Category: it’s in the genes

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister’s atrocious dancing skills “faggots” and “so gay?” Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed “strict Christian morals and values?”

Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it… then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, “you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

Sources talking about they’re just baby bears protecting the Mama Grizzly.


Honestly? I can’t.

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn’t fall too far from the tree? Don’t either of these girls have something better to do like I don’t know… go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, …

Oh shoot, oh shoot! Do you know what today is???

*cues Uncle Luke, turns volume ALL the way up & hops up on the nearest tabletop*


Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go, Go Go, GO!!!

For a million and one reasons, I’m so excited and grateful to see thirty-five. It has been such an incredible journey filled with love, laughter, drama, confusion and most importantly, non-stop tomfoolery! And I appreciate every single person that’s contributed to my personal and professional growth along the way. I couldn’t have done it without you.

So while I continue to celebrate my personal New Year’s Day by grinning from ear-to-ear, spontaneously throwing my hands in the air and dropping it like it’s hot, feel free to join the party and twerk a little something for the kid.

Don’t stop, Get it, Get it… GET IT, GET IT!!

So last night the bestie forwarded me an article from the Detroit Free Press Newspaper. And I swear, it is the craziest story I’ve heard all week. Okay, wait. I take that back. It’s the SECOND craziest behind presumptuous ass Ginny Thomas leaving stalker voicemails. But anyhoo I digress…

Apparently, this past Tuesday afternoon, a Detroit man shot and killed a would-be carjacker when the assailant tried to stick him up at a gas station. The victim, Omar Mixion was filling up his Escalade (BLANK STARE for still pushing such a ridiculous gas guzzler in 2010) when 20 year-old Kenyon Reese Jr came up from behind and demanded the truck at gunpoint.

Well, turns out Kenyon wasn’t the only one packing heat that afternoon. Your man Omar has a license to carry a concealed weapon. And so he refused to give up the keys to the Caddy and ‘ish went DOWN straight wild, wild west style.

When it was all said and done, the wanna be jacker was dead and Mixon was hospitalized with hits under his eye, in an arm, leg, through his hip and backside.


So THEN, the article goes on to report eyewitness testimony from a woman who happened to be inside the gas station when all the madness erupted. And I quote:

“Lonya Smoot said she heard the gunshots when she was in the gas station buying a lottery ticket Tuesday night, playing her favorite four digits: 1-0-1-1. **

‘The manager said, ‘Hit the floor!’ Smoot said. ‘And that’s what I did.’

The station attendant, she said, locked the doors from the inside, but a woman inside who was with the carjacking victim yelled, ‘Oh my god! That’s my man!’ and he let her outside.

Smoot said the other woman came back in with another younger woman and a child. Smoot said she believes both were in the SUV when the would-be carjacker tried to steal the vehicle.

And while police confirm the eyewitness’s account, turns out Omar’s wife Brenda Mixon and her children were NOT part of the aforementioned group of women and child at the gas station when the incident occurred.


But wait on it… Here’s the BEST part. And I quote:

“Brenda Mixon said she doesn’t know who was with her husband, who initially denied that there was another woman present.

Right now, Mixon said, she wants to focus on getting her husband of 10 years and father of her two children better.

‘When he gets better, then I will talk to him about everything else,’ she said. ‘That’s my husband, that’s my heart, that’s my best friend right there.’

She said she’s glad her husband was carrying a gun.

‘Whoever has a CCW, do not be afraid to use it,’ she said.”


So essentially, you co-signing on your man’s trifling ass getting into a shoot out at a freaking GAS STATION over a piece of shit Escalade (insert image of the whole place exploding into high hell) while he’s chilling with his jump-off and her kid?? And that’s your best friend?? Sweetie, what the HELL kinda friends do you have??

*nosedives into the shallow end of the pool*

Yo. As for as I’m concerned, Omar deserves every bullet he took for that reckless ass shit he pulled. Quietly, he really needs to go to jail for public endangerment. Can you imagine how many people could’ve been killed just because his ego was too big to give up the truck?? SMDH.

Oh and as for his retarded, low-self-esteem having, co-signing wife?? She is EXACTLY why even the most random, average men continue to believe it’s cool to behave badly in relationships. Yeah, I said it. ‘Cause for every decent woman that says no to the nonsense, there are HUNDREDS of Brendas willing to look the other way even when the craziness lands on the front page of your freaking local newspaper. Talking about, ‘that’s your heart and when he gets better, you’ll talk about everything else.’ SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, good luck. Had Omar been married to me, after 10 YEARS and multiple CHILDREN, there wouldn’t have been a home for him to return to whether we ‘talked’ about it or not.

Bet that.

*drops the mic & walks away*
**But, before I go, why are they reporting on this woman’s lottery number picks?? DFP staff, I’m gonna need ya’ll to tighten up on those writing skills ASAP. Thanks.

OMG. I. Can’t. Breathe. This little Jamaican girl is going IN on her annoying younger aunty.

All I can say is, God bless Youtube and the genius who typed up the subtitles for giving me LIFE on this long ass day. Amen.

*pours out a little Guinness stout*

Oh. My. GOD. This video is so many things, and every last one a damn shame.

Real talk? Can’t nobody tell me that YouTube wasn’t created by the devil explicitly to drive people to commit social suicide. The. End.

“Can I be the one that hold you dooooown? Can I be the one that hold you doooown? “

Err-um 50 Tyson, wherever your mumble mouth ass is “uptown in Minnesota,” puh-lease stop the madness. Not now but RIGHT now. Sounding like a cross between an severely injured basset hound and a freshly paroled rapist on the prowl… Dude, neither this nor any of the SEVENTEEN other videos you got posted are the business.

Oh and just so you know, I blame the ENTIRE Republican party for this shit right here.

Mmm-hmm… Had they voted to extend jobless aid, this fool could’ve paid somebody to give him a shirt and clue. But no. Instead of looking for a job that requires the intelligence of a 1st grader, this neanderthal is spending his days trolling through the woods, looking like a mentally challenged serial killer, screeching made-up songs and threatening radio station djs.

(And all foolishness aside, this is the kind of illiterate nonsense that those crazy ass TeaBaggers play at their recruitment rallies to get hype. SMH. We have got to do better folks.)

*drops to my knees and prays*

In another one of those classic, who does ‘ish like this with all the access to the modern day information highway? Connecticut Attorney General Blumenthal who is currently running for a seat in the United States, has been caught BLATANTLY lying about his service in Vietnam. And not like, he was saying he was on the front lines but really he was on e of the lucky ones that made it to the rank of an officer and served his time in a remote office. Nope. Homeboy never even stepped FOOT in Vietnam… to tune of at least five deferments over the course five years.


Now this grown ass fool is saying that while “his intention has always been to be completely clear and accurate and straightforward, out of respect to the veterans who served in Vietnam,” he might have “misspoken” about his service during various.

Misspoken? Really? So is that what lawyers and politicians are calling lying nowadays? Hmm… duly noted.

The sad part, is I’ll bet there were a WHOLE lot of young men who fought and were injured in that war and families that lost loved ones whom probably WISH they could’ve gotten one, let alone FIVE deferments from the draft. Shaking my head.

*cough, LAME, cough*

On the road again… Today, I’m headed to the D to celebrate the BFF’s graduation from law school. Woo Hoo! Sooo ridiculously proud and inspired. In honor of SPF making the magic happen while raising 2 wonderful little girls and taking care of a husband & home better than most folks I know- I leave you with a video that STAYS giving me life.


Okay, see my boy RS told me about this craziness when it was first reported on Bossip. But it just so happened to be the same day as the whole Sandra Bullock loves the kids/ Oklahoma hates women/ white folks are importing serial killers from Russia stories popped off. And quite honestly, so I had reached my limit on tomfoolery for a single 24 hour period.

But now that CNN done broke it down in a video… I can sorta put it into words.

Basically- last Saturday night, this dude in Florida chopped off his mother’s head, put it in a bag, walked around the corner tossed it in a lot. Then woke up his demented ass up the next day and went to play the drums at church? The early service? And the neighbors describe him as a quiet, nice guy who loved God and his mama?


And then you wonder why the majority of my friends and I give overzealous, super-sanctified church folks a WIDE ass berth??? Man listen, all that Jesus talk and Bible beating then next thing you know, it’s off with your head. I. Can’t.

I sure hope dude who told me that his friends wouldn’t consider dating me b/c I don’t subscribe to the same faith got wind of this story. ‘Cause it seems to me, that they would want to be a whole lot less worried about my soul and a little more concerned with the state of mind of some of their fellow congregation members. I’m just saying.

*drops the mic and walks away*

Well all righty then.

So I just finished reading the related articles about the Georgia DA’s decision not to pursue sexual assault charges against Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Hmm… Although I’m gonna assume that dude is innocent of these charges- especially since the alleged victim refuses to press criminal charges- I’m just so confused as to why in the WORLD would this man put himself in this position any DAMN way??? Following the random drunk chick into a Georgia bar bathroom? Really Ben???


Professional athletes are a special brood I tell you….

Oh wait, now this is some fun-ny ‘ish!


After numerous unresolved calls to 311, apparently Maria hit the wall. She freaked out, called her husband at work, started screaming that she couldn’t take the torturous noise anymore. Then as fate would have it, she just so ‘happened’ to run into said neighbor, Iraida Palmieri in the elevator shortly thereafter. According to Maria , Iraida was actin’ funny and refused to move over and make space in the elevator car. So Maria told her to move or she was gonna shoot that ass. Iraida who is the wife of a famous Latin jazz pianist, wrongly called Maria’s bluff and ended up with one to the head (well, really just upside the head since she only grazed her head). Just. Like. That.


All I can say is the devil is a busy man.

And not for nothing, my upstairs neighbors are kinda nuts too. They’re like an apartment full of 20-something years old corner boys who clearly think their spot in the hood is the new Playboy Mansion. At 3 am on any given day of the week, they’ll host full on parties, practice dribbling a basketball and or simply play reggaeton until the walls shake.

Puh-lease believe me when I say, I hate Daddy Yankee.

So I understand where Granny was coming from but still…. this right here is nuts.



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