it takes a village | Mitzi Moments

gone baby gone…

By Mitzi on November 12, 2009 in desperate cry for help, i'm not ready to be a grandmother, it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, tapped out

It sure is hard being a parent nowadays, huh? Not that I would know a damn thing about it BUT I gotta admit, reading the recall notice on ALL the Maclaren strollers sold in the US since 1999 kinda made my childless-by-choice nerves bad.

I’m saying, not one or two but TWELVE little kids had a finger chopped off? Woah.

But wait on it… Apparently Maclaren has known about the manufacturing defect for FIVE years. And yet, did absolutely nada. Talking about they were under no legal obligation to report the issue… Err-um, please feel free to insert the classic *Blank Stare W/ Three Blinks*

As if there isn’t enough things in the world to worry about when it comes to the babies? Now, you gotta be careful you don’t “traumatically amputate” a finger or two? Uh-uh, no thank you.

the real war zone…

By Mitzi on September 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay seriously? This video looks like it was shot in third world country. Certainly not on the streets of a major city like Chicago. What in the hell? Where did these kids get the 2×4 planks that they’re swinging around like bats from? Good grief.

My heart goes out to the families of all the kids- the one that lost his life, the ones that got injured in the brawl as well as the ones that are about to go to jail for the rest of their lives behind this tomfoolery.

Let the choir sing…

he’s a fatty…

By Mitzi on September 25, 2009 in cuteness kills, it takes a village, tapped out

So I’m in the supermarket last night and I swear, every other person that passed me by was either pregnant or pushing a stroller. It was the most bizarre thing. And I don’t know if it’s the PMS or what but, I could not stop wishing oohing and awwing like a damn fool.

You know that annoying girl who can’t help but say how adorable every single baby in sight is? Yeah, that was me. Sigh.

But then, I got online this morning and read an article about a woman in Indonesia who just gave birth to a 19-pound baby boy and I almost threw up in my mouth! NINETEEN POUNDS?? I can’t even lift a ten pound dumbbell without bitching and complaining and this lil’ sumo wrestler came out of the womb weighing NINETEEN pounds??

Um, just what in the-made-for the-maury-show- hell is anyone supposed to do with that?

Poor woman is prob gonna throw her back out just trying to carry him home from the hospital. And let’s not talk about what it’s going to cost to properly feed that child. Uh-uh, no ma’am…

Thank you NY Daily News, my biological clock is officially SHUT DOWN.

automatic trip to the ER…

By Mitzi on August 7, 2009 in end of days, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road

Okay, for the record I’m all for teenagers using intimate dance moves to express their sexuality. Call me liberal but all means, get on the dance floor and grind it out all night if that’ll knock off the edge (read: keep the unplanned pregnancy rate down). HOWSOMEVA, there is a LIMITATION to the stupidity. And this recent dancehall craze called daggerin’… well, this is where mama gots to draw the line.

Honestly? Peep the video. I wouldn’t even describe this as imitating rough sex. Nope, survey says straight domestic violence. WTF is that Pum Pum dive at about 3:01?? I wish some negro would leap off a ladder and land on top of me… Shoot. Not for nothing, these hips ain’t NEVER, EVER, EVER been built for that.

Like Elsa used to say, these kids are making my nerves bad. Sigh.

Jesus be a broken pelvis.

‘n’ for nice try…

By Mitzi on July 31, 2009 in end of days, it takes a village, team obama, why we as a people can't get ahead

Wow, its a hard week for the Obamas, huh?

First Barack tries to hold his man ‘Skip’ down and winds up having to suck salt and have a couple of brews with a man that 9 times outta 10 probably didn’t even vote for him. And now, it turns out that the soil in Michelle’s beautiful vegetable garden was fertilized by straight up sewage sludge. Mmm-hmm… READ: every and anything you toss/ flush/ washes down our sewer drains.

Just let me know when your stomach settles… ’cause the visual on that is a bit much.

Apparently, that damn Clinton administration used a sludge-based product to fertilize the garden back in the 1990s and the effects are STILL lingering. So when the National Park Service recently tested the soil beneath the garden to see if the vegetables/ fruit could quality for organic certification, it discovered elevated levels of lead averaging 93 parts per million. Mind you, the EPA recommends that you do not even try to grow food in any soil that tests at 100ppm or higher.

So um yeah, about feeding all the innocent kids in America a salad? Yeah, survey says, no thank you.

one call I won’t accept…

By Mitzi on July 30, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it takes a village, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

When I first read about Rodell Vereen, the South Carolina man that was arrested for having sex with the same horse for the SECOND time (um yeah, you read that right. He actually did it once before but the cops weren’t able to clearly identify him on the stable’s surveillance tape until now), my initial response was to vomit in my mouth. I mean the mental image on that was just too much for my nerves this early in the day…

But then, and feel free to call me crazy, I started to feel bad for homeboy… Mmm-hmm, yeah, I admit it. I actually felt bad for the greasy-looking sexual deviant.

Why? Well, it could be that I’m PMSing and my hormones are all outta wack. Still, call it a hunch but something tells me that he probably isn’t the brightest or wealthiest individual (otherwise, he’d have his own private stable of horse to bonk, no?). So he’s gonna have to reach out to some damn body to bail him out the clinker, right? And the only person you could conceivable call at a time like that would be the poor woman that gave birth to you. And can you EVEN imagine how that conversation went??

“Um yeah, Mommma? Hi. So listen, what had happened was… these folks done caught me getting it in with the neighbor’s filly. And now, well, I’m locked up. Mm-hmm, yes ma’am, as in having sex with the horse. No, no, nothing’s wrong with your hearing. You heard me correctly. S-E-X. But I swear, I she wanted it too… (insert sound of woman wailing and sudden dial tone) Hello? Hello?”

Sigh, poor thang. Let the prayer circle commence.

the real king of new york…

By Mitzi on July 29, 2009 in end of days, i die, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, that sense of entitlement

Wait a minute, why is Mayor Bloomberg so freakin’ GANGSTA??

According to this morning’s NYT, since Bloomberg Administration has not been able to curtail or reduce the problem of overcrowding in the city shelters over the past two terms they’ve now resorted to KICKING non-native homeless families up out of the city. Yes sir… On some real live, ‘No. Actually, you can’t make it here. So please proceed to carry your ass the hell on back to wherever you came from.’

Okay well maybe they’re not saying it like exactly that… But the good Mayor is funding a voucher program that “offers” to send entire homeless families anywhere outside of New York City a relative is willing to take them in. Mmm-hmmm…

And apparently there is no limit on how far these displaced families can go. To date, one-way tickets have been purchased to 24 states and 5 continents including: Paris, Johannesburg, Orlando, San Juan and the list goes on.

But my favorite part? They wanna act like they care about the well being of the families and that this not about getting the number of homeless down so that he can have a justifiable reason for seeking a third term. talking ’bout it’s all voluntary and that “once a family leaves New York, homeless service officials follow up with a phone call to make sure they arrive safely, then make a few more calls over the next two to three weeks.” Um, somebody please feel free to insert the hard side-eye cause I. Can’t. Take. It.

All I’m saying is… if it saves me tax dollars, I’m for damn sure not mad. But I see you Mike. I see you.

let the free flow…

By Mitzi on July 15, 2009 in it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

First of all, lemme tell you- yesterday was a complete SUCCESS!

I had so much fun meeting folks, showing off the new dress, taking a bunch of pictures and most importantly, selling more than my fair share of books. So thank you, thank you to everyone who was able to make it out. It means the world.

But guess what??? All your positive energy worked!!! When I finally got home last night (cause you know even at a book signing there’s always an afterparty), I found out that I was selected to be the new GAP Brand enthusiast!!

WOO HOO- Go Mitzi, get busy!! Go Mitzi, Go Mitzi!!!!! I am SOSOSOSO excited for the free there are no words. And trust, I’ll be updating you as the packages roll in.*

Now, if I can only get Louboutin to holla, we’ll be all to the good.

* Check out the new canvas tote and mini lip-gloss 6-pack they gifted me in the welcome kit.

Real talk? 5 out of the 6 of the mini-gloss colors are def poppin’. But at first glance I wasn’t really loving the bag’s heavy olive/brown overtones. You know the kid is all about a bright color. How-some-ever, when I actually pulled it out of the box- it’s super lightweight, more spacious than it looks, has more than enough pockets and the yellow matches my yoga mat PERFECTLY.

READ: even if I’m dripping in sweat, the lips will be glossy and the bag will be coordinated.

Let the choir sing…

the blueprint…

By Mitzi on July 14, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day

So I went by the NAACP Convention site (the New York Hilton on 6th Ave) yesterday afternoon to kinda scope out the lay of the land and try to drum -up a little last minute publicity for today’s signing- ’cause you know mama is all about the grass root movement.

And can I tell you? There are SO MANY black people in that damn building!! It was like a multi-generational HBCU campus….. Crazy. Please don’t let anyone fool you, the NAACP is still alive and kicking.

I was thinking, if Vernon Jordan was really smart, he’d cut all that damn rallying down and start a NAACP dating service. You know something like, www.blackfolkwithcommonsensemeet.com. Fifty bucks says the registration numbers would be through the ROOF!!! and then, when you had successful matches, people might be more willing to give back and donate. I can see it now- “I met my husband at the NAACP and now, we’re lifetime members.”

Mmm-hmmm, laugh if you want… But I digress.

For those coming out this afternoon (4-6p), the Author’s Pavilion is on the 3rd floor in the back to your left. Just take the escalators straight up and then hang a left when you walk in. You can’t miss it or me- in my pretty dress.

it comes in 3s…

By Mitzi on July 7, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, using our powers for good

As much as I hate it to do it, I gotta call a spade, a spade: It’s been a bad meaning bad, NOT bad meaning good couple of weeks for the folks. Mmm-hmmm…

First we lost the King of Pop, then VIBE Magazine folded (say what you want but for the record, this was where I earned my very first major magazine cover byline. Thanks Danyel!) and now the very married Super Bowl Quarterback Steve McNair was found shot up like Swiss cheese in a condo with his 20 year-old ‘girlfriend.’ Sigh.

My people, my people, we gots to do better.

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