Mitzi Moments

Category: tagging out

$95,000 ain’t worth spit…

By on March 18, 2010 in end of days, i die, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Jesus, it sucks to be Sandra Bullock today. Cause not for nothing, having your husband’s affair with the trashy tattoo-covered stripper/ wanna-be hairdresser as the lead story of every major news outlet cannot feel good. Especially after that heartfelt shout out Sandra gave Jesse when robbed Gabourey for the Oscar. You remember… “I love you so much and you are really hot. I want you so much.” Uh-huh, exactly.


But before you start to cry a river for Miss Congeniality, be sure to save a few for Anthony McCoy, the Tennessee man who was arrested for not paying his child support. During the booking process, homeboy had his gold fronts (mind you, these were the permanent kind that are attached by dental glue) RIPPED from his mouth by a pissy police officer because she didn’t think they were appropriate for his mugshot. You did see where I wrote, right? RIPPED from his mouth. Pause. How crazy is that? According to his lawyer, in addition to the golds, LAYERS of enamel and small pieces of the gum line were pulled off during the ordeal as well.

* gags uncontrollably*

Now, I’m so not not a fan of men that refuse to pay child support but this ‘ish is beyond barbaric. Who does stuff like this? In her defense, I guess the police officer thought he was lying about the fronts being removable but still…

Once the man’s mouth filled with BLOOD and TISSUE, it’s obvious she was wrong. But wait on it… instead of admitting an error she simply tossed him a garbage can to spit inside. And then all the correction officers at the jail where he was held (cause they didn’t let him go) denied his repeated requests for medical attention for TEN freaking DAYS???

SILENCE (with mouth firmly shut)
Can you even imagine the kind of pain this man was in???? Good Lord. I get nervous if the dentist scrapes too hard during my bi-yearly cleaning. To suffer through something like that, I’d probably die. No. I take that back. I’d definitely die.

no respect for the short bus…

By on March 11, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

You know what? I am 30 secs away from climbing back up in my mother’s womb and staging a do-over on my entire LIFE right now. No forreal. Because I just don’t understand what kind of world we live in where wait on it… folks in Staten Island are breaking into elementary schools and stealing the PETS of AUTISTIC students!!! Are you serious right now?


I understand that times are rough. Hence, right, wrong or indifferent folks gotta do what they gotta do… So I can sorta kinda not really understand the thought process behind swiping the electronic equipment and toys. But snatching the HAMSTER? Come ON. That right there is like, kicking the cripple. Survey says: No can do.

To make matter worse, the no count heathens KNEW they were taking that damn rodent from kids with special needs. How could they not? The freaking name of the school is Eden II School for Children with Autism.

DEAD ASS SILENCE

Honestly, I don’t even know what else to say about this…

*digs a rosary from the bottom of the keepsake chest and gets to praying*

the new kanye…

By on March 8, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, i die, it's in the genes, love be a cellulite cream, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

On a whole, I didn’t necessarily dislike the Oscars so much as I felt they were extremely predictable. We all knew Mo’Nique was going to receive a well deserved win and with all the backlash from his notoriously messy divorce and Svengali ways swirling, I also kinda understood it was time for James Cameron to take an L. And quite honestly, I didn’t love most of the dresses… Um, Zoe’s too big purple Can-Can dress? No thank you.


But one thing or rather person I was SO not prepared for was Elinor Burkett, the out-of-control, chubby Willy Wonka looking white woman who bumrushed the stage and pulled a straight Kanye on hapless director-producer, Roger Ross-Williams. No sir, that one COMPLETELY caught me off guard.

Just as the poor guy was about to start speaking, out of nowhere this busty red-head snatched the mic and began to talk over him. LOUDLY. And unlike Kanye, this bish didn’t even give the mc back, Nope, she keep it going till the traveling music started to play.

*crickets*

It’s being reported that Burkett was one of the original producers of the winner of the Best Doc Short Award, “Music by Prudence,” follows Prudence, a disabled woman in Zimbabwe with an incredible singing voice. And that Williams and she had some sort of fall out over the direction of the film and was removed. A year ago.

*Dead Fish Eyes*

All I’m saying is, all’s fair is entertainment and humiliation. And if the entire world can hold a grudge against Kanye and stay crying a river for poor Taylor Swift, then there better be some tears shed for ‘ole dude. READ: Either Rog is now entitled to have his own best year EVER with folks just GIVING him project money and film awards whether he actually has a anything work producing (just like they GAVE Taylor Swift’s semi-talented ass all those Grammys) or I don’t wanna see this chick at another Oscar ceremony for at least the next 5 years. The End.

PS. Peep how in the very beginning Mama Williams blocked Burkett from getting out of the aisle and following behind her son. HEE-Larious!

not really that funny…

By on March 3, 2010 in keep hope alive, love be a cellulite cream, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Another day, another new tidbit about one of our fave celebs- so Mo’Nique and her husband (who I must admit is rather charming looking) have an open relationship, huh? Interesting.


And according to the NY Daily News, apparently I’m tardy to the party on this bit of Hollyweird info.

Honestly, it’s not for me to judge. If you’re cool with your husband sleeping with other women and he’s cool with you having sex with other men, so be it. I don’t have to crazwl into that bed with either of the two of you at the end of the night. Whatever keeps peace in the home. But is it just me or is something a little off/ sad when one spouse is so adamant about being faithful within the union as she/he shrugs’ off the other’s dalliances? Mmm-hmmm…

Check it out the quote that made me pause:
“Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney,” the Academy Award nominee says in this year’s 29th Barbara Walters Oscar special. “Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker.”
Really Mo?

*serious side-eye*

Sigh… It just seems like there was a better way to word that, no? Like maybe she could’ve said, ‘I’ve been so busy with my new film projects and TV show that haven’t had the time to have sex outside my marriage’… or SOMETHING. Anything that would’ve stopped it from seeming like while you have no interest in sleeping with other men besides your husband, he’s allowed to do whatever in the hell he feels like (because you’d rather turn a blind eye than break-up). You feel me? Or am I just reading into this too much?

not safe for work or damn near anywhere else…

By on February 26, 2010 in end of days, i die, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead



Oh Lord, I’m so confused. Somebody, anybody, help me please.


What in the unholy HELL is this CHILD doing in this video?? Really? With the the black socks/ sneaker combo and one leg up? Oh-uh-uh… And wait on it- all those dingy looking sheets and comforters in the background?

*starts tossing bleach like I’m Puff poppin’ champagne*

All I can say is, Jesus be the ass whooping I would put on this overgrown teenager if he was my child. WORD.

Oh and when you pull your face off the floor, feel free to thank Freshalina for the laughs HERE

might’ve worked w bush…

By on February 5, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay so I’m not going to get all deep into the details of the group of fake missionaries/ child traffickers from Idaho that were arrested as they attempted to kidnap a group of THIRTY-THREE children form Port-au-Prince, Haiti last week in the name of Jesus. Cause honestly, the facts speak for themselves… And if I get started on the audacity of these white people, preying on the poor, displaced families in the midst of a natural disaster, I may never end.


But very quickly, I’d like to draw your attention to this picture taken yesterday afternoon of two of the women in the group- a mother and child. Now be clear, these two women are headed BACK to jail after being charged with child abduction and criminal conspiracy, and they’re what? Laughing.

DEAD FISH EYES.

I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t think a damn thing was funny if I was innocent and my ass was headed back to a freakin’ Haitian jail. No ma’am. Not. At. All. But I guess the key word there is ‘innocent,’ huh?

I sure hope them heifers don’t think that just cause they’re white Americans everything is gonna to eventually blow over. SMH. Cause them days is over…

SOMEBODY CUE THE TRAVELING MUSIC.

is this your super…

By on February 1, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

I spend a lot of time complaining about all the things that suck about my apartment building. You know the whole, corner boys at the door instead of a legit doorman, the neighbor’s dog using my doormat as her personal Wee Wee pad, having to play hide and seek with the hot water every other day, and the list goes on… But one thing I’ve never worried about was my super being a damn LEVEL 3 SEX OFFENDER.


So my heart goes out to all the tenants living in the Upper West side buildings owned by Stanley Katz (specifically at 144 W.73rd, 140, and 142 W.75th Streets).

‘Cause I know you pay RIDICULOUSLY more rent than I do and definitely don’t deserve to go to sleep at night knowing that a man who raped a teenager and attacked three little girls between the ages of 5 and 7 while forcing other children WATCH the abuse, holds the spare key to your apartment.

*DEAD FISH EYES*

That is all.

spare me the tell-alls…

By on January 6, 2010 in end of days, it ain't easy, tagging out

I hate to admit it but, I do believe 2009 left me completely void of empathy for the celeb shenanigans. Go figure.


Sure, there was a small part of me that felt shocked when I heard about Gilbert Arenas’s simple ass pulling a gun out on his teammate over a gambling debt. But an even greater percentage of my response was very whatever. Like, that’s the best you got Gilbert? No offense.

Yeah, after giving it some thought, what I’d really like to see in 2010 is a lot less basic bloopers and silly stunts and a whole hell of a lot more of celebs doing their freaking jobs. You know, ENTERTAIN me.

It sure would be nice to have an exciting championship series or even a fabulous album to discuss… I’m just saying.

so this is what a pantie-sniffer looks like…

By on January 4, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know today is the first work day of the new year/ decade but I gotta tell you- I’m so not for ready it. Seriously, I think my body may need another 24 hours to recover from the non-stop tomfoolery of the 2009 holiday festivities and this damn head cold that I seem to have picked up on Saturday night. Sigh.


Guess I still need to learn when to say when…

But before I go back to bed to stage a much-needed do-over, I wanted to share the news story about the ex-mayor of Lancashire in England who recently confessed to breaking into women’s homes and what? Stealing their underwear. *blank stare*

Mmm-hmm, apparently homeboy’s pantie raid lasted from January to June of last year. And at one point, it got so bad that not only were women going to the police about the number of missing garments but one woman actually went so far as to install a hidden camera in her bedroom. Can you imagine?

Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel…

should’ve queefed…

By on December 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out

And the crazy keeps coming… Don’t ask me how I missed this story BUT it seems that earlier this year the police in England were on the hunt for a-and I quote- ‘sniffing pervert.’ Uh-huh, you read that correctly.


Apparently this grown ass man was/is stalking a 20 year-old stock boy at a grocery store in Plymouth Divine, England. And by “stalking,” what he does is hang around the grocery store aisle where dude is working and when the kid isn’t paying attention, the pervert will get really close and sniff the boy’s booty…. a lot.
But wait on it… This wasn’t an isolated incident. Allegedly, this man has come into the store at least twice to get his whiff on. *Dead Fish Eyes*

Okay forreal, forreal, fetish be damned who does this???? And perhaps the bigger question is, why didn’t any of the other people shopping in the aisle say something when they saw this man with his nose all up in this kid’s arse?

‘Cause not for nothing, if I saw someone shoving their face in another person’s butt and then ducking away, I’m saying something. And no, not because I’m some kinda good samaritan trying to gain brownie to get into heaven. How’s about I just don’t want to see that nonsense in the same place that I’m purchasing my groceries. Like, Ever.

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