Category: supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Uh-huh all you “I’m-healthier-than-thou-because-I-eat-sushi-and-do pilates” people better watch yourselves. Apparently everyone’s favorite anal agent, actor Jeremy Piven aka ‘Ari’ from HBO’s Entourage was recently hospitalized from the elevated levels of mercury in his diet. And doctors are blaming his illness on the large amount of fish in his diet. Forreal, dude had to withdraw from ‘Speed-the-Plow,the Broadway play he was starring in and the whole nine. God grief. Is the salmon and swordfish that serious?

Mmm-hmm, that’s why I’m sticking to the roasted chicken from my local Dominican takeout. Cause the only thing you ever get from El Malecon is overcharged.

I have super fantastic news!!!!!! My latest book, HOTLANTA has been nominated for an African American Literary Award for best children’s book!! WOO HOO!!!!! Go Mitzi, it’s ya birfday! Go Mitzi, get busy!! Go, Go, Go, GO!!! (Feel freel to insert mental image of me popping cheap champagne bottles, doing the running man while my co-author does one-handed cartwheels).

Needless to say, winning an award like this has the potential to be a VERY BIG DEAL!! So what we really, really need for you to do, is to log on, VOTE for our book and TELL someone that I don’t already know. Like right now. Seriously.
So stop reading and click:

I said good bye to last bit of my youthful innocence and upgraded my no camera-no-internet-no-nothing cell phone to a Crackberry. Hasta la vista ‘unable to check my email’ messages, your girl has officialy given up her right to be totally checked out.
My therapist assures me that makign this change will relieve some of the anxiety I’ve been experiencing lately everytime I find myself away from my computer for more than an hour but we shall see. Personally, I think a long vacation on a beautiful white sand beach probably could have acheived the same result but that ‘s just my opinion. Sigh.

Okay, so my girl Deja (who happens to be the dopest midday radio host in NYC- check her out Mon- Fri on Power 105.1), invited me to come up to the station this afternoon and talk to the group of teens that she mentors about HOTLANTA. And can I tell you? I thought I knew how nonchalant teenagers can be about everything, but I had NO idea.

Okay, these kids don’t read magazines, don’t really watch TV-except for College Hill but they hate 106 & Park, think sorta Oprah is cool but Tyra is the answer and prefer Rhi-Rhi over Beyonce. Apparently their days outside of school consist of jobs/sports/ hanging out, doing homework (I hope), working on their myspace pages, watching videos on Youtube and texting to one another CONSTANTLY.

Can I tell you how out of the loop I felt? I was like, well what about CosmoGirl, Seventeen or VIBE? Nope. Do you log on to prezhilton, bossip and The YBF? Huh, what’s that? When I brought up going on the radio to publicize the book, they were like, “Yeah, do that. Oh and by the way, I listen to the radio between 6 -7am.” 6-7am???? No maam. Can’t nothing good come out of my mouth before 8am. SIGH.

But I refuse to be intimidated. Somebody is buying the Gossip Girl, the Clique and all those Meg Cobot books, got dammit. And if a pinktoe can do, so can I!!!

Now, will somebody please tell me how to contact the booker at Tyra’s show?

Well, what are you waiting for? Don’t walk, RUN to your nearest B&N or Borders or local black-owned bookstore and purchase a copy or two. IF it’s not there, ask for it and create a demand. If you see teens lurking in the area, tell them to cop it.
If you’ve already made the leap and bought a copy, puh-lease do me a favor and convince someone that I DON’T know to buy a copy. It’s only $8.99 online. Stop actin’ like you don’t know how to strong arm a ho!!!
Then after you do all of that (’cause you know black folks never when to leave well enough alone), head over to amazon.com and post a comment. I want to have a least 10 comments by the end of the week to boost are ratings back up.

Check out my co-author Denene Millner doing her HOTLANTA song and dance in author Connie Briscoe’s blog today:

http://www.conniebriscoe.com/

Why is it that I can never get out of Target without spending AT LEAST $100!?!? No matter how many times I give myself the ‘I’m just going to run in and get out’ pep talk, it hasn’t happened yet.

Perferct example: Last night: I went to Target to buy a towel. A single towel. Just ONE single towel that got ruined in the last unexpected bathroom leak (cause you know I needed the receipt to deduct from this month’s rent that I’m paying when? Today). So anyhoo, understanding that I have a problem, I purposely didn’t arrive at Target until 15 minutes before closing (reasoning to myself that if the store is closing there should be all kinds of annoying “keep it moving shorty/ get up out of here/ the store is closing in 15 min announcements” to keep me on track). Well don’t you know Target doesn’t make closing announcements? So next thing I know it’s 9:15p and I’ve not one but TWO towels, a new floor mat/ toilet cover set, matching handtowels, a giant lint roller and replacements, face moisturizer, headbands, pancake syrup, and a seashell shaped candle holder. DOES THIS EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE? My total came to $98.51 minus the ONE towel. Um, why am I acting like there’s not a recession popping off? Didn’t my financial planner just give me the extra side-eye when we had our retirement planning meeting the other day (heeey Anthony!)? Sigh, I give up. It’s true, I’m addicted to Target

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