So I get the random text from Crystal last night telling me to turn on NBC and watch this new reality show they’re previewing called, Mamas Boys. Where, if I’m to understand the premise correctly, overprotective mothers help select the right girl for thier ‘perfect’ sons to date. Ummmm… okay.
If it sounds like the Bachelor with his crazy momma in tow to you; don’t worry, that’s the same thing I thought. And for the record, I haven’t had the slightest interest in watching The Bachelor since that crazy man married that Norwegian airline stewardess (wasn’t her name Darma or something like that?) live on national TV five seconds after his fugly identity was revealed. Only to then find out he was a total looney tune and dead broke. Do you remember that? But I digress…
So anyhoo, I’m watching and playing along as the women in the brothel (there are 32 grownass women living in 1 house) get all excited to first meet the men (three random white guys with whatever looks and obviously inflated egos) and then their moms (yawn).
Don’t you know, it’s all fun and games until in walks the wildcard- the racist mother. Yes they did. Some squat, white, half-illiterate Catholic woman named Mrs. B who doesn’t want any race or religion mixing for her precious, pure-American, only son… Who if you ask me, looks like he’s half Puerto Rican with all the extra fuzzy hair and dark skin. But wait on it.
Instead of keeping it moving, WHY did this black chick named VITA, decide that b/c she is an Iraq War vet that fought for everyone in this country, she was going to be the one to confront old girl? Homegirl rolls on the mom and righteous talking about, I think you should apologize to all of us for thoe racist comments you made. Cause I’m in the military and I protect the people like you!”
Well don’t you know KKK Queen was having none of it. She was like, “Um , excuse you? First of all, I didn’t tell you to enlist. So that’s your problem! And for the record, I have five black friends. So I am not a racist. And no, I will not apologize! Matter of fact, my skin is darker than yours, so F- You Bee-yatch!!” And then she turned around and walked away.
Yes, you read that correctly. She straight up called Vita the B-word and BOUNCED.
I swear, it was like a modern day version of that classic Eddie Murphy RAW monologue where the short wite Italian guy goes to see Rocky in the movie theater, loses his mind and makes the mistake of going hard with the big black dude. Except this was an old white woman and in a complete flip of fate, she SHUT THAT HO DOWN.
Vita was looking all kinds of flabbergasted and confused. Not nam one of the chicks that popped that mess with her earlier when they were discussing ‘what they would do when they laid eyes on the mom’ said word the first. It was like, “Uh-uh, you on your own my sister”… Damn.
You see what gentrification has gotten us? Mmm-hmm, I hope you’re satisfied.
