Mitzi Moments

Category: end of days

spirit sucks anyway…

By on April 7, 2010 in end of days, it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue

Here’s the thing- I understand that the rising prices of gasoline makes the cost of air travel ridiculous. So as much as I resent the idea, if I insist on checking a bag, then I simply suck it up and pony up the extra moolah. End of the story. But there is a limitation to the stupidity. And ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Spirit Airlines has jumped the shark.

According to Metro Newspaper, as of August 1st Spirit Airlines intends to charge passengers up to $45 for any carry-on luggage they store in the overhead compartments. No hun, you read that correctly- you can only bring one item that fits under your seat or you’re going to be charged an additional fee.

Oh and wait on it… when questioned about the new policy the smartass Chief Operating Officer of Spirit Ken McKenzie replied, “Bring less, pay less. It’s simple.”

BLANK STARE

Err-um Kenny boy, how about this – More fees, less passengers. That’s simple too.

Seriously? This is ridiculous. How often does the average person board a plane to go somewhere that only requires one change of clothes and a toothbrush? So what, now you’re going to have folks blocking access to the aisles because they’re trying to cram an overnight bag under the seat to save $50.

Boo, hiss, boo.

final boarding call…

By on April 5, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, Mitzi- all day every day

Sooo I felt my first earthquake yesterday afternoon… well the aftershocks at least.

Gotta say, as much as I enjoy hanging out in LaLa Land, I’m not a fan. And despite the BFF assuring me that it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could’ve been, I was genuinely scared as hell when the windows and the walls started shaking. Oh and did I mention how long it lasted? Oh yeah, the walls didn’t just shake a little something and stop like I’ve always imagined. No sir, everything kept rockin’ for a good minute or so. Mm-hmm… Survey says no thank you.

But I will say, I was a true New Yorker about it. I didn’t scream, I didn’t run, I just got very, very quiet. In fact, all I did was ask Carla why the floor was suddenly moving under my feet. And as soon as she said, “Because we’re there’s an earthquake going on,” I immediately found my behind a seat on the couch and what? Shut the hell up til it was over. Matter of fact, I didn’t really start talking about an hour later when we finally left the apartment and were outside in the free and clear- ’cause I didn’t want to tempt the fates.

BLANK STARE

I know, I know, don’t judge me. But please believe that the kid will NOT be missing her flight home tomorrow.

f’ck the fine print…

By on March 29, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

It’s official, insurance company executives are spawn of the devil. According to today’s New York Times, lawyers for the insurance companies are now arguing that language in the new Health Care Bill is open to interpretation. And while the bill now requires them to pay the expenses generated from a child’s pre-existing conditions if the child is already covered by their parent’s policy, it DOES NOT require them sell new policies to children with pre-existing conditions.


BLANK STARE

So essentially, if they find out that your child has a pre-existing condition before they offer coverage, they can charge you a more expensive penalty fee or simply refuse to cover your child at all. And the ‘availability’ coverage that requires that everyone receive insurance doesn’t go into effect until 2014.

DEAD

I. Can’t. How the hell do these people sleep at night?

granny goes hard…

By on March 26, 2010 in end of days, it's in the genes, pocket full of dirty tissue, stressed the hell out, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh wait, now this is some fun-ny ‘ish!



PAUSE

After numerous unresolved calls to 311, apparently Maria hit the wall. She freaked out, called her husband at work, started screaming that she couldn’t take the torturous noise anymore. Then as fate would have it, she just so ‘happened’ to run into said neighbor, Iraida Palmieri in the elevator shortly thereafter. According to Maria , Iraida was actin’ funny and refused to move over and make space in the elevator car. So Maria told her to move or she was gonna shoot that ass. Iraida who is the wife of a famous Latin jazz pianist, wrongly called Maria’s bluff and ended up with one to the head (well, really just upside the head since she only grazed her head). Just. Like. That.

BLANK STARE WITH 3 SLOOOOOW BLINKS

All I can say is the devil is a busy man.

And not for nothing, my upstairs neighbors are kinda nuts too. They’re like an apartment full of 20-something years old corner boys who clearly think their spot in the hood is the new Playboy Mansion. At 3 am on any given day of the week, they’ll host full on parties, practice dribbling a basketball and or simply play reggaeton until the walls shake.

Puh-lease believe me when I say, I hate Daddy Yankee.

So I understand where Granny was coming from but still…. this right here is nuts.

if Madea shows up, I’m walking out…

By on March 25, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Well lookey here, something else kinda controversial that happened while I was busy celebrating the Health Care Bill (that could potentially be no more thanks to the fabulous US Senate):


Tyler Perry finally announced the cast to the upcoming feature adaptation of Ntozake Shange’s famous choreopoem “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.”

Or rather, I should say a partial list. Because although there are only seven nameless women in the original work that we’ve all come to know and love, Mr. Perry has stated that there will be FIFTEEN roles in the film.

*DEAD FISH EYES*


Anyhoo, here it is:
- Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rahsad, Jurnee Smollett, Kimberly Elise, Kerry Washington, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Macy Gray

*crickets*

Yeah… I was rocking with him right up until Janet. After that, no. Not so much. But hey, I love a surprise and believe in prayer. So you never know, maybe Macy will surprise us all….

*whips out rosary and gets to mumblin’ my Hail Marys”

$95,000 ain’t worth spit…

By on March 18, 2010 in end of days, i die, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Jesus, it sucks to be Sandra Bullock today. Cause not for nothing, having your husband’s affair with the trashy tattoo-covered stripper/ wanna-be hairdresser as the lead story of every major news outlet cannot feel good. Especially after that heartfelt shout out Sandra gave Jesse when robbed Gabourey for the Oscar. You remember… “I love you so much and you are really hot. I want you so much.” Uh-huh, exactly.


But before you start to cry a river for Miss Congeniality, be sure to save a few for Anthony McCoy, the Tennessee man who was arrested for not paying his child support. During the booking process, homeboy had his gold fronts (mind you, these were the permanent kind that are attached by dental glue) RIPPED from his mouth by a pissy police officer because she didn’t think they were appropriate for his mugshot. You did see where I wrote, right? RIPPED from his mouth. Pause. How crazy is that? According to his lawyer, in addition to the golds, LAYERS of enamel and small pieces of the gum line were pulled off during the ordeal as well.

* gags uncontrollably*

Now, I’m so not not a fan of men that refuse to pay child support but this ‘ish is beyond barbaric. Who does stuff like this? In her defense, I guess the police officer thought he was lying about the fronts being removable but still…

Once the man’s mouth filled with BLOOD and TISSUE, it’s obvious she was wrong. But wait on it… instead of admitting an error she simply tossed him a garbage can to spit inside. And then all the correction officers at the jail where he was held (cause they didn’t let him go) denied his repeated requests for medical attention for TEN freaking DAYS???

SILENCE (with mouth firmly shut)
Can you even imagine the kind of pain this man was in???? Good Lord. I get nervous if the dentist scrapes too hard during my bi-yearly cleaning. To suffer through something like that, I’d probably die. No. I take that back. I’d definitely die.

everybody is not built to be a parent…

By on March 12, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So for the record, I am LOVING the new Lady Gaga video featuring Beyonce. Well done! If I ever decide to swing the other way, please believe it will be with that white woman. Homegirl is on a whole other level and I for one am not mad at all.

Speaking of hot music videos… Did ya’ll hear about the craziness with director of the Fugees’s killing Me Softly video? To quote my boy Special P, YOOOO!


DEAD FISH EYES

Talking about he was trying to create a pure bloodline because the world was coming to an end and it was just going to be him and his offspring inheriting the earth.

SILENCE

But wait on it- Dude wasn’t even attempting to be discreet about the crazy like those other pervs we’ve heard about recently. Nope, there were no children locked in a Brooklyn basement. This negro was brazenly running around calling his daughters his wives in PUBLIC. Like what, say something.

Matter of fact, he even told the woman that he was living with back in 2002, the whole story. This chick was a LAWYER at a top Manhattan firm. And she didn’t say a single WORD.

“He was this successful artist who had worked with the Fugees,” explains Subhana Rahim to The Daily News. “I was shocked when he told me that they were his daughters and that he’d been sleeping with them. I didn’t try to understand something so ridiculous.”

Okay… so at the time you refused to understand but eight years later you want to tell people about it? Really??

Can we all say, Educational FAIL.

I’ll tell you what, if ANYONE I know ever starts talking about sleeping with his own offspring, boyfriend, baby father, husband or not, I’m going to the po-po IMMEDIATELY. As in not now, but RIGHT NOW while wearing nothing but my pajamas and head scarf. And I don’t give a DAMN if you were just kidding.

I do NOT play those reindeer games.

My heart goes out to these kids. I pray that not only does this animal get thrown UNDER the jail for these crimes but that ALL the women who had knowledge and were complacent about the abuse, join him there as well.

*tosses holy water like I’m popping champagne*

no respect for the short bus…

By on March 11, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

You know what? I am 30 secs away from climbing back up in my mother’s womb and staging a do-over on my entire LIFE right now. No forreal. Because I just don’t understand what kind of world we live in where wait on it… folks in Staten Island are breaking into elementary schools and stealing the PETS of AUTISTIC students!!! Are you serious right now?


I understand that times are rough. Hence, right, wrong or indifferent folks gotta do what they gotta do… So I can sorta kinda not really understand the thought process behind swiping the electronic equipment and toys. But snatching the HAMSTER? Come ON. That right there is like, kicking the cripple. Survey says: No can do.

To make matter worse, the no count heathens KNEW they were taking that damn rodent from kids with special needs. How could they not? The freaking name of the school is Eden II School for Children with Autism.

DEAD ASS SILENCE

Honestly, I don’t even know what else to say about this…

*digs a rosary from the bottom of the keepsake chest and gets to praying*

r.i.p. corey haim…

By on March 10, 2010 in end of days, moment of silence, pocket full of dirty tissue

In the spirit of full disclosure, I must confess that I am tired. For various reasons- none worth discussing or even remembering-I haven’t gotten enough sleep over the past couple of days. So my ability to stomach the crazy is dangerously low.


Needless to say, when I read the Reuters headline: ‘Seal Meat to Be on Menu at Canadian Parliament‘ something TOLD me to mind my business and not click the link… You know I clicked, right? Sigh.
The devil is a busy man.

It seems that Canada’s Conservative government has decided to demonstrate their OPPOSITION to the European Union’s ban on the imports of seal products and the annual seal hunt- which takes place from March to April and involves killing the helpless seals by shooting them or a hit over the head with a spiked club called a hakapik- by serving seal meat in the parliamentary restaurant today. The ban was imposed last July on the grounds that the hunt is inhumane. Uh, ya think?

*dead fish eyes*

Just so I’m clear- Canada is supposed to be this big ‘ole country full of humanitarians and peaceful people, correct? YET they co-sign on murdering defenseless animals by knockin’ them upside the head with a spiked club? And you not only co-sign, but you go so far as to put the meat on your lunch menu? Yeah, okay…

Sounds like the same shady grass that grows here in the US.
I’m so sure there’s a warm seat in hell for folks that do stuff that this. By all means, please feel free to make yourself comfortable.

you might wanna call your loved ones…

By on March 1, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, tapped out

GANG STARR – TAKE IT PERSONAL from IrefutabilNews on Vimeo.

First there was the messy 2-day blizzard here in NYC, then a devastating earthquake in Chile, followed by a not-quite tsunami in Hawaii (how bizarre was it to almost witness a freaking natural disaster live on CNN?) and last but not least the recent Twitter reports that Guru from Gang Starr (one of my favorite hip hop groups of all time) suffered cardiac arrest last night and is now in a coma awaiting surgery. Dude was only 43 years old. Woah.


I feel like an elderly lady- my nerves are frazzled.

It’s time to pray… Or drink. Or something. ‘Cause this is a lot for one random weekend.

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