keep hope alive | Mitzi Moments

may the GAP be with you…

By Mitzi on July 1, 2009 in i die, keep hope alive, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, using our powers for good

Random: so the other day I received an email from a unknown marketing company rep named Justine asking whether I’d be interested in becoming a Gap Brand Enthusiast. According to her email, somehow or another, they’d stumbled on my blog, enjoyed the tomfoolery and wanted to see if I was down to test out the new ‘Born To Fit’ line of GAP jeans before they hit the stores this fall for, wait on it… FREE.

Oh please believe, I just knew this was one of those African-money-laundering-pyramid schemes. Not to mention that I haven’t comfortably fit into a pair of GAP jeans since I was in freaking college. But then I reconsidered and was like what the hell? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

Turns out that not only is this operation very legit but in addition to the jeans, if selected (of course there’s a whole process) not only will I get to try out the new jeans, but for the next year I’ll also get all the latest and greatest releases from GAP!!

Err-umm free clothes for a year in the middle of a recession? Can the church get an amen???

Then wait on it… to sweeten the deal, Justine ends the meeting by taking me shopping for an outfit at the nearby GAP store!! I copped the most comfy summer weight cardigan (I’m actually wearing it in my profile photo), a great pair of linen trousers, a pretty gray sweater top that you will probably be seeing on TV sometime sooner or later and a silk tank top that’s gonna be hot to death with my white jeans. Mmm-hmmm, just like that.

So anyhoo, we shall see. I assume that they’ll be making their decision within the month. Fingers crossed… If nothing else, THANKS JUSTINE. This post is for you.

the munchkins were my favorite…

By Mitzi on June 12, 2009 in it takes a village, keep hope alive, too old for the road

So last night, my boy G-Payton scored tix to see the dress rehearsal performance of The Wiz featuring Ashanti and Orlando Jones. Under normal circumstance, you’d have to drag me kicking and screaming to anything remotely Ashanti related but it’s The Wiz. I couldn’t resist.

And I am SOSOSO happy to report that for the most part the play was really good. As expected, LaChanze (she played Celie in Oprah’s The Color Purple musical) was phenomenal. Orlando Jones looks like he’s put on a couple of pounds but still dead on as The Wiz. I seriously heart the Scarecrow, Tin Man And Cowardly Lion. Them brother right there can BLOW. And don’t sleep, even though she only had two and a half scenes, Tichina Arnold straight STOLE the show as Evillene (the Wicked Witch of the West).

But I did say for the most part. As in not completely… Sigh.

Poor, poor Ashanti. Her costume was probably the most unflattering thing I’ve seen in a LONG time. Cause we all know that girl got cankles and big feet. Who in the unholy costume-design-school-dropout HELL thought it would be cute to put her in a dress that tea length dress and black Converse sneakers??

And even though it seemed like they tried to rearrange the tone/pitch of the songs to accommodate her limited range, homegirl still came up waaaay short. Although, I must give her points for being creative enough to try and whisper sing (like Janet), so that folks couldn’t really tell that she can’t sing. Unfortunately, them type of smoke and mirror shenanigans don’t really work when you’re performing with or right after folks that can really, really SANG.

I just thank GOD that the producers/writers kept her speaking parts to a bare minimum (at least it seemed). So there were moments that you could sorta- if you tried very, very hard and clicked your heel 3x- forget that she was there.

time to put that nobel prize to work…

By Mitzi on June 8, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, stressed the hell out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Can we please have an extended moment of silence for those two female news reporters that were just sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a North Korea jail???

According to news reports, the journalists were working on a story for Current TV, a San Francisco-based media company co-founded by former VP Al Gore about the trafficking of women from North Korea into China, but other reports said they were reporting on North Korean refugees who had fled their country. Whatever the case, border patrol officers from the North snatched them chicks up and charged them with illegally entering North Korean territory.

Amnesty International reports that prisoners in these work camps often work 10 hours or more a day, with no rest days, performing demanding work that can include logging and stone quarrying. Beatings are not infrequent, even for simple stuff like forgetting the words to patriotic songs. And obviously, food, hygienic conditions and medical care are poor at best.

But wait on it… in the meantime, US politicians are describing the situation as “high stakes poker game.” Huh?

What in the back-breaking-foreign-torture-mind-game hell is this? I. Can’t. No you heartless idiots, this is not a damn game. Two women are up shit creek without a paddle for doing their JOBS. And folks need to stop playing the who’s balls are the biggest foolishness and bring them the hell home. Seriously.

bill. it’s. your. baby…

By Mitzi on June 5, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, too old for the road

See now….

Sometimes a cause of death should just remain undisclosed. Did we really, really need to know that David Carradine was found with a rope tied to his neck and another to his genitals? Seriously? I just threw up in my mouth.

Cause now, anyone with a good gay friend (hey, G.P.) or S&M fetish (don’t even look over here)can tell you that this man done messed around and kilt himself playin‘ the reindeer games. And he was in Thailand? Land of the underage prostitutes and anything goes erotica scene? Sigh.

Damn Grasshopper…

kinda makes celebrity news not so important…

By Mitzi on June 2, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive

Good grief, if ever, this was a day deserving of a do-over. First, I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck, pinch in my hip and a headache from hell. Then to make matters worse, I heard the breaking news about the very real possibility of Air France Jet 447 being found in pieces in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Seriously?

Cause the thing is, I LIVE to fly. If I could get on a plane from here to the corner, I’d do it. But over the past couple of years there have been so many crashes… it’s a lot. My nerves are getting increasing worse… especially when I’m not the one flying.

I know, I know, sounds totally irrational but oh so true. I get so weirded out anytime my family and friends get on a plane, its ridiculous. Like I want a call when boarding, right before take off, as soon as they say it’s safe to turn on cell phone and the moment you step outta that airport. And no, I don’t give a damn if you’re on the other side of the world. Find yourself an international calling card and make the magic happen. (LOL, can you say neurotic?)

The thing is, I don’t want to be the one left behind. Call me selfish but I’m very okay with the idea of being the one that goes down in flames. Now as for being the one that has to go pick up the remains? Not so much.

the joy of indoor plumbing…

By Mitzi on May 15, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive

You know there are a lot of things that just ain’t clean in the milk with folks living in this country. Yeah, yeah don’t even front. We all know that Americans definitely contribute to our fair share of tomfoolery (i.e the group of punk ass white boys that savagely beat and killed a Mexican immigrant for kicks in Texas). But I gotta tell ya, even if this isn’t necessary the land of milk & honey that my parents imagined it to be when they moved here from Panama, it SURELY beats the hell outta living next to sewage drain in Mumbai, India. Mmm-hmmm… And that’s exactly where Azharuddin Ismail, the nine year-old star of the not one, not two, not even five, but EIGHT Oscar award-winning film Slumdog Millionaire has been chilling with his family since returning from the red carpet 3 months ago.

But wait on it… why did the government literally tear down his home the other day? Talking about, “the ‘town’ (which is really just a group of families living in shanties attached to a drain) was squatting on government property.” And with monsoon season around the corner, the drains needed to be cleaned out so they BULLDOZED everyone’s shit. Yep, just like that.

Mind you, when they first came under scrutiny for the squalid conditions that these kids were going to have to return to after all the glitz and glamour of being big Hollywood and Bollywood star for a season, everyone promised them the world. Specifically, the same gov’t that kicked in their tent flap, assured them that they would be moved to a house. Err-um, guess that didn’t happen, huh?

So basically, months being called a national hero and going to visit Mickey at Disneyland this kid is homeless. SMH.

Jesus take the wheel, I’m jumping out here.

do it for the kids…

By Mitzi on May 8, 2009 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

So I’m getting ready to head to CHI and can I just say, my god, I hate packing.

No matter how early I begin, I always wind up having to rush around at the last minute for something I almost forgot. So damn stressful. Not to mention all the cleaning that has to go on before I can step a foot out the door. ‘Cause there ain’t no way Elsa’s daughter is leaving a dirty bathroom, dishes in the sink or trash in the crib while she’s on the road. No maam.

But I shall not complain, because aside from the crazy weather I do love me some Chicago. Aaannd (drumroll please)- thanks to the unbelieveable success of the HOTLANTA series in the Chicago Public Schools, Denene and I have been invited to be recognized and participate as the keynote speakers at the 2009 Mayor Daley’s Book Club Spring Conference. Woo Hoo!! Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Denene, get busy!!

So think good thoughts, pray I don’t forget to pack the right bra and I’ll holler at ya’ll next week.

exhibit a…

By Mitzi on April 30, 2009 in i die, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, I wasn’t even going to say anything about this swine flu madness. ‘Cause as far as I’m concerned there’s some new fangled Killer African Bee, SARS, Cow-Foot-Head disease popping up on CNN just about every six months or so…

And between you and me, I think that if certain folks would learn how to cover their mouths and use a little hand disinfectant, half of these problems would be solved. But that’s just my humble opinion.

But THEN I read this article in the NYTimes that set off my spidey senses. It basically details how experts are now trying to blame the whole health crisis on this poor little 5 year-old Mexican boy. Talking bout, “The government has identified Édgar Hernadez as the first person in Mexico to have become infected with a virulent strain of the swine flu.” Seriously?

Not for nothing, but doesn’t this sound very much like the whole- AIDS started in Africa from people who were having sex with monkeys hypothesis? Yeah, thought so. $50 bucks says the Mexican government just needed someone to throw under the bus to keep the World Health Organization off their backs. So naturally, they choose the lowest common denominator- a poor, illiterate family and their kid. So. Not. Cool.

You look at the picture and do the math. Err-um, keep it real. We ALL know where this pandemic really, really started…

happy 100 days…

By Mitzi on April 29, 2009 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

So this past week, the washer/ dryer at the boy’s house ate my favorite pair of jeans.

I’m not saying it was his fault of anything like that BUT… my jeans were just fine when I put them in them in his machine. Then lo and behold, when the cycle ended and I started to fold the clothes, there’s a big ass hole under the left back pocket!! Insert image of my mouth dropping wide open in shock like an idiotic cartoon character.

Forget how much the silly thing cost, I worked SO HARD to get those jeans to fit my booty the way I wanted!!! Those were my ‘get-‘em-girl/ it’s-ya-birthday’ jeans… sniffle, sniffle. What I’mma supposed to do now??

I’ve lost a loved one. Please light a candle…

in the name of the father…

By Mitzi on April 22, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue

Considering how flawed modern day society’s moral compass has become, it must be extremely difficult to spread the Good Word. In all fairness, preachers pastors, priests, nuns and all members of the clergy probably do twice as much just to make half the impact. But err-um, not for nothing does it really take a $600K compensation package to get the job done? Really?

Apparently the new senior pastor at Riverside Church thinks so. And it turns out, as of this Sunday the good Pastor Braxton will be receiving:

-$250,000 in salary.
-$11,500 monthly housing allowance.
-Private school tuition for his child.
-A full-time maid.
-Entertainment, travel and “professional development” allowances.
-Pension and life insurance benefits.
-An equity allowance for him to save up to buy a home.

Far be it from me to judge who Jesus selects to be his shepard but I’m just saying- $250K base salary? A full time maid? Entertainment and travel allowance? In the midst of a global recession? Shouldn’t his ass be home, sitting still, reading the Bible looking for a sign?

Uh-uh, something just ain’t clean in the milk.

For this amount of money, I fully expect to hear about miracles popping off every single week. And not no play-play miracles either! I want reports of cripples walking, the blind being able to see and bigger than all that; good-looking, college-educated, SINGLE black men filling up the pews like it’s front row seats at a Jay-Z concert. Can I get an amen?

‘Cause as far as I’m concerned, the moment Pastor Braxton starts turning water into $20 bills, is the only day he should receive a $600k package for doing the Lord’s work. Till then, I’m gonna have to pray on it.

Happy Earth Day ya’ll!

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