Mitzi Moments

Category: it’s not a game out there

hope ‘pretty boy’ floyd is taking notes…

By on September 4, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, that sense of entitlement, why we as a people can't get ahead

OMG, this video clip of Oregon State football player LaGarrette Blount dropping Boise State’s Byron Hout like a bad habit is CA-RAZY! 


Like seriously? Can someone say, “He got knocked the HELL out??” My god, that poor white boy ain’t even see it coming. At. All.

I only pray that lil’ dude doesn’t lose his football scholarship behind this craziness… Not because I think LeGarrette was right for losing his temper. Cause I don’t. Good sportsmanship is a vital part of the game and Lord knows, there’s NOTHING worse than a sore loser (cough, Kanye West, cough)…

HOWSOMEVER, I am a firm believer that there’s a reason parents teach children to talk with their mouths and not with their hands. At the end of the day, when you lay hands on folks, you besta be prepared to get dealt with. Period.

It’s because the LAST thing we need is another unemployable, angry black man roaming the streets talking about what could’ve been had the man not held him down. Feel free to insert huge sigh and eye roll. No offense, I’m just saying….


Oh and note to all the brand new, fearless, genX pinktoes out there: Puh-lease don’t let Obama and the front row ticket you bought to Jay-Z’s last concert get you gassed. You can still get it.

it takes a village…

By on September 2, 2009 in end of days, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, that sense of entitlement, too old for the road

It’s official, poor white trash is NOT handling the recession well. No ma’m, Not. At. All.



But wait on it… Apparently the 61-year old, Roger Stephens didn’t know Sonya Mathews or her 2 year-old from NOWHERE.  As in, they were complete strangers up until the moment they turned down the same aisle. 

Then according to the news report, Roger warned her that “if she didn’t quiet down the child, he would do it for her.” And just like that, when the ‘ole girl didn’t do anything, he proceeded to slap the little girl not once but SEVERAL times across the face. Talking ’bout, “See I told you I would shut her up.”  I. Am. Done.

Jesus be a fresh pair of Depends cause I swear I’m peeing on myself right now.

Now I admit… there have been many a day where I’ve fantasized (vividly) about smacking fire out of some unruly brat throwing a temper tantrum in a grocery store or public place of business.  Especially when it’s clear that all the cerebral ” we don’t hit, we do time-outs” bullcrap some of these parents are using isn’t worth the spit coming out of the kid’s mouth and the lil’ punk really just needs a swift backhand to cut the shit short. But these are my FANTASIES.  

Now homeboy right here? He is bananas.  

And more importantly, I’m just trying to envision what-in-the-petite-weakish-non-violent-hell this woman looks like or comes from. ‘Cause not for nothing, I really wish a random old man would go hard with ANY of the women I know that have kids. SHEEEIT.  All I’m gonna say is, this right here is the reason for emergency bail money savings accounts.

Let the police sirens wail…

here’s hoping for a lil’ street justice…

By on August 21, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, using our powers for good

As much as I L-O-V-E my neighborhood and L-I-V-E for the summers, there is one thing that I truly can’t stand- the annual summer rapist.  Every single year since I moved here, there’s been some lunatic running around upper Harlem and Washington Heights making it nervous for women.  And unfortunately, I see that ’09 is not going to be an exception. Sigh.

So this is my PSA to all women living in the upper, upper west side of Manhattan- PLEASE be careful.  Apparently this sicko has a preference- he’s been raping and robbing petite women of all ages.  In fact, this past Tuesday, a 69 year-old woman became his third victim. Like seriously? Who the hell rapes a 69 year-old woman? 

Yeah there is certainly a special place in hell for this one I tell you.  

Oh and ladies, please don’t forget to share the news with all the males you know as well.  Quite honestly, they should be equally concerned.  ‘Cause it’s all fun and games till it’s your mom/ sister/ aunt/ cousin/ girlfriend that’s calling from the hospital…

i got your box seat in hell…

By on August 5, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, moment of silence, why we as a people can't get ahead

Dizz-amn, there’s a lot of disturbing news poppin’ off today…


First the NYT is reporting that on the other side of the world men in the Congo are being raped in record numbers as a result of the ongoing joint Congo-Rwandan conflict (read: more than 10% of the reported rape cases in June were guy on guy action).  Woah.  Clearly there’s no limit to the brutality that people will commit against one another…  Perhaps, now that men are being raped and tortured (seems castrations are on the rise too) the international community will finally step in and get involved. SMH.

Then in Pittsburgh, that 48 year-old antisocial prick went into a local LA Sports Club and started shooting up folks ’cause awit on it… no one wanted to be his friend and he couldn’t find girlfriend. As if I needed another reason not to go to the damn gym?? Now I got to be worried about the miserable creep who got his little feelings hurt seeking retribution? Dude… Go. Sit. Down.

And finally,  right here in our own backyard that Long Island mom who drove unto Taconic Highway the wrong way and killed EIGHT people was freaking drunk AND high??? Drunk like, authorities discovered an open  1.75 liter bottle of Absolut in the car and homegirl’s blood alcohol level report reads as if she knocked back the equivalent of 10 shots of 80-proof liquor and smoked a blunt as recently as 15 minutes before the massacre… WTF??  

Not to question the powers that be in the Universe and shit but I gotta ask- so where the hell was the dickhead State Police officer that all too happily pulled me over a couple of weeks ago for speeding on the same Parkway? Huh, huh?  And don’t you know that self-important fool was all up in my face talking about ” Young lady you’re lucky that a dear didn’t jump out in front of your car. Or you might not be here to pay this ticket.”  Insert prolonged blank stare with three very slow blinks. 

NEGRO PLEASE. First of all, I’m sober and on the right side of the road.  Secondly, speeding happens.  RE-LAX.  The only reason that I might halfway deserve to be called “lucky” is because some boozed-up, high-ass hell, trashy, red-neck wasn’t on the road tossing back swigs of vodka on her way home from a weekend in the woods. 

It’s too much…. I’m done.

time to put that nobel prize to work…

By on June 8, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, stressed the hell out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Can we please have an extended moment of silence for those two female news reporters that were just sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a North Korea jail???  


According to news reports, the journalists were working on a story for Current TV, a San Francisco-based media company co-founded by former VP Al Gore about the trafficking of women from North Korea into China, but other reports said they were reporting on North Korean refugees who had fled their country. Whatever the case, border patrol officers from the North snatched them chicks up  and charged them with illegally entering North Korean territory.
Amnesty International reports that prisoners in these work camps often work 10 hours or more a day, with no rest days, performing demanding work that can include logging and stone quarrying. Beatings are not infrequent, even for simple stuff like forgetting the words to patriotic songs. And obviously, food, hygienic conditions and medical care are poor at best.  

But wait on it… in the meantime, US politicians are describing the situation as “high stakes poker game.”  Huh?
What in the back-breaking-foreign-torture-mind-game hell is this? I. Can’t. No you heartless idiots, this is not a damn game.  Two women are up shit creek without a paddle for doing their JOBS.  And folks need to stop playing the who’s balls are the biggest foolishness and bring them the hell home. Seriously.

not part of the vow…

By on June 4, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tagging out, the internet is the devil, too old for the road

Dayum, Craiglist just can’t catch a break!!

Not that either scenario is better than the other but at least the masseuse understood that every time she responded to an ad, there was the possibility of some craziness jumping off. This poor woman unknowingly went to sleep (mind you, their two kids were in the crib) and the man that was supposed to love her ’till death do them part set her up for the straight okey doke. Err-um, no thank you.

And what about the poor schlub who actually raped the victim? As much as rape role play ain’t never gonna be my type of hype, everyone is entitled to their own turn-on. HOWSOMEVER, there’s a gargantuan difference between fulfilling an extreme fantasy and actually committing the crime. This dude has to live with the fact that he RAPED someone for the rest of his life.

Jesus ring the bell…

kinda makes celebrity news not so important…

By on June 2, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive

Good grief, if ever, this was a day deserving of a do-over. First, I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck, pinch in my hip and a headache from hell. Then to make matters worse, I heard the breaking news about the very real possibility of Air France Jet 447 being found in pieces in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Seriously?

Cause the thing is, I LIVE to fly. If I could get on a plane from here to the corner, I’d do it. But over the past couple of years there have been so many crashes… it’s a lot. My nerves are getting increasing worse… especially when I’m not the one flying.

I know, I know, sounds totally irrational but oh so true. I get so weirded out anytime my family and friends get on a plane, its ridiculous. Like I want a call when boarding, right before take off, as soon as they say it’s safe to turn on cell phone and the moment you step outta that airport. And no, I don’t give a damn if you’re on the other side of the world. Find yourself an international calling card and make the magic happen. (LOL, can you say neurotic?)

The thing is, I don’t want to be the one left behind. Call me selfish but I’m very okay with the idea of being the one that goes down in flames. Now as for being the one that has to go pick up the remains? Not so much.

congrats pretty stevie…

By on June 1, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's not a game out there, Mitzi- all day every day, tapped out

So I finally touched NY ground late last night after the cute 4-day vacay in Miami with a bunch of my old school FAMU crew to celebrate our boy’s graduation from dental school. And despite Florida’s touch and go weather (it rained for at least 3 hours every single solitary damn day), I still managed to get more than my fair share of sun, fun and grown folk relaxation on. Mmm-hmmm…

Lord knows, it’s always fun times getting together with college folks I haven’t seen in YEARS… first and foremost because they’re the people that I spent the majority of my ignorant late teens/ early twenties getting in and out of BS with (raise your hand if you know about those late, late night runs to Guthrie’s and chugging flaming Dr. Peppers) and because we’re finally grown enough not to have to sleep two in a bed and one on the floor to be able to afford a room in the nice hotel. Mmm-hmmm, just like that.
Lord, there’s so much new stuff to catch up on- where you at, what you working on, where you going next, who still has all their hair, how many pounds we’ve all gained, etc. I swear, I haven’t laughed so hard in a very looooong time.

But seriously- when the hell did discussions about daycare and private school tuition replace talking shit?? I mean, forget the big money schemes, fly rides, latest styles and upcoming vacay adventures- this time around it was all about how to maintain your swagger while pushing the minivan w/ multiple car seats, where to find the Spanx thong and tips on how to remain as quiet when the wife is speaking. Huh??? Oh and wait on it…
What you know about the virtues of a vasectomy debate that ensued over our Saturday night dinner. With more than a few of the wives talkin’ ’bout, “snip, snip negro!”

Yo, forreal, forreal?I haven’t been so happy to be single and child free in LIFE. To be able to say my biggest concern before boarding the flight was whether I remembered the sun block v. worrying that my mother-in-law might feed our 3 year-old McDonalds, was PRICELESS.
I respect Black love, the commitment my peers have to making their families work and all that Barack and Michelle jazz BUT Jesus take the wheel! I’m G-O-O-D.

like nino at the carter…

By on May 20, 2009 in it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Um, I’ll tell you where yours truly WON’T be going on vacation any time soon- Phoenix, AZ. Uh-huh, no thank you.  Not as long as the city is averaging ONE KIDNAPPING A DAY. Shiiiiiit. Can you imagine?

According to police reports, folks are being snatched out of their homes in broad daylight and tortured Hollywood style (they tried to cut one victim’s ear off, blowtorched his back and sodomized him with a pair of scissors) for some ransom money. Lord haf mercy.
The tricky part of the equation is that only a third, maybe less of the city’s kidnappings are reported because the cases are normally criminal-on-criminal.  The victims are generally smugglers, drug dealers or illegal immigrants. Sigh. Call me a punk but, I’d rather sit my ass in lockdown box for 25 years than have someone blowtorch my back.
But what makes my nerves bad are the senseless tragedies.  Like the 13-year old girl that was on her way to play basketball with a friend when she was mistaken for a drug dealer’s niece. Apparently, the kidnappers snatched her from the middle of a ‘quiet’ suburban neighborhood. Thankfully, she was eventually returned to her parents.  The report describes her as being relatively unharmed. Err-um, what the hell is “relatively unharmed”???
I’m telling you, it’s poppin’ off like the 80s out there.  Not fresh, at all party people.

the joy of indoor plumbing…

By on May 15, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive

You know there are a lot of things that just ain’t clean in the milk with folks living in this country. Yeah, yeah don’t even front.  We all know that Americans definitely contribute to our fair share of tomfoolery (i.e the group of punk ass white boys that savagely beat and killed a Mexican immigrant for kicks in Texas). But I gotta tell ya, even if this isn’t necessary the land of milk  & honey that my parents imagined it  to be when they moved here from Panama, it SURELY beats the hell outta living next to sewage drain in Mumbai, India.  Mmm-hmmm… And that’s exactly where Azharuddin Ismail, the nine year-old star of the not one, not two, not even  five, but EIGHT Oscar award-winning film Slumdog Millionaire has been chilling with his family since returning from the red carpet 3 months ago.

But wait on it… why did the government literally tear down his home the other day?  Talking about, “the ‘town’ (which is really just a group of families living in shanties attached to a drain) was squatting on government property.”  And with monsoon season around the corner, the drains needed to be cleaned out so they BULLDOZED everyone’s shit. Yep, just like that. 
Mind you, when they first came under scrutiny for the squalid conditions that these kids were going to have to return to after all the glitz and glamour of being big Hollywood and Bollywood star for a season, everyone promised them the world.  Specifically, the same gov’t that kicked in their tent flap, assured them that they would be moved to a house. Err-um, guess that didn’t happen, huh?
So basically, months being called a national hero and going to visit Mickey at Disneyland this kid is homeless.  SMH.
Jesus take the wheel, I’m jumping out here.

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