Mitzi Moments

Category: desperate cry for help

don’t be like that…

By on February 11, 2010 in desperate cry for help, we love the free

Wow, so nobody wants to read what Hill Harper has to say about relationships? Even though I’m giving the book away for FREE??? That’s F-U-N-N-Y.


Honestly, can’t say I didn’t have the same reaction initially. After all, why would I want to read what a successful, good looking yet for some odd reason PERPETUALLY single Black man has to say about why relationships between Black men and women don’t work. Hmmm, seems like a set-up.

But I must admit, after reading the first couple of chapters (I’m not even going to FRONT like I have the time to sit around and read the entire thing), I am impressed. From the very beginning he starts by addressing his own issues with commitment: bloated ego, sense of entitlement and mainly fear in a very understandable way. Real talk.

So anyhoo, I explain all that to say, don’t judge a book or in this case a ‘suspect’ author by his cover.

It’s not like you have to do anything but leave me a comment sharing what you think is the most lovable feature about you… And how hard is that?

money tastes better than chocolate…

By on February 10, 2010 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

So former Disney wunderkind turn washed up actress before the age of 25, Amanda Bynes went off on a little twitter rant this morning. Talking about how even though she’s “VANILLA” she loves “CHOCOLATE.” And she doesn’t care who has a problem with it.”


*crickets*

Um really, Amanda? Vanilla and chocolate? Sigh. Okay, in your defense I’m sure you thought that you’re making a powerful political statement. But how can I put this nicely… Sweetie, you sound STOOPID. No, really. And not because I don’t think that you enjoy having sex with Black men, I just don’t believe that if you have to announce it in a Twitter, it will ever, ever, ever be more than that- a f’ck.

In my experience, folks that have to make these kind of proclamations, don’t mean a word that they’re saying. They just want attention and generally to hear the sound of their own voices.

And surprise, surprise I guess little Amanda’s voice wasn’t as loud and proud as those of her publicists, the Disney reps and her all white middle-American fans. ‘Cause please believe that homegirl deleted that nonsense within 2 hours of posting. Just. Like. That.

DEAD.

abort mission…

By on February 5, 2010 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, too old for the road

Good grief, I’m so glad it’s finally Friday! Not that it’s necessarily the end of my work week, since I decided to take yesterday off… But I’m still happy as hell that there will be less emails coming into my inbox than going out for a couple of days. Sigh.


So are ya’ll ready for some football?

Personally, I’m very excited about the Super Bowl! ‘Cause thanks to the kindness of friends I will be stuffing my face on yummy food as I root my ass off for the Saints. Oh boy, my greedy behind can’t wait!

Howsomever, I’m sure this impending “snowstorm” is probably making a lot of folks that are scheduled to fly down to Miami between tonight and tomorrow morn really, really nervous. (And I say that with quotes b/c since when is six inches of snow during the month of February considered a storm? Isn’t that just winter weather?)

Well if it helps at all, I’ll be thinking good thoughts for ya. ‘Cause ain’t nothing worse than getting all geared up to go slut it out and then unexpectedly being stuck at home. And you know who I’m talking to… (insert serious side-eye)

*lights a candle*

i see dirty people…

By on February 4, 2010 in desperate cry for help, i die, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, work it white girl

So as most folks know, I am totally obsessed with the A&E show, Hoarders- totally and completely.


My obsession is to the point where I’m seeing the signs of potential Hoarders EVERYWHERE- from the lady in the grocery line buying 100 cans of cat food to the extra-messy looking chick that keeps spilling old food wrappers, crumpled papers and empty bottles of water out of her bag on the subway car. I swear, if you look they are all over!

And while I’m sure some of you probably think I’m a itty bit nutso, I’m TELLING you, that freakin’ Lindsey Lohan is a damn hoarder!

Exhibit A: Just look at this photo of a room in her condo!

What in the unholy-nasty-white-trash-hell is going on? Who lives like this? Talking about, “I try not to go in there… It gives me anxiety being in here. The clutter takes up a lot of space mentally.” Err-um, really??

And this is the same worthless chick that they had the NERVE to pay to be the face of Ungaro? DEAD. Real talk, they might as well have asked the homeless lady that that lives at the end #1 Train subway platform at the 168th Street stop. No offense…

On an upnote, the shameless starlet is going to let The Insider come in and film a ‘De-cluttering Lindsey’ special about her situation that’s scheduled to air next week. So I’ll get to watch the whole shit show up close and personal.

I. Can. Not. WAIT!

lacing up my kicks…

By on February 2, 2010 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, the internet is the devil

There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to lose those last five pounds. But can you imagine losing 280 pounds and STILL weighing 686 lbs??

YIKES.

Apparently, this British guy (who despite the weight loss still qualifies as the world’s heaviest man), Paul Mason lost the weight to qualify for a gastric bypass. So let’s all pray, he’ll be able to lose more weight pretty quickly…. But my God. Can you just imagine all the skin hanging off of his body when the weight is finally gone?? Can you see it, just layers like that Japanese dog breed the Shar-Pei.

DONE.

Oh but wait on it… before you start to feel bad for homeboy- I just read on some random Flickr post that dude (who is a former postman) was arrested and imprisoned for stealing mail. And while he was serving his sentence he lost mad weight. But since his release, he’s been chilling at home, living off of welfare and eats MAD junk food.

DEAD.

every little bit counts…

By on January 19, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, using our powers for good

There’s a lot of information out there about how and what to donate to Haiti. Which is good but unfortunately, can be a little overwhelming.


For those who’d like to do a little bit more than send $5 by texting Wyclef’s non-profit Yele at 501501, check out community activist, writer and former Real World cast mate Kevin Powell’s website.

Not only does Kevin’s site provide a list of credible organizations to donate money, there’s a list of specific supplies that are needed (water, water, water, food, toiletries and clothes) as well as sources of information on the history of Haiti (which will make it more clear why this disaster is such a tragedy).

While the outlook may look really grim, it’s not over yet… get informed and please stay involved!

going (not-so) hard…

By on January 7, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

As much as I love making them, New Year’s Resolutions tend to be a big fat pain in the arse to keep…. ESPECIALLY the one where I promise to workout more regularly and eat healthy foods. Don’t ask why but somehow or the other, I always wind up on my couch scarfing down an order of McDonalds greasy (but oh so yummy) fries. Sigh. Those things are dusted with crack I tell you.


But this year is different.

And to prove how committed I am to once and for all achieving this lifestyle change, I’m upping the ante: As of January 7, 2010, I, Mitzi Miller am officially shutting down shop and going celibate until I lose these annoying ass 8lbs that have been hanging around my face and waist since September. Damn you Prednisone.

Mmm-hmm, just like that.

I’m officially on a mission to reclaim my waistline and get these shakey-bakey thighs back under control PRONTO. And you know what they say… if you can speak it you can achieve it. Mind you, I don’t know if ‘they’ ever tried giving up sex but we shall see.

Pray for me (and my libido)…

so this is what a pantie-sniffer looks like…

By on January 4, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know today is the first work day of the new year/ decade but I gotta tell you- I’m so not for ready it. Seriously, I think my body may need another 24 hours to recover from the non-stop tomfoolery of the 2009 holiday festivities and this damn head cold that I seem to have picked up on Saturday night. Sigh.


Guess I still need to learn when to say when…

But before I go back to bed to stage a much-needed do-over, I wanted to share the news story about the ex-mayor of Lancashire in England who recently confessed to breaking into women’s homes and what? Stealing their underwear. *blank stare*

Mmm-hmm, apparently homeboy’s pantie raid lasted from January to June of last year. And at one point, it got so bad that not only were women going to the police about the number of missing garments but one woman actually went so far as to install a hidden camera in her bedroom. Can you imagine?

Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel…

and the clock keeps ticking…

By on December 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue

What is it about the last 4 days of the year that consistently sends me into a tizzy? It’s like, I woke up this morning and remembered a whole list of crap I SWORE I was going to get down before the end of 2009. And true to form, I have decided to make it ALL happen in the next 96 hours… or at least try really, really hard.


I exhaust myself.

Speaking of exhaustion, (as I’ve stated many times in the past) works a nerves more than that awful Gosselin clan. Mmm-hmm, Jon, Kate and yes, all eight of their funny looking kids- no offense.

Just when I thought we might make it out of 2009 without any more self-created drama from TLC’s former get-along-gang, here Jon goes- back in the freakin’ headlines. This time because his NYC apartment was allegedly ransacked from top to bottom by his ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman. Um, really? Who cares? People’s apartments get broken into ALL the time. Doesn’t that fool have insurance?

And not for nothing, what exactly did he expect to happen when he put her out? Isn’t this the same chick that started out as a journalist but somewhere along the line tossed all her integrity to the side to get famous by screwing Jon?


Uh-huh. *blank stare with three SLOOOOOOOOW blinks*

should’ve queefed…

By on December 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out

And the crazy keeps coming… Don’t ask me how I missed this story BUT it seems that earlier this year the police in England were on the hunt for a-and I quote- ‘sniffing pervert.’ Uh-huh, you read that correctly.


Apparently this grown ass man was/is stalking a 20 year-old stock boy at a grocery store in Plymouth Divine, England. And by “stalking,” what he does is hang around the grocery store aisle where dude is working and when the kid isn’t paying attention, the pervert will get really close and sniff the boy’s booty…. a lot.
But wait on it… This wasn’t an isolated incident. Allegedly, this man has come into the store at least twice to get his whiff on. *Dead Fish Eyes*

Okay forreal, forreal, fetish be damned who does this???? And perhaps the bigger question is, why didn’t any of the other people shopping in the aisle say something when they saw this man with his nose all up in this kid’s arse?

‘Cause not for nothing, if I saw someone shoving their face in another person’s butt and then ducking away, I’m saying something. And no, not because I’m some kinda good samaritan trying to gain brownie to get into heaven. How’s about I just don’t want to see that nonsense in the same place that I’m purchasing my groceries. Like, Ever.

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