why we as a people can’t get ahead | Mitzi Moments

blame it on the rain…

By Mitzi on June 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Goodness this weather is blowing me. I swear, repeatedly waking up to gray skies puts me in the foulest mood. I don’t want to go nowhere, do nothing, talk to nobody, it’s awful.

Shoot, this crappy weather is probably why folks in Ohio have issues like a grown ass, 41 year-old man wearing a bright green woman’s one-piece bathing suit and construction boots harassing women in a public park.

Yeah, you read that right.

Apparently dude, was running up on random women and young girls and asking whether or not they liked his outfit. Really? You’re looking for fashion advice? Sigh.

But the tomfoolery doesn’t stop there…

In a completely separate incident, a woman caught a man wearing a purple bra and boxers breaking into her car. Mmm-hmm… The poor woman said, “I was actually kind of worried. He was in a bra and boxers and going through my car. I didn’t know what to think.”

Yeah, I can see how that might be sensory overload.

time to put that nobel prize to work…

By Mitzi on June 8, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, stressed the hell out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Can we please have an extended moment of silence for those two female news reporters that were just sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a North Korea jail???

According to news reports, the journalists were working on a story for Current TV, a San Francisco-based media company co-founded by former VP Al Gore about the trafficking of women from North Korea into China, but other reports said they were reporting on North Korean refugees who had fled their country. Whatever the case, border patrol officers from the North snatched them chicks up and charged them with illegally entering North Korean territory.

Amnesty International reports that prisoners in these work camps often work 10 hours or more a day, with no rest days, performing demanding work that can include logging and stone quarrying. Beatings are not infrequent, even for simple stuff like forgetting the words to patriotic songs. And obviously, food, hygienic conditions and medical care are poor at best.

But wait on it… in the meantime, US politicians are describing the situation as “high stakes poker game.” Huh?

What in the back-breaking-foreign-torture-mind-game hell is this? I. Can’t. No you heartless idiots, this is not a damn game. Two women are up shit creek without a paddle for doing their JOBS. And folks need to stop playing the who’s balls are the biggest foolishness and bring them the hell home. Seriously.

like nino at the carter…

By Mitzi on May 20, 2009 in it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Um, I’ll tell you where yours truly WON’T be going on vacation any time soon- Phoenix, AZ. Uh-huh, no thank you. Not as long as the city is averaging ONE KIDNAPPING A DAY. Shiiiiiit. Can you imagine?

According to police reports, folks are being snatched out of their homes in broad daylight and tortured Hollywood style (they tried to cut one victim’s ear off, blowtorched his back and sodomized him with a pair of scissors) for some ransom money. Lord haf mercy.

The tricky part of the equation is that only a third, maybe less of the city’s kidnappings are reported because the cases are normally criminal-on-criminal. The victims are generally smugglers, drug dealers or illegal immigrants. Sigh. Call me a punk but, I’d rather sit my ass in lockdown box for 25 years than have someone blowtorch my back.

But what makes my nerves bad are the senseless tragedies. Like the 13-year old girl that was on her way to play basketball with a friend when she was mistaken for a drug dealer’s niece. Apparently, the kidnappers snatched her from the middle of a ‘quiet’ suburban neighborhood. Thankfully, she was eventually returned to her parents. The report describes her as being relatively unharmed. Err-um, what the hell is “relatively unharmed”???

I’m telling you, it’s poppin’ off like the 80s out there. Not fresh, at all party people.

blah, blah, blah…

By Mitzi on May 19, 2009 in pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Maybe its just the mood that I’m in but, doesn’t it kinda seem like the celeb gossip blogs are EXTRA boring nowadays?

Like seriously, I used to live for the insane and totally inappropriate photos on Perez Hilton, Dlisted, The YBF, Crunk & Disorderly, etc but now…. Not so much.

First of all, its all too clear that certain Z-listers (yes, I’m talking to you Christina Milian) will attend the opening of a damn tuna can just to have their picture taken on a red carpet. Then, lemme ask you this- do you really give a damn what Kim Kardashian or Teairra Marie wore to go buy a cup of coffee this morning? Didn’t think so. Realistically, how many times can a nipple slip, crotch shot, “mysteriously leaked” sex tape or private photo collection be remotely shocking? Yawn.

I guess I just wish celebs would go somewhere and WORK. Um hello, we’re in a freaking recession. Shouldn’t you be in a studio or auditioning for a new TV show or something?

12 is the new 3 in dog years…

By Mitzi on May 14, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, I’m already in a mood….

Because I have to take Drama to see the vet this afternoon. And everybody that knows me understands that I am HIGHLY sensitive when it comes to my damn geriatric dog.

So aside from the fact I’m certain to be at LEAST $300 poorer for today’s experience; I’m super nervous that the doctor is gonna tell me something I don’t wanna hear. Like, “No Ms. Miller the weakness in her hind legs that occasionally requires you to lift her onto the standing position is not just her trying to be stubborn.” Sigh. Pray for me ya’ll. Not sure I can make it without that mutt…

But THEN, I was perusing The YBF and noticed a post detailing Rick Ross’s feeble attempt to prove that his sunglasses aren’t fake. WTF?? Did you not read the letter that the white boys sent XXL? Or better yet, CAN YOU NOT read the letter the white boys sent?? ‘Cause it sure seemed pretty straightforward to me and all the millions of other literate folks laughing at you and your stylist’s dumb asses.

But wait on it… here’s the actual explanation:

Rick bought the sunglasses from Louis Vuitton. But afterwards, he had them customized. (Feel free insert blank star and three blinks.)

Negro, are you serious right now? This ain’t no car! Don’t nobody get a pair of damn sunglasses TRICKED OUT. What, was you gonna put SPINNERS on them too? I. Can’t. Officer Ricky will you and your frugazzy, Dade County swap-meet special sunglasses puh-lease move from my eyesight? And not now, but RIGHT NOW!

he’s not the boss of me…

By Mitzi on May 12, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay Rick Ross, first you’re outted as a fake drug lord and now you’ve been caught wearing the frugazzy Louis Vuitton sunglasses on the cover of XXL?? I am D-O-N-E.

Um Officer Ricky, I’m gonna need you to go sit down somewhere and be quiet.

Cause what you know about Louis Vuitton sending XXL magazine the xtra, xtra nasty letter about their recent cover? It’s so unbelievable, I have to post the notice/ pinktoe pimp slap:

Dear Editor:

We were dismayed to see the cover of the May 2009 issue of XXL Magazine, which features a photo of Rick Ross wearing a pair of sunglasses prominently featuring counterfeit Louis Vuitton trademarks. Because the photo has generated considerable confusion among your readers and Louis Vuitton customers among others, we feel it is important to clarify several points.

The first is that the sunglasses Mr. Ross is wearing were not made by Louis Vuitton, and in fact, are counterfeit. Louis Vuitton did not grant permission to Mr. Ross or to whoever did make the sunglasses to use our trademarks. The second is that no affiliation, sponsorship or association exists between Rick Ross or XXL and Louis Vuitton. The third is that counterfeiting is illegal.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to correct the confusion.

Sincerely,

Michael D. Pantalony, Esq.
Louis Vuitton Malletier

Mmm-hmm, Jesus be the whiteboys that STAY lawyered up.

But seriously? What kinda shitshow are they running over there? Never in my nine years of journalism have I heard of someone wearing bootleg name brands on a freaking COVER. I mean sure, you can try and sneak it in a video but on a magazine cover? One that’s gonna sit on a newsstand for 5 weeks? And worse, people can take with them into the store? (Cause you know that’s how they got caught, right? Pookie and all his boys bumrushed their local LV store with cover in hand talkin’ bout, “We want dis right ‘ere.”

And as further proof XXL’s situation is 1-800-over, the mag’s website won’t allow folks to leave comments about or ping the post. DAYUM.

Unless… and you know this is just my conspiracy mind at work here but bear with me… What if the editors put him on the cover with the Canal Street special on purpose??? Uh-huh, yeah. You know, as a subliminal way of calling him a fraud?? Almost to say, if this fat fool really knew anything about the LV lines, he’d have known that he wasn’t rocking the real stuff??

No? Not so much? What you say? I’m over thinking it? Oh well, can’t say I ain’t try to help our folks out… NEXT.

exhibit a…

By Mitzi on April 30, 2009 in i die, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, I wasn’t even going to say anything about this swine flu madness. ‘Cause as far as I’m concerned there’s some new fangled Killer African Bee, SARS, Cow-Foot-Head disease popping up on CNN just about every six months or so…

And between you and me, I think that if certain folks would learn how to cover their mouths and use a little hand disinfectant, half of these problems would be solved. But that’s just my humble opinion.

But THEN I read this article in the NYTimes that set off my spidey senses. It basically details how experts are now trying to blame the whole health crisis on this poor little 5 year-old Mexican boy. Talking bout, “The government has identified Édgar Hernadez as the first person in Mexico to have become infected with a virulent strain of the swine flu.” Seriously?

Not for nothing, but doesn’t this sound very much like the whole- AIDS started in Africa from people who were having sex with monkeys hypothesis? Yeah, thought so. $50 bucks says the Mexican government just needed someone to throw under the bus to keep the World Health Organization off their backs. So naturally, they choose the lowest common denominator- a poor, illiterate family and their kid. So. Not. Cool.

You look at the picture and do the math. Err-um, keep it real. We ALL know where this pandemic really, really started…

andele mi gente…

By Mitzi on April 17, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Yo, forreal? Sometimes advertisers be on that ish….

Can someone puh-lease tell me what in the world Burger King ad execs were thinking when they created a campaign for the new Texican burger that features a squat Mexican draped in his country’s flag next to a tall American?

And wait on it…A TV version of the ad shows the strapping cowboy and the pint-sized Mexican wrestler — nicknamed “Just a Little Bit” — living together as roommates. At one point, the American lifts up the Mexican to help him put a trophy on a high shelf.

Granted, this whole campaign will never hit the states or Mexico for that matter. It ran exclusively in Europe. Guess, they thought non of the Nordic folks would object, huh? (Insert razor sharp side-eye)

But all tomfoolery aside… Did it never occur to any of the gringos that green lit this blatantly racist idea that Mexicans (shoot, all native Spanish people) might be a teeny, weeny upset? No? Not even a little pause for concern? Yeah, didn’t think so.

You can take the mule to the water but you can’t make the ass drink.

mama needs her nerve pills…

By Mitzi on April 9, 2009 in desperate cry for help, miracle on 169th street, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

I love the hell outta my ‘hood but I HATE my local post office.

No matter the time of the day, whenever I walk in there are at least 25 smelly people waiting in line and only two dusty ass service windows open. Talking about they’re sorry for the long wait but the branch is severely understaffed.

Bump that! We can ALL see the five random employees milling around behind the 1000 year-old teller doing a whole lot of NOTHING. Why don’t you go tell Maria and Jose to stop eating the arroz con pollo and come do something?? DAMMIT!

Not for nothing, I thought you had to at least have a GED to work for the US government? Am I right? So what’s the problem? Why is something so simple as choosing to pay for the stamps with my American Express card seem like I’m asking you to go through Armageddon??

Ay con Dios.

mix guilt w hindsight & call me in the am…

By Mitzi on April 7, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, Mitzi- all day every day, why we as a people can't get ahead

One of the most difficult aspects of being an adult is knowing when to say when and put yourself on time out.

No, I’m talking about that last shot of tequila or walking away from the $900 pair of sparkly Louboutins. Nope, not that.

I’m talking when that first tickling in the back of your throat happens. And you’re sneezing every five minutes for no good reason. It’s at those moments that you inherently know that you really, really need to pass up on dinner with the crew but since you haven’t seen them in ‘oh-so-long’… Sigh.

When I woke up on Saturday, I KNEW I should’ve stayed my light-headed butt in bed and minded my business. But no sir, there I was trying to be Superwoman. Finishing up my confounded taxes, going shopping and hitting up not one but two birthday parties in a single bound. Mmm-hmm, just like that. Crazy.

So now I’m sitting here with a pounding headache, sucking spit (cause of course, there ain’t healthy grocery the first up in the fridge.). I honestly keep trying to get up and be productive but something about the bile in the back of my throat just makes that seem like a really bad idea. Sigh. I am so over myself right now.

Can somebody send me a care package, please?

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