desperate cry for help | Mitzi Moments

how do you say slut…

By Mitzi on December 9, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, work it white girl

Hmm, not for nothing, I don’t remember my high school teachers being anything close to… HOT?

Let alone covered in tattoos and wearing low cut tops or low rise jeans? WTH? But wait on it… seems that the change in appearance and relaxed dress code aren’t the only things popping off in the NYC public school system: According to the Daily News, a male janitor caught two female Language Arts teachers at James Madison High School in Brooklyn, Alini Brito and Cindy Mauro butt nekkid and getting it on inside a classroom DURING SCHOOL HOURS. Mmm-Hmm, just like that.

But wait on it… ya girl Cindy? Yeah, she’s married. *crickets*

Okay, let’s forget the whole closeted lesbian angle for a second. Real talk? Where is the discretion? How you gonna be screwing your lover in the high school building during the middle of school day. Boo. Hiss. Boo. Get a freaking room.

I’m sorry but ya’ll sloppy hoes are just as bad as Tiger ‘I-ain’t-never-seen-a-white-waitress-I-don’t-wanna-screw’ Woods.

Now mind you, all this happened on Nov. 20th. Since then, the two women have been reporting for work at the Dept. of Ed. Somehow it got leaked and it’s just now hitting the press. But when reporters reached out to Cindy’s husband for a comment, he insisted he’d never even HEARD of the allegations (let alone know that his wife was reporting to the Dept. of Ed for work instead of a classroom)!! Dayum homie… SMH. I can only imagine what the two of them talked about when homegirl got home from “work” that day.

Jesus be the foot on the small of Cindy’s back as he kicks that trifling ass the hell out. Amen.

somebody doesn’t watch CSI…

By Mitzi on December 1, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

Hmmm, I’m torn.

When I first turned on the computer and saw the breaking AP report about the guy in Washington State that murdered 4 police officers being shot to death, I figured I’d write about this recent trend of African-American serial killers and crazies. ‘Cause lord knows ever since the DC Snipers set it off, the folks been actin’ all out of pocket. Doin’ stuff we had pretty much left the pinktoes, i.e leaving half buried women around your house, going on unprovoked killing sprees, etc. *Dead Fish Eyes*

THEN, I read the story about Casey Johnson, the “troubled” 30 year-old lesbian heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and daughter of the owner of The NY Jets. And I promise you, this story made me straight laugh out loud! WHY in the world would a woman who stands to inherit BILLIONS of dollars rob anyone? Least of all, a friend? Sigh. The only thing I can come up with is too much time on her hands… ‘Cause it seems Ms. Baby Lotion herself ganked “dozens of pieces of clothing, jewelry and some documents” from Jasmine Lennard, an alleged supermodel (although I ain’t never ever, ever hear of this chick before).

Oh and here’s the funny ‘ish- the socialite got caught ’cause her bottom bee-yatch ratted her out (mind you this is the same shady jump-off that apparently beat that ass and set #1 Jets fan’s hair on fire earlier in the year).

Anyhoo, Casey showed up at the on-again, off-again girlfriend’s crib acting CA-razy! So the chick freaked out (’cause who the hell wouldn’t) and sent Jasmine a text message talkin’ about: ‘There’s a problem Jaz, Casey Johnson just got into bed with me and she is wearing your underwear. You need to call the police. There are documents here, your shoes and your clothing– you need to call the police.” Wearing another woman’s panties? Tragic.

But wait on it… Casey was so gangsta with it, she left said supermodel a used vibrator in her bed and a wet towel on the floor.

And I’m DONE. Feel free to order the Walmart casket IMMEDIATELY.

making poor chris work harder…

By Mitzi on November 13, 2009 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue

It’s amazing what a great video will do for a song, huh? ‘Cause even though I still don’t want to hear it in the club or the radio, this right here almost- I said, ALMOST- makes her obvious ode to wrist slicing and lethal pill popping bearable as an idea.

Get it Rih-Rih!

gone baby gone…

By Mitzi on November 12, 2009 in desperate cry for help, i'm not ready to be a grandmother, it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, tapped out

It sure is hard being a parent nowadays, huh? Not that I would know a damn thing about it BUT I gotta admit, reading the recall notice on ALL the Maclaren strollers sold in the US since 1999 kinda made my childless-by-choice nerves bad.

I’m saying, not one or two but TWELVE little kids had a finger chopped off? Woah.

But wait on it… Apparently Maclaren has known about the manufacturing defect for FIVE years. And yet, did absolutely nada. Talking about they were under no legal obligation to report the issue… Err-um, please feel free to insert the classic *Blank Stare W/ Three Blinks*

As if there isn’t enough things in the world to worry about when it comes to the babies? Now, you gotta be careful you don’t “traumatically amputate” a finger or two? Uh-uh, no thank you.

straight train wreck…

By Mitzi on November 9, 2009 in desperate cry for help, honorary white woman, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh JESUS, what in the holy hell happened to Sammy Sosa???

In my humble estimation- The former ‘roided out Chicago ballplayer showed up on the Latin Grammy red carpet looking like someone took a potato peeler to his epidermis and left this grotesque living human carcass behind. Talking about, he recently underwent a skin rejuvenation procedure… Yeah, right.

If you believe that crock of crap, I’ve got a luxury condo on the corner of crack and murder that I want to sell you for the low, low price of $1,000,000,000,000.

But seriously, beyond this obvious attempt to morph into a bloated Marc Anthony, can someone, ANYONE please explain the throwback ‘hazel green’ contacts or greasy wave nuevo? Lookin’ like a cross between Lil’ Kim’s long-lost brother and P. Diddy circa 1993… *Dead Fish Eyes*

It’s so tragic when folks clearly hate themselves.

preach my brother…

By Mitzi on October 23, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, using our powers for good, why we as a people can't get ahead

Lil Boosie Interview from Motion Family on Vimeo.

Up until I saw this video, I had no idea who/what a Lil’ Boosie was, let alone listen to any of his so-called music. But thanks to this ‘ish right HERE? Why, that illiterate mumblin’ ass fool in now my certified HERO!

And I’m so serious.

Apparently, homeboy is headed to jail for 10 months at the height of his pathetic career/life. BUT instead of trying to be hard, he goes wide left and says exactly what I’ll bet Lil’ Wayne all the other countless idiots facing/serving time for the “you can take a dumb ass out the hood but you can’t the hood out the dumb ass 101″ charge a.k.a illegal gun possession is thinking:

“Fuck holdin’ my head… And if I’m lookin’ mad, look the other way bitch! I’m the one going to do time, fuck all dat. Put somethin’ in a nigga account.”

Priceless.

walt don’t want no parts of this…

By Mitzi on October 19, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's in the genes, work it white girl

Lord GOD! Is it just my imagination or is Lindsey Lohan’s face looking Ca-RAZY recently?

No, seriously, ever since her massively failed fashion career launch at the Paris shows, homegirl has gone straight leather face- deep etched wrinkles in the brow, blistery looking lips that no lipstick can seem to hide and the perpetual 2+ bags under the bloodshot eyes. Real talk? Homegirl looks a walking hangover.

Hmmm, I wonder if she’s so broke that she can’t afford a make-up artist anymore…. ‘Cause I have to say, even at her bald-headed worst, I don’t remember Brit- Brit’s skin EVA-NEVA looking this tough. Do you?

random weekend musings…

By Mitzi on October 2, 2009 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Praise the Lord, it’s Friday!

Even if the sun is barely shining, Dave Letterman just received an undeserved round of applause for admitting to adultery and Chicago lost the bid for the Olympics (sorry Mama Oprah), I’m still happy as hell that the weekend is upon us.

I think I want to go to the movies this weekend… Doesn’t the comedy with Vince Vaughn come out today? Or wait, maybe it was that new roller derby Drew Barrymore movie with Ellen Page, Whip It. Whichever one, I sure hope it’s entertaining. ‘Cause I’m going to need something to help me forget about the scary daycare worker in England that was arrested for abusing year old babies with toothbrushes, taking pictures and sending them to some pedophile she had the hots for.

On second thought, it might take a little more than a movie to forget that mess.

You know, it really makes me wonder whether homegirl’s mother smoked cigarettes while she was in the womb. According to a report on Reuters, children born to women who smoke during the pregnancy have a greater risk of developing psychotic tendencies. And let’s be clear, anyone who feels the need to sodomize an infant to score points with any sort of love interest let alone a sexual deviant is clearly a hot ass psycho mess.

I’m just saying… this is not the type of ish that Gandhi would have wanted to hear on his 140th birthday people! Okay?

the real war zone…

By Mitzi on September 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay seriously? This video looks like it was shot in third world country. Certainly not on the streets of a major city like Chicago. What in the hell? Where did these kids get the 2×4 planks that they’re swinging around like bats from? Good grief.

My heart goes out to the families of all the kids- the one that lost his life, the ones that got injured in the brawl as well as the ones that are about to go to jail for the rest of their lives behind this tomfoolery.

Let the choir sing…

idris is all we have…

By Mitzi on September 21, 2009 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Did anyone watch the Emmys last night? Yeah, me neither. But you know I promptly went through the all the red carpet photos as soon as I logged on this morning. And to be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed with those either.

But something that did occur to me as I clicked my way through all the hits and misses, was the lack of lust- worthy black actors. I mean, whether the dresses were hot or not, the majority of the women were still beautiful and certified girl-crush material. But the boys? Eh, not so much.

Like forreal, forreal, are there are no hot straight black men on television??

As much as it pains me to say it (’cause you know Love & Basketball is one of my most FAVORITE movies ever), Omar Epps is over. I don’t know what in the molten-plastic-plastic-looking-botox-hell is going on with LL Cool J face. Something about Gary Dourdan continues to be a yawn. And crazy ass Tracy Morgan is just well, no thank you.

Seriously? I’m kind of sad about this. I mean, I can appreciate the sexiness in whatever color it arrives- um hello Adrian Grenier but it might be nice to have something with a little melanin to gawk at every one in a while. I’m just saying.

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