Mitzi Moments

Category: desperate cry for help

still waiting for usher to perform…

By on June 29, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, honorary white woman, made for the maury show, why we as a people can't get ahead

I’d be wrong for not posting about the hot ass mess that was the BET Awards, wouldnt I?   


‘Cause I’d really rather not talk about the tomfoolery that snatched almost four hours of my life away and left me utterly depressed. On some- so this is what we’ve been reduced to, huh?

And it’s not even so much the whole T-Pain accepting his award with a red plastic cup in hand, ya girl Beyonce selfishly choosing to sing a lackluster Ave Maria instead of a MJ song when she’s probably one of only 4 people in the entire place that could’ve done it justice, Zoe Saladano’s no home-training having self announcing to the world that veteran actress/Star Trek icon Nichelle Nichols was delayed the show up because she was in the bathroom TWICE or even Ving Rhames violent crackhead-esque outburst.
 
Naw, it was the subtle screw-ups that made my nerves bad. 

Like, this many years in the game and your tech guys still can’t get the sound system situation together? Err-um, why in the world weren’t the nominees in the various categories named? Who the hell didn’t realize that Don Cornelius is a thousand years old and anticipate his obvious need for the size of letters on the telepromter to be EXTRA, EXTRA LARGE? And most disturbing- Where was the Michael jackson bio?? All the energy put into Jaime’s wardrobe changes and nobody realized that there wasn’t a complete career bio/ montage prepared? Sigh.  

Jesus take the wheel, ’cause I. Can’t.

straight norman bates…

By on June 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, tagging out, too old for the road

Okay, you know what?  I’m gonna need folks to turn off the Law & Order marathons and step away from the TNT. 


Not now but RIGHT NOW.


This fool straight dressed up like his mother- wig, sunglasses, moo-moo and all, picked up his homeboy to play his part and the two of them headed down to the DMV and tried to get a new State ID for this woman. Mmm-hmm…

But wait on it… the real reason he even got caught is because when his mother’s home was sold into foreclosure (naturally, he wasn’t making any payments), he refused to vacate the premises and tried to sue the new owners-AS HIS MOTHER.

Uh-uh, I. Can’t. Lord, it’s too early in the week for this nonsense…

another cdc nightmare…

By on June 16, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh Jesus, here we go… 


Even if the weather isn’t necessarily cooperating with those of us in the tri-state area, summertime is here party people.  Wanna know how I know?

‘Cause the New York Times just published it’s annual ‘please-don’t-poop-in-the-pool’ article.  You know, the one where they report on the rising number of people swimming in NYC’s public pools that become infected with a nasty intestinal parasite that’s found in feces? 
Uh-huh,  feel free to vomit in your mouth right about now.

For those that need more details: Cryptosporidium is what they call it. The only way to become infected is through ingestion. And the reason that so many people become ill is because that bad boy can survive as  long as 10 days- EVEN IN CHLORINATED WATER. 

Talking about, “We want people to swim but be healthy about it.” Uh yeah, no thanks. 

Jesus be the cold water in my shower until I arrive at a beach far, far away…

reminds me of my honey days…

By on June 15, 2009 in desperate cry for help, i die, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

It’s been a long while since I’ve come across a blog that I kid you not, makes me want to pee my pants. You know the ones that are so good you can’t help but stop whatever you were supposed to be doing (like work) read every single, solitary entry from wherever it starts until the very end? 

But then, lo and behold- StopnReflect.com
There are no words for the tomfoolery that is this website dedicated to the fashion tragedies that occur New York City.  I implore each and everyone to take a minute and check it out.  
Oh and by the way, you now owe me a good laugh.

not even the CL pumps can save her…

By on June 11, 2009 in desperate cry for help, going to hell in a handbasket, it ain't easy, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tapped out, the internet is the devil, why we as a people can't get ahead

Here’s the thing, I’m all for fashion forwardness.  I love seeing new trends emerge (so about to cop an adorable one-piece pantsuits) and disappear (baby doll dress be damned).  

Even if good old fashioned commonsense/ awareness of my body shape won’t necessarily allow me to get involved (thigh high boots), more power to those constantly push the envelope.  
With that said, this morning I have serious beef with Rihanna.
What the in the unholy my-stylist-had-the-night-off HELL was she doing prancing around NYC in a damn over-sized cardigan like it’s a sweater dress?? 
Shit is a certified wreck.  Oh and PS, the random bustier tossed up under there doesn’t make it any better. At. All. Cause really, it just looks like  ya girl put on the pretty drawers, the sweater and said bump wearing pants/shorts/anything to properly cover her butt.
Listen, I know the poor thing done been through some shit recently but that’s simply no reason to hit the pavement assed-out and half-naked.  Uh-uh, no maam.  Not today, not tomorrow, not even on a dare.
But the FORREAL, FORREAL reason that I’m mad at Rih-Rih?  For every time her tall and skinny behind tries to pull something crazy like this off.  There’s a confused girl with a TOTALLY Different shape following her lead…  AND FAILING MISERABLY.  
Exhibit A: Homegirl following right behind her in the shiny shirt, leather boots and a crazy looking cardigan vest of her own. Need I say more?
Jesus be a fill-length mirror. Light a candle ya’ll…

gravity is not my friend…

By on June 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Okay, real talk?  I think my breasts are shrinking! 

I used to be a very ample C/ borderline D-cup.  Nowadays, I’m only halfway filling out the C cups. And puh-lease do not make the bra cup structured…  they’re straight puddling in the bottom!!  What the hell!?!?!?
I keep trying on all my bras, adjusting the straps, twisting from side to side and the results are still the same- freakin’ Magda boobs. 
I feel so betrayed.  I LOVE the twins.  My market loves the twins. It’s not like I’ve lost considerable weight or been breast feeding anyone’s baby lately.  How are they gonna just up and deflate on me like this?  
I’m just saying… Don’t they know there’s a recession going on?  I can’t afford to replace all the cute underwear sets.  Sigh. And after all the exposure I’ve given them… ungrateful I tell you.
All I can say is, Jesus be the augmentation savings fund. 

blame it on the rain…

By on June 10, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Goodness this weather is blowing me. I swear, repeatedly waking up to gray skies puts me in the foulest mood. I don’t want to go nowhere, do nothing, talk to nobody, it’s awful.

Shoot, this crappy weather is probably why folks in Ohio have issues like a grown ass, 41 year-old man wearing a bright green woman’s one-piece bathing suit and construction boots harassing women in a public park.  
Yeah, you read that right.  
Apparently dude, was running up on random women and young girls and asking whether or not they liked his outfit. Really?  You’re looking for fashion advice? Sigh.
But the tomfoolery doesn’t stop there…  
In a completely separate incident, a woman caught a man wearing a purple bra and boxers breaking into her car.  Mmm-hmm…  The poor woman said, “I was actually kind of worried.  He was in a bra and boxers and going through my car.  I didn’t know what to think.” 
Yeah, I can see how that might be sensory overload.

congrats pretty stevie…

By on June 1, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's not a game out there, Mitzi- all day every day, tapped out

So I finally touched NY ground late last night after the cute 4-day vacay in Miami with a bunch of my old school FAMU crew to celebrate our boy’s graduation from dental school. And despite Florida’s touch and go weather (it rained for at least 3 hours every single solitary damn day), I still managed to get more than my fair share of sun, fun and grown folk relaxation on. Mmm-hmmm…

Lord knows, it’s always fun times getting together with college folks I haven’t seen in YEARS… first and foremost because they’re the people that I spent the majority of my ignorant late teens/ early twenties getting in and out of BS with (raise your hand if you know about those late, late night runs to Guthrie’s and chugging flaming Dr. Peppers) and because we’re finally grown enough not to have to sleep two in a bed and one on the floor to be able to afford a room in the nice hotel. Mmm-hmmm, just like that.
Lord, there’s so much new stuff to catch up on- where you at, what you working on, where you going next, who still has all their hair, how many pounds we’ve all gained, etc. I swear, I haven’t laughed so hard in a very looooong time.

But seriously- when the hell did discussions about daycare and private school tuition replace talking shit?? I mean, forget the big money schemes, fly rides, latest styles and upcoming vacay adventures- this time around it was all about how to maintain your swagger while pushing the minivan w/ multiple car seats, where to find the Spanx thong and tips on how to remain as quiet when the wife is speaking. Huh??? Oh and wait on it…
What you know about the virtues of a vasectomy debate that ensued over our Saturday night dinner. With more than a few of the wives talkin’ ’bout, “snip, snip negro!”

Yo, forreal, forreal?I haven’t been so happy to be single and child free in LIFE. To be able to say my biggest concern before boarding the flight was whether I remembered the sun block v. worrying that my mother-in-law might feed our 3 year-old McDonalds, was PRICELESS.
I respect Black love, the commitment my peers have to making their families work and all that Barack and Michelle jazz BUT Jesus take the wheel! I’m G-O-O-D.

here comes the bride…

By on May 22, 2009 in cuteness kills, desperate cry for help, it takes a village, mama gotta eat, too old for the road

PRAISE God there are less than 48 hours until Toya & Dre’s freaking wedding!!!  My goodness, this whole bridesmaid dress situation has been a NIGHTMARE. Exhale. Got me feeling like a broke-down Keyshia Cole singing, ‘I jus’ want it to be OVAAAA!’  

No offense.
Forget the fact that I’ve been existing in a perpetual state of hunger for the last 6 weeks, why has it taken SIX freaking fittings to get a “custom-made” dress to fit properly?? Seriously?? , I’m a need you to do a little better dude.  Cause beyond the $250 for a dress that I won’t ever wear again, you’re wasting MY TIME.  
SIX times over the past EIGHT weeks, I’ve had to stop any and everything that I was doing and DRAG my ass down to midtown and below (because after the 4th attempt, it required a totally different tailor to execute the necessary damage control) from Washington Heights,.  For those who aren’t familiar with NYC, that’s about 120 blocks or a 40 min trip. Mind you, as I type this post the dress is not in hand. I still have to go pick it up for the shop.  Uh-huh, one word: beyond.
Jesus be the open bar reception.  ‘Cause Lord, I can’t do it in my right mind…

who the electric chair is made for…

By on May 13, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, too old for the road

I’m almost embarrassed to admit it but the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have gone on so long, I’m almost completely numb to the continual horror stories on the evening news.  Which is probably why I didn’t pay attention to any of the details in the most recent tragedy at a clinic in Camp Liberty in Baghdad when five soldiers were murdered… Honestly, I simply assumed that it was another terrorist’s bombing. But this morning, I learned that it was actually an American soldier that killed his fellow soldiers. SMH.

But wait on it…  Folks sensed that this guy was a loose cannon. Mmm-hmm… Not only was he on his THIRD tour of duty (which already tells you something) but apparently, Sgt. John M. Russell had just been ordered to turn in his gun and undergo counseling by his commanding officer because of erratic stress-related behavior.  
So essentially, while he was at said mandatory counseling appointment, he lost his shit, wrestled the gun away from his escort (yeah, homeboy required an armed escort to the clinic) and shot the hell outta every damn body in the place. Sigh.
Oh and the main reason he was so stressed out?  According to his father, “he had fallen in debt paying his $1,500-a-month mortgage… and he thought they were trying to push him out of the service.” 

Seriously? You’re gonna kill five innocent people who are just minding their business because of a mortgage payment that costs less than most people’s rent in NYC?  No sir, there’s got to be a better way…
Uncle Sam please come get your psycho nephew.

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