Mitzi Moments

Category: going to hell in a handbasket

negroes and flies…

By on March 13, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, honorary white woman, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Between preparing for, hosting and recovering from the BFF and baby’s visit, I’ve been a tad out the loop. Which is the reason, I’m just now getting around to reading the story about the recently released text messages that stoopid ass Kwame Kilpatrick sent out on his government issued cell phone. And to be quite honest, we might all cringe at the arrogance of his behavior but on the low, low…

What you know about Kwame killin’ them hoes PROPER?

According to the court documents, there were 682 pages of text messages sent! Um excuse me, who got time to send that many damn text messages? Am I the only one who wants to know when the hell was this man ever WORKING??

Beyond the ridiculous number of texts, how ’bout what they actually said? In one breath he tells Christine Beatty (‘ole girl that’s still locked up behind this mess, while his ass was released early) that she is the “wind beneath my wings.” But like three exchanges later, he wants her “to talk to me while I do you. Tell me to lick faster, softer, higher, lower, etc.” Okay, perhaps I’m a little slow, but how you go from quoting Bette Midler to talkin nasty??

Then wait on it… 10 messages later, he’s telling the 2nd sidechick, Natasha Dooley that “my dick needs to be sucked. It’s been a while.” Oh yeah? Is that so Mayor Kilpatrick?

Granted, while all the above foolishness is popping off, the First Lady a.k.a Ms. I-Will-Beat A-Hoe’s-Butt-in-the-Mayoral -Office-If-I-Catch-U-Screwing-My-Husband inquires about the status of her Navigator. Jesus haf mercy.

Tyler Perry come get the script to your next straight to DVD movie!

Sidenote: Apparently, Kwame is now suing SkyTel for releasing the text messages. Umm-hmm… Talking about he wants $100 million for the violation of his privacy and constitutional rights. I swear I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to…

there are no words…

By on March 4, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, tapped out

Hmmm… so do you remember when that videotape of a 2 year-old girl being raped by a grown ass 34 year-old man mysteriously popped up in the Vegas desert about two years ago ? It was around the time all those little girls were being kidnapped and murdered across the country… and there was the intense nationwide manhunt for the dirty looking white dude with greasy hair and those nasty looking striped bed sheets?

Then when the authorities finally located the all the parties involved it was real nightmare operation- something like at the time, the girl’s mom was broke and homeless. So they were crashing at some random girlfriend’s crib for a couple of weeks. The guy, Chester Arthur Stiles was the friend’s trifling live-in boyfriend and he raped the baby while the mom and the friend were out kicking it. Or something real ‘Gone Baby Gone/ trailer-trashy mess like that…

Anyhoo, don’t ask me why I taught this sicko was already locked up under a jail but apparently he was just sentenced yesterday afternoon. Mmm-hmm, dude is looking at 22 felonies that carry multiple life prison terms in addition to an upcoming federal trial for producing child pornography that when he’s found guilty will carry a sentence of 15 to 30 years. Good luck.

You know, if they’re not gonna send Chester the Molester back to God for a do-over (’cause some folks really do need their interventions directly from the Big Homie) then I really hope they release his ass in to general population. NO, not because I want to see him tortured (although that is definitely a bonus) but rather because this is NOT where I want to see my tax dollars at work. I don’t want this scumbag to have a private cell, separate meals, take a shower at a different time, scratch his balls, not one damn thing different from all the rest of the folks I’m already supporting.

translator please…

By on February 24, 2009 in desperate cry for help, going to hell in a handbasket, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, this is that bull. Why is Keisha Cole’s greasy crackhead mama Frankie about to star in her OWN reality show? Mmm-hmm, apparently Frankie and Ke-Ke’s trashy sister Neffy have flown the coop and landed in their time slot on BET. Uugh.

Jesus be the ebonic subtitles on the bottom of the screen.

Oh and wait on it… apparently Frankie is also “writing” a book tentatively titled, 2 Sides of Every Story. Really??? I swear the definition of the word “writing” just gets broader and broader every day.

ain’t nothing wrong w an encyclopedia…

By on February 19, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, tagging out

So we’ve all heard about these shady college recruiters trolling social networking with the sole intention of catching kids in incriminating pictures and subsequently ruining their entire lives, right? You know the trajectory: a promising, all American, straight-A student whose done everything the right way her entire life doesn’t get accepted at the school of her choice because of a random topless photo she took with the Mexican pool boy during Spring Break in Cancun. Instead she is forced to stay home, attend a community college and wait tables for book money. Fast forward 5 years and she’s now the town drunk who’s always hanging out at the local bar talking about how she was voted Prom Queen? Straight tragedy.

But what you know about the Facebook Sabatoge?

Wait on it… that’s a new trend where cutthroat teens are now SENDING college recruiters the links to incriminating Facebook photos of their fellow peers just cut down on the competition! Take that, take that!

Mmm-hmm, you know what I think? Hell hath no fury like a stressed out, overachieving teenager trying to get into their first choice school! I thank my lucky stars every damn day that there was no such thing as cell phones, social networking or even an internet when I was in high school. Forreal, forreal.

Cause seriously? As far as I’m concerned, if the grades and extra-curricular are correct, the rest shouldn’t even matter. Damn the series of keg parties you and your friends organize in the school parking on Saturday nights. As long as you can sober up, put on a suit, and talk a good game when that snooty recruiter came for the home visit on Sunday evening, you deserve to go to college. This is America goddammit.

i’ll pay full price, thanks…

By on February 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, going to hell in a handbasket, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Not for nothing, this whole Chris Brown/ Rihanna situation is beyond tragic.

Two of our biggest music stars fighting in the street like a bunch of alley cats? No maam. If you ask me, both of their ill-behaved asses need a quick slap in the back of the head. Like, did you fools not get the memo that we have a Black President? Ya’ll ain’t the new Ike & Tina or even K-Ci & Mary! Puh-lease pull that shit together- not now but right now!!

And what’s really sad is that dude is only 19 years old. Chris is not even old enough to buy liquor and he’s already got a quick backhand? Seriously C-Breezy? Is this what you really wanna do? Cause last time I checked, you wasn’t nearly hood LIKE THAT. Humph. Well, if folks thought domestic violence amongst the teen and young adult demographic was just a good Tyra Show show topic, clearly you need to think again. It is very real out there….

may lightening strike…

By on January 15, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's in the genes, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue

I swear ‘fo God, I will never, ever, ever, ever talk about Black people and the names they give (or rather make-up for) their kids again. NEVER.

‘Cause you know what? Ain’t nothing wrong with the name Alexus Camry Laquanna Shalamieka Brown compared to JoyceLynn ARYAN NATION Campbell. Mmhmmm, you read that correctly- JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell is the forreal, forreal government name of some unfortunate white child.

Blame it on the pesky pinktoe sense of entitlement, but Mr. & Mrs. Campbell didn’t have a problem naming her or her two brothers-Adolf Hitler Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Campbell- after murderers and racist institutions. Five bucks say not nary a one will ever hold a government job…

But no worries, apparently because of the blatantly racist overtones of the kids’ names, the parents/ family landed on the Child Protective Services shit list. Go figure. And the other day, the kids were snatched out of the home for reasons yet divulged. Just like that.

Lemme find out all that legal eavesdropping on citizens that George Bush came up with turned out to be good for something…

not you…

By on January 12, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Um, WHY did the Mayor of Baltimore just get indicted on 12 counts of accepting illegal gifts, four counts of perjury and two counts of theft over $500? Seriously? 8 measly days away from the first Black President being sworn into office and THIS is what you wanna do Sheila Dixon?

Talking about, “I am being unfairly accused. Time will prove that I have done nothing wrong, and I am confident that I will be found innocent of these charges.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we already know the story S-Boogie. They set you up. They MADE you take the gifts. Umm-hmm, okay Mayor Berry… I mean Dixon. My bad. I dont know why I keep getting the names of all the crackhead Mayors mixed-up like that. So sorry.

Can I tell you? Initially, in the spirit of having hope and believing in change, I really, really wanted to belileve that there was a misunderstanding. But once I read the list of ‘gifts': fur coat, travel and multiple gift certificates for an XBox, PlayStation2, camcorder and clothes… Fur coat and an Xbox? Man listen, lock that trick up under the jail.

I swear, this is just further proof that everybody ain’t gonna make it into the promiseland.

don’t mess w her man…

By on December 29, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket, honorary white woman, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

God bless her heart, over the past eight years, Condoleezza Rice has never ceased to amaze. Talk about the forreal, forreal bottom chick, she holds dumbass W. DOWN!

Her ability to consistently turn a blind-eye to the atrocities of the current Bush administration are damn near unrivaled: Ridiculous tax breaks for the wealthy? Yup. Multiple cases of genocides around the world? Forget it. Spy on US citizens and torture prisoners for fun? Let’s do it. Invade a bunch of countries for kicks? I wanna jump out the plane after you. Sit back and watch thousands of Americans die in New Orleans? I’ll be in Sergio Rossi picking up those red pumps you like to see me in.

I mean, even poor Colonel Powell had to cry mercy, blame his wife and bail the hell out of the shit show.

But not Condoleezza. No maam. Ms. Rice is absolutely determined to take it to the finish line talking about “experts criticizing Bush “aren’t very good historians” and “people will soon thank George Bush for what he’s done.” Really Condi??? So this is how you want to go down in history? Sigh.

I swear, they don’t make ‘em like this anymore…

on second thought…

By on December 16, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there

Okay, so 77% are down to comfortable using toys/ games with our partners. Can’t say that I’m really surprised. Considering the world we live in, I’m willing to bet that the majority of the 22% whom responded not so much, only said that because they’re too chicken to bring it up themselves and no one’s suggested yet.

You know, kinda like the quiet “good” girls who are really just waiting for any boy to look their way so the slut out missions can commence?

In hindsight, a more interesting question might have been, have you ever tried to get it popping with the toys and totally get shut down? Read: your partner freezes up and looks like you suggested inviting his/her mom into a 3-some? Talk about akward.
And if so, how the heck do you recover from that? Do you simply laugh and say, ‘Just kidding’ really fast? Cause the way I see it, if the person feels all offended like your suggestion is a personal insult (i.e ” I don’t play those reindeer games! I can’t believe you think I’m that type of guy/girl!!!”), the whole hook-up could be a wrap. Forreal, forreal…

when pink toes attack…

By on December 1, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket

Move over Shanna Moakler and Sara Palin, there’s a new patron saint of poor white trash in town. It seems, Cindy Guyer, a model for covers of err-umm romance novels like “Rebellious Bride,” allegedly attacked her estranged husband, Andrew Catapano’s mistress at his fraud trial at Brooklyn federal court.

Apparently, the jump-off arrived before Cindy and seated herself in the front row of the court. When Cindy saw her, she immediately started cutting up (’cause old girl was what? out of her lane). And as soon as the court took a break, she ran and snatched homegirl up in the hall.

The best part is, if convicted of the husband is looking at 10 years. And call it intuition but my money says, not nam one of those broads is gonna be catching the gypsy van up to Sing-Sing for a conjugal visit.

Sigh, this might’ve just made my day.

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