Category: going to hell in a handbasket

So I’ve been sitting here all day feeling totally unmotivated. You know, like when you just can’t get anything done? I woke up with every intention of washing up last night’s dishes, going to the gym, washing my hair, responding to the 101 emails that I receive everyday and possibly even starting to write this book that’s due on May 1st. And despite all my good intentions, the only thing I seem to be able to do is curl up in a ball on my couch and talk on the phone.
Now I admit, there are days that I suffer from delusions of grandeur where I convince myself that I am a skinny wealthy housewife who can spend all day eating Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes and watching Maury instead of being productive. But today wasn’t that day.
Turns out that today, I actually have a a legit reason for my slacker behavior- I AM FREEZING. It’s 36 degrees and I have no heat or hot water. What in the world? Of course I don’t want to type, my fingers are numb. Of course I can’t wash up the dishes or even bathe, I aint got no hot water. Basically, I’m paying over a 1K a month to be cold, stinky and unproductive. Good grief. And jsut when I was making plans to start sleeping on the kitchen floor in front of my oven doorwith the dog, the oil truck showed up. Seriously? At 5p? Don’t they know I live among Dominicans and we can’t last two secs without heat let alone all day!!! If this keeps up, I may have to go get a job.

So it turns out that E-Dub wasn’t just talking that ish… according to http://www.dlisted.com/ (my fave source for mainstream celeb trash talk), JLo is actually going to be delivering the babies at Long Island Medical Center, the hospital where she works/slaves for the man. Very interesting. On a totally unrelated and superficial point, from the looks of this picture, Jen Jen would want to go on and have them babies before she passes the point of snap back return. Cause when looks are all you have going for you, don’t nobody need to see a jiggly Jenny from the Block… I’m just saying.

Sigh, don’t you just love well trained dogs? You the know the kind that come when they’re called, sit and fetch on command, have been housebroken since you first met them? Not to wax all nostalgic on our four-legged friends but quietly, I was feeling aways when I noticed that I missed the Westminster Show this past weekend. For the first time like- ever-a beagle, named Uno; won the Westminster Kennel Club’s ‘Best In Show prize for 2008. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/13/sports/othersports/13westminster.html?em&ex=1203051600&en=c8da5dd435661271&ei=5087%0A

Trust me when I tell you that Uno the showdog is a far, far cry from Mighty, the super spoiled, nappy haired dog that I’m stuck babysitting through the weekend (and my sister says that I don’t love her).
Aside from the fact that I don’t necessarily care for small dogs, Mighty is about 30 pounds of nothing but bad dog. He whines constantly, barks at the tiniest noise (did I mention that I live in the hood? where police sirens, babies crying and folks arguing is considered mood music) requires a pillow, bed, blanket and countless toys to be comfortable and takes his dumps IN the house (wee wee pads are the tools of the devil).

I swear, if he tries to jump up on my couch or pee in my living room ONE more time, there’s going to have to be a prayer circle for for his salvation.

That didn’t know this chick was in rehab? Really Eva? Is THIS what we’re doing now? Didn’t she get the memo that when you get make it to the pages of Instyle you’re was supposed to leave the Johnny Walker filled flask behind? Uh-uh, unfortunate looking love scenes with Will and Denzel don’t make you a big enough celeb for this type of behavior senorita. Boo, hiss boo.

On another note, I have to say how much I appreciate that Health Ledger’s unfortunate ‘accidental overdose’ on prescription meds has now become the impetus for all kinds of whatever white celebrities to run to rehab. Yes, hello Kirsten Dunst. Who’s next? Jessica Simpson?

I only wish there was rehab for piss poor acting. Then everytime a movie BOMBED or the performance was NOT-SO-MUCH, folks could get to running there…. I can hear it now- “Hi, my name is Cuba…”

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