keep hope alive | Mitzi Moments

bet she don’t want the rum punch…

By Mitzi on August 13, 2010 in it ain't easy, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day

So I just read that the REAL reason Jermaine Dupri and Janet finally fell out is because he cheated on her with a stripper. And wait on it… knocked homegirl up. PAUSE. Umm, people still impregnate strippers in 2010? WOWOWOW.

If this is true, not only is that midget unattractive but he’s extra stoopid. The End.

But speaking of extra stoopid, remember his trusty sidekick Da Brat?? You know the crazy chick with all the braids that served time for slapping a cocktail waitress across the back of her head with a rum bottle? Yeah, that one. I hear she’s outta prison. Wonder what that’s looking like….

*gags*

Although, I gotta say- For a stone cold lesbian she sure had some of the dopest lookin’ dudes in this video right here…. Mmm-hmm.

a little audio stimulation…

By Mitzi on August 3, 2010 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day

Must admit, I’m actually kinda loving this new Trey Songz single, ‘Can’t Be Friends’.

Catchy little tune, interesting lyrics… Not bad at all. Who knew? This perpetually half-naked, little boy might be onto something. Well hold up lemme clarify, that is as long as he swears to never, ever, EVER try to sing Purple Rain again. IN. LIFE.

Press Play & Enjoy:

psst, i’m a rattler…

By Mitzi on June 9, 2010 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

So freaking excited! Today I’m going to be one of the esteemed featured panelists at the Abyssinian Development Corporation’s COLLEGE, HERE I COME Youth Forum! Woo Hooo, go Mitzi! Get busy! Go Mitzi! (insert image of me doing the cabbage patch mad hard)

So basically, instead of doing boring grown-up work, yours truly will be spending a good portion of my day at Thurgood Marshall Academy for Learning & Social Change discussing the importance/ benefits of obtaining a higher education with 75-100 impressionable middle school kids. (READ: dazzling them with my craziest PG-rated college stories and totally bragging my behind off about how awesome it was to attend the BESTEST HBCU in the universe, Florida A&M University).

CANNOT WAIT.

they got it just right…

By Mitzi on May 5, 2010 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day

I love how the universe works. The other day when the weather started to catch a ‘tude and rain on my parade, I realized how long it’d been since I’d gone to the movies. And I made a mental noted to go see something-anything in the near future. And then, voila! My homie invited me to the premiere of the new Queen Latifah/ Common flick, Just Wright.

*insert image of my ta-dow grin*

Bear in mind, while I love me some Latifah (unless she’s singing) and enjoy Common musically, I wasn’t necessarily convinced that I wanted to see the two of them get it on on the big screen. And then Paula Patton trying to be funny? DEAD FISH EYES.

But I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised.

Latifah is on point for this role. In addition to being Cover Girl beautiful, her sense of comedic timing gets significantly better with every movie. Mind you, Paula Patton was PERFECT as the hooch gold-digger. Who knew?? I’m not going to give anything away but just wait until you see her in the morning scene after the party. Hee-larious. And not for nothing, as long as he had his pants on Common was alright with me (yeah, the whole knobby knees/ skinny calves was a wee bit distracting for the kid). It’s very obvious he’s been working with a new acting couch on this.

I’m not gonna lie, the plot was relatively predictable. But STILL, it was sososo cute. It’s beyond refreshing to see a well done romantic comedy with strong black actors. No lie, for that hot hour and fifteen minutes, I totally fell in love with the idea of romance and love all over again. *swoons and spins in pirouette* Happy Sigh.

Hopefully, this will be the start of another round of movies featuring Black actors worth coughing up the $12.50 to see.

*side-eyes Madea while crossing fingers, toes, legs, arms*

white girls jumpin on the kanye workout plan…

By Mitzi on May 3, 2010 in cuteness kills, keep hope alive, work it white girl

Lord haf mercy! Misty, muggy spring days make me sleepy. And I’m thinking the three blueberry/ banana pancakes I just scarfed down prob didn’t do much to help. Sigh.

*discreetly wipes syrup from my chin*

But I gotta tell you, all the itis in theWORLD didn’t stop me from doing a double take at this picture of Jessica Simpson and Gabourey Sidibe taken at the this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner.

Yo.

What is going on with Jessica Simpson? Like seriously, I get the whole, I ‘d rather be healthy than a dry-heaving bulimic mess bandwagon she’s riding now that her albums are doing double dust. But the day a former pin-up girl stands beside the girl who played Precious and she DOESN’T look like a rail? Oh uh-uh… Somebody in her camp needs to call Celebrity Fit Club and make the magic happen.

No offense.

Granted, it probably doesn’t help that Gabby seems to have lost weight from the time she was doing promotions for the film but still… I saw the Essence cover. Homegirl ain’t lost that damn much.

BLANK STARE

And I don’t know if it’s the plain Jane shoulder length hair, the awkward way her right arm pinned to her side or perhaps bright yellow boat neck dresses that hit the ugly spot right below the kneecap just aren’t Jessica’s thing… All I’m saying is there’s got to be a better way.

*cough* and it probably starts with sit-up or two *cough*

take that sucka…

By Mitzi on April 21, 2010 in keep hope alive, using our powers for good

Words cannot express how happy this video made me this morning. The idea of a single, 89-year old woman popping off at the scumbag who kicked in her front door and attempted to burglarize her home in the middle of the night with extra, extra old school pistol… GIVES. ME . LIFE.

Good ‘ole Beatrice talking about, “I’m not a good shot, but I’m not afraid.”

Mmm-hmmm…You better get it Granny!

keep ya enemies close…

By Mitzi on April 12, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, i die, keep hope alive, using our powers for good, work it white girl

I went to bed thinking that I was going to HAVE to write today’s post about the ridiculousness that is the new VH1 reality show, Basketball Wives. I mean, how can the show honestly say it offers an insider’s view of the trials & tribulations that accompany marriage to a high profile basketball player when only one of the six participants is married. And even more importantly, I don’t recognize her husband at ALL (shoot, there’s not even a wikipedia entry on dude).

BLANK STARE

Seems like the show should be described as an insider’s view of NBA bitterest baby mamas, ex-girlfriends, ex-fiancees and ex-wives. Cause it certainly looks like the game got the best of this group of women. I don’t care how much money or plastic surgery you have, it won’t ever disguise that run-thru / over-compromised appearance of woman whose been used up in her prime and discarded with zero respect. I’m just saying.

But THEN, I saw the CNN news story about the latest beef between the United States State Department and the Russia Government. Apparently Russia is threatening to shut down ALL adoptions to families in America not now but RIGHT NOW. Why you ask?

Well, apparently some random white couple in middle America decided that the 7-year old Russian kid they adopted was some type of violent psychopath. Talking about the little boy had a list of people that he wanted to hurt and number one on the list was his American mom.

WOAH

And so they what? Sent that little serial killer right back to the motherland all by his damn self. Mmm-hmm… just. like. that. But wait on it… Before putting him on the plane the adoptive father, Torry Hansen packed a one-sentence note in homeboy’s backpack talking about:

“I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends and myself I no longer wish to parent this child.”

OMG, if this ain’t the damn storyline from Orphan, I don’t know what it is. SMH. Tell you what, I’ll take me a little knucklehead from the hood a million times over before I start searching for some damn foreign baby that can’t even say I hate you in English. No offense.

*starts tossing holy water like I’m popping champagne*

proper use of the word slut…

By Mitzi on April 9, 2010 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Well surprise, surprise, somehow my upstanding behind didn’t get selected for the month-long criminal case involving wire taps, cocaine, ecstacy and 2 Puerto Rican from the Dykeman Projects in the Bronx. BLANK STARE

Gee, I wonder if it had something to do with the judge’s question: do you know anyone that’s been convicted of a crime?

Anyhoo, while I’m holed up here on 100 Centre Street waiting for my last day of service to end, it looks like the state of marriage continues to rapidly deteriorate. Not only did lameass Tiki Barber leave his pregnant wife of 11 years for an intern but it seems Garcelle Beauvais-Nillion’s husband has also been outted for his five year affair. So how many celebrity husbands are in the shit house behind women probabaly not worth the gum on the bottom of my shoe: Steve Phillips, Tiger Woods, Shaq, Jesse James, Tiki Barber… Nice, very nice.

Keep it classy ya’ll.

But not for nothing, there’s been such a varied response to the cheating by all the wives. Don’t ya think? Let’s see, Steve Phillips wife sued him and homegirl, Elin chased Tiger’s ass with a golf club, Shawnee snatched kids and went to LA, Sandra straight disappeared, Giny Barber immediately started crying to the press and good ‘ole Garcelle… Well Ms. Thang sent a damn email to the ENTIRE talent agency where her husband works. Mmm-hmm, talking about:
“I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!”

JUST LIKE THAT.

I gotta say, it’s been a bad run for unfaithful men over the past 7 months. And sure, I’d like to be optimistic about the situation. Cause you know, not everyone has to put his hand on the fire to figure out that it burns. But it’s just… I mean honestly? Interns, waitresses, low budget internet porn stars, party promoters and your homeboy’s fiancee? It’s a lot. Le sigh.

Jesus be the secret bank account in your mama’s maiden name.

one angry woman…

By Mitzi on April 8, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive

So for the record, this whole jet lag thing is NO joke. Not for nothing, I’m not necessarily working with a full deck until at least 10 o’clock in the morning. So please believe when I tell you that 8 am hasn’t felt this early since I was in college trying to make it to a Chemistry class the morning after an A Phi A jump-off…. But I digress.

Anyhoo, now add to to the muddled equation that for the next two days, I’ll be sitting for jury duty.

FAIL

Oh jeez, they’re calling us… Wish me luck!

worth the waste of time…

By Mitzi on April 1, 2010 in keep hope alive, why we as a people can't get ahead

Well lookey here! Just when I was getting completely bored by all of my fave gossip blogs, the NYT has identified what they consider to be ‘The Rising Stars of Gossip Blogs.’

Ahh, praise the good Lord for the tools of procrastination!

Although it should come as no surprise that 9 out of 10 of the aforementioned blogs cater solely to mainstream celebs/ interests (read: what white people like and spend ridiculous amounts of free time wondering about). *side-eye* I’m still happy to have a couple of options to my tad bit tiresome DListed, Necole Bitchie and YBF line-up. No offense.

So I guess we shall see if any of these newcomers ultimately warm the blood like a good Crunk & Disorderly post… Or will my wandering mouse be right back to Bossip for the half-cocked tomfoolery.

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