it takes a village | Mitzi Moments

feel like i’m on eastern parkway…

By Mitzi on September 20, 2010 in it takes a village, it's in the genes, using our powers for good

OMG. I. Can’t. Breathe. This little Jamaican girl is going IN on her annoying younger aunty.

All I can say is, God bless Youtube and the genius who typed up the subtitles for giving me LIFE on this long ass day. Amen.

*pours out a little Guinness stout*

so not hannah montana certified…

By Mitzi on September 13, 2010 in i'm not ready to be a grandmother, it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, why we as a people can't get ahead

I had such a good weekend! I swear, it was full of so many firsts….

Attended my first Fashion Night Out (copped the crazy hot pink lipstick that will be making appearances all fall/winter long). I finally visited to Six Flags/ Great Adventures where I rode on an adult roller coaster for the first time (so damn scary, I will NEVER do that again). Oh and thanks to last night’s extra uninteresting VMA show, I actually heard my first Justin Bieber (eh, reminds me of a less talented Justin Timberlake without as much flexibility).

Nope, I can’t complain at all.

Speaking of underage performers with way too much hype, I’m curious to know what you guys think about Willow Smith’s new first single, Whip My Hair.

While I’m the first to admit that the song has a great beat/ contagious lyrics, doesn’t it concern you at all that a freaking 9 year-old is the one singing these lyrics? Like forreal, homegirl isn’t even ten and she’s already talking about having “haters”? I mean not to be funny but ain’t Willow and her brother home schooled? Who hating on her? Listen… *sucks the back of my teeth HARD* That child doesn’t even have friends, let alone haters. So, what’s next? A song about her falling in love? At NINE??? I can’t with that image.

Oh and if nothing else, lemme ask you this: While all that sass is really adorable on a music record, is it gonna be as cute when your little niece, nephew and godkids start whippin’ their hair at you?

BLANK STARE.

Right. Didn’t think so.

I’mma need Jada to try and find some age appropriate subject matter for her daughter PRONTO. Cause right now, lil Willow is steady reminding me of those nosey little kids that are always busy eavesdropping on their parents conversations when they should be playing with friends. And then, repeating back the gossip like they’re an authority. Uh-uh, too grown.

Love the Smiths as a Hollywood powerhouse but this right here is truly bordering on a parental fail.

whats a bite between friends…

By Mitzi on September 8, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Lord have mercy, ya’ll voyeuristic animal lovers are gonna learn to leave these wild animals alone I tell you.

First the tiger in the little Miami wildlife park and now, the lion at the MGM resort in Vegas done attacked and bit one of its trainers in the leg. And again, the whole thing is caught on camera by nosey onlookers

Experts talking about the trainer seemed to stiffen up when the lion looked at him. And in the wild, that’s a sign of aggression. So like a teenager, was simply trying to show his dominance.

BLANK STARE.

Um, I assume that this man is a trained profession, correct? (Hence why he was getting in the glass container with these cats to begin with.) So why wouldn’t he know not to “stiffen up” if that’s all it was? Uh-uh, sorry bruh. I don’t believe you. I think this lion-just like that tiger that jumped the 14-foot fence- was just tired of the shenanigans. The End.

Although quite honestly, my favorite part is the lioness jumping on the back of the lion like, “CHILL negro! You know how fickle these damn humans are. One minute you’re their main attraction and the next, they’re euthanizing that ass!!”‘

ROFL ROFL Yes, I’m an idiot….

But so are the folks that think it’s cute to keep a grown lion and lioness in a oversized fishbowl for tourists to ogle. So there.

it’s the little things…

By Mitzi on September 1, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, using our powers for good

Praise God!

Just when it seemed like we were living in a world full of psychopaths who

toss newborn puppies into a river for kicks and deranged sickos who drive heated nails and metal particles in to the legs and head of their own maid because she complained about being overworked, Cee-Lo saves the day by releasing the official video to his single, F*ck You! And, it is absolutely perfect.

*happy sigh*

Enjoy!

u get no points for originality…

By Mitzi on August 17, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

So eer-um yeah, about the unemployed, single mother of three in South Carolina who just confessed to suffocating her two sons to death with her bare hands because she was stressed out, dead ass broke and felt overwhelmed? PAUSE. Oh and my fave part? That the 500-lb beauty queen tried to cover-up the murders by recycling a new version that crazy white woman, Susan Smith’s story about losing control of the car and it (along w the babies) would up at the bottom a nearby lake…. ‘Cept I guess she decided to skip the part about the carjackers, huh?

SIGH.

Um Precious…. kids are not kittens. You don’t bag ‘em up and toss them in the lake when the litter gets to be too much. You just don’t. Dummy.

I swear, I have Z-E-R-O sympathy for women that CHOOSE to have a whole gang of kids and when ‘ish hits the fan- they suddenly can’t cope. At All. Newsflash: being a parent is so much more than sperm meeting egg in your uterus. I don’t care what the Bible tells you, if your life is a shit show to begin with, don’t bring another helpless dependent into nonsense.

*looks directly at the pro-life zealots protesting outside of abortion clinics around the country*

Again, it’s craziness like this that should serve as a wake-up call to Republicans and conservatives who want to restrict access to birth control. Cause if didn’t nobody else figure it out; trust me, the good Lord himself knew that this woman didn’t have any business having THREE children. Raising them by her damn self. In poor ass South Carolina.

Geesh.

art imitates life…

By Mitzi on August 5, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue

So err-umm…. yeah.

Not for nothing, It was a lot easier to listen/ enjoy this song before I watched the video. Although I must say, it definitely reinforces why I avoid those box-cutter, manic love type relationships like a cold sore on Christmas day. I don’t care how good the make-up sex is… I don’t EVER want anyone to love me like this.

Oh and am I the only one who felt super uncomfortable watching Rih-Rih make those faces as she sung the chorus? Like, you can’t be a victim and simultaneously be down for the get down. Doesn’t work like that. It’s just my opinion (well shit, its my blog), but I’m thinking she should’ve done much more crying than mean mugging. *kanye shrug* It seems waaaay too soon for her to be leering and ice grilling at the camera in regards to anything remotely related to domestic violence ma.

Too. Soon.

speech, speech…

By Mitzi on June 30, 2010 in it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day

Oooh-ee, it’s good to be me today. Not only did I finally get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, but I woke up in one healthy piece to celebrate the 12 year anniversary of my liver transplant! Yep, TWELVE YEARS. Can you imagine? WOO HOO!!!

*cartwheels across the living room*

Now normally, I’d spend this day running the streets with my mom or BFFs. BUT in light of the recession, an impending bar examination and recent births, I’m forced to stay my fast ass at home and accomplish some work. Le Sigh. But before I return to the grown-up portion of this 2nd life…

I wanna give a quick shout to all the people and things that have helped me see another year:

-God... for blessing me in more ways than I’ll ever know. Good lookin’ on the save this past summer. It was definitely a little nervous but as always you came through.

-Elsa… for being my being my sounding board. I know I be talking a straight hole in your head but if not you, who?

-My Entire Family… I never underestimate the importance of knowing the origin of my craziness. Not to mention all the great home-cooked meals you guys have provided along the way!

-My Meds… I realize that very transplant recipient isn’t lucky enough to find the right combination. I appreciate every handful that I’ve swallowed.

-My Friends… Ya’ll knuckleheads inspire, motivate and amaze me with the non-stop shenanigans. I am so blessed to have folks in my life that I can depend on to flip a table or two when i’sh hits the fan. In return, I promise to change all names and incriminating details when I drop the tell-all.

-My Mentors… I stand on the shoulders of giants, especially when it comes to my career. ‘Preciate all the fab women and men who have talked my scary behind through my moments of crisis.

-My Agents… Your subtle threats get me up and working every morning. I appreciate your steadfast faith. And any moment now, I pinkie swear to deliver on those proposals.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

-The Brazee Family… Your selfless generosity during a time of unspeakable tragedy is the reason that I am here today. Truly, there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not aware of the second chance that I was given because of your loss. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

*curtsies and exits stage left*

bout to cop ron’s new single & a bag of tht indian yaki…

By Mitzi on June 18, 2010 in it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

Couple of things and then its back to grind:

1. Congrats to the LA Lakers! I am not and will never be a fan of Kobe Bryant but one monkey don’t stop no show. Like it or not, when it mattered the entire team dug in and managed to turn that game around in the 23rd & 1/2 hour. And not for nothing, Phil Jackson is one of my favorite professional coaches. So here’s to Phil and one particularly psychic Laker fan, ya’ll made the magic happen last night. Le sigh.

2. Vanessa Bryant and the bedazzled mini-Kobes were a lot. Like seriously? I swear her and them lil’ girls were down on center court faster than freaking security! Granted, we all know Mr. Bryant told her to have that ass front & center if/when they won but still… Can you relax and stop throwing cut-eye while that man celebrates with his teammates? Jeesh. (Lord knows, if the 1st Lady of the Lakers was African-American, folks would be calling her clingy ass all kinds of emasculating right about now. SMH. That good-good hair works wonders, I tell ya.)

3. Ron Artest is everything to me today. So proud of that man for giving props where it’s due and shouting out his therapist!! I can only imagine how much craziness that poor woman had to wade through before she got his mind on the right track. DEAD FISH EYES. Say what you want but maybe if a more athletes and “high powered” men (um yes, I put that shit in quotes for a reason) would carry their macho asses to therapy, there’d be less drama and confusion poppin’ off. Looks directly at Michael Vick, Kwame Kilpatrick, Plaxico Burress, Lil’ Wayne, Lawrence Taylor, T.I., and every fool ass Black man with a lil’ money and influence that’s been in the headlines for some extra preventable bullshit.

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT of the entire post:If Rajan Rondo is need of any type of extra-curricular hand-holding/ comforting between now and next season, puh-lease be sure to point that adorable knobby-kneed boy in my direction. Not now, but right now.

Thanks.

sunshine on a cloudy day…

By Mitzi on June 16, 2010 in it takes a village, using our powers for good

Err-um, have you seen Jada on the cover of the new issue of Essence? Woah. Homegirl is H-O-T.

Even more fire is the ‘Why I ♥ Being A Black Woman’ feature.

Like seriously, what a breath of fresh air to see such a positive cover line on an already breathtaking cover! And guess what? The inspiring opener was written by my fabulous & prolific co-author Denene Millner. All I can say is: if there was ever a question, here is your answer.

I know there’s a recession and all but take my word for it, it’s worth the splurge. Purchase this month’s issue of Essence. You will not regret it.

Another fantastic job ‘Nene!

lifetime supply of condoms, birth control & nicotine gum please…

By Mitzi on June 9, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, tapped out

OMG, today’s video just broke my heart.

Like seriously, how do we live in a world where a grown ass man thinks turning his 18-month year old son onto cigarettes is not a big deal- ’cause the kid still looks healthy to him. Meanwhile, the wackass mother insists there is there’s nothing she can do about the now 2 year-old’s 40 cigarettes-a-day habit. SMH.

But wait on it, why does baby Artie know EXACTLY what he’s doing!?! Talking about he will only smoke one brand. And if he can’t get his cigarettes he throws a tantrum and bangs his head against the wall. What the hell?

BLANK STARE as visions of backhands and multiple ass whoopings dance through my brain.

Right.

And not to be funny but… who’s paying for all them damn cigarettes? ‘Cause last time according to the article in the NY Post, the father is a fishmonger (READ: glorified fisherman) and all ya’ll are living in a damn hut somewhere out in rural Indonesia.

FAIL.

How’s this for an idea? Instead of kicking out for Artie’s cancer sticks maybe, just MAYBE they should slap a nicotine patch on his back and try using that money towards some t-shirts that fit the lil’ fatty.

No offense.

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