Mitzi Moments

Category: work it white girl

turning the other (ass) cheek…

By on August 9, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, work it white girl

Okay, this PRICELESS:


So for the past four years, there’s been this ongoing battle in Ohio between a local strip club and the Evangelical Church that moved into a nearby property.

According to the various news reports, since the New Beginnings Ministries set up shop they’ve been trying to run the strip club out of the neighborhood. Talking about, “this is a battle between good and evil…”

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Good and evil? Huh? It’s a regular strip club featuring adult women, not some illegal underground child sex slave trading depot! Again, the strip club was there BEFORE the congregation moved in.
Anyhoo, in typical extremist fashion, they’ve resorted to lowbrow intimidation tactics. You know standing out front with blow horns, screaming at the patrons and women that work there, signs with bible verses on them and the protesters have even videotaped the license plates of the club’s customers to post on the internet.

So evidently, the strippers got finally sick of the Pastor,his followers and all their Bible busting sheenanigans cutting into the take home. And they decided to return the favor and freaking protest the Church!!

Mmm-hmm, this past Sunday a bunch of the working ladies got dolled up (or as dolled up as a low-budget Ohio stripper can be) in next to nothing and headed down to morning service with a few signs of their own.

HILARIOUS

PUH-lease go to DListed for the video. It’s fantastical. The righteous ass Pastor Bill, the skanky stripper and the poor woman holding her baby while she tries to run into Sunday service.

eye on the prize & the crazy white woman…

By on June 21, 2010 in cuteness kills, Mitzi- all day every day, work it white girl

So today is the first day of the Catherine Malandrino summer sample sale. Normally, I’d be dancing on table tops in eager anticipation of all the beautiful goodies that I was about to score at 40-60% off retail.


Howsomever, out of respect for my 2010 personal savings goal (oh you know, to have some sorta savings to leave behind for my kids when I kick the bucket), I will not be attending.

SILENCE

For those that know me and how happy those dresses make me, this is a tragedy that borders on epic proportions. READ: had it not been for the long, hard come to Jesus with my accountant AND my therapist, I’d probably put my damn self on suicide watch for the next three days.

*inhales deeply and exhales slowly*

Yes, it’s that serious to me.

Perhaps the only thing helping me through my self-imposed shopping fast is the fantastic news that the third season of The Rachel Zoe Project featuring my favoritest fashion bish of all time, Rachel Zoe kicks off on August 3rd. WOO HOO!

And wait on it… come Fall 2011, that neurotic lunatic will be launching her own fashion line including apparel, accessories and shoes. OMG, I DIE!

*the angels start to sing*

Whew! Okay, frivolous girlie moment is over, back to work.

long way from the drummond’s crib…

By on June 8, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, made for the maury show, tapped out, work it white girl

WOWOW… so Gary Coleman’s scary snaggletoothed ex-wife done sold photos of the man on his death bed to The Globe tabloid ???

PAUSE
Real talk? I’m actually at a loss. I don’t even know what to say to that… Who does that???

CONTEMPLATIVE SILENCE

And not for nothing, here my dumbass was trying to give that maniacal lookin’ bish the benefit of the doubt since we all know Gary used to whoop that ass coming and going. Okay? But crazy is crazy…

I mean, first it was the call to 911 where she straight up tells the emergency services operator that she absolutely will not go help resuscitate Gary because “there’s blood everywhere and its just too much.” Then come to find out, homegirl wasn’t even married to the little man no more. Next, she’s all up on TV denying rumors of involvement before folks even had the presence of mind to start talking? And now, she’s fighting the family over burial rights!

DEAD FISH EYES

Lord… Jesus be the next Lifetime movie of the week.

historically correct, politically dead wrong…

By on May 24, 2010 in desperate cry for help, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

Damn Fergie Ferg… SMH. I know times are hard on the royal boulevard since that Weight Watchers gig ran out in 2007 but seriously, you really have to do better. Trying to extort random folks that want to meet your ex-husband to the tune of £500k? Fail. You look so crazy right now… Talking about you’re an aristocrat. Way tacky, mama.


Although, truth be told, this type of underhanded behavior is how most aristocrats historically made money- through connections and familial influence as opposed to actual work. So perhaps you almost had it right. Almost.

*kanye shrug*

when you see me w the ugly dude…

By on May 6, 2010 in cuteness kills, desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

About a week or so ago, the patron saint of skanky chicks Courtney Love announced on Letterman that back in the day she frequently boned Gwen Stephanie’s fine ass husband Gavin Rossendale. Not really newsworthy except for the implication that Gavin was definitely dating Gwen when these alleged liaisons popped off.


*gags violently*

But honestly, aside from this being a mental picture that most of us would’ve easily lived our entire lives without, its not THAT big of a deal… Dirty chicks get around.

DEAD FISH EYES

But what I do find interesting are C-Love’s more recent comments about the glorious life of her va-jay-jay. Apparently the in a interview for FUSE, the self-proclaimed sex goddess credits her prowess in between the sheet to her jacked up grill. READ: she’s good a good lay because she’s got a face her mamma doesn’t even love.

*crickets*

You know, I’ve often heard my male friends discussing the pros and cons of keeping an ugly chick on stash for this very reason. Back in the day, they called it the paper Bag Theory- its a better lay as long as you don’t look at the face. *don’t judge us*

But I have to say, I didn’t really believe most of them. I always figured women went hard when 1) she liked the person she was having sex with and 2) the dude made it worth the effort. And if they’re so called ‘pretty’ girlfriend was a lazy lay it was because she was, well…. you do the math.

But maybe I was wrong. What do you think? Are “ugly” chicks (and dudes) swinging from chandeliers to distract from their appearance? Cause if so…

*adds homely right below STD-free on the list of qualities I’m looking for in a summer jump-off*

I’m just saying.

white girls jumpin on the kanye workout plan…

By on May 3, 2010 in cuteness kills, keep hope alive, work it white girl

Lord haf mercy! Misty, muggy spring days make me sleepy. And I’m thinking the three blueberry/ banana pancakes I just scarfed down prob didn’t do much to help. Sigh.


*discreetly wipes syrup from my chin*

But I gotta tell you, all the itis in theWORLD didn’t stop me from doing a double take at this picture of Jessica Simpson and Gabourey Sidibe taken at the this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner.

Yo.

What is going on with Jessica Simpson? Like seriously, I get the whole, I ‘d rather be healthy than a dry-heaving bulimic mess bandwagon she’s riding now that her albums are doing double dust. But the day a former pin-up girl stands beside the girl who played Precious and she DOESN’T look like a rail? Oh uh-uh… Somebody in her camp needs to call Celebrity Fit Club and make the magic happen.

No offense.

Granted, it probably doesn’t help that Gabby seems to have lost weight from the time she was doing promotions for the film but still… I saw the Essence cover. Homegirl ain’t lost that damn much.

BLANK STARE

And I don’t know if it’s the plain Jane shoulder length hair, the awkward way her right arm pinned to her side or perhaps bright yellow boat neck dresses that hit the ugly spot right below the kneecap just aren’t Jessica’s thing… All I’m saying is there’s got to be a better way.

*cough* and it probably starts with sit-up or two *cough*

it aint right but i understand…

By on April 15, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it ain't easy, made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

Please don’t let the recent jump in the Dow Jones fool you. Unfortunately, hard times from this international recession seem to be far from over. And therefore, we should all continue to be on the lookout for the crazy. Cause just when you least expect it, it’s out there.


Case in point: The 65 year-old woman in Amsterdam that felt like she had been overcharged on monthly utility bill.

Apparently grandma tried to contact the utilities company to dispute the outrageous bill (which was almost $84,000 American bucks) but the electricity got cut off before she could make the call. So when the utilities worker showed up talking about he was gonna cut off all her service, don’t you know homegirl LOCKED THAT ASS UP!?!?!?

CRICKETS

Mmm-hmm, talking about, she wasn’t letting him turn off a damn thing until the company addressed the cause of the overpayment and set up some sort of payment plan. But wait on it… why the police had to come and arrest ‘ole girl before she was willing to let dude go??? I can’t.

Imagine trying to explain to your family and friends that you were trapped and locked up by a damn senior citizen. DEAD. I know that dude was pissed! Here he probably thought it was going to be an in-and-out job. At most, lasting no more than 15 min. Uh-uh, not even close… Senior Sally was on some straight Stephen King, MISERY type ‘ish. Trapping folks like wild animals!

Tell you what- I don’t care what his salary was before this, they just don’t pay enough for the crazy I tell ya. Nope, not at all.

keep ya enemies close…

By on April 12, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, i die, keep hope alive, using our powers for good, work it white girl

I went to bed thinking that I was going to HAVE to write today’s post about the ridiculousness that is the new VH1 reality show, Basketball Wives. I mean, how can the show honestly say it offers an insider’s view of the trials & tribulations that accompany marriage to a high profile basketball player when only one of the six participants is married. And even more importantly, I don’t recognize her husband at ALL (shoot, there’s not even a wikipedia entry on dude).


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Seems like the show should be described as an insider’s view of NBA bitterest baby mamas, ex-girlfriends, ex-fiancees and ex-wives. Cause it certainly looks like the game got the best of this group of women. I don’t care how much money or plastic surgery you have, it won’t ever disguise that run-thru / over-compromised appearance of woman whose been used up in her prime and discarded with zero respect. I’m just saying.

But THEN, I saw the CNN news story about the latest beef between the United States State Department and the Russia Government. Apparently Russia is threatening to shut down ALL adoptions to families in America not now but RIGHT NOW. Why you ask?

Well, apparently some random white couple in middle America decided that the 7-year old Russian kid they adopted was some type of violent psychopath. Talking about the little boy had a list of people that he wanted to hurt and number one on the list was his American mom.

WOAH

And so they what? Sent that little serial killer right back to the motherland all by his damn self. Mmm-hmm… just. like. that. But wait on it… Before putting him on the plane the adoptive father, Torry Hansen packed a one-sentence note in homeboy’s backpack talking about:
“I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends and myself I no longer wish to parent this child.”

OMG, if this ain’t the damn storyline from Orphan, I don’t know what it is. SMH. Tell you what, I’ll take me a little knucklehead from the hood a million times over before I start searching for some damn foreign baby that can’t even say I hate you in English. No offense.

*starts tossing holy water like I’m popping champagne*

tardy to the party…

By on March 23, 2010 in honorary white woman, it ain't easy, keep hope alive, made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

Uh-oh, it looks like married women are no longer turning a blind eye on this recent mistress/ sidechick uprising that’s been popping off on a la ESPN’s Steve Phillips, Tiger Woods & most recently, Jesse James.It seems a humiliated 60 year-old North Carolina woman sued her ex-husband’s mistress for 9 MILLION dollars for willfully wrecking thee 33-year long marriage. Oh and guess what? She won.


Puh-lease don’t ask me how I missed this in yesterday’s NY Post… But thank God for Young, Black & Fabulous, huh?

So now forreal, forreal, what do you think? Should a wife/husband be able to sue the home wrecker that ends a marriage? Theoretically, she/he is NOT the person who signed the legally binding marital contract. Or more importantly, the individual who promised in front of God, family and friends to be faithful to the union? Hmm…

Whether we like it or not, ‘ish happens. To play devil’s advocate, there are many times when the other person isn’t even aware of the marriage. And in those SPECIFIC cases, I’d prob say get you a top of the line divorce lawyer and call it a day.

BUT…

If it can be proven that some no-home-training- having individual was deliberate and malicious in their intent- have at it. Leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to make that person’s life a living nightmare.

It is what it is.

now thats sex-sy…

By on March 4, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good, work it white girl

Normally when I turn to the Style Network it’s a lazy Saturday on the couch. As I lay around, flipping the channel, I’ll sometimes wind-up watching one of their many kitchy reality shows like- How Do I Look?, Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? or if I’m in the mood for a whole lot of bobblehead-type action, Giuliani & Bill. That’s about it. But the other night, I happened to tune into their original series, Ruby. You know the one about 500+lb woman, Ruby Gettinger’s ongoing struggle to lose weight? And all I can say is O-M-G.

This might be one of the best reality shows EVER. I don’t know if it’s her heavy Southern accent or her extra girly/ prudish ways (which seem so hilarious on a this grown ass now 350lb woman) but I am in LOVE with Ruby.

When she talks about wearing dresses to hide her weight (um, who hasn’t done that?) or being embarrassed to have her ex-boyfriend Denny who is like a personal trainer or some such nonsense see her wearing a bathing suit, I promise you my heart aches. And then, in the very next breath she’s being hilarious and making fun of herself and having a better time than most folks I know… Sigh. It’s fantastic.

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