Category: it’s in the genes

Wow, remember House of Pain? Tommy Boy Records? Sorta kinda maybe? Can’t front, for a minute there, the lead rapper Everlast was one sexy looking white dude. And then just like that… Oh well. Guess you can’t fight the genetics forever.


*pours out a lil’ Guiness Stout*

At least that one single, Jump Around managed to stand the test of time. Reminds me of the days when every song played on the radio wasn’t about how much money an artist ALLEGEDLY has at his disposal to toss around at a strip club or worse, all the half naked (and prob disease infested) women willing to be down with the get down. Mmm-hmm…

And the video is still hilarious. Aside from it being beyond low budget; homeboy’s repeated transition from menacing thug to your friendly background check certified postal delivery guy is genius. He’s like what? Ain’t no future in fronting. If this rap ‘ish doesn’t work out, I STILL got my day job!! Say something!

Oh and please peep the chick about to get checked around 1:43. Her reaction is CLASSIC.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

On a whole, I didn’t necessarily dislike the Oscars so much as I felt they were extremely predictable. We all knew Mo’Nique was going to receive a well deserved win and with all the backlash from his notoriously messy divorce and Svengali ways swirling, I also kinda understood it was time for James Cameron to take an L. And quite honestly, I didn’t love most of the dresses… Um, Zoe’s too big purple Can-Can dress? No thank you.


But one thing or rather person I was SO not prepared for was Elinor Burkett, the out-of-control, chubby Willy Wonka looking white woman who bumrushed the stage and pulled a straight Kanye on hapless director-producer, Roger Ross-Williams. No sir, that one COMPLETELY caught me off guard.

Just as the poor guy was about to start speaking, out of nowhere this busty red-head snatched the mic and began to talk over him. LOUDLY. And unlike Kanye, this bish didn’t even give the mc back, Nope, she keep it going till the traveling music started to play.

*crickets*

It’s being reported that Burkett was one of the original producers of the winner of the Best Doc Short Award, “Music by Prudence,” follows Prudence, a disabled woman in Zimbabwe with an incredible singing voice. And that Williams and she had some sort of fall out over the direction of the film and was removed. A year ago.

*Dead Fish Eyes*

All I’m saying is, all’s fair is entertainment and humiliation. And if the entire world can hold a grudge against Kanye and stay crying a river for poor Taylor Swift, then there better be some tears shed for ‘ole dude. READ: Either Rog is now entitled to have his own best year EVER with folks just GIVING him project money and film awards whether he actually has a anything work producing (just like they GAVE Taylor Swift’s semi-talented ass all those Grammys) or I don’t wanna see this chick at another Oscar ceremony for at least the next 5 years. The End.

PS. Peep how in the very beginning Mama Williams blocked Burkett from getting out of the aisle and following behind her son. HEE-Larious!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

DAMN.

So the other night, I had a pizza and TV date with my homie, D. And for some unforeseen reason we ended up watching the new episode in the latest season of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club. Um, how can I put this nicely… Oh. My. God.

Bobby Brown? Tanisha from Bad Girls Club? Shar Jackson? K-Fed? Oh and puh-lease don’t get me started on Nicole Egbert, the lifeguard chick from Baywatch who used to run up and down the beach looking like that red flotation device she carried weighed more than her. Well just know, homegirl has turned into a straight up Kirstie Alley’s mini-me and wait on it.. the bish only weighs 130lbs! Who’s body falls apart at 130lbs?? No ma’am. FAIL.

*makes the sign of the cross and quickly thanks God for good genes*

And while we definitely got our laugh on at these fallen stars’ expense, I have to tell you… Secretly, my heart truly broke for Bobby. To see that bloated face all up close and personal?

Dude, Bobby used to be a SEX SYMBOL. Like forreal. From New Edition to his way too short lived solo career… that man was off da chain. And now look. Sigh. I can’t. Insisting that he’s clean and sober but still sucking down cans of Bud beer and glasses of straight vodka like a damn fish. And when that fat bottom lip got to twitching?

DEAD FISH EYES.

Needless to say, I will be sending up prayers- as I what? Tune in EV’RY damn week.

Seriously? As a woman, there’s little in life better than receiving an unexpected compliment on your hair. Okay, well then again, there might a couple of things but very few can I do on my own.

*dead fish eyes*

So needless to say, it totally made my day when the Lenora the woman behind Newbie Natural Diva blog selected me to be the Natural Beauty of the Month!

Awwww. Thank you, thank you very much! You’re far too kind!


Be sure to check out my naps (and their backstory) in their full glory here:

How ridiculous is it that Joan Rivers got bumped off her flight from Costa Rica because security thought that she was a terrorist? Seriously? The old decrepit white woman with waaaaay too much plastic surgery and a horrible ash blonde dye job? I can’t. Between you and me, I think Joan was probably being a pain in the ass and the chick at Continental was like, “Oh yeah bitchy old lady? I’ll show you.” Mmm-hmm… just. like. that.


But honestly, it still behooves me why everyone in the entire world should suffer this ridiculous backlash because a bunch of lazy ass fools who work for the airport (who were most likely annoyed that they had to work on Christmas) screwed up on the job. Instead of coming up with a bunch of additional rules, wouldn’t the smart thing to do have been to FIRE every employee that was working security and missed the mark that day?
I’m just saying. Obviously they never mastered the old rules. So what, you’re going to try and tack on MORE information? Do the math.

Sigh. Friendly skies my behind…

See now, if you’re gonna get arrested for drunk driving THIS my dears is the way to do it!


According to police reports, 36 year-old Daniel Shilts of Waldo, Wisconsin ran his car into a pole at a gas station and almost slammed into a police cruiser. Then, after failing sobriety tests (DUH!) , the cops decided to transport him to the police station in the back of a squad car.

But wait… It’s at this point where, ‘ole dude begins taking a leak. And not only did he pee all over the back of the cop car, apparently he sprayed through the car’s divider and hit one of the officers in the back of the head with his urine.

*gags and falls over stone cold DEAD*

Okay, okay, I know it’s probably really awful to say but you gotta admit- this ‘ish is HILARIOUS!!! I mean, aside from the whole crashing into a pole and endangering the life of innocent people in the area part… But can you imagine the visual on that? Homeboy aimed and sprayed the back of the cop’s head??? Crazy. And he only saw ONE year in jail for that?? I wonder if this dude is some sort of trust fund baby…

Rich or not, Daniel is so lucky his lily white behind lives in Wisconsin. Cause had he pulled this stunt anywhere in New York… Or worse yet, be BLACK/ HISPANIC/ ASIAN/ COLORED??? No sir. We wouldn’t even be reading about the piss. More like another unidentified dead body in the morgue.

I’m just saying.

I may be a little late on this one but have you seen the video of University of New Mexico soccer player, Elizabeth Lambert Her (yes, I take it she’s German too) literally yanking an opponent from Brigham Young University down to the ground by her ponytail??


Okay forreal, forreal? This ‘ish is CA-Razy!! I couldn’t have made this up if I wanted to- it’s too damn underhanded and vicious. Talkin’ about she thinks it’s all being blown out of proportion because she’s a woman and she was “not out there to hurt players. That would take away from the beauty of the game.”

*Dead Fish Eyes*

No Holly Hobby, let me tell you what would taken away from the beauty of the game. Your lumped up face after the certified ass whooping I would’ve given if your dumb butt had dared to snap my neck back and flip me over face first into the ground by the hair. Bump a damn penalty flag. It would’ve been me, my cleats and the small of your back behind some tomfoolery like this. Trust.

Humph. All I can say is, Jesus be the swift kick to the neck in the name of the game.

I gotta give it to the kid, that Levi Johnson never ceases to bring a nice satisfied smirk to my face. You know, kinda like the one that happens when you unintentionally witness a worthless ex get screamed on in public by his crazy ass stripper baby mama (don’t ask). Mmm-hmm… I swear, this dude STAY giving Sarah Palin da BID-NEZZ.


So peep game, now in addition to previously pulling the entire GOP strategy machine’s ho cards out in a recent Vanity Fair expose on what really happened on the campaign trail when they found out about the pregnancy and agreeing to pose nude for the upcoming Christmas issue of Playgirl, homeboy is threatening to personally AIR SARAH’S ASS OUT if she doesn’t quit poppin’ shit about him.  

Talking ’bout: “Now it’s my turn. If she’s gonna say things about me, I’m gonna leak things about her.  That’s just how it is.”

Oh snap!!!  It’s like THAT Levi?  Word???

All them Alaska rednecks besta stop staring at their view of Russia and come get this boy…

Lil Boosie Interview from Motion Family on Vimeo

Up until I saw this video, I had no idea who/what a  Lil’ Boosie was, let alone listen to any of his so-called music.  But thanks to this ‘ish right HERE?  Why, that illiterate mumblin’ ass fool in now my certified HERO!

And I’m so serious.  

Apparently, homeboy is headed to jail for 10 months at the height of his pathetic career/life. BUT instead of trying to be hard, he goes wide left and says exactly what I’ll bet Lil’ Wayne all the other countless idiots facing/serving time for the “you can take a dumb ass out the hood but you can’t the hood out the dumb ass 101″ charge a.k.a illegal gun possession is thinking: 

“Fuck holdin’ my head… And if  I’m lookin’ mad, look the other way bitch! I’m the one going to do time, fuck all dat. Put somethin’ in a nigga account.”

Priceless.

Lord GOD!  Is it just my imagination or is Lindsey Lohan’s face looking Ca-RAZY recently? 


No, seriously, ever since her massively failed fashion career launch at the Paris shows, homegirl has gone straight leather face- deep etched wrinkles in the brow, blistery looking lips that no lipstick can seem to hide and the perpetual 2+ bags under the bloodshot eyes. Real talk? Homegirl looks a walking hangover.

Hmmm, I wonder if she’s so broke that she can’t afford a make-up artist anymore…. ‘Cause I have to say, even at her bald-headed worst, I don’t remember Brit- Brit’s skin EVA-NEVA looking this tough. Do you?

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