end of days | Mitzi Moments

welcome to our world….

By Mitzi on December 21, 2009 in end of days, keep hope alive, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Okay, I know times are hard and tempers can be short but I’m gonna need folks to dig deep and find a bit of the holiday spirit. ‘Cause what we’re not going to tolerate is the disgruntled off-duty D.C. cop pulling a gun and threatening civilians because his precious red Hummer got caught in the middle of an organized snowball fight.

No thank you Detective Bailey. That is NOT what the tax dollars pay your salary for. AT. ALL.

Although on a sidenote: I wonder how those lil’ white boys felt having a police officer pull a gun and threaten them for no good reason. ‘Cause while I know it frequently happens to kids of color in the D.C hoods… Err-um, on the newly gentrified U Street is another story. Poppin’ off on them ivy league edu-ma-cated trustfund pinktoes?

Good luck with that.

Be sure to peep the video. $5 says dude is unemployed before the strike of midnight on New Year’s Eve.

famous or not…

By Mitzi on December 21, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

To say I was shocked to hear of Brittany Murphy’s death is putting it lightly. I LOVED so many of her performances- Clueless, Girl, Interrupted, Spun, and the list goes on. Real talk? She was totally a friend in my head. And despite whatever she may have allegedly been going through lately, it’s heartbreaking to learn that anyone at the age of 32 can suffer and die from a heart attack. *makes mental note to get my butt to the gym*

And I’d definitely be remiss if I didn’t also mention the passing of another wonderful actress who over the years brought a lot of laughter to my life- Alaina Reed Hall a.k.a Rose from 227. Apparently the 63 year-old passed away last week after battling breast cancer. *makes mental note to check the twins for lumps as soon as I get in the shower*

But I also ned to take a moment to send a special prayer out to family and friends of 25 year-old Euthisa Revee Renix. The pregnant mother of one suffered a seizure and also died of cardiac arrest while working at a Au Bon Pain in Brooklyn. The difference here is that there were two lazy ass NYC EMTs in store when Euthisa initially collapsed. And they absolutely refused to interrupt their breakfast break to help resuscitate her. Matter-of-fact, the two callous bastards advised one of homegirl’s co-workers to “call 911″ and then they walked out before back-up ever arrived. * makes mental note to light a candle cause those two are going straight to hell*

Um, raise your hand if you’re ready not just for a new year but a new decade.

pick ya poison…

By Mitzi on December 18, 2009 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

Wow, there’s a lot going on for the Friday before Xmas break, huh?

First, there’s Cincinnati Bengal Chris Henry’s untimely, tragic ACCIDENTAL death (yeah, I’m calling it an accident. ‘Cause if you jump in the bed of the truck that I’m driving to get the hell away and you subsequently fall out- That ‘ish is NOT my fault). My sincere prayers go out to all of his family and friends.

Then, Mama Tina (finally) filed the divorce papers. Now, I’m no fan of divorce but can’t say I blame the woman. She’s too damn old to have to adopt and raise yet ANOTHER one of Papa Knowles’ illegitimate offspring. She did her part w/ Kelly. This time around, Matthew is on his own. No offense.

And in what, as a professional writer,I consider to be a particularly disheartening and downright disgusting story, it seems the Wayans brothers are getting sued AGAIN for stealing someone else’s book/film idea. COME ON. Like seriously, there are not one, not two, but THREE of ya’ll Negroes. Is it that damn difficult to a) chip in and PAY folks for their intellectual property or b) CREATE your own ‘ish??? *DEAD FISH EYES*

But seriously, who needs to gossip about celebrities when real life is so freaking off the chain?

Just yesterday a career criminal who had 14 prior arrests for offenses that include manslaughter, assault, drugs and robbery, kicked in the door of a fellow con he met while serving time for manslaughter and killed dude, his brother and his father. According to the NY Post “Gunman Hector Quinones blew away 24-year-old Carlos Rodriguez Jr., and his father Carlos Rodriguez Sr., 52, and then repeatedly stabbed grandfather Fernando Gonzalez, 87, to death before the elder Rodriguez’s wife and adult daughter walked unwittingly into the carnage in the apartment they all shared.”

But wait on it… As the genius is attempting to make his getaway down the fire escape, he got tangled up in his baggy pants, tripped and PLUNGED three stories to his death.

*crickets*

she sure don’t look sorry to me…

By Mitzi on December 15, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

Oh uh-uh, I see the official coming out party for the angry white women continues in full speed. Mmm-hmm…

Yesterday in Wisconsin, 2 women accused gluing a cheating lover’s penis to his stomach back in July finally reached plea deals with the District Attorney.Um, gluing a man’s penis to his stomach because he cheated on you? Who does that?? And better yet, how they manage to get off with no jail time??

Mind you, these weren’t some young, hot headed twenty-something year-olds caught up in an emotional moment. The two women are grown ass, forty-eight and forty-three year-year-old women! And wait on it, neither of the two was actually married to the poor 37 year-old schlub that they tied up and stuck it to- literally.

But tell you what, I’m not gonna judge. Nope. I’ll simply sit back and enjoy the show.

gotta love the mugshot grin…

By Mitzi on December 10, 2009 in end of days, i die, it's in the genes, made for the maury show

See now, if you’re gonna get arrested for drunk driving THIS my dears is the way to do it!

According to police reports, 36 year-old Daniel Shilts of Waldo, Wisconsin ran his car into a pole at a gas station and almost slammed into a police cruiser. Then, after failing sobriety tests (DUH!) , the cops decided to transport him to the police station in the back of a squad car.

But wait… It’s at this point where, ‘ole dude begins taking a leak. And not only did he pee all over the back of the cop car, apparently he sprayed through the car’s divider and hit one of the officers in the back of the head with his urine.

*gags and falls over stone cold DEAD*

Okay, okay, I know it’s probably really awful to say but you gotta admit- this ‘ish is HILARIOUS!!! I mean, aside from the whole crashing into a pole and endangering the life of innocent people in the area part… But can you imagine the visual on that? Homeboy aimed and sprayed the back of the cop’s head??? Crazy. And he only saw ONE year in jail for that?? I wonder if this dude is some sort of trust fund baby…

Rich or not, Daniel is so lucky his lily white behind lives in Wisconsin. Cause had he pulled this stunt anywhere in New York… Or worse yet, be BLACK/ HISPANIC/ ASIAN/ COLORED??? No sir. We wouldn’t even be reading about the piss. More like another unidentified dead body in the morgue.

I’m just saying.

sleeping with one eye open…

By Mitzi on December 6, 2009 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, tagging out

Just when you think you really know a person…

An HIV-positive man in Auckland, New Zealand was recently arrested for injecting his sleeping wife with his blood and infecting her with the fatal disease. Good GOD.

Apparently, the 35 year-old man was initially diagnosed during mandatory health-checks when the family of four moved to New Zealand in 2004. Even though she nor their children were infected, the woman chose to remain married and living with the man. and over the next couple of years things were as fine as they could be under the circumstances. Shoot, they even had ‘relations.’

But in 2007, homegirl had a change of heart. She became increasingly worried that she might also become infected ($100 says that he was probably trying to have unprotected sex with her- mmm-hmm). Ultimately, she insisted that if they continued living together, they would have to be abstinent.

So fast forward to a year later and ‘ole dude starts to get paranoid. He is convinced that the wife is planning to find another man and leave him. Determined to stay together, he pricks her two separate times with a sewing needle laced with his infected blood. Can you even imagine?

But wait on it… after basically condemning the mother of his own kids to a death sentence the maximum jail time this self-serving psycho can receive is FOURTEEN years!! Yep, you read that correctly, 1-4. So basically, this nut job will be a free man at the age of 49. *CRICKETS*

Light a candle and let the prayer circle commence.

kiki caught the yes…

By Mitzi on December 3, 2009 in end of days, made for the maury show, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay, don’t say I ain’t never done anything to make you laugh. If this video- sent to me by my beloved friend Geoff- doesn’t bring joy to your heart and the word YAAAAAAASSSS your lips you are a confirmed cold-heated snake (get it Paula).

WORK, BEATS, FEIRCE, SOUND bee-yatches!

By all means, please feel free to get up out of your seat when the fork hits the garbage disposal. ‘Cause you know I did.

somebody doesn’t watch CSI…

By Mitzi on December 1, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

Hmmm, I’m torn.

When I first turned on the computer and saw the breaking AP report about the guy in Washington State that murdered 4 police officers being shot to death, I figured I’d write about this recent trend of African-American serial killers and crazies. ‘Cause lord knows ever since the DC Snipers set it off, the folks been actin’ all out of pocket. Doin’ stuff we had pretty much left the pinktoes, i.e leaving half buried women around your house, going on unprovoked killing sprees, etc. *Dead Fish Eyes*

THEN, I read the story about Casey Johnson, the “troubled” 30 year-old lesbian heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and daughter of the owner of The NY Jets. And I promise you, this story made me straight laugh out loud! WHY in the world would a woman who stands to inherit BILLIONS of dollars rob anyone? Least of all, a friend? Sigh. The only thing I can come up with is too much time on her hands… ‘Cause it seems Ms. Baby Lotion herself ganked “dozens of pieces of clothing, jewelry and some documents” from Jasmine Lennard, an alleged supermodel (although I ain’t never ever, ever hear of this chick before).

Oh and here’s the funny ‘ish- the socialite got caught ’cause her bottom bee-yatch ratted her out (mind you this is the same shady jump-off that apparently beat that ass and set #1 Jets fan’s hair on fire earlier in the year).

Anyhoo, Casey showed up at the on-again, off-again girlfriend’s crib acting CA-razy! So the chick freaked out (’cause who the hell wouldn’t) and sent Jasmine a text message talkin’ about: ‘There’s a problem Jaz, Casey Johnson just got into bed with me and she is wearing your underwear. You need to call the police. There are documents here, your shoes and your clothing– you need to call the police.” Wearing another woman’s panties? Tragic.

But wait on it… Casey was so gangsta with it, she left said supermodel a used vibrator in her bed and a wet towel on the floor.

And I’m DONE. Feel free to order the Walmart casket IMMEDIATELY.

we still like it a lil’ thugged out…

By Mitzi on November 11, 2009 in end of days, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out

Aside from my steadily growing girl crush on Lady Gaga, there’s not much about today’s music that raises an eyebrow from me anymore. It all seems like one long song about a guy who’s either trying to get to get his girl back after a long list of offenses or trying to pour champagne down the next chick’s throat on her birthday. *Dead Fish Eyes* That is up until I heard about Ghostface Killer’s new R&B-style album, Ghostdini Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City…. Pause.

Er-um really, Ghostini? Really?

Mind you, Ghostface has long been my pick for the sexiest of all the multiple Wu-Tang members. (Um, don’t act like that fool wasn’t completely off the chain in the ‘Chercez La Ghost’ video rockin’ the kelly green full length and du-rag… No? Okay, perhaps that was just me and my proclivity for the extra ignorant ‘ish.) But still. As much as I want GK to succeed and be some sort of relevant, I simply can’t co-sign on the waxing poetic w/ extra suspect John Legend.

Yeah, I said it.

made for the movies…

By Mitzi on October 27, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So while folks are busy debating Chris Brown’s motive for posting that uber: emo fan montage video of Rih-Rih and himself, no one seems to be talking about the 15 year-old girl that was gang raped, brutalized and robbed by fellow students in front of a crowd of onlookers outside her high school in California.

Priorities people… Sigh.

Apparently, the little girl (’cause she’s younger than Taylor Swift) was leaving her school dance to meet her Dad for a ride home. Before the father arrived, one of the teenage assailants noticed her waiting and convinced her to join him and some other kids in the school courtyard for a quick drink. Apparently, was drink was drugged. And the rest is history…

Now, I’m sure some folks are going to want to blame all of this on the issue of underage drinking. But forreal, forreal? Ain’t no alcohol/ weed/ whatever illegal substance you can think of EVER made any of the guys that I know to behave like this:

At least four boys raped and committed multiple sex acts on the poor girl while wait on it… up to 15 people intermittently watched (cause they would come, see, leave and go tell other people what was going on). NOT ONE OF THOSE DEPRAVED BASTARDS CALLED FOR HELP. The authorities finally found homegirl under a bench after someone who didn’t see or participate happened to overhear one of the witnesses reminiscing about the incident finally called the po-po.

Reminiscing? Insert Dead Fish Eyes.

We all need to pray for that little girl. ‘Cause she ain’t never,ever, ever gonna be right after this. Gang raped at 15 in front o f a live audience? Like it was 106 and Park up in the bee-yatch? No ma’am.

As far as I’m concerned, her family members have every right in the world to spend all the waking hour of their LIVES finding and torturing each and every single solitary person that participated, watched or even thought they might of knew something about that ‘ish. Like on some real depraved SAW/ Law Abiding Citizen type nonsense.

Yeah, I said it.

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