Category: Mitzi- all day every day

So I read the story about the Black former Gristedes van driver who basically ran over and killed a Hispanic woman in Brooklyn while he was driving drunk. The 29 year-old was married with three young children. Oh and wait on it… she was also three months pregnant.


BLANK STARE

I’m not going to get into how in his tipsy state, witness testified that dude was speeding and slowing down so that his boy could cat-call female pedestrians as they drove by. Seriously? No. I’m just going to say that I was happy as hell to hear that received 15 years in prison. At first. And then I was sad. really, really sad.

Why?

Because then I remembered a very similar DUI manslaughter case sentencing that took place only four months ago.

Equally horrific details- a married mother is mowed down while while hailing a cab. Except in that case, the driver was a White off-duty cop who was heading home from the bar with another cop when he ran over the Black woman. The victim was also a married mother. Oh and it definitely gets better… when the ON-DUTY cops (you know the ones that were supposed to protect & serve the victim) arrived on the scene, they not only advised said drunken officer not to take the breathalyzer-they also instead gave him a stick of gum, two bottles of waters and allowed him to leave the scene (to go home & sober up).

He received exactly 90 days in prison. Uh huh, you read that correctly, NINETY DAYS.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that dude who killed the pregnant lady should’ve gotten a lighter sentence. When you decide to drive under the influence, that’s the dangerous gamble you take. In this case, homeboy lost.

But, just so I’m clear lemme do the math:
Jan 2011 Black van driver kills Hispanic mother= 15 YEARS
Sept 2010 White police officer kills Black mother= 90 DAYS

Granted, I only made it as far as College Algebra but err um, the discrepancy seems like… a lot.


First the blackbirds fell outta the sky in Arkansas. Next, tens of thousands of fish washed up on shores from Maryland to Brazil. Then even MORE birds fell out of the sky and a mass of crabs washed up on the beaches of the UK. And now, just when government officials have finally concocted a half-way plausible global-warming excuse for all these unexplainable “natural disasters,” a healthy sow just delivered a TWO-HEADED calf in the country of Georgia.


SILENCE.

*starts digging underground fallout shelter with a spoon*

Hmm, this post is random. But bear with me, I’m a writer and therefore an avid reader. So certain things about words, irk the hell outta me. And I have to say, I found it extremely disturbing to learn that publishers have decided to remove all instances of the ‘n -word’ and the word, ‘Injun’ from upcoming editions of Mark Twain’s classic novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.


Huh???

According to CNN.com: The effort is spearheaded by Twain expert Alan Gribben, who says his PC-ified version is not an attempt to neuter the classic but rather to update it. “Race matters in these books,” Gribben told PW. “It’s a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.”

BLANK STARE

Okay, first of all, what the hell kind of Twain expert would actually believe that censoring the author’s work was the right thing to do?? The words that Twain used were selected ON PURPOSE and it was well written.

The novel takes place during SLAVERY. White people referred to slaves as niggers back then (and a whole bunch still do). Jim is a slave. Huck refers to him a nigga. AND??

What’s the confusion here? Why are folks pussy-footing around reality?? Because parents and adults don’t want to have honest conversations about this country’s embarrassing history of race with children??

But you’ll let them listen to hip-hop??

COME ON.

*sucks the back of teeth clean*

Wow, it is December 24th, Christmas Eve. Wow, almost an entire year has passed ALREADY. SMH.


This was definitely a tumultuous year for many- myself included. However, there are endless reasons to be thankful, happy and optimistic. So do me a favor and FIND at least ONE.

*patiently waits for you to figure it out*

And no matter who you’re with, where you’re at or whether you even believe in this over commercialized holiday season, at some point between now and December 31st, please stop & take a minute to simply breathe.

You deserve it.

Thank you all so much for rockin’ with me over the past year. I am so grateful for each and everyone of my readers. Whether you commented on the blog or simply called to say that I was a damn fool, your input matters. I am always happy to entertain.

Have a wonderful Christmas weekend party people!

Okay can I tell you how excited I am that Nick finally confirmed that Mariah is expecting AND more importantly, that the couple are having twins??


Because not for nothing, if fertility drugs and wilding out on chicken wings were the ONLY reason homegirl is waddling around looking like she has a mini-fridge strapped to her once flat tummy, I was going to be so, so sad for her… and the plastic surgeon that has to try and put it all back to together.

*shrug*

I’m jussayin. That snapback ain’t same when you’re over 40.

But riddle me this Robin, what in the eyesore HELL is Mariah wearing in this picture?

I promise you, that fugly ass, long-sleeve, school marm dress is cut from some raggedy bedazzled, lace covered, Christmas quilt material made in a sweatshop in China. It has too be. And the placement of the droopy satin bow? Right under what have clearly become her ample size EFZ boobs??

No ma’am Miss Mariah. I cannot.

For this, I’d MUCH rather she be back in her something from her rainbow colored collection itsy bitsy bullshit ass stretch dresses . At least that tomfoolery, I’m already mentally accustomed. Cause this craziness right here, is making my nerves bad. Lord…

*reaches for a handful of the little blue and red pills*

PS. I’m EXTRA mad at Nick for standing there, skinning and grinning while his wife looks like bloody road kill. You’re wrong for that Mr. Cannon. DEAD ASS WRONG!!

So naturally as soon my to-do list becomes longer than Kim Zolciak’s ratty hair extensions, I immediately try to find creative ways to procrastinate. And this morning’s tomfoolery of choice was purging my iTunes Library. Why? Well because every once in a while, a girl’s gotta delete some worthless Lloyd Banks nonsense to make room for some even more triflin’ Key$sha crap on her iPod.


Don’t judge me.

So anyhoo, in the midst of squandering precious periods of productivity, I came across an oldie-but-goodie that made me truly reflect on the type of music I’ve been shaking my behind to over the years: The Ying Yang Twins’ single, Wait (a.k.a. The Whisper Song).

Yo, was this craziness really a chart topping song? Forreal? Profanity-laced lyrics hoarsely whispered by two men who I wouldn’t want to shake hands with let alone “beat the pussy up”? SMH. I Can’t.

*swandives into the shallow end of the pool*

Oh and the worst part? As SOON as I pressed play my hips involuntarily started to twerk a lil’ something. Sigh. I hate myself.

Lord forgive us for our questionable musical taste. We know not what a dope beat will do. In the name of trashy hip-hop, stripper theme songs & the come-up of ugly men everywhere… Amen.

And the list of things to be thankful continues…


Today is the 55th Anniversary of Rosa Parks’ refusal to move to the back of a segregated bus in Montgomery, Alabama. A courageous decision that became the public fame which ignited the already bubbling civil rights movement.

Thanks to this woman’s strength, conviction and ability to see the big picture, generations of people’s lives-Black, White and everything in-between- have been changed.

I salute you Ms. Parks.

But err-um, speaking of the big picture… I sure hope that everyone reading this post continues to be vigilant about their personal health and well-being. You know the drill: ask as many questions about your partner(s) about past sexual history as you do about who’s posting what on their FB page, use condoms each and every time and get tested for AIDS regularly.

Although its wonderful to know that new medications appear to make living with the illness more manageable, I SURE wouldn’t want any of ya’ll to have to find out firsthand. Okay?

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOOONG BLINKS

Hola compadres!!!


Just a quick heads up that I’ll be taking the next week off to keep the official Double M 35th birthday bash going in Buenos Aries, Argentina!

Mmm-hmmm, beef, red wine & tango for everybody!!!

Until we speak again… Ciao chicas!

Oh shoot, oh shoot! Do you know what today is???


*cues Uncle Luke, turns volume ALL the way up & hops up on the nearest tabletop*

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go, Go Go, GO!!!

For a million and one reasons, I’m so excited and grateful to see thirty-five. It has been such an incredible journey filled with love, laughter, drama, confusion and most importantly, non-stop tomfoolery! And I appreciate every single person that’s contributed to my personal and professional growth along the way. I couldn’t have done it without you.

So while I continue to celebrate my personal New Year’s Day by grinning from ear-to-ear, spontaneously throwing my hands in the air and dropping it like it’s hot, feel free to join the party and twerk a little something for the kid.

Don’t stop, Get it, Get it… GET IT, GET IT!!

HOLD UP!


Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?

*GAG*

O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient… I can’t. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn’t the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I’m willing to bet all my birthday money that we’d have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth ‘roids didn’t have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.

*shrug*

I’m just saying.

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