Category: supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi… I know it’s hard to stay relevant in television these days. Especially when you’re a visibly aging weather girl for the weekend evening news report show.

(SIDEBAR:. I so didn’t even know there was a evening news broadcasts on the weekends! Who’s watching the news on a damn Saturday??)

But sweetie, filing false rape reports is not the way to way to do that sunshine.

Personally, I believe you should serve every last day of that year long jail sentence. Perhaps that will give you some time to think about all the ACTUAL rape victims whose REAL cases weren’t being investigated while the police went on this wild goose of yours.


Oh and good luck with that job suspension… Seems like a shitty economy to be playing the reindeer games with your livelihood. Sure hope your attention-seeking ass saved up for a rainy day.

Yesterday afternoon I came across a well written criticism of Kanye’s West upcoming video, Monster. (Read it HERE) The writer, Melinda Tankard Reist takes serious issue with all of the dead bodies strewn throughout the promo. And not just because it’s kinda distasteful to have corpses literally hanging around from the rafters, but be really because, from the clip it seems that all the bodies are women. And truth be told, there is a certain unavoidable subliminal message conveyed when the only bodies being desecrated and discarded are female. It’s called gendered violence.

Now with all that said, I actually respect Kanye’s willingness to take everything to the limit- even if it makes folks question whether you have a thing for necrophilia. BLANK STARE.

Shoot, it takes a lot to make a hit song that really sticks with folks nowadays.

So, I’m not jumping to judgement until I see the entire video. And I’ll also keep my fingers crossed that there are a bunch of dead male bodies chilling in Nikki Minaj’s segment. To make it equal and whatnot…


But morning, I got to reminiscing about the days that it didn’t take FOUR people and a graphic ass video to make a song memorable. You know, when ONE dope ass rapper could create a banger that was so hot you didn’t even need the video (that was clearly conceptualized ny people under the influence of more than a little licca and probably cost all of $50).

Exhibit A: Redman’s ‘s Time 4 Sum Aksion

Keep it real, if you were older than 8 years old at the time that this song dropped, it was your shit. Forreal. And if you weren’t, get into it now.

Oh, by all means, feel free to thank me later.

The first time I watched this video of Puff running through the freezing cold streets of New York City promoting his new album like a bootlegger in the barbershop, I didn’t understand why he was putting himself through it. The man is like a thousand years old, wearing an old school varsity jacket, talking “take back the streets.” From who? How? Man listen. Sean, go sit your behind down somewhere and manage Nikki Minaj. We all know, Last Train to Paris is never going to be chart topper. Might as well, let go, let God and start working on the next season of Making The Band.

BUT THEN, I heard about SouljaBoy’s album only selling 13,000 copies TOTAL in the first week out. Woah.

There’s an average selling album and then here’s a TOTAL BELLY FLOP. SouljaBoy selling less copies than the number of people that live within the 5-block radius my neighborhood is a TOTAL. BELLY. FLOP.


13,000 copies?? A number like that makes you question whether his own family bothered to buy the album. I’m just saying.

*kanye shrug*

And you know what, Diddy I get it. You better be on the sidewalk running down white folks and making them promise to pre-order copies of your album. Matter of fact, if I was you, I go find those shiny suits you and Mase used to rock and get to dancing.

And the magic number is: 13,001.

Let’s Go!!!

Just a quick note to ask everyone to say an extra prayer for all the TWO MILLION people that will be losing their unemployment benefits as of today because our government couldn’t put aside their differences and agree on an extension period.

Many of them are educated, responsible citizens with children who have been looking for work in a barren job market since 2009.

It’s not a good look. Seriously.

*stares directly at all the conservative Democrats, Republicans and Tea Party congressional members going hard while people go hungry*

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister’s atrocious dancing skills “faggots” and “so gay?” Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed “strict Christian morals and values?”

Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it… then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, “you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

Sources talking about they’re just baby bears protecting the Mama Grizzly.


Honestly? I can’t.

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn’t fall too far from the tree? Don’t either of these girls have something better to do like I don’t know… go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, …


Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?


O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient… I can’t. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn’t the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I’m willing to bet all my birthday money that we’d have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth ‘roids didn’t have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.


I’m just saying.

Uuugh, I’m going for my annual check-up this morning. I guess I should say biannual cause as juvenile as it sounds, I really only go to see a regular physician when I have a cold that just won’t go away.

Case in point: this nagging sore throat that’s been killing me and my right ear for the last 3 weeks.


But as bad as I feel, don’t think anyone in America feels worse than Meg Whitman. $140 million dollars of your own personal funds is a lot of money to blow just to get outted for employing an illegal immigrant as your maid (so cliche), being a heartless corporate bee-yatch and ultimately lose your campaign.

Damn ma.

You just know that her family is looking at her like she has about three heads right now. Oh wells… Good luck with that.

Wow, remember when Jennifer Lopez was truly relevant? *crickets* Yeah don’t feel bad, took me a minute to think that far back too.

In retrospect, for a typical looking, auto-tune dependent, round-the way Latina from the ungentrified side of the Bronx, who knows she owes her life to the untimely death of Selena, J.Lo sure did have a good little run there. *shrug* I’m just saying.

Anyhoo, it seems J.Lo is back trying to be relevant- again. In addition to signing with Def Jam, it was just announced that she will be the new celebrity judge on American Idol (how ironic is that??), and she’s got a new album in the pipe. The first single, featuring the Dream and Rick Ross is entitled, Run The World.


All I’m going to say is that if I never, ever, ever hear Jenny sing another “Bonnie-n-Clyde, I -Gotcha-Back-Boo, Ride-or-Die Chick” Anthem again it will be too soon. Especially since we ALL know she’s the FIRST one to bounce on a negro when po-po comes knocking. Mmm-hmm, just ask Puff.

*cough*disloyal bish *cough*

But enough of what I think, feel free to strain your ears/ check it out HERE.

Lord have mercy, ya’ll voyeuristic animal lovers are gonna learn to leave these wild animals alone I tell you.

First the tiger in the little Miami wildlife park and now, the lion at the MGM resort in Vegas done attacked and bit one of its trainers in the leg. And again, the whole thing is caught on camera by nosey onlookers

Experts talking about the trainer seemed to stiffen up when the lion looked at him. And in the wild, that’s a sign of aggression. So like a teenager, was simply trying to show his dominance.


Um, I assume that this man is a trained profession, correct? (Hence why he was getting in the glass container with these cats to begin with.) So why wouldn’t he know not to “stiffen up” if that’s all it was? Uh-uh, sorry bruh. I don’t believe you. I think this lion-just like that tiger that jumped the 14-foot fence- was just tired of the shenanigans. The End.

Although quite honestly, my favorite part is the lioness jumping on the back of the lion like, “CHILL negro! You know how fickle these damn humans are. One minute you’re their main attraction and the next, they’re euthanizing that ass!!”‘

ROFL ROFL Yes, I’m an idiot….

But so are the folks that think it’s cute to keep a grown lion and lioness in a oversized fishbowl for tourists to ogle. So there.

Well lookey here- The ‘Bed Intruder Song’ (the tomfoolery based on Antoine Dobson’s hood ass interview after his sister was attacked in her bedroom that was cobbled together by a quartet of white musicians from Brooklyn) just hit the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Mind you, the track has sold more than 91,000 copies on iTunes and was at no. 39 on the iTunes chart last week.

Yo. Not to be funny but did Usher’s new single featuring Jay-Z even sell that much?

And wait on it… When asked by the NYT the reason for the viral video’s crossover success, one of the creators explained,The bar is getting lower for creative artists to break into the mainstream.”

Mmm-hmm, just. like. that.

*makes the sign of the cross and pours out a lil’ licca for the careers of Ciara, Maya, Ameriee, Mario, Lloyd, & all the rest of the 1-name wonder wannbes.*



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