Mitzi Moments

Category: tagging out

the real king of new york…

By on July 29, 2009 in end of days, i die, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, that sense of entitlement

Wait a minute, why is Mayor Bloomberg so freakin’ GANGSTA??


According to this morning’s NYT, since Bloomberg Administration has not been able to curtail or reduce the problem of overcrowding in the city shelters over the past two terms they’ve now resorted to KICKING non-native homeless families up out of the city.  Yes sir… On some real live, ‘No. Actually, you can’t make it here. So please proceed to carry your ass the hell on back to wherever you came from.’  

Okay well maybe they’re not saying it like exactly that… But the good Mayor is funding a voucher program that “offers” to send entire homeless families anywhere outside of New York City a relative is willing to take them in. Mmm-hmmm…

And apparently there is no limit on how far these displaced families can go.  To date, one-way tickets have been purchased to 24 states and 5 continents including: Paris, Johannesburg, Orlando, San Juan and the list goes on.

But my favorite part?  They wanna act like they care about the well being of the families and that this not about getting the number of homeless down so that he can have a justifiable reason for seeking a third term.  talking ’bout it’s all voluntary and that “once a family  leaves New York, homeless service officials follow up with a phone call to make sure they arrive safely, then make a few more calls over the next two to three weeks.” Um, somebody please feel free to insert the hard side-eye cause I. Can’t. Take. It.

All I’m saying is… if it saves me tax dollars, I’m for damn sure not mad. But I see you Mike.  I see you.

wrong on so many levels…

By on July 2, 2009 in desperate cry for help, i'm not ready to be a grandmother, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Err-um, why is Ruby (my neighbor’s bad ass miniature chihuahua) pregnant AGAIN?  

Like seriously? Not for nothing, all that runt does is bark her head off, pee on my doormat and get knocked up.  She’s like the four-legged welfare queen of my building.  It’s too much.

So anyhoo, I go over to offer my congrats on the impeding births. Cause you know, rule number 1000001 to surviving life in the hood: do not judge. If you don’t think four dogs ( 2 chihuahuas and 2 pitbulls) in one cramped two bedroom apt isn’t already a lot, so be it. Have at it. 

But wait on it… don’t you know this hooker is knocked up by her own son from the last litter, Brownie!?!?!

Ruby + Brownie= a little bit of vomit in my mouth right now.

Jesus be the ASPCA because yours truly is DONE.

sure hope he had his drawers on…

By on June 24, 2009 in honorary white woman, it takes a village, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

In most cases, there’s nothing funny about police brutality.  Like, at all. But you know my motto- every day is a new opportunity to take it to the next level. Peep game:



Apparently, good ole Carl (who mind you, was recently voted District Officer of The Year) got wind of the fact that his estranged wife was screwing around at the crib with another man.  So naturally, as soon as he got off duty he headed over to ‘get things straight’. 

When he arrived on the scene, I guess homegirl was trying to be on some slick shit and refused to answer the door. (Can’t you hear her now- “Just ignore all that banging baby.  I told you, me and him not together no more.”)

Well don’t you know homeboy smashed a window, stormed in and charged up to the bedroom? 

Once in the bedroom, crazy ass Carl (you like how he went from good ole Carl to the crazy ass, right?) found the freaking Police Chief HIDING out in the closet and proceed to pistol whip and beat FIRE out of that ass.

DAYUM son. Can you say anger management issues? WTF??  I’m gonna need the Chicago Police force to turn off the R.Kelly and pull it together.  Not now, but RIGHT  NOW.

straight norman bates…

By on June 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, tagging out, too old for the road

Okay, you know what?  I’m gonna need folks to turn off the Law & Order marathons and step away from the TNT. 


Not now but RIGHT NOW.


This fool straight dressed up like his mother- wig, sunglasses, moo-moo and all, picked up his homeboy to play his part and the two of them headed down to the DMV and tried to get a new State ID for this woman. Mmm-hmm…

But wait on it… the real reason he even got caught is because when his mother’s home was sold into foreclosure (naturally, he wasn’t making any payments), he refused to vacate the premises and tried to sue the new owners-AS HIS MOTHER.

Uh-uh, I. Can’t. Lord, it’s too early in the week for this nonsense…

gravity is not my friend…

By on June 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Okay, real talk?  I think my breasts are shrinking! 

I used to be a very ample C/ borderline D-cup.  Nowadays, I’m only halfway filling out the C cups. And puh-lease do not make the bra cup structured…  they’re straight puddling in the bottom!!  What the hell!?!?!?
I keep trying on all my bras, adjusting the straps, twisting from side to side and the results are still the same- freakin’ Magda boobs. 
I feel so betrayed.  I LOVE the twins.  My market loves the twins. It’s not like I’ve lost considerable weight or been breast feeding anyone’s baby lately.  How are they gonna just up and deflate on me like this?  
I’m just saying… Don’t they know there’s a recession going on?  I can’t afford to replace all the cute underwear sets.  Sigh. And after all the exposure I’ve given them… ungrateful I tell you.
All I can say is, Jesus be the augmentation savings fund. 

blame it on the rain…

By on June 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Goodness this weather is blowing me. I swear, repeatedly waking up to gray skies puts me in the foulest mood. I don’t want to go nowhere, do nothing, talk to nobody, it’s awful.

Shoot, this crappy weather is probably why folks in Ohio have issues like a grown ass, 41 year-old man wearing a bright green woman’s one-piece bathing suit and construction boots harassing women in a public park.  
Yeah, you read that right.  
Apparently dude, was running up on random women and young girls and asking whether or not they liked his outfit. Really?  You’re looking for fashion advice? Sigh.
But the tomfoolery doesn’t stop there…  
In a completely separate incident, a woman caught a man wearing a purple bra and boxers breaking into her car.  Mmm-hmm…  The poor woman said, “I was actually kind of worried.  He was in a bra and boxers and going through my car.  I didn’t know what to think.” 
Yeah, I can see how that might be sensory overload.

not part of the vow…

By on June 4, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tagging out, the internet is the devil, too old for the road

Dayum, Craiglist just can’t catch a break!!

Not that either scenario is better than the other but at least the masseuse understood that every time she responded to an ad, there was the possibility of some craziness jumping off. This poor woman unknowingly went to sleep (mind you, their two kids were in the crib) and the man that was supposed to love her ’till death do them part set her up for the straight okey doke. Err-um, no thank you.

And what about the poor schlub who actually raped the victim? As much as rape role play ain’t never gonna be my type of hype, everyone is entitled to their own turn-on. HOWSOMEVER, there’s a gargantuan difference between fulfilling an extreme fantasy and actually committing the crime. This dude has to live with the fact that he RAPED someone for the rest of his life.

Jesus ring the bell…

say three hail mary’s…

By on June 3, 2009 in honorary white woman, tagging out, the internet is the devil, too old for the road

In yet another example of how close we are to the end of days, why was a U.S. Marine Corps Recruiter arrested for pimping out a 14 year-old to potential enlistment recruits??

Alledgedly, Staff Sgt. Bryan Damone Cunningham (Um, Bryan Damone? $50 says this fool is Black. Sigh. My people, my people puh-lease STOP watching Hustle & Flow) attempted to barter the girl to a pair of 18 and 19 year-old interested recruits as an incentive to sign the dotted line. Sick Perv.

But wait on it… According to the po-po, homegirl met Cunningham online and had sex with all three men. She also told the cops Cunningham wanted her to work as a prostitute and had tried to take her to Los Angeles County against her will.

So basically, she was down to have sex with all three but just didn’t want to go to Los Angeles? Uh-uh, I can’t.

Jesus be a 7-year stint in a convent far, far away.

like nino at the carter…

By on May 20, 2009 in it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Um, I’ll tell you where yours truly WON’T be going on vacation any time soon- Phoenix, AZ. Uh-huh, no thank you.  Not as long as the city is averaging ONE KIDNAPPING A DAY. Shiiiiiit. Can you imagine?

According to police reports, folks are being snatched out of their homes in broad daylight and tortured Hollywood style (they tried to cut one victim’s ear off, blowtorched his back and sodomized him with a pair of scissors) for some ransom money. Lord haf mercy.
The tricky part of the equation is that only a third, maybe less of the city’s kidnappings are reported because the cases are normally criminal-on-criminal.  The victims are generally smugglers, drug dealers or illegal immigrants. Sigh. Call me a punk but, I’d rather sit my ass in lockdown box for 25 years than have someone blowtorch my back.
But what makes my nerves bad are the senseless tragedies.  Like the 13-year old girl that was on her way to play basketball with a friend when she was mistaken for a drug dealer’s niece. Apparently, the kidnappers snatched her from the middle of a ‘quiet’ suburban neighborhood. Thankfully, she was eventually returned to her parents.  The report describes her as being relatively unharmed. Err-um, what the hell is “relatively unharmed”???
I’m telling you, it’s poppin’ off like the 80s out there.  Not fresh, at all party people.

just my thoughts…

By on May 1, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out

Soooo… how messy do we think Nas and Kelis’s divorce proceeding is going to be?  ‘Cause not for nothing, homegirl is seven months pregnant.  And whatever under the sun, made her drag her milkshake to the LA County Clerk and file the papers must be SOME SHIZZ-NIT- ya heard?

And not for nothing, am I the only who cannot WAIT till Danity Kane and all those dirty looking, barely talented chicks disappear from all media? I read the reviews of the “reunion show” that ran last night and it sounded like a HOT ASS MESS.  Yeah, I said it. Speaking of made for TV train wrecks…
Is Harlem Heights over?  I mean, I know I personally couldn’t make it past the first 20 minutes of the premiere episode.  Howsomever, there were quite a few of ya’ll (and I won’t call no names Monique and Daria) that got caught up in the tomfoolery. I’m curious to hear how the drama & confusion worked itself out.  Oh and I’ve been slipping on my Bravo reality show game. Is the Rachel Zoe Project even still on?  Cause you know, I DIED for that damn anorexic, neurotic, bi-polar, psycho stylist! And what are the best bridal shows on? There’s nothing like a a little Bridezilla to take my mind off of the fact that I’m so hungry I could eat my own tongue (yes party people, Operation Skinny Bridesmaid is still in full effect).
I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I’m kinda excited for this overcast weekend.    Cause all I wanna do is relax and zone out for a hot minute.  That, and go see the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie. Mmm-hmm…  Cause I LOVES me some X-Men movies and I can’t wait for all the ridiculous special effects. 
Well, whatever you do, have a fantastic weekend!

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