Author: Mitzi

Wow, what a crazy three days!


On Friday, the Obama administration deleted the words ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ from all official forms for the more politically correct titles, ‘Parent 1′ and ‘Parent 2,’ then the senseless massacre in Tucson, Arizona popped off and as of this morning it appears that after years of civil war the Sudanese are about to officially vote their country into two parts. CA-razy!

Oh but wait, wait, how could I forget? Foxy Brown released a snippet from what is supposed to be a diss-track against Lil’Kim, entitled, Christmas Massacre.

BLANK STARE

You know how grown-ups are constantly explaining to children that timing is everything? Well Fox, or may I call you Inga? Timing is EVERYTHING. And the level of ridiculousness that this lame, nonsensical, two-week late, uncalled for, attempt at a diss track has reached is simply BEYOND.

We are in the midst of national and international calamity and this is when you think it’s a good time to publicize the implied death threats and raggedy shots you attempted to take at another female rapper? Which for the record, is already two weeks late????

GIRL, BYE.

I’mma need you, that filthy looking lace front, and the Ampro gel shellacked baby hair to go pick up a newspaper, find a friend that can read it to you and quiet ya self.


First the blackbirds fell outta the sky in Arkansas. Next, tens of thousands of fish washed up on shores from Maryland to Brazil. Then even MORE birds fell out of the sky and a mass of crabs washed up on the beaches of the UK. And now, just when government officials have finally concocted a half-way plausible global-warming excuse for all these unexplainable “natural disasters,” a healthy sow just delivered a TWO-HEADED calf in the country of Georgia.


SILENCE.

*starts digging underground fallout shelter with a spoon*

Okay, I’m confused.


The members of The House of Representatives are going to spend the ENTIRE morning reading the Constitution aloud?? To who? Themselves??

Err-um, not for nothing I thought all that reading in a group, story time crap ended in 5th grade. What’s next? A pop quiz to make sure everybody was paying attention?

Freaking Ridiculous.

Now please correct me if I’m wrong but, wasn’t the entire Republican/ Tea Party ‘Take Back Our Government’ movement based on reducing government waste?

Yet this scheduled reading-that is going to require HOURS of paid work time-isn’t waste?

BLANK STARE W 3 LOOOONG BLINKS.

Yo, these folks are a bunch of flip-flopping liars. Riddle me this, if it’s really about mentally rededicating themselves to the true meaning of upholding the law then why not do that shit at an UNPAID weekend retreat… at Speaker Boehner’s crib? You know, as opposed to in the Capitol Building , when I’m not only paying your salary but also paying the electricity bill to keep the f’king lights on!!

Man listen… I can’t with the crazy on my dime.

Uuugh… Toni Braxton is seriously considering posing for a Playboy cover to raise funds to cover the $50 million dollar debt that she’s in???


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Uh Toni? Forreal?

Not to be funny but, even someone with an accounting degree from Devry can figure out the measy couple of million dollars you’d receive-IF, and I do mean IF Hef is willing to pay washed-up, 43 year-old R&B singers two million dollars to get sorta nekkid (cause she talking only T&A, not complete nudity) ain’t gonna make nary a dent in that riduculous bankruptcy situation you got going on. AGAIN.

*rolls eyes all the way back in head*

Instead of calling Hef, your ass NEEDS to be stalking Babyface and begging him to write a song for you. Shooot….

Hmm, this post is random. But bear with me, I’m a writer and therefore an avid reader. So certain things about words, irk the hell outta me. And I have to say, I found it extremely disturbing to learn that publishers have decided to remove all instances of the ‘n -word’ and the word, ‘Injun’ from upcoming editions of Mark Twain’s classic novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.


Huh???

According to CNN.com: The effort is spearheaded by Twain expert Alan Gribben, who says his PC-ified version is not an attempt to neuter the classic but rather to update it. “Race matters in these books,” Gribben told PW. “It’s a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.”

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Okay, first of all, what the hell kind of Twain expert would actually believe that censoring the author’s work was the right thing to do?? The words that Twain used were selected ON PURPOSE and it was well written.

The novel takes place during SLAVERY. White people referred to slaves as niggers back then (and a whole bunch still do). Jim is a slave. Huck refers to him a nigga. AND??

What’s the confusion here? Why are folks pussy-footing around reality?? Because parents and adults don’t want to have honest conversations about this country’s embarrassing history of race with children??

But you’ll let them listen to hip-hop??

COME ON.

*sucks the back of teeth clean*

Happy New Year party people!! Woo Hoo, we made it! Another 365 (okay, there’s really only 362 left at this point) days to pursue every opportunity life provides to the fullest.


No matter what your goals are for this 2011: lose weight, stop calling that ex for the 2am hook up, purchase some real estate, eat healthier, reunite w a long lost friends/ family members, treat yourself to a vacation, go back to school, volunteer, or even learn how to work a pole like a professional; always remember it’s one foot in front of the other. Let’s Get It!!

And in the spirit of newness, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of the Mitzi Moments Gap Goal Giveaway for a free pair of GAP jeans….

CANDILE L

Woo Hoo! Congrats my dear! Thank you for rocking with The Mitzi Moments and I wish you the best of luck on your goal on increased fiscal responsibility in 2011. NO EATING OUT FOR YOU!!

To redeem your prize, please forward your mailing address to my email addy: mitzimoments@gmail.com

Wow, it is December 24th, Christmas Eve. Wow, almost an entire year has passed ALREADY. SMH.


This was definitely a tumultuous year for many- myself included. However, there are endless reasons to be thankful, happy and optimistic. So do me a favor and FIND at least ONE.

*patiently waits for you to figure it out*

And no matter who you’re with, where you’re at or whether you even believe in this over commercialized holiday season, at some point between now and December 31st, please stop & take a minute to simply breathe.

You deserve it.

Thank you all so much for rockin’ with me over the past year. I am so grateful for each and everyone of my readers. Whether you commented on the blog or simply called to say that I was a damn fool, your input matters. I am always happy to entertain.

Have a wonderful Christmas weekend party people!


Wow, did anyone even know that a former NFL cheerleader has been missing for the past week??? Anybody? Anybody? Nobody?


*crickets*

Yeah, me neither. SMDH. Call me paranoid but, it really feels like folks have just been straight disappearing into thin air this past year.

*shudders*

And although her alledgdly abusive ex-boyfriend was the last known person to see her alive (of course), what makes this case super duper messy is that apparently homegirl was no angel herself.


PAUSE.

Uh huh, apparently, Miss Congeniality was seriously in debt to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. And wait on it… had not one but FOUR restraining orders taken out against her by different people as well- three different dudes and a chick.

BLANK STARE.

Err-um, yeah that’s a lot.


So tell you what, I’m just gonna say a little prayer that Debbie returns home safely from wherever or whatever she’s caught up in. And hopefully, the new year brings her much ore peace and happiness than 2010.

In this week’s swept-under-the-rug news, this past Sunday the Ithaca Police Department snatched up 26 year-old Cornell senior, Keri Lynn Blakinger in some local hotel parking lot holding nearly SIX ounces of UNCUT heroin!!

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOONG BLINKS

Um,what in the over-educated, no commonsense having, delusions of grandeur hell?

Will someone please explain to me why these privileged college students are behaving like they’re corner boys from the 80s? I know the economy is in a recession but times ain’t NEVER that goddamn tough if you’re enrolled in freaking IVY LEAGUE University! Sheeeit.

But not for nothing, what’s really, really, really making my nerves bad is homegirl from Cornell’s mugshot. Yo. Why does her skin look like a damn biology class experiment gone all the way WRONG??

This chick has mad sores and open blisters all over her face. Uuggh. Makes me wanna grab a Sharpie and play connect the dots on her pockmarked face. And then her hair… JE-SUS.

*makes the sign of the cross*

No exaggeration, there’s so much grease I can smell it from here. I know it’s finals week but dammit, she couldn’t have taken a quick shower before she went to make that drop? No? Too much?

*gags violently*

Ya’ll brats better stop playing the reindeer games, turn off that damn Rick Ross and get your asses back to that study group. Dammit.

I am so proud of President Obama for successfully getting the DADT policy repealed!! This is a BIG moment and he deserves all the shine for not backing down to the damn ridiculous conservative interests (FINALLY) and handling it during a lame duck session.


Take that, take that!!!

It’s still so crazy to me that over 14,000 military personnel were discharged from service solely as a result of that archaic homophobic ass policy! As if we can afford to be kicking folks out of the military while we’re fighting all these senseless wars.


*rolls eyes & sucks the back of teeth*

If you’re willing to put your life on the line to protect the citizens of this country and our freedoms here and abroad, you’re better than most of us (myself included). So at the very least, we should all respect your right to fall in love with whomever you choose.

The End.


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