Mitzi Moments

Category: why we as a people can’t get ahead

all aboard…

By on November 30, 2009 in it takes a village, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Now before I go in, I need to state that a good friend of mine is one of the new owner/ exec producer of Soul Train Holdings, LLC. And I am very, very very proud of how far the show has come since the last time it aired. And considering that aside from the BET Awards, this is the only televised award show dedicated to “our” music, it’s important to support and encourage. Howsomeva…

Homeboy or not, there are a couple of things that I’m confused about:

- Was Fonzworth Bentley the most uninteresting red carpet host ever? No, forreal. The very sound of his voice was making my eyes roll back in my head.
- Please tell me my eyes were deceiving me but was the audience seated on FOLDING CHAIRS?
- When did Keith Sweat turn a thousand?!?!? That negro looked like the crypt keeper up on the stage.
- Didn’t Keri Hilson reading her thank-you list off of a bedazzled BB seem a bit much? I know, I know, she was probably still flustered from getting her grind on with the unbelievably sexy (and prob gay) background dancer but still…
- What was up with the return of the Hi-Tek and Timbaland boots? Mario, Raheem DeVaugn, Sean Garrett? Really? Are we bringing back to the 90s R&B thug look like that?
- Speaking of inappropriate throwbacks, why in the hell was K-Ci doing the stanky leg during the Charlie Wilson tribute?? Boo.
-Why does Terrance Howard STAY trying to sing to somebody? I’ma need him to focus less on his acoustic guitar career and more on not getting released from mega-blockbuster franchises.
- Which was worse, Robin Thicke’s porn-stache or those hot ass lookin’ leather pants?
- How funny was it when Chaka snatched the mic during her own tribute? Like, listen Angie I appreciate you trying and all but lemme show you how its really done.
- Is it really considered an awards show if you only give out 4 awards?
- Why was everyone from Toni to Taraji open-mouth kissing like herpes/ H1N1/ HIV ain’t real? Uugh, so disgusting.

Okay, okay, that’s all the flashbacks I can deal with on an empty stomach. Again, very proud of the award show itself as for the performances, eh not so much. But at least with time (and a bigger budget), that can be improved.

Fingers crossed.

straight train wreck…

By on November 9, 2009 in desperate cry for help, honorary white woman, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh JESUS, what in the holy hell happened to Sammy Sosa???


In my humble estimation- The former ‘roided out Chicago ballplayer showed up on the Latin Grammy red carpet looking like someone took a potato peeler to his epidermis and left this grotesque living human carcass behind. Talking about, he recently underwent a skin rejuvenation procedure… Yeah, right.

If you believe that crock of crap, I’ve got a luxury condo on the corner of crack and murder that I want to sell you for the low, low price of $1,000,000,000,000.

But seriously, beyond this obvious attempt to morph into a bloated Marc Anthony, can someone, ANYONE please explain the throwback ‘hazel green’ contacts or greasy wave nuevo? Lookin’ like a cross between Lil’ Kim’s long-lost brother and P. Diddy circa 1993… *Dead Fish Eyes*

It’s so tragic when folks clearly hate themselves.

curly cord and all…

By on November 4, 2009 in moment of silence, stressed the hell out, the internet is the devil, why we as a people can't get ahead

Lord haf mercy, I am struggling this morning….


First of all my tummy hurts. And we all know, there’s NOTHING worse than waking up with a stomach ache when you have work to do.

But bigger than the bubble guts, why is my BlackBerry suddenly not charging??? WTF? 24 hours ago, the stoopid thing was absolutely fine and now, for no good goddamn reason, it’s not connecting with the charger. Straight dead battery…

AAARRRRGGGH, I hate all this fickle ass technology!

Seriously? The mere thought of the hours that I ‘m about to waste at the ghetto ass Sprint store on 125th Street when my ass should be trying to earn a living makes my stomach cramp up even more.

Jesus be a robin’s egg blue colored rotary phone…

made for the movies…

By on October 27, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So while folks are busy debating Chris Brown’s motive for posting that uber: emo fan montage video of Rih-Rih and himself, no one seems to be talking about the 15 year-old girl that was gang raped, brutalized and robbed by fellow students in front of a crowd of onlookers outside her high school in California. 


Priorities people… Sigh.

Apparently, the little girl (’cause she’s younger than Taylor Swift) was leaving her school dance to meet her Dad for a ride home.  Before the father arrived, one of the teenage assailants noticed her waiting and convinced her to join him and some other kids in the school courtyard for a quick drink.  Apparently, was drink was drugged. And the rest is history… 

Now, I’m sure some folks are going to want to blame all of this on the issue of underage drinking. But forreal, forreal? Ain’t no alcohol/ weed/ whatever illegal substance you can think of EVER made any of the guys that I know to behave like this:

At least four boys raped and committed multiple sex acts on the poor girl while wait on it… up to 15 people intermittently watched (cause they would come, see, leave and go tell other people what was going on).  NOT ONE OF THOSE DEPRAVED BASTARDS CALLED FOR HELP.  The authorities finally found homegirl under a bench after someone who didn’t see or participate happened to overhear one of the witnesses reminiscing about the incident finally called the po-po. 

Reminiscing? Insert Dead Fish Eyes. 

We all need to pray for that little girl.  ‘Cause she ain’t never,ever, ever gonna be right after this.  Gang raped at 15 in front o f a live audience? Like it was 106 and Park up in the bee-yatch? No ma’am.

As far as I’m concerned, her family members have every right in the world to spend all the waking hour of their LIVES finding and torturing each and every single solitary person that participated, watched or even thought they might of knew something about that ‘ish.  Like on some real depraved SAW/ Law Abiding Citizen type nonsense. 

Yeah, I said it.

preach my brother…

By on October 23, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, using our powers for good, why we as a people can't get ahead

Lil Boosie Interview from Motion Family on Vimeo. 

Up until I saw this video, I had no idea who/what a  Lil’ Boosie was, let alone listen to any of his so-called music.  But thanks to this ‘ish right HERE?  Why, that illiterate mumblin’ ass fool in now my certified HERO!

And I’m so serious.  

Apparently, homeboy is headed to jail for 10 months at the height of his pathetic career/life. BUT instead of trying to be hard, he goes wide left and says exactly what I’ll bet Lil’ Wayne all the other countless idiots facing/serving time for the “you can take a dumb ass out the hood but you can’t the hood out the dumb ass 101″ charge a.k.a illegal gun possession is thinking: 

“Fuck holdin’ my head… And if  I’m lookin’ mad, look the other way bitch! I’m the one going to do time, fuck all dat. Put somethin’ in a nigga account.”

Priceless.

she ain’t even all that cute…

By on October 21, 2009 in pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead


DJ, cue the music because… Bom, bom, bom another one bites the dust. 

I swear, these old ass former athletes just can’t let it go…. Like of all the women in the world that are down for the discreet-two-consenting-adults get down, this fool managed to find and screw the crazy ass, unstable, young chick that would shamelessly stoop to the level of incessantly harassing his wife, then cyber stalking his 16 year-old son on Facebook AND wait on it… showing up at the CT manse with the nasty old school ‘Hi-my-name-is-Brooke- and-I’m-screwing-ya-man’ letter mentioning the ugly birthmark above his crotch. So 1987.

Mind you, according to good ‘ole Steve, he only slept with homegirl 3 times. Uh-yeah, right. Please feel free to insert the DEAD FISH EYES right… here.

It’s like, did we learn NOTHING from the Steve McNair tragedy?  Why in the middle-age-crisis hell is anyone still chasing these immature broads that have absolutely nothing to lose? Does the young vagina feel that much better??? Cause not for nothing… thanks to decrease in modern day morality and fluidity of sexuality I’m pretty confident most of that young stuff be pretty worn out nowadays.  But I digress…

Bottom line: Steve you suck.  You put your entire family, livelihood (did I mention ESPN has now suspended this fool for a week?) and reputation in jeopardy over a fling with a certified bird. 

Survey says no thank you.

so not impressed…

By on October 16, 2009 in pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Just when I thought it wasn’t possible for Sean ‘Puffy/ Puff/ P.Diddy/ Diddy’ Combs to get any more ridiculous… Apparently this fool was on 106 & Park screeching his way through one of those horrendous Dirty Money tracks and tossing fake money into the crowds and managed to throw away his own $20,000 diamond ring. Fool.

But wait on it… once he realized that he’d lost the ring, Mr. Combs had security shut down the entire studio. And they proceeded to frisk the entire studio audience of teens and students like a bunch of criminals. Really? So this is what you sign up for when you go to BET?

So not interested.

But forreal, forreal, here’s what I don’t understand- if you’re such a baller, why you gonna lock down and frisk folks? Shouldn’t all your jewelry be insured? And if not, shouldn’t you be able to just charge it to the game? Like my bad, next time I’ll be sure to purchase jewelry that fits me properly? Sigh.

Damn P.Dummy.

we down with the ppp…

By on October 14, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Here’s the thing-kids can be mean to one another.

It’s not always fair, but everyone understands that it’s just the way life is… But there’s a difference between being mean and being a goddamn psychopath. And I’m sorry but the three little future serial killers from Deerfield Beach, Florida that laughed about setting a fellow classmate on fire over an unpaid $40 debt are definitely the latter and deserve to be sharing a cell with a 6’5″ 350lb lifer named Big Bertha forreal, forreal.

Like seriously? That poor kid has severe burns on 80% freaking percent of his body. Physically and mentally, he will never be the same. I can’t even imagine the pain he’s in right now. Sigh.

And not for nothing, what kind of parents RAISE children that set people on fire? As far as I’m concerned they should definitely bear some of the responsibility when senseless tragedies like this occur. You know some sort of Poor Parenting Penalty where the parents pay a hefty monetary fine AND are sentenced to hard labor.

Cause bottom line- at some point, the B.S has to come to an end.

munchies like a mo-fu…

By on October 5, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Err-um, what in the lowest-common-denominator-next-stop-is-the-crackhouse hell is happening in the suburbs??

According to the NY Daily News, over the weekend Norwell, Massachusetts authorities arrested a couple for assaulting a fellow patron outside their local KFC restaurant. Why? Apparently, homeboy, 31 year-old Jared Garfagna and his girlfriend, 24 year-old Sara Mohn became pissed off with the slowass service and the two started wildin’ out inside the restaurant.  In response, this random dude asked/ told  them to keep all that crazy screaming and cussin’ to themselves- for the sake of the children (aww, we love the good samaritan who sticks up for the kids).

Unfortunately, that didn’t go over as well with the ghetto Bonnie and Clyde.  At. All. And when dude came outside, the two of them beat FIRE out of him! 

Umm-hmm, the po-po said that Jared cold clocked the man upside the head while good ‘ole Sara got a couple of swift kicks in.  Okay, maybe they didn’t say it EXACTLY like that but… Poor guy wound up with cuts on his eyelids and wrists. Ouch.

Seriously?? Over some damn fried chicken? Sigh.

KFC is the devil ya’ll. 

random weekend musings…

By on October 2, 2009 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Praise the Lord, it’s Friday!  


Even if the sun is barely shining, Dave Letterman just received an undeserved round of applause for admitting to adultery and Chicago lost the bid for the Olympics (sorry Mama Oprah), I’m still happy as hell that the weekend is upon us.

I think I want to go to the movies this weekend… Doesn’t the comedy with Vince Vaughn come out today?  Or wait, maybe it was that new roller derby Drew Barrymore movie with Ellen Page, Whip It. Whichever one, I sure hope it’s entertaining.  ‘Cause I’m going to need something  to help me forget about the scary daycare worker in England that was arrested for abusing year old babies with toothbrushes, taking pictures and sending them to some pedophile she had the hots for. 

On second thought, it might take a little more than a movie to forget that mess.

You know, it really makes me wonder whether homegirl’s mother smoked cigarettes while she was in the womb.  According to a report on Reuters, children born to women who smoke during the pregnancy have a greater risk of developing psychotic tendencies. And let’s be clear, anyone who feels the need to sodomize an infant to score points with any sort of love interest let alone a sexual deviant is clearly a hot ass psycho mess.

I’m just saying… this is not the type of ish that Gandhi would have wanted to hear on his 140th  birthday people! Okay? 

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