Mitzi Moments

Category: why we as a people can’t get ahead

another reason to hate flying…

By on February 1, 2010 in it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Hmm, there’s just so much tomfoolery going on in the world this Monday morning I don’t know where to start. Let’s see…


Ah-ha, looks like the TSA continues it’s tradition of hiring only the most qualified and upstanding individuals to protect our country’s borders- NOT. According to the Daily News, a 57-year old employee in the Orlando area was arrested for attempting to turn a 15 year-old girl into his sex slave. *crickets*

But wait on it… when this genius was brought in for questioning, he denies molesting her and insists that all he did was”grope” her. And just to prove his well meaning intentions, the admitted S&M oriented swinger said in a written statement that all he did was ASK her to be his sex slave. You know, not like he was gonna FORCE her or anything… Sigh.

So we’re all clear, this is who’s rifling through all the panties & bras in my carry-on luggage? Good to know, very good to know.

bout to become an addict…

By on January 26, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day, why we as a people can't get ahead

Lemme find out someone at Time Warner reads my blog…


After an entire week of no cable (the fuse in the box blew when I plugged it back into the socket after being away) and no available service dates, I unexpectedly received a call from the customer service center. And what do you know? Because I only own one measly TV, the dispatcher informed me that they would be able to move my appointment up from Thursday the 28th to yesterday afternoon- WOO HOO!

So not only was I able to watch the Fantasia show craziness last night for the first time (why had no one put me on to the tomfoolery that is Tasia and her brother Teeny??) but thanks to a much belated upgrade in my cable plan, I used my new DVR service- don’t judge me- to tape my long standing obsessions, Intervention and Hoarders.

Anyhoo, now that I’ve finally joined the new millennium, I need a list of shows to become addicted to… I already enjoy Modern Family but what are your thoughts on Community? Is anyone besides my girl Joan still watching Desperate Housewives? And what about Celebrity Fit Club? I haven’t watched that in a couple seasons but since Sharr Jackson AND K-Faterline are contestants this go ’round, I’m kinda curious.

I’m just saying.

charge it to the game…

By on January 22, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay here’s the thing, when it comes to other folk’s relationships, I do my damdest not to judge. If you like it, I love it. If you love it, I adore it. I don’t know what compromises it takes for you to close your eyes and go to sleep peacefully next to that man/woman every night. And quite frankly, it’s NOT my business.

With that said; while I will never advocate or co-sign on the act of sleeping with/ dating someone who is legally married, I’d be a fool to think it doesn’t happen… Shoot, my some of the better people I know and love (heeey Dad!) have been perpetrators of this kind of selfish & thoughtless behavior. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

But by nature, humans are imperfect and bound to make mistakes. The important thing is: You live, you learn, in some cases you get divorced but above all you DISCREETLY move on.

Unfortunately, it seems that recently the concept of discretion has been lost on modern day women and men who practice of tricking. Sigh.

Exhibit A: The random ass, two-bit, former sidepiece of Charles E. Phillips — president of tech conglomerate Oracle and wait on it… a member of Obama’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board. Yeah, he’s THAT dude. (Somebody throw me in the coffin NOW, please)

Apparently after Phillips finally ended the 8.5 year long affair in a last ditch attempt to save his family and reconcile with his wife, this bish went and paid at least a quarter million for several BILLBOARD SIGNS across the COUNTRY (3 alone are in NYC. Check it out on the corner of W. 52nd and Broadway) showing pictures of two all hugged up and canoodling with statements that read: Charles & YaVuaghnie… I will love you forever. “

WOAH.

Phillip, Phillip, Phillip… oh buddy, the HATE in my heart for you. 8.5 years? You done stepped out on your wife & kids for EIGHT & A HALF years with a triflin’ chick crazy enough to plaster BILLBOARDS around the NATION?? Ultimately you are the one who’s most responsible for this madness. And you deserve EVERY sleepless night of embarrassment you endure Mr. Super Exec and Obama Advisory Board Member. You sir, are an unbelievably worthless man.

How-some-ever, instead of billboards I wish she would’ve messengered this info in a LETTER to every board member at Oracle and the Advisory board. Instead, his wife and kids must suffer this a heartbreaking public humiliation. Cause be clear, no matter what her reasons for staying in this train wreck of a situation, this woman has to wake up every day and swallow the fact that the man she married clearly didn’t love her enough to protect her and her children. And that is a bitter pill I hope that no one I care about EVER has to swallow.

And as for YaVaunie (and every other adultress reading this):
Hello??? YOU are the other woman. You know, as in NOT THE WIFE. Stay your no self-esteem having/ trashy-behind in ya lane! I don’t care how many times he says he loves you, you are not special. And no ho, they DON’T LEAVE their real families. So, stop trying to drag his entire everybody down in the crazy!

Plastering 3-foot tall billboards is not going to change ANYTHING. You WILLINGLY wasted 8.5 years of your life on someone not worth the phlem on the sole of your shoe. That was YOUR FAULT! Further embarrassing yourself buy putting up these signs and a website dedicted to the relationship is TRAGIC and PATHETIC.

And if it was MY damn husband? The Lord knows I’m trying to be a better person but… After I leave him scarred, penniless, and living in fear for his life under a ROCK somewhere, please believe I’m coming to kick your ass too!

Bet on that.

should’ve been somewhere singing…

By on January 12, 2010 in pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Psst! Psst! Aye yo Usher, lemme holla at you right quick?


So yeah, the last time I checked, the new millenium Great Depression was bearing down on our country. Folks who have never wanted for anything are suddenly struggling and looking for a quick and easy score and that’s to say nothing of those who started on the fringe. In light of this (pretty common) information, what in the world would make you or ANY OTHER IDIOT leave $1 million dollars of jewelry & electronics and wait on it… an additional $50K of furs inside a parked car??

And no, I don’t care that you left it in front of a busy shopping mall! Dummy.

Like seriously? According to personal friends that live in the nicer ATL-area, negroes are kicking in doors and jacking cars from driveways in the broad daylight on some real reckless 80’s type ish. And you wanna try the people with diamonds and furs? C’monSON! Even if the economic climate doesn’t affect you personally, Im’ma need you to pick up a newspaper, turn on the news and be aware of what’s happening around you.

I’ll admit, normally I find these this type of tomfoolery entertaining. But this time, I really hope this story isn’t true. ‘Cause this may sound horrible but if it is true, I hope your dumbass doesn’t get a freaking DIME from the insurance company. If you have so much surplus that it doesn’t occur to take good care of it, please don’t cry me no crocodile tears after the fact.

Word.

they’ll be reruns in the summer…

By on December 30, 2009 in it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Wow, so are we really not going to have the Fox Broadcasting channel in 2010? ‘Cause from the sounds of things, Time Warner is not budging on this whole price hike situation. Can’t say I’m mad. I’m extremely tired of paying outrageous prices for cable when I don’t really enjoy half of the shows on television. And truth be told, I can’t even name a show on Fox besides 24 and Family Guy (or is that on the CW) that is worth talking about.


Times are tough, go hard.

Speaking of going hard, DAYUM Teddy! How you smacking your 18 year-old daughter upside the head with a freaking Guitar Hero guitar?? And then wait on it… your old unapologetic ass goes and tweets that “you’d do it again”? *EPIC Fail*

Be clear: I don’t have problem the first with him laying into her ass (even if she is 18 years-old). The way my sister and I were raised, if you chose to live at home after graduating from high school, you could and would catch a bad one if and whenever you popped off at the mouth.

Like Elsa told me, “Don’t like it? Think you too grown for the beat down? Then by all means, move the hell out.”

And take my word for it- she was NOT playing. I caught my last bad one at 21 when I came home from school for Xmas break. Yeah, you read that correctly, 2-1. And I ain’t never, ever forget that ‘ish either! Sigh. God bless my Panamanian mother’s heart…

So no, my issue is not with the whooping. It’s with him using the guitar. I’m just saying… Were there no leather belts, extension cords, wooden spoons, plastic spatulas within in arms reach? Oh and please don’t sleep on how much an unexpected pop-pop to the mouth (hard enough to stun but not enough to bloody) can do for a smart mouth or a bad attitude. Mmm-hmm…

singing the same ‘ole song…

By on December 29, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, i die, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Hmm, so I finally got around to watching this infamous (and seriously redundant) Dateline segment on ‘The Plight of Single Black Women’. Umm…. Yawn. Clearly, Dateline either ran out of white girls that slept with Tiger Woods or just needed a quick bump in their ratings.

Like seriously? We’re going into a new DECADE and we’re STILL talking the same ‘ole ‘last good black man standing’ bullshit? Yeah, no thank you. I am so tired of hearing how hard it is to find a decent Black man. Note to the masses: having a degree, well-paying job, nice apartment and fly car does not make you a decent human being.

Here’s an idea: Instead of regurgitating the same doomsday dating info, why not produce a segment on all the new and young married females (African American and White) who are ABSOLUTELY miserable. Yeah, I’m talking about the countless women who regret the day they rushed down the aisle because it seemed like ‘the right thing to do.’ And now, the poor things are facing an embarrassing/ expensive divorce or worse, wasting the best years of their lives in an unhappy situation.

Quietly, I’m sure we all know just as many single ladies on the prowl as married ones who in retrospect, if given the choice, WOULD NOT choose to be with the same man they married.
*dead fish eyes*
Cause not to be funny or seem extra callous about the situation, but at the end of the day the women that I associate with and consider peers would much rather be alone and feel lonely- than be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

Let the choir sing…

blood on the dancefloor…

By on December 23, 2009 in i die, made for the maury show, never too grown, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Never thought I’d utter this sentence but, it sure is a good day to be Mike Tyson.


Okay, okay maybe good is a bit of a stretch since dude is already scheduled to head back to court in 2010 for the shenanigans with the paparazzi a couple of months ago. But something tells me that if the former champ read yesterday’s New York Post (or should I say, had someone read it to him), he probably enjoyed a bit of a chuckle.

‘Yes sir because apparently, that whole ‘man-biting-man-and-ripping-flesh off-in-the-heat-of-the-battle’ thing that he went through back in the ring with Holyfield? Well kids, it really can happen to the best of us. Okay, maybe not the best. But dammit, it does happen. Just ask Mark Lambert…

*movie star screams, gags and faints DEAD on the floor*

But wait on it… wanna know the reason the lawyer went all cannibal on his fellow club patron? (And no, there weren’t millions of dollars at stake like there was for Tyson.) It seems that two of Lambert’s homeboys were holed up in a bathroom stall and not exactly using it to urinate if you catch my drift… Coughs, How you doin’?? So Herber started tripping on the 2 guys and demanding they come out b/c he needed to actually use the bathroom. And that’s when Lambert (who was outside the stall using a urinal), rushed to the defense of his friends and started the fight with Herber. Um really, all that for some friends?? Feel free to insert serious side-eye as the disco ball silently spins overhead.

Mind you, the two dudes in the stall were not charged with any crime. Which means- they never bothered to stop whatever they were “doing,” come out and help Lambert who was chomping away on their behalf.

*drops the mic and walks away*

why old people don’t do clubs…

By on December 17, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So me and my girls went out on Tuesday night. You know, tis the season to be heading out into freezing cold in the middle of the night half-dressed in the name of a some holiday party or in this case, my friend Patty’s 40th Bday Bash. Now, overall the outing was actually really fun times. I mean, thanks to D. supplying us with the live entertainment as she got her grind on with the random guy who just so happened to be wearing one of those ex-con home arrest ankle monitoring bracelets. Uh-huh, as in ‘I just got out 12 hours ago and wanna get my party on before I have to check-in with the C.O.’ Mmm-hmmm, very Law &Order classy. *DEAD*

Moving on- because I told her that I wouldn’t talk about her momentary lapse of sanity. But I know ya’ll can keep a secret- Why are my ears STILL ringing from the damn music two day later??

Like seriously, yesterday I had an interview for this cool non-profit that I hope to be working with in 2010. And the whole time I’m sitting there trying to read lips and trying not to speak too loudly. Sigh. Uh-uh, my nerves are too bad for this kinda ish.

Needless to say I’m now, walking around here convinced that that loud ass sound system and wackass DJ- who randomly launched into this loud ass techno/ Pop Rock set in a room full of black people (where they do that at?)- has permanently impaired my hearing. Good grief.

Of course, none of this is going to stop me from carrying on with the rest of the holiday festivities. No sir. I will be up in Sin City tonight celebrating Karina’s birthday… Even if a bish gotta wear earplugs.

Don’t judge me (or my locked down lovin’ friend).

kiki caught the yes…

By on December 3, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay, don’t say I ain’t never done anything to make you laugh. If this video- sent to me by my beloved friend Geoff- doesn’t bring joy to your heart and the word YAAAAAAASSSS your lips you are a confirmed cold-heated snake (get it Paula).

WORK, BEATS, FEIRCE, SOUND bee-yatches!

By all means, please feel free to get up out of your seat when the fork hits the garbage disposal. ‘Cause you know I did.

so this is how we’ll remember u…

By on December 2, 2009 in made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, that sense of entitlement, why we as a people can't get ahead, work it white girl

Oh Tiger… *struggles to suppress the patent good-for-that-ass side-eye*


There you were, frontin’ like you transcended the average man and even the idea of race. Well lookey here… Not only are you just as bad as the average good-for-nothing man, when push comes to shove, race is exactly the reason you are sitting on the cover of every newspaper looking like Boo-Boo the Fool that caught a bad one with a 9-iron from his own wife (the former nanny).

Yeah, I said it.

See, it was the NEGRO (not even black), that made you assume that because you are wealthy and born with a penis, you can be sloppy with the side chick selection and affair behavior. Who da hell in this day cheats with the nothing-to-lose COCKTAIL WAITRESS (who apparently also appeared on VH1’s Tool Academy) and then leaves a trail of over 300 raunchy text messages and lord only knows how many voice messages?? Um okay Mr. “I Will Wear You Out”…

Then that damned WHITE part, must be where you got the false sense of entitlement to try and simply dismiss the situation. Talkin’ about you sent the Florida police away ’cause you don’t have to answer any questions… Oh yeah? And guess who’s issuing public apologies to all their family and friends now? Pathetic.

And I’m take a wild guess here and assume that unfortunate ASIAN part of you is why all these women are pouring out the wood works to snitch. ‘Cause keep 100- ain’t NOBODY tryin’ to mess up the really, really good thing. READ: when the d-ck game is proper, hoes are too satisfied to snitch. *Drops the Mic*

Good luck out there my dear…

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