Mitzi Moments

Category: tagging out

think before you release…

By on January 10, 2011 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Wow, what a crazy three days!


On Friday, the Obama administration deleted the words ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ from all official forms for the more politically correct titles, ‘Parent 1′ and ‘Parent 2,’ then the senseless massacre in Tucson, Arizona popped off and as of this morning it appears that after years of civil war the Sudanese are about to officially vote their country into two parts. CA-razy!

Oh but wait, wait, how could I forget? Foxy Brown released a snippet from what is supposed to be a diss-track against Lil’Kim, entitled, Christmas Massacre.

BLANK STARE

You know how grown-ups are constantly explaining to children that timing is everything? Well Fox, or may I call you Inga? Timing is EVERYTHING. And the level of ridiculousness that this lame, nonsensical, two-week late, uncalled for, attempt at a diss track has reached is simply BEYOND.

We are in the midst of national and international calamity and this is when you think it’s a good time to publicize the implied death threats and raggedy shots you attempted to take at another female rapper? Which for the record, is already two weeks late????

GIRL, BYE.

I’mma need you, that filthy looking lace front, and the Ampro gel shellacked baby hair to go pick up a newspaper, find a friend that can read it to you and quiet ya self.

one spoonful at a time…

By on January 7, 2011 in end of days, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out


First the blackbirds fell outta the sky in Arkansas. Next, tens of thousands of fish washed up on shores from Maryland to Brazil. Then even MORE birds fell out of the sky and a mass of crabs washed up on the beaches of the UK. And now, just when government officials have finally concocted a half-way plausible global-warming excuse for all these unexplainable “natural disasters,” a healthy sow just delivered a TWO-HEADED calf in the country of Georgia.


SILENCE.

*starts digging underground fallout shelter with a spoon*

why is she a 26 year-old senior…

By on December 22, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, work it white girl

In this week’s swept-under-the-rug news, this past Sunday the Ithaca Police Department snatched up 26 year-old Cornell senior, Keri Lynn Blakinger in some local hotel parking lot holding nearly SIX ounces of UNCUT heroin!!

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOONG BLINKS

Um,what in the over-educated, no commonsense having, delusions of grandeur hell?

Will someone please explain to me why these privileged college students are behaving like they’re corner boys from the 80s? I know the economy is in a recession but times ain’t NEVER that goddamn tough if you’re enrolled in freaking IVY LEAGUE University! Sheeeit.

But not for nothing, what’s really, really, really making my nerves bad is homegirl from Cornell’s mugshot. Yo. Why does her skin look like a damn biology class experiment gone all the way WRONG??

This chick has mad sores and open blisters all over her face. Uuggh. Makes me wanna grab a Sharpie and play connect the dots on her pockmarked face. And then her hair… JE-SUS.

*makes the sign of the cross*

No exaggeration, there’s so much grease I can smell it from here. I know it’s finals week but dammit, she couldn’t have taken a quick shower before she went to make that drop? No? Too much?

*gags violently*

Ya’ll brats better stop playing the reindeer games, turn off that damn Rick Ross and get your asses back to that study group. Dammit.

arizona is a bad, bad place…

By on December 21, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Right… So about Elizabeth Johnson, the chick in Arizona that basically admitted killing her 8-month year old baby, stuffing his lifeless body in a diaper bag & tossing it into a dumpster after she found out on Facebook that her baby daddy was kicking it to another girl???


DEAD FISH EYES

I’m really starting to think that folks should be required to pass some sort of mental stability exam before having access to social networking sites. ‘Cause this is officially doing the most right now. Killing your own flesh and blood because you snooped around and found exactly what you were looking for? Lord have mercy, this is some real life, white trash version of that scene from For Colored Girls… SMDH.

Epic. Parental. FAIL.

And not for nothing, I equally fault the child’s father for this senseless tragedy. Mmm-hmm… sure do. Because if you know that you’re dealing with a psycho chick- why would you put your personal business on freaking Facebook??

And DO NOT even try to tell us that you didn’t think she was capable of the crazy. Not for nothing, I took one look at that ‘extra calm, eyes-wide-open but nobody’s home’ mugshot and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt… this bish is a killer. Just. Like That.

Meanwhile, he done dates, procreated and been in a protracted custody battle with her looneytunes ass? nope. He should’ve known better.

As far as I’m concerned, he was practically begging for her to snap off and act up.

*makes a sign of the cross*

You know, instead of spending all that time and energy trying to run out the Mexicans, Governor Jan Brewer should focus on keeping the babies safe unstable moms.

cloudy days ahead…

By on December 16, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out

Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi… I know it’s hard to stay relevant in television these days. Especially when you’re a visibly aging weather girl for the weekend evening news report show.


(SIDEBAR:. I so didn’t even know there was a evening news broadcasts on the weekends! Who’s watching the news on a damn Saturday??)

But sweetie, filing false rape reports is not the way to way to do that sunshine.

Personally, I believe you should serve every last day of that year long jail sentence. Perhaps that will give you some time to think about all the ACTUAL rape victims whose REAL cases weren’t being investigated while the police went on this wild goose of yours.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and good luck with that job suspension… Seems like a shitty economy to be playing the reindeer games with your livelihood. Sure hope your attention-seeking ass saved up for a rainy day.

the right place for your nude pic collection…

By on December 2, 2010 in it's in the genes, made for the maury show, tagging out

The internet never ceases to amaze me…


Case in point- I just found out about a social networking site called iVoyuer that’s describes itself as ‘the premier high-end social networking site for sexy swingers and curious sensualists’.

Uh-huh you read that correctly- curious sensualists.

According to Urban Daddy (the source of all things worth knowing in NYC), iVoyuer is “like Facebook for the Eyes Wide Shut crowd. So instead of reconnecting with your long-lost high school lab partner—though you never know—you’ll arrange for a night of sensual massage with a comely Danish couple in town for the weekend.”

Well, alrighty then.

Apparently, “you’ll start out with a questionnaire on the standard stuff—location, body type, safe word (“popcorn”)—before connecting to a database of singles and couples. From there, messages and friending work just like Facebook… but with better party pics.”

And wait on it… “every few months, the folks behind the site will throw a members-only bash, complete with masks, a secret location and things we can’t even talk about on the Internet.”

I can’t… But you should certainly feel free.

Check it out HERE.

there’s a limit to the stupidity…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

WOWOWOW, Amazon.com is BUGGING.


How in the ‘twisted-unethical-hell’ are they selling a book entitled, ‘The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure’???? And wait on it, the freaking product description boldly states:

“This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.”
(FYI- the spelling errors are all theirs not mine.)

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOONG BLINKS


*gags*

For the record:
1 in 4 girls in the United States have been sexually abused
1 in 6 boys in the United States have been sexually abused

And Amazon thinks it’s a good idea to sell a how-to guide for perverts and sexual deviants 2 months before Christmas???

SMH. Greed is a bish.


**UPDATE** Do to the overwhelming negative response and consumer threats of a massive boycott weeks before Christmas, Amazon has decided to stop selling the book. READ: Money talks & bullshit walks.

the mugshot says it all…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

I have to tell ya, I’m definitely at a loss for words this morning.

First, there’s the Manhattan judge that co-signed on a plea bargain that will give Tony Simmons, a juvenile court counselor who raped a 15-year-old and sexually assaulted a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old 10 years’ probation and NO prison time. Mind you, all three of the girls were his clients at the time of the rapes.

And then, there’s Lyndsey Fiddler, the 26 year-old Oklahoma woman who accidently tossed her 10-day old baby in the washing machine with a load of dirty laundry. It turns out homegirl was high as a kite on meth, amphetamines, benzodiazepine and opiates at the time. Anyhoo, so this mom of the year proceeds to pass out on a chair while the baby drowns. She’s only facing child neglect charges.

BLANK STARE

I mean seriously? How can the Manhattan DA that originally crafted the plea bargain or this wack FEMALE judge sleep at night knowing they’ve allowed a serial rapist to simply go free. Cause the last time I checked, probation ain’t never stopped nobody from committing a crime. Just ask the doctor in CT who’s family was burned and burned to death.

And as for the trashy chick in OK, what makes the story even more horrifying is that her family tried to get her parental rights revoked when she was 4 months pregnant because they KNEW she was an addict and endangering the child’s life. But no. The courts denied their request.

I thought the purpose of the judicial system was to protect the innocent and serve justice. Apparently, not so much.

*logs off*

27 to 0…

By on November 2, 2010 in keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, too old for the road

Yo, why are the Texas Rangers such HATERS??? Good grief.


One would think having an opportunity to go to the World Series (even if they got their ass SPANKED by San Francisco) would’ve made the miserable Southerns happy but NO. Instead of celebrating the minor miracle, the freaking OWNER of the team, Chuck Greenburg is talking ish about Yankee FANS.

And I quote, “I thought Yankee fans, frankly, were awful. They were either violent or apathetic, neither of which is good. So I thought Yankee fans were by far the worst of any I’ve seen in the postseason. I thought they were an embarrassment.”

Really dude? Yankee fans are the worst? Have ya seen the Red Sox fans???

*rolls eyes*

Man listen… MAYBE if you were just a little more focused on WINNING the World Series rather than bashing a the die-hard fans of your *cough* 27-time championship *cough* competitors, then you might have something more substantial to offer Cliff Lee at the negotiation table in t-minus four days.

Jussayin.

why i refuse to go to queens…

By on October 29, 2010 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Whew! It is good to be home.


Love LA to death but there’s nothing like waking up in my own bed and NOT having to sit in traffic for an hour and a half just for a simple 45 minute meeting. Okay?

Anyhoo, so I see I arrived back home just in time for the nonsense to pop off. Mmm-hmm… In what can only be described as a scene straight out of Law & Order (the original MYC-based joint NOT this LA spin-off nonsense), some group of fool ass jurors had the nerve and audacity to ACQUIT that sicko rape-text suspect from Queens.

BLANK STARE

Now for those who are unfamiliar, this pint-size pervert climbed in through the unlocked kitchen window of a waitress that he’d apparently been stalking, grabbed a kitchen knife and repeatedly raped her in her bedroom while her family was asleep down the hall. THEN, after he was finished, he asked her for her cell number so that “maybe we could still be friends.”

*gags*

So basically, homegirl gives him her number (cause who’s telling the man that just repeated raped you and threatened to kill you and your entire family, anything but yes???) in hopes that he’d be stoopid enough to call and she could give his the number to the cops.

Well in what could only be described as a minor miracle, the genius calls WHILE the police are at the house investigating. And he even cops to the rape during his monitored conversation with the girl Talking about, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Don’t get me in trouble.”

DEAD SILENCE

Yet and still, despite the recorded phone call admission & evidence from her rape kit, the irresponsible jury acquitted this psycho because “there were no signs of forced entry.”

Um, since when does a person have to force his way through an open window???

I. Can’t.

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