Mitzi Moments

Category: made for the maury show

the face of privilege…

By on May 17, 2010 in it's in the genes, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, that sense of entitlement

In another one of those classic, who does ‘ish like this with all the access to the modern day information highway? Connecticut Attorney General Blumenthal who is currently running for a seat in the United States, has been caught BLATANTLY lying about his service in Vietnam. And not like, he was saying he was on the front lines but really he was on e of the lucky ones that made it to the rank of an officer and served his time in a remote office. Nope. Homeboy never even stepped FOOT in Vietnam… to tune of at least five deferments over the course five years.


BLANK STARE WITH THREE SLOOOOW BLINKS

Now this grown ass fool is saying that while “his intention has always been to be completely clear and accurate and straightforward, out of respect to the veterans who served in Vietnam,” he might have “misspoken” about his service during various.

Misspoken? Really? So is that what lawyers and politicians are calling lying nowadays? Hmm… duly noted.

The sad part, is I’ll bet there were a WHOLE lot of young men who fought and were injured in that war and families that lost loved ones whom probably WISH they could’ve gotten one, let alone FIVE deferments from the draft. Shaking my head.

*cough, LAME, cough*

everyday a star is born…

By on May 4, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day

Okay, today’s post is courtesy of my homie G-Payton. Who bless his little heart, keeps my inbox full of the tomfoolery. For those who have had the pleasure of viewing the ‘Yes Dance’ video (an earlier GP jewel), you already know. So please do not ask me where, how or WHY he found this particular video. But please be clear- my mouth remains WIDE OPEN.


It’s just so… I’m feel so… I mean, are these dudes straight? Even if they’re not hetero, as grown men, how do you even coordinate something like this???

Wait, wait, I know! It probably went a little something like this:

Boy 1: “Yo, I got a dope idea.”
Boy 2: “What, what’s up?”
Boy 1: “Let’s strip down to our shorts and baseball caps and then gyrate for the camera.”
*There’s a moment of silence. and then…
Boy 3: “Yoooo, that’s hot son! That is so hot!”
Boy 1: “And hold up, hold up- we can even have solos and shit…”
Boy 3:”Word! I’m down!”
*Everyone gets hype and starts jumping around the dorm-sized living room. Except for…
Boy 4: “I don’t know ya’ll… Cause I’m still working on physique for bikini season.”
Boy 5: Okay, well you hold the camera. Just make sure you zoom in close on me when it my turn for the solo…”
Boy 6: Whatever my dude, just be sure you hold the camera steady when I get to dropping it like it’s hot.”
Boy 2: “True, true.”
Boy 4: “Trust me my dudes, I’mma make ya’ll famous!”
*Grabs the camera, cues the music and voila!

BLANK STARE

won’t speak ill of the dead but the family…

By on April 29, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out

Hmm. People have a lot of ideas on the way they want to be buried- in their favorite outfit, with their signature glove, face down so the world can kiss their a**…. the list goes on. But one thing that’s pretty consistent, is that all of these personal decisions involve a casket. You know as in a body INSIDE the casket. Um, guess 22 year-old David Morales Colon’s family didn’t get that memo.


Apparently, they decided to bypass the casket and post their son’s body up on his favorite motorcycle. So that he’ll be happily riding for eternity.

BLANK STARE

It’s too early in the morning for this. No, I take that back. There’s NEVER a good time for this. The End.

all the money in the world…

By on April 19, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out

Money can really bring out the worst in people… especially folks like Douglas Spink.


When times got bad for this former 90s venture capitalist and admitted adrenaline junkie he was like what the hell, I think I’ll become a drug kingpin. And don’t you know dude basically started transporting millions of dollars worth of coke and marijuana back and forth across the Canadian border.

CRICKETS

And when that 2nd career choice didn’t exactly pan out (he was arrested back in 2005, then quickly snitched his way into a lenient 3 year sentence. So much for the code of silence, huh?), dude said fuckkit, guess I’ll just start a bestiality farm.

DEAD FISH EYES

Uh-huh, you read that correctly.


Business was so crazy, when the investigators raided the hideout they seized THOUSANDS of images/ videos of folks having sex with the animals. ‘But wait on it… one of the videos featured a man having sex with a dog. And don’t you know that same man was at the farm the day of the raid? Wearing the same outfit that he had on in the flick????

I swear, I couldn’t make it up if I wanted to.

Now here’s my only question… Where the hell is PETA and all those crazy folks that were calling for Michael Vick’s head NOW? How come they aren’t rallying around the jailhouse in Washington demanding that this man be sent to the electric chair behind this craziness? Say what you want but I’m willing to bet that grown men weren’t shoving mice up each other’s asses ANYWHERE on Michael Vick’s property.

The End.

no return postage due…

By on April 16, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, moment of silence

Even though there’s no such thing as a weekend for the self-employed, I really do love the idea of a Friday. Yep. Love ‘em almost as much as I hate psychopaths, rapists, child abusers. Blank Stare. ‘Cause I don’t care who snatched your teddy bear from you as a child, I simply will never have any sympathy for those who get off on hurting other people.


Today’s example: 24 year old Brandon Joshua-Frederick Hayes.

This wack ass white boy systematically beat and tortured his girlfriend’s 4-year old son to DEATH. Why? Because the kid had nightmares and couldn’t stop wetting his pants. Oh, that and he was salty because the little boy’s father refused to pay child support so it ‘became his burden.’ (As if this illiterate fool had a real job. Apparently, he sold drugs out of their apartment for a living)

DEAD FISH EYES

You know, I think we can all pretty much agree that Brandon and the mother need to go have a seat in an electric sometime very soon. Cause I simply behooves me how any woman could continue to willing live with a man that’s beating your own flesh and blood so viciously that he winds up brain dead. So perhaps, a quick trip back to God will help you do better on the next go round. I’m just saying.

But not for nothing, I think there’s definitely something to be said about the unnamed dead beat dad as well. I wonder if men realize that when they walk away from their kids they leave them susceptible to this type of abuse. Like, even if you wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with the mother, its still your baby. How can you show such a complete disregard for your own offspring? I just don’t get it…

How are you gonna live with yourself knowing that this creep used your lack of character and responsibility to MURDER your own son?

Good luck.

it aint right but i understand…

By on April 15, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it ain't easy, made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

Please don’t let the recent jump in the Dow Jones fool you. Unfortunately, hard times from this international recession seem to be far from over. And therefore, we should all continue to be on the lookout for the crazy. Cause just when you least expect it, it’s out there.


Case in point: The 65 year-old woman in Amsterdam that felt like she had been overcharged on monthly utility bill.

Apparently grandma tried to contact the utilities company to dispute the outrageous bill (which was almost $84,000 American bucks) but the electricity got cut off before she could make the call. So when the utilities worker showed up talking about he was gonna cut off all her service, don’t you know homegirl LOCKED THAT ASS UP!?!?!?

CRICKETS

Mmm-hmm, talking about, she wasn’t letting him turn off a damn thing until the company addressed the cause of the overpayment and set up some sort of payment plan. But wait on it… why the police had to come and arrest ‘ole girl before she was willing to let dude go??? I can’t.

Imagine trying to explain to your family and friends that you were trapped and locked up by a damn senior citizen. DEAD. I know that dude was pissed! Here he probably thought it was going to be an in-and-out job. At most, lasting no more than 15 min. Uh-uh, not even close… Senior Sally was on some straight Stephen King, MISERY type ‘ish. Trapping folks like wild animals!

Tell you what- I don’t care what his salary was before this, they just don’t pay enough for the crazy I tell ya. Nope, not at all.

tardy to the party…

By on March 23, 2010 in honorary white woman, it ain't easy, keep hope alive, made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

Uh-oh, it looks like married women are no longer turning a blind eye on this recent mistress/ sidechick uprising that’s been popping off on a la ESPN’s Steve Phillips, Tiger Woods & most recently, Jesse James.It seems a humiliated 60 year-old North Carolina woman sued her ex-husband’s mistress for 9 MILLION dollars for willfully wrecking thee 33-year long marriage. Oh and guess what? She won.


Puh-lease don’t ask me how I missed this in yesterday’s NY Post… But thank God for Young, Black & Fabulous, huh?

So now forreal, forreal, what do you think? Should a wife/husband be able to sue the home wrecker that ends a marriage? Theoretically, she/he is NOT the person who signed the legally binding marital contract. Or more importantly, the individual who promised in front of God, family and friends to be faithful to the union? Hmm…

Whether we like it or not, ‘ish happens. To play devil’s advocate, there are many times when the other person isn’t even aware of the marriage. And in those SPECIFIC cases, I’d prob say get you a top of the line divorce lawyer and call it a day.

BUT…

If it can be proven that some no-home-training- having individual was deliberate and malicious in their intent- have at it. Leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to make that person’s life a living nightmare.

It is what it is.

everybody is not built to be a parent…

By on March 12, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So for the record, I am LOVING the new Lady Gaga video featuring Beyonce. Well done! If I ever decide to swing the other way, please believe it will be with that white woman. Homegirl is on a whole other level and I for one am not mad at all.

Speaking of hot music videos… Did ya’ll hear about the craziness with director of the Fugees’s killing Me Softly video? To quote my boy Special P, YOOOO!


DEAD FISH EYES

Talking about he was trying to create a pure bloodline because the world was coming to an end and it was just going to be him and his offspring inheriting the earth.

SILENCE

But wait on it- Dude wasn’t even attempting to be discreet about the crazy like those other pervs we’ve heard about recently. Nope, there were no children locked in a Brooklyn basement. This negro was brazenly running around calling his daughters his wives in PUBLIC. Like what, say something.

Matter of fact, he even told the woman that he was living with back in 2002, the whole story. This chick was a LAWYER at a top Manhattan firm. And she didn’t say a single WORD.

“He was this successful artist who had worked with the Fugees,” explains Subhana Rahim to The Daily News. “I was shocked when he told me that they were his daughters and that he’d been sleeping with them. I didn’t try to understand something so ridiculous.”

Okay… so at the time you refused to understand but eight years later you want to tell people about it? Really??

Can we all say, Educational FAIL.

I’ll tell you what, if ANYONE I know ever starts talking about sleeping with his own offspring, boyfriend, baby father, husband or not, I’m going to the po-po IMMEDIATELY. As in not now, but RIGHT NOW while wearing nothing but my pajamas and head scarf. And I don’t give a DAMN if you were just kidding.

I do NOT play those reindeer games.

My heart goes out to these kids. I pray that not only does this animal get thrown UNDER the jail for these crimes but that ALL the women who had knowledge and were complacent about the abuse, join him there as well.

*tosses holy water like I’m popping champagne*

not safe for work or damn near anywhere else…

By on February 26, 2010 in end of days, i die, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead



Oh Lord, I’m so confused. Somebody, anybody, help me please.


What in the unholy HELL is this CHILD doing in this video?? Really? With the the black socks/ sneaker combo and one leg up? Oh-uh-uh… And wait on it- all those dingy looking sheets and comforters in the background?

*starts tossing bleach like I’m Puff poppin’ champagne*

All I can say is, Jesus be the ass whooping I would put on this overgrown teenager if he was my child. WORD.

Oh and when you pull your face off the floor, feel free to thank Freshalina for the laughs HERE

is this was mickey taught you…

By on February 5, 2010 in i die, made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

OH God! I knew it, I knew!!


Triflin’-ass Lindsay Lohan is a HOARDER!

Don’t believe me? Just check out the first of Extra Insider’s two-part special w/ co-host Niecy Nash (who is so freakin’ condescending/ annoying, she made me want to strangle the breath out of her and that ridiculous looking wig).

Mmm-hmmm, Jesus be the Goodwill truck waiting outside with the engine running. ‘Cause Lindsay’s place seriously has more shit than an outhouse crapper!


If I was one of her neighbors, I’d be trying to get that hooker evicted IMMEDIATELY. Just on GP. It’s like as if your constant reckless behavior and blatant drug abuse weren’t enough, now you’re bringing filth-flarn-filth to the building where folks pay waaay too much money to live as it is? Oh HELLS naw!

Survey says, FAIL.

Oh and you must know it’s train wreck when I’m so caught up in the nastiness of her condo that I can’t find the energy to discuss what all that plastic surgery has done to her face. Looking like Laura Flynn Boyle’s illegitimate blonde-haired daughter.

I’m going to take a shower.

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