Category: why we as a people can’t get ahead

In what can only be further proof that we are living at the end of days, a Pentecostal church in Louisville, Kentucky has knowingly ordained a convicted sex offender as their newest minister.  Um, feel free to insert dead fish eyes, right HERE.


Apparently, the minister, Mark Hourigan was convicted of sexually abusing an 11 year-old boy in central Kentucky.  He served 5 years (lemme guess, this is where he found God) and is now officially listed on Kentucky’s sex offender registry for the rest of his life. Really?

Now, I’m not saying that dude doesn’t have a right to religion but an ordained minister?  Come on!  Forget about celebs and athletes, aren’t ministers supposed to be role models? 

I’m just saying.

Okay seriously?  This video looks like it was shot in third world country.  Certainly not on the streets of a major city like Chicago.  What in the hell? Where did these kids get the 2×4 planks that they’re swinging around like bats from? Good grief.  

My heart goes out to the families of all the kids- the one that lost his life, the ones that got injured in the brawl as well as the ones that are about to go to jail for the rest of their lives behind this tomfoolery.

Let the choir sing…

See now, this is EXACTLY what I mean when I tell people: can’t nothing good happen in New Jersey… Why in the retirement-home-escapee-hell was an 82-year old man arrested for fondling four different women in a freaking Walmart in Trenton??


As if life isn’t miserable enough when you’re waiting in those long ass lines, now you’ve got the perverted geriatric dude who really should be wasting away in a hospice somewhere rubbing up against you and fondling himself!  WTF???

And wait on it- apparently Hector (yeah, that’s really his name) has already served two years in prison for sexual assault and lewdness.
Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel, because I. Can’t.

Did anyone watch the Emmys last night?  Yeah, me neither. But you know I promptly went  through the all the red carpet photos as soon as I logged on this morning. And to be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed with those either. 


But something that did occur to me as I clicked my way through all the hits and misses, was the lack of lust- worthy black actors. I mean, whether the dresses were hot or not, the majority of the women were still beautiful and certified girl-crush material.  But the boys? Eh, not so much. 

Like forreal, forreal, are there are no hot straight black men on television?? 

As much as it pains me to say it (’cause you know Love & Basketball is one of my most FAVORITE movies ever), Omar Epps is over. I don’t know what in the molten-plastic-plastic-looking-botox-hell is going on with LL Cool J face. Something about Gary Dourdan continues to be a yawn. And crazy ass Tracy Morgan is just well, no thank you.

Seriously?  I’m kind of sad about this. I mean, I can appreciate the sexiness in whatever color it arrives- um hello Adrian Grenier but it might be nice to have something with a little melanin to gawk at every one in a while. I’m just saying.

OMG, I was so blown when I heard that the Hostra chick who cried gang rape was straight up lying.  Like, who does that?? Um hello, this is 2009. If you want to get it poppin’ with 5 boys in the bathroom at school dance then that’s ya business.  Granted, you wouldn’t be no friend of mine but still…  go ‘head ma.

The whole situation is tragic.  Putting those boys and their families through the ringer b/c she didn’t want her boyfriend to find out that she was a lil’ fast ass? When all along homegirl was more than a willing participant in the amateur porn shenanigans. 
Not for nothing, if it was MY son that was accused of some random mess like this, I’d press criminal charges in the blink of an eye AND then sue the shit outta that loony tune. Of course, this is after I beat fire outta him for even being involved in some foolishness like running a train with four of his friends. Sigh. I. Can’t.
Jesus be the camera phone that set them free.

On a truly tragic note, South African track star Caster Semenya is now under suicide watch. Jesus.


Apparently, ever since the news of her being a hermaphrodite went public she’s gone into a deep depression. Officials are describing her current behavior as similar to that of a rape victim- she is afraid of herself and she doesn’t want anyone near her. My god. 

And what’s really horrible is that none of this should have ever happened.  The reports from the probe should have never been leaked. And now the whole world is privy to personal information that belonged to her alone. 

In my opinion, the international media treated Caster like an animal and at the end of the day, she’s only a child.  She’s just 18 years-old.  So if you thought 19 year-old Taylor Swift looked like a helpless child on that MTV stage, put yourself in this little girl’s place.  

Real talk, folks have had mental breakdowns for less. (Um hello, Mischa Barton?) I am so sad for her and her family. 


There’s nothing like the morning after a music awards show; always so much drama and confusion to discuss. 


We should probably start with Kanye’s outburst…  But honestly, there’s so little to say.  If it wasn’t before; it’s now confirmed- dude has the social skills of a freaking 5 year-old. You appreciate him the most when you only have to deal with him for short periods of time.  Anything more and he becomes exhausting and in need of a good backhand. No offense. 

And I’m curious, what did you really think about the MJ tribute???  I mean, we ALWAYS love the dancers but real talk, weren’t you hoping Janet would’ve done just a little bit more? I’m just saying. 

But then again, who had time to miss Miss Jackson with all of Lady Gaga’s constant costume changes? Mmm-hmm, Ca-RAZY.  But quietly, I LOVED every moment of it it. Oh and puh-lease don’t even front like, her performance of ‘Paparazzi’ wasn’t one of the most memorable of the entire night (um, note to Kid Cudi?  I’m gonna need you to do a little better next time. Thank you very much.). 

I must say, after that ‘Ava Maria’ foolishness at the BET Awards, I was happy ya girl Bey pulled it together with the flawless performance of  ‘Single Ladies’. No to mention, how thoughtful inviting Taylor Swift back to the stage seemed (even if it was staged). 

All in all, I wasn’t mad at the show. Nope, sure was not. Now the size of Alicia Keys’ knees?  Err-um, that’s another story. But I guess we can’t have everything, right?

Looks like the United States isn’t the only country where grown folks are wildin’ out on out of control little kids


Apparently, a couple in England went to dinner at a newly opened Mexican restaurant with their somewhat “outspoken” 2-year old (READ: unruly mini tyrant whom probably deserved a quick pinch under the table).  When their beloved lil’ Molly started to get antsy and fuss (at the top of her lungs, I’m sure) about the service being too slow, the waiter took it a tad personal.  Umm-huh… 

Now I know what you’re probably thinking: ‘Eeewa! He put something in the baby’s food!’ But no, homeboy wasn’t nearly as passive aggressive.  Instead, he kept it 100% live, and listed a line item charge for the  “little f**ker on the bill!  Can you stand it?? 

Jesus take the wheel… cause I can’t.

OMG, this video clip of Oregon State football player LaGarrette Blount dropping Boise State’s Byron Hout like a bad habit is CA-RAZY


Like seriously? Can someone say, “He got knocked the HELL out??” My god, that poor white boy ain’t even see it coming. At. All.

I only pray that lil’ dude doesn’t lose his football scholarship behind this craziness… Not because I think LeGarrette was right for losing his temper. Cause I don’t. Good sportsmanship is a vital part of the game and Lord knows, there’s NOTHING worse than a sore loser (cough, Kanye West, cough)…

HOWSOMEVER, I am a firm believer that there’s a reason parents teach children to talk with their mouths and not with their hands. At the end of the day, when you lay hands on folks, you besta be prepared to get dealt with. Period.

It’s because the LAST thing we need is another unemployable, angry black man roaming the streets talking about what could’ve been had the man not held him down. Feel free to insert huge sigh and eye roll. No offense, I’m just saying….


Oh and note to all the brand new, fearless, genX pinktoes out there: Puh-lease don’t let Obama and the front row ticket you bought to Jay-Z’s last concert get you gassed. You can still get it.

Dizz-amn, there’s a lot of disturbing news poppin’ off today…


First the NYT is reporting that on the other side of the world men in the Congo are being raped in record numbers as a result of the ongoing joint Congo-Rwandan conflict (read: more than 10% of the reported rape cases in June were guy on guy action).  Woah.  Clearly there’s no limit to the brutality that people will commit against one another…  Perhaps, now that men are being raped and tortured (seems castrations are on the rise too) the international community will finally step in and get involved. SMH.

Then in Pittsburgh, that 48 year-old antisocial prick went into a local LA Sports Club and started shooting up folks ’cause awit on it… no one wanted to be his friend and he couldn’t find girlfriend. As if I needed another reason not to go to the damn gym?? Now I got to be worried about the miserable creep who got his little feelings hurt seeking retribution? Dude… Go. Sit. Down.

And finally,  right here in our own backyard that Long Island mom who drove unto Taconic Highway the wrong way and killed EIGHT people was freaking drunk AND high??? Drunk like, authorities discovered an open  1.75 liter bottle of Absolut in the car and homegirl’s blood alcohol level report reads as if she knocked back the equivalent of 10 shots of 80-proof liquor and smoked a blunt as recently as 15 minutes before the massacre… WTF??  

Not to question the powers that be in the Universe and shit but I gotta ask- so where the hell was the dickhead State Police officer that all too happily pulled me over a couple of weeks ago for speeding on the same Parkway? Huh, huh?  And don’t you know that self-important fool was all up in my face talking about ” Young lady you’re lucky that a dear didn’t jump out in front of your car. Or you might not be here to pay this ticket.”  Insert prolonged blank stare with three very slow blinks. 

NEGRO PLEASE. First of all, I’m sober and on the right side of the road.  Secondly, speeding happens.  RE-LAX.  The only reason that I might halfway deserve to be called “lucky” is because some boozed-up, high-ass hell, trashy, red-neck wasn’t on the road tossing back swigs of vodka on her way home from a weekend in the woods. 

It’s too much…. I’m done.

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