end of days | Mitzi Moments

not safe for work or damn near anywhere else…

By Mitzi on February 26, 2010 in end of days, i die, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh Lord, I’m so confused. Somebody, anybody, help me please.

What in the unholy HELL is this CHILD doing in this video?? Really? With the the black socks/ sneaker combo and one leg up? Oh-uh-uh… And wait on it- all those dingy looking sheets and comforters in the background?

*starts tossing bleach like I’m Puff poppin’ champagne*

All I can say is, Jesus be the ass whooping I would put on this overgrown teenager if he was my child. WORD.

Oh and when you pull your face off the floor, feel free to thank Freshalina for the laughs HERE

PTA gangstas…

By Mitzi on February 25, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue

Wow, Rhode Island is NOT playing when it comes to their children’s education (or more importantly, taxpayers’ moolah). Straight up firing an entire high school’s faulty because the students are under performing? That ‘ish is GANGSTER!!

*throws serious side -eye at some of these worthless public schools here in Harlem*

And while I like the idea of completely cleaning house, the fact that 97 % of the students are living in poverty (which means they don’t have anywhere NEAR supportive home environment) and 65% are 1st generation Hispanic where for most English is not the first language (which means a whole lot of stuff is getting lost in translation), leads me to believe that some of these teachers were up against some pretty shitty odds from the gate.

But you know, I guess we’ll have to see.

god be whispering, so you gotta listen carefully…

By Mitzi on February 3, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue

So Syed Rahman, the bar worker that murdered 24 year-old Ingrid Rivera this past August at Lil’ Kim’s birthday party, finally pleaded guilty, huh? Dang…

Ironically, my girl and I were JUST talking about how unsafe some of these so-called super clubs in the city can be for women and she mentioned this very incident. *cues the creepy horror movie instrumental music*

Honestly, this case was always unsettling to me because I’m a HUGE believer in spiritual signs and paying attention to what the universe is trying to tell you. And ultimately, had ole’ girl not finagled so hard be inside that party, her ass would still be alive. And that’s nothing but the truth.

(For those that don’t know the deets: For whatever reason homegirl got kicked out of the party. Then, the creepy bar worker with his own personal agenda helped her sneak back inside through the service entrance. At the end of the night, she supposedly threatened to tell people that he was the one who let her back inside the club- Personally, I think he prob tried to force her to have sex and she was like hell no and then threatened to tell on his ass. Either way, his psycho ass slit her throat and knocked her over the head. The End.)

Mind you, I’m not judging homegirl. ‘Cause at one point or another, we’ve all thought that if we didn’t get invited or gain access to a certain event, it was going to be the end of days. It’s just too bad, that getting her way cost this young lady her life.

Stay alert party people.

is this your super…

By Mitzi on February 1, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

I spend a lot of time complaining about all the things that suck about my apartment building. You know the whole, corner boys at the door instead of a legit doorman, the neighbor’s dog using my doormat as her personal Wee Wee pad, having to play hide and seek with the hot water every other day, and the list goes on… But one thing I’ve never worried about was my super being a damn LEVEL 3 SEX OFFENDER.

So my heart goes out to all the tenants living in the Upper West side buildings owned by Stanley Katz (specifically at 144 W.73rd, 140, and 142 W.75th Streets).

‘Cause I know you pay RIDICULOUSLY more rent than I do and definitely don’t deserve to go to sleep at night knowing that a man who raped a teenager and attacked three little girls between the ages of 5 and 7 while forcing other children WATCH the abuse, holds the spare key to your apartment.

*DEAD FISH EYES*

That is all.

lookin’ like he’d serve you cat in a NY minute…

By Mitzi on January 28, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

I‘ll admit, with all the bi-partisan pacifying and Republican ass kissing, Team Obama was truly working my last nerves these past couple of weeks. Yeah, I said it.

But after taking the time to read last night’s State of the Union this morning (I was out to dinner with one of the BFFs last night), it’s safe to say my unabashed crush on President continues… Sigh.

In fact, I’m in such an upbeat mood, I won’t ruin it by getting mired down in all the grisly details of the psycho illegal Chinese immigrant who repeated stalked the owner of a temporary employment agency, attacked with a hammer & knife, killed and ripped out her heart and lungs when the poor woman couldn’t find him a job.

Mind you, dude had already been sent to El Paso, Tex., for deportation proceedings four years ago for attacking the same woman. But instead of immediately throwing Huang Chen out of the country, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement put him on supervised release and let him come back to NYC. *blank stare* Mmm-hmm, while ya’ll worrying about some Mexicans who just wanna do yard work and take care of their families…

No. No sir, I WILL NOT give in to the dark side today (But feel free to read all about it here).

And let me say this- I sure hope all the Republicans and fake ass ‘conservative’ Democrats that were sitting their rolling there eyes and throwing shade as Barack implored them to create more jobs get wind of this tragedy. ‘Cause times are hard on the boulevard and I assure you, the madness is not going to stop till folks catch a break.

charge it to the game…

By Mitzi on January 22, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay here’s the thing, when it comes to other folk’s relationships, I do my damdest not to judge. If you like it, I love it. If you love it, I adore it. I don’t know what compromises it takes for you to close your eyes and go to sleep peacefully next to that man/woman every night. And quite frankly, it’s NOT my business.

With that said; while I will never advocate or co-sign on the act of sleeping with/ dating someone who is legally married, I’d be a fool to think it doesn’t happen… Shoot, my some of the better people I know and love (heeey Dad!) have been perpetrators of this kind of selfish & thoughtless behavior. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

But by nature, humans are imperfect and bound to make mistakes. The important thing is: You live, you learn, in some cases you get divorced but above all you DISCREETLY move on.

Unfortunately, it seems that recently the concept of discretion has been lost on modern day women and men who practice of tricking. Sigh.

Exhibit A: The random ass, two-bit, former sidepiece of Charles E. Phillips — president of tech conglomerate Oracle and wait on it… a member of Obama’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board. Yeah, he’s THAT dude. (Somebody throw me in the coffin NOW, please)

Apparently after Phillips finally ended the 8.5 year long affair in a last ditch attempt to save his family and reconcile with his wife, this bish went and paid at least a quarter million for several BILLBOARD SIGNS across the COUNTRY (3 alone are in NYC. Check it out on the corner of W. 52nd and Broadway) showing pictures of two all hugged up and canoodling with statements that read: Charles & YaVuaghnie… I will love you forever. “

WOAH.

Phillip, Phillip, Phillip… oh buddy, the HATE in my heart for you. 8.5 years? You done stepped out on your wife & kids for EIGHT & A HALF years with a triflin’ chick crazy enough to plaster BILLBOARDS around the NATION?? Ultimately you are the one who’s most responsible for this madness. And you deserve EVERY sleepless night of embarrassment you endure Mr. Super Exec and Obama Advisory Board Member. You sir, are an unbelievably worthless man.

How-some-ever, instead of billboards I wish she would’ve messengered this info in a LETTER to every board member at Oracle and the Advisory board. Instead, his wife and kids must suffer this a heartbreaking public humiliation. Cause be clear, no matter what her reasons for staying in this train wreck of a situation, this woman has to wake up every day and swallow the fact that the man she married clearly didn’t love her enough to protect her and her children. And that is a bitter pill I hope that no one I care about EVER has to swallow.

And as for YaVaunie (and every other adultress reading this):

Hello??? YOU are the other woman. You know, as in NOT THE WIFE. Stay your no self-esteem having/ trashy-behind in ya lane! I don’t care how many times he says he loves you, you are not special. And no ho, they DON’T LEAVE their real families. So, stop trying to drag his entire everybody down in the crazy!

Plastering 3-foot tall billboards is not going to change ANYTHING. You WILLINGLY wasted 8.5 years of your life on someone not worth the phlem on the sole of your shoe. That was YOUR FAULT! Further embarrassing yourself buy putting up these signs and a website dedicted to the relationship is TRAGIC and PATHETIC.

And if it was MY damn husband? The Lord knows I’m trying to be a better person but… After I leave him scarred, penniless, and living in fear for his life under a ROCK somewhere, please believe I’m coming to kick your ass too!

Bet on that.

going (not-so) hard…

By Mitzi on January 7, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

As much as I love making them, New Year’s Resolutions tend to be a big fat pain in the arse to keep…. ESPECIALLY the one where I promise to workout more regularly and eat healthy foods. Don’t ask why but somehow or the other, I always wind up on my couch scarfing down an order of McDonalds greasy (but oh so yummy) fries. Sigh. Those things are dusted with crack I tell you.

But this year is different.

And to prove how committed I am to once and for all achieving this lifestyle change, I’m upping the ante: As of January 7, 2010, I, Mitzi Miller am officially shutting down shop and going celibate until I lose these annoying ass 8lbs that have been hanging around my face and waist since September. Damn you Prednisone.

Mmm-hmm, just like that.

I’m officially on a mission to reclaim my waistline and get these shakey-bakey thighs back under control PRONTO. And you know what they say… if you can speak it you can achieve it. Mind you, I don’t know if ‘they’ ever tried giving up sex but we shall see.

Pray for me (and my libido)…

spare me the tell-alls…

By Mitzi on January 6, 2010 in end of days, it ain't easy, tagging out

I hate to admit it but, I do believe 2009 left me completely void of empathy for the celeb shenanigans. Go figure.

Sure, there was a small part of me that felt shocked when I heard about Gilbert Arenas’s simple ass pulling a gun out on his teammate over a gambling debt. But an even greater percentage of my response was very whatever. Like, that’s the best you got Gilbert? No offense.

And trust, I had even less of a response to Jayson Williams’ latest DUI induced car crash early Tuesday morning or Mariah Carey’s drunken acceptance speech at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival last night.

Yeah, after giving it some thought, what I’d really like to see in 2010 is a lot less basic bloopers and silly stunts and a whole hell of a lot more of celebs doing their freaking jobs. You know, ENTERTAIN me.

It sure would be nice to have an exciting championship series or even a fabulous album to discuss… I’m just saying.

making greyhound look sexy…

By Mitzi on January 5, 2010 in end of days, it's in the genes, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

How ridiculous is it that Joan Rivers got bumped off her flight from Costa Rica because security thought that she was a terrorist? Seriously? The old decrepit white woman with waaaaay too much plastic surgery and a horrible ash blonde dye job? I can’t. Between you and me, I think Joan was probably being a pain in the ass and the chick at Continental was like, “Oh yeah bitchy old lady? I’ll show you.” Mmm-hmm… just. like. that.

But honestly, it still behooves me why everyone in the entire world should suffer this ridiculous backlash because a bunch of lazy ass fools who work for the airport (who were most likely annoyed that they had to work on Christmas) screwed up on the job. Instead of coming up with a bunch of additional rules, wouldn’t the smart thing to do have been to FIRE every employee that was working security and missed the mark that day?

I’m just saying. Obviously they never mastered the old rules. So what, you’re going to try and tack on MORE information? Do the math.

Sigh. Friendly skies my behind…

should’ve queefed…

By Mitzi on December 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out

And the crazy keeps coming… Don’t ask me how I missed this story BUT it seems that earlier this year the police in England were on the hunt for a-and I quote- ‘sniffing pervert.’ Uh-huh, you read that correctly.

Apparently this grown ass man was/is stalking a 20 year-old stock boy at a grocery store in Plymouth Divine, England. And by “stalking,” what he does is hang around the grocery store aisle where dude is working and when the kid isn’t paying attention, the pervert will get really close and sniff the boy’s booty…. a lot.

But wait on it… This wasn’t an isolated incident. Allegedly, this man has come into the store at least twice to get his whiff on. *Dead Fish Eyes*

Okay forreal, forreal, fetish be damned who does this???? And perhaps the bigger question is, why didn’t any of the other people shopping in the aisle say something when they saw this man with his nose all up in this kid’s arse?

‘Cause not for nothing, if I saw someone shoving their face in another person’s butt and then ducking away, I’m saying something. And no, not because I’m some kinda good samaritan trying to gain brownie to get into heaven. How’s about I just don’t want to see that nonsense in the same place that I’m purchasing my groceries. Like, Ever.

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