hold you dooooown? Can I be the one that hold you doooown? “

Err-um 50 Tyson, wherever your mumble mouth ass is “uptown in Minnesota,” puh-lease stop the madness. Not now but RIGHT now. Sounding like a cross between an severely injured basset hound and a freshly paroled rapist on the prowl… Dude, neither this nor any of the SEVENTEEN other videos you got posted are the business.

Oh and just so you know, I blame the ENTIRE Republican party for this shit right here.

Mmm-hmm… Had they voted to extend jobless aid, this fool could’ve paid somebody to give him a shirt and clue. But no. Instead of looking for a job that requires the intelligence of a 1st grader, this neanderthal is spending his days trolling through the woods, looking like a mentally challenged serial killer, screeching made-up songs and threatening radio station djs.

(And all foolishness aside, this is the kind of illiterate nonsense that those crazy ass TeaBaggers play at their recruitment rallies to get hype. SMH. We have got to do better folks.)

*drops to my knees and prays*

tell the truth, shame da devil…

By on July 15, 2010 in made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Hold up one goddamn minute! Why’d I just hear on the radio that K-Ci and Jo-Jo have a new album AND a reality show coming soon? BLANK STARE. You know what… the Devil is a liar and I will not succumb. Nope, no ma’am I will not. I rebuke this tomfoolery in the name of Dalvin, Devonte and an old school Mary J ass whooping.


*backflips into a bedazzled Walmart casket*

I’m so sorry, but dem two crackheads have been nothing but two strong hits out of a grave for the longest. Exhibit A: the above video clip where Jo-Jo falls the hell out mid-performance and K-Ci kindly steps over that big ass as he continues to wail, OOOOOOOO YEAH!!!

Uh, huh. And you know why? Cause he sees that nigga black out e’ryday and what?

So no. I CANNOT imagine what kind of “hot” new material they could call themselves putting out…. Unless it’s an instrumental album accompanied by sounds of an inhale, choke and cough.

DEAD FISH EYES

SMH. Forget about that Dru Hill nonsense that Keith Sweat is trying to peddle. This right here is about to be a damn shame of Whitney & Bobby epic proportions…

*immediately jots down reminder note to be on the look out for commercials*

its all so clear now….

By on June 29, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So in case you weren’t keeping score: the devastation in Haiti remains unabated, the oil spill continues to gush in to the Gulf waters, Nikki Minaj won 3 BET awards without being able to spit a rhyme in front of the live audience and now we’ve got Russian spies (that “looked like regular Hispanics” to their brilliant neighbors) living in Montclair, NJ


Blank Stare.

With all of these going ons, it only makes perfect sense that one of the police officers that participated in the unwarranted shooting of Sean Bell is now counter-suing his family. Mm-hmm, of course it does.

Now, if you’ll excuse me while go cop Ron Artest’s new album. Because the way things are headed, I fully expect him to nominated at next year’s Grammy Award Show.

*slowly sips the kool-aid*

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