tagging out | Mitzi Moments

sleeping with one eye open…

By Mitzi on December 6, 2009 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tagging out

Just when you think you really know a person…

An HIV-positive man in Auckland, New Zealand was recently arrested for injecting his sleeping wife with his blood and infecting her with the fatal disease. Good GOD.

Apparently, the 35 year-old man was initially diagnosed during mandatory health-checks when the family of four moved to New Zealand in 2004. Even though she nor their children were infected, the woman chose to remain married and living with the man. and over the next couple of years things were as fine as they could be under the circumstances. Shoot, they even had ‘relations.’

But in 2007, homegirl had a change of heart. She became increasingly worried that she might also become infected ($100 says that he was probably trying to have unprotected sex with her- mmm-hmm). Ultimately, she insisted that if they continued living together, they would have to be abstinent.

So fast forward to a year later and ‘ole dude starts to get paranoid. He is convinced that the wife is planning to find another man and leave him. Determined to stay together, he pricks her two separate times with a sewing needle laced with his infected blood. Can you even imagine?

But wait on it… after basically condemning the mother of his own kids to a death sentence the maximum jail time this self-serving psycho can receive is FOURTEEN years!! Yep, you read that correctly, 1-4. So basically, this nut job will be a free man at the age of 49. *CRICKETS*

Light a candle and let the prayer circle commence.

we still like it a lil’ thugged out…

By Mitzi on November 11, 2009 in end of days, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out

Aside from my steadily growing girl crush on Lady Gaga, there’s not much about today’s music that raises an eyebrow from me anymore. It all seems like one long song about a guy who’s either trying to get to get his girl back after a long list of offenses or trying to pour champagne down the next chick’s throat on her birthday. *Dead Fish Eyes* That is up until I heard about Ghostface Killer’s new R&B-style album, Ghostdini Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City…. Pause.

Er-um really, Ghostini? Really?

Mind you, Ghostface has long been my pick for the sexiest of all the multiple Wu-Tang members. (Um, don’t act like that fool wasn’t completely off the chain in the ‘Chercez La Ghost’ video rockin’ the kelly green full length and du-rag… No? Okay, perhaps that was just me and my proclivity for the extra ignorant ‘ish.) But still. As much as I want GK to succeed and be some sort of relevant, I simply can’t co-sign on the waxing poetic w/ extra suspect John Legend.

Yeah, I said it.

the madness…

By Mitzi on November 5, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Note to my beloved agent: I know I promised that I would meet that godforsaken deadline you’ve given me. And I swear, I really, really meant to… But unfortunately, the world is going to hell in a hand basket and it makes it a bit difficult for me to come up with funny, entertaining things to write about. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

-A 14 year old teen just admitted killing his 4 year-old neighbor. Apparently, he sodomized, drowned and then stuffed the poor little kid in the dryer to keep folks from thinking he was a child molester. *Dead Fish Eyes*

- a 29 year-old incest survivor who is imprisoned for cutting off and boiling her father’s penis, is now taking cooking classes at Rikers. Seriously? I’m not saying ‘ole dude didn’t get what he deserved BUT I’m just a little unclear who would ever okay this chick being in anyone’s kitchen like, ever.

- The number of corpses found at the former US Marine turn serial rapist/ killer’s crib in Cleveland is up to ELEVEN. And apparently, they haven’t even started breaking down the walls of the home

-Oh and Mayor Mike Bloomberg was re-elected.

So the next time you call and I’m hiding under my bed. Don’t ask why.

made for the movies…

By Mitzi on October 27, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So while folks are busy debating Chris Brown’s motive for posting that uber: emo fan montage video of Rih-Rih and himself, no one seems to be talking about the 15 year-old girl that was gang raped, brutalized and robbed by fellow students in front of a crowd of onlookers outside her high school in California.

Priorities people… Sigh.

Apparently, the little girl (’cause she’s younger than Taylor Swift) was leaving her school dance to meet her Dad for a ride home. Before the father arrived, one of the teenage assailants noticed her waiting and convinced her to join him and some other kids in the school courtyard for a quick drink. Apparently, was drink was drugged. And the rest is history…

Now, I’m sure some folks are going to want to blame all of this on the issue of underage drinking. But forreal, forreal? Ain’t no alcohol/ weed/ whatever illegal substance you can think of EVER made any of the guys that I know to behave like this:

At least four boys raped and committed multiple sex acts on the poor girl while wait on it… up to 15 people intermittently watched (cause they would come, see, leave and go tell other people what was going on). NOT ONE OF THOSE DEPRAVED BASTARDS CALLED FOR HELP. The authorities finally found homegirl under a bench after someone who didn’t see or participate happened to overhear one of the witnesses reminiscing about the incident finally called the po-po.

Reminiscing? Insert Dead Fish Eyes.

We all need to pray for that little girl. ‘Cause she ain’t never,ever, ever gonna be right after this. Gang raped at 15 in front o f a live audience? Like it was 106 and Park up in the bee-yatch? No ma’am.

As far as I’m concerned, her family members have every right in the world to spend all the waking hour of their LIVES finding and torturing each and every single solitary person that participated, watched or even thought they might of knew something about that ‘ish. Like on some real depraved SAW/ Law Abiding Citizen type nonsense.

Yeah, I said it.

good girl needs prayer

By Mitzi on October 20, 2009 in end of days, it ain't easy, tagging out

So I ( like countless numbers of you guys, I’m sure) just listened to Russian Roulette, the new single from ya girl Rih-Rih’s upcoming untitled album for the first time. Hmmmmm… how can I say this nicely?

This right here is the kind of song, that makes folks on the edge feel like slitting their wrists, videotaping it and posting it on youtbe.com might be a very sexy thing to do.

*Insert Dead Fish Eyes*

Like personally, I’d probably listen to this when I was in a funky mood and needed to force myself to cry so that I could get the hell over it or on repeat during those traumatic first 48 hours after a bad break-up. But for damn sure, not in a club. And while you’re at it, I’m not sure I even want to hear it on the radio too many times.

Shooot, life is hard enough without the suicide theme music.

we down with the ppp…

By Mitzi on October 14, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Here’s the thing-kids can be mean to one another.

It’s not always fair, but everyone understands that it’s just the way life is… But there’s a difference between being mean and being a goddamn psychopath. And I’m sorry but the three little future serial killers from Deerfield Beach, Florida that laughed about setting a fellow classmate on fire over an unpaid $40 debt are definitely the latter and deserve to be sharing a cell with a 6’5″ 350lb lifer named Big Bertha forreal, forreal.

Like seriously? That poor kid has severe burns on 80% freaking percent of his body. Physically and mentally, he will never be the same. I can’t even imagine the pain he’s in right now. Sigh.

And not for nothing, what kind of parents RAISE children that set people on fire? As far as I’m concerned they should definitely bear some of the responsibility when senseless tragedies like this occur. You know some sort of Poor Parenting Penalty where the parents pay a hefty monetary fine AND are sentenced to hard labor.

Cause bottom line- at some point, the B.S has to come to an end.

munchies like a mo-fu…

By Mitzi on October 5, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Err-um, what in the lowest-common-denominator-next-stop-is-the-crackhouse hell is happening in the suburbs??

According to the NY Daily News, over the weekend Norwell, Massachusetts authorities arrested a couple for assaulting a fellow patron outside their local KFC restaurant. Why? Apparently, homeboy, 31 year-old Jared Garfagna and his girlfriend, 24 year-old Sara Mohn became pissed off with the slowass service and the two started wildin’ out inside the restaurant. In response, this random dude asked/ told them to keep all that crazy screaming and cussin’ to themselves- for the sake of the children (aww, we love the good samaritan who sticks up for the kids).

Unfortunately, that didn’t go over as well with the ghetto Bonnie and Clyde. At. All. And when dude came outside, the two of them beat FIRE out of him!

Umm-hmm, the po-po said that Jared cold clocked the man upside the head while good ‘ole Sara got a couple of swift kicks in. Okay, maybe they didn’t say it EXACTLY like that but… Poor guy wound up with cuts on his eyelids and wrists. Ouch.

Seriously?? Over some damn fried chicken? Sigh.

KFC is the devil ya’ll.

tears of a clown…

By Mitzi on September 10, 2009 in it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Hmmm, so while President Obama was figuring out 50 different ways to politely shank the Republican party in that amazing speech on health care that he delivered last night, apparently former NJ Net Jayson Williams was up in the State Supreme Court falling out and LITERALLY crying poor.

Mind you, this the same dude who made at least $87 million bouncing a call around for a living. Uh-huh and now he’s talking ’bout, there’s no money and he’s broke. Feel free to insert blank stare with three blinks.

Err-um Jayson honey, I’m sure you thought that Obama was bringing the era of the lightskin man back but it ain’t get this far honey. At. All.

Granted, $200,000 (which is actually backdated 6 months to March ’09) is a whole lot of money for someone who probably had to barter his left testicle to cover all those criminal defense fees to pay in spousal/ child support. Mmm-hmmm… remember that messy trial? And the unfortunate taser incident shortly thereafter? Sigh.

But dude, ain’t nobody tell you to shoot that limo driver and then try and hide the evidence. And at the end of the day, there’s only so much sorrow that I can muster for someone who lists not one but THREE homes and an ownership in a professional lacrosse team amongst his assets.

Yeah, survey says- no thank you.

when boiling point isn’t hot enough…

By Mitzi on September 8, 2009 in end of days, it ain't easy, made for the maury show, tagging out

Can you imagine living in an apartment that smelled so bad, people assumed there was a DEAD BODY inside???

According to the NYPost, the cops were originally called to an apartment complex in Long Island City for a domestic dispute but the noticeable stench and dead flies outside of one of the other apartments caught their attention. So after knocking on the door and getting no response, they reported a possible dead body in the apartment.

Later in the day, fire fighters showed up to bust down the door and recover the corpse. And that’s when a very much alive tenant, Ming Li Sung surprised them by jumping out up from underneath piles of trash, and yelling “Get out! Get out!” *

But wait on it… Not only were police officers on the on the scene straight vomiting from the smell of rotting garbage but when they tried to remove the trash AN ARMY OF ROACHES ran out into the hall!!! Please feel free to insert image of me running in circles, screaming my head off and scratching myself to death right about NOW.

You know, there are so many things wrong with this situation, I don’t know where to begin…

First of all, how are you even able to breathe when the air is so stink that the flies are dying on the outside the apartment?? What you got, an extra pair of lungs?

Then all that jumping up out of the piles of garbage? No ma’am, this ain’t some Jason-Woorhees-meets- Micheal-Myers-in-da-hood-esque movie. That fool is lucky one of those firefighters didn’t split his head in two with a damn axe.

And the river of roaches flooding out of the apartment? Uh-uh… there ain’t no way. If you want to live amongst the roaches and rats your ass is more than welcome to hit the streets. Do NOT play yourself and move next door to me. Cause I am not the one. I would’ve been banging on that door night and day until your nasty ass did something about the tomfoolery.

Now please excuse me while I go take a scalding hot shower.

he makes my ears suicidal…

By Mitzi on August 3, 2009 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, tagging out

Ummm, you ever have the feeling that some folks just don’t know when to just be quiet? It’s like they keep going on just to hear themselves speak? Yeah, you too? Well this time, Vincent Nicholos Archbishop of Westminster in England, I’m talking about you.

According to Reuters, dude (who happens to be the Head of the Roman Catholic Church in England) is “concerned that excessive use of emails and mobile phone text messaging is creating shallow friendships and undermining community life.” Now, initially, I almost co-signed on his sentiment but then he had to go that extra inch and hit us in the head with his opinion”that popular social networking sites led young people to form “transient relationships” which put them at risk of suicide when they collapse.” Suicide? Really? Please insert blank look with three blinks.

Listen, I too wish kids nowadays spent waaaay more time running around, playing sports and being carefree than playing video games, talking on cells, sending IMs and stalking one another Myspace/ FB or whatever the hell is the cyberflavor of the month. But I can’t act like back in the day, I wasn’t up until all hours of the night talking/ whispering (’cause each Elsa caught me it was sure to be an ass whooping) on the 3-way call, beeping some cute boy on a those ginormous skytel pagers and acting like I was gonna literally die if my Dad didn’t click over every time the call waiting sound beeped. And guess what? I turned out just fine. So Father God forgive me if I think to imply that suicide is imminent if someone ‘un-friends’ you (especially when you’re the leader of a church) is a bit much…. Oh well.

Jesus be the bungee cord.

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