Mitzi Moments

Category: pocket full of dirty tissue

the times they are a changing…

By on March 17, 2011 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Oh shoot, according to my Mac dashboard, today’s temperatures are going to reach 62 degrees! WOO HOO! THANK YOU ST. PATRICK!


*back flips off the couch into a full split*

On a not so joyous note, just got the dreaded email notice from The New York Times. Apparently, they’ve finally decided to implement digital subscriptions for access to the website. *sad little nephew face* According to the notice, as of March 28th:

On NYTimes.com, you’ll be able to view 20 articles each month for free (including slide shows, videos and other features). After 20 articles, they’ll ask you to become a digital subscriber, with full access to the site.

On the smartphone and tablet apps, the Top News section will remain free of charge. For access to all other sections within, they’ll ask you to become a digital subscriber.

On the marginally brighter side, readers who come to Times articles through links from search, blogs and social media like Facebook and Twitter will be able to read those articles, even if they have reached their monthly reading limit. Although for some search engines, users will have a daily limit of free links to Times articles.

Le sigh.

We all knew it was coming but damn, damn, DAMN.

*shakes fist at the sky & starts searching for gold coins in between the couch cushions*

the gospel according to Lifetime…

By on March 14, 2011 in it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue

Uuugh. Just read a story in the NY Daily News about a 23 year-old Queens woman who was shot and killed by muggers after she allegedly refused to give up her purse. Can you imagine? But wait on it… why was her husband standing right next to her when all the drama went down??


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Yo. Not to be insensitive to the tragic nature of this situation but how in the world is your husband gonna stand there and let you get into a back & forth bunch of thugs with guns?

Uh-uh, there’s no way.

Even IF homegirl didn’t have the commonsense God gave a billy goat and was really acting belligerent over a damn purse, as a loving spouse it was HIS responsibility to step in & snatch that handbag right outta her hands. And after the muggers left, then the two could’ve beefed about it later…. as opposed to him now burying her six feet under.

I’m jussayin.

*cough* $50 says homeboy collects a major life insurance policy & runs off with the sidechick in t-minus two seconds.*cough*

about to hit a strip mall…

By on March 10, 2011 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue

Oh Jesus, may the fashion gods forgive me, for I have SINNED. Here is my confession:


Since the snow finally melted, I’ve been trying to spend more time walking in the fresh air. You know, as opposed to being cramped up in a sweaty subway car full of thousands of people with different (and often questionable) hygiene habits.

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So yesterday I decided to go cop a new pair of walking sneakers. And at some point, during the 20 minutes I was in the store I noticed that the majority of the sales girls were wearing Sketchers Shape-Ups. Which strikes me as odd because of all the options at their disposal- Asics, Nike, Reebok, New Balance; these women ALL voluntarily picked ugly ass SKETCHERS? WTH?
So I pulled this cute little black girl who clearly didn’t require any shaping to the side and asked her what was really hood with everyone wearing the official Guido housewife sneakers. And she told me, it had nothing to do with a promotion or even toning up. According to her, they are simply the most comfortable sneakers she’s worn in LIFE.

I’m sure you can already see where this is going…

Next thing I know, my highly impressionable ass is trying them on. And I gotta tell you, that girl ain’t NEVA lied. Like my grey suede Uggs- FUGLY beyond words but feel like MAGIC on my feet. SMDH.

Needless to say, I am now the mortified owner of a new pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups.

*hangs head in shame & disbelief*

I hate myself right now.

Amen.

happy ash wednesday…

By on March 9, 2011 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Dang. Just finished reading the New York Times article about the 21 Catholic priests in Philadelphia that were recently suspended for sexual abuse of a minor and/ or boundary issues with them.


DEAD FISH EYES

But wait on it… a grand jury report issued on February 10th of 2010 accused the Philadelphia Archdiocese of a widespread cover-up of predatory priests, stretching over decades, and said that as many as 37 priests remained active in the ministry despite credible accusations against them. And naturally, at the time the cardinal vehemently denied the claim.

And then this. A entire YEAR later.

Le sigh.

I feel so sad for all the victims who were put in harm’s way because the Catholic Church refuses to be accountable. Life is hard enough nowadays without having your faith in your religious leaders destroyed over and over again.

picked my poison…

By on March 8, 2011 in pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Dearest Baby Jesus,

I know I really shouldn’t enjoy this new Trina song as much as I do. Especially with tired ass T-Pain harmonizing in the background. But the beat is hot and the lyrics are HEE-larious. And well, the only other alternative at the moment is Willow Smith’s torturous ’21st Century Girl.’

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Forgive me and all the women that will identify with the words of the song.

Amen.
Trina Ft. T-Pain-Ghetto by Freaknik

you tell me…

By on March 4, 2011 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue

So I was listening to the radio this morning and the co-hosts were having a heated debate about whether marriage was relevant nowadays. And I have to tell you, I was genuinely blown by the fact that none of the three (2 guys and a girl) saw any point to the institution in today’s society.


Really?

Because despite the fact that I am nowhere near ready to be locked in a legal union myself, I do wholeheartedly believe that healthy marriages are more relevant they’ve ever been. Mind you, I said HEALTHY marriages.

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The way I see it a healthy marriage forces people to share, communicate, respect and cooperate with another person even when he or she is not getting exactly what they want.

Which is EXACTLY what’s lacking in the world today.

I mean, what do guys think? Sure, it’s not for everybody but in the grand scheme of life does that mean marriage isn’t relevant? Or am I just a throwback romantic who needs to stop listening to crappy NYC morning radio and go get her taxes done?

#planbetter…

By on March 3, 2011 in end of days, it takes a village, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue

I admit it. I started following Charlie Sheen on Twitter this morning.


*hangs head in shame*

I know, I know, I’m totally enabling the crazy. But I have to tell you, the tomfoolery is just so damn entertaining. And I don’t care how great folks say his performances were in “Two and A Half Men” (’cause I have yet to watch a single episode), something tells me it hardly compares to the comedy that is now Charlie’s “tigersblood” and his “bi-winning.”

HEE-larious.

Oh but I can tell you who’s NOT winning this morning:
Bringham Young University basketball star, Brandon Davies.

Nope. Not one bit. Homeboy done got himself suspended for the rest of the season. Mmm-hmm…

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, despite being the team’s leading rebounder and third leading scorer, the forward was dismissed from the No. 3 Cougars for the rest of the season for breaking the school’s moral code when he-WAIT ON IT- admitted to engaging in sexual relations with his girlfriend.

As most of you know, BYU is a private university run by the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. And them folk in Utah do not play that ish. At. All.

Apparently, the administration fully expects all its students to live up to the school’s Honor Code Statement which among other things includes abstaining from alcohol, coffee and living “a chaste and virtuous life.”
BLANK STARE w/ THREE LOONG BLINKS

Okay then… Ya’ll better stop playing the reindeer games with them Mormons.

*pours out a little holy water*

pride goes before the fall…

By on March 2, 2011 in desperate cry for help, going to hell in a handbasket, keep hope alive, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Not for nothing, somebody might wanna send a prayer up for Pastor Grant Storms’ soul ASAP.

Cause apparently, the prominent New Orleans based Christian leader, who is best known for using a bullhorn to protest an annual three-day gay parade as “depraved”and describes masturbation as an immoral act, was just caught jerking off in his van. At a public park. During the day. While kids were around.

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Talking about, the TWO witnesses were confused. He was just peeing in a bottle… That is, until whatever tiny sense of honesty he actually has kicked in. Then the hypocrite finally confessed to beating off.

I mean, if this isn’t just… typical.

*drops the rosary beads and walks away*

iyanla (1), nir (-1000000000)…

By on February 17, 2011 in cuteness kills, going to hell in a handbasket, pocket full of dirty tissue, using our powers for good

Hmm, so I guess yesterday was the official ‘Get In That Ass’ TV Journalist holiday, huh?

First, Oprah went IN on poor Iyanla Vanzant for trying it on her time and going hard about getting her own show before Oprah felt ready to give it to her. And I mean, she got O-P-E-N.

Poor Iyanla was crying and begging for forgiveness before she could even take her seat properly. Um, can you say AKWARD? And then to make matters worse, once they started talking it really seemed like this THIRTEEN year beef was nothing more than a simple misunderstanding between two strong-willed women who were both waaaaaay too sensitive.

Poor Iyanla went looking for extra validation and reassurance from Oprah but unfortunately, she went about it the wrong way. And Oprah (who if you remember wasn’t as secure in her own success back in her KKK interviewing days), perceived Iyanla’s stepping to her, with lawyers and asking for more concrete assurance (cause they were already in loose negotiations) that she’s be given her own show- because “someone important” a.k.a. shady ass Barbara Walters, counter offered as ungrateful. So O and her right hand white girl (cause there’s always an assistant that’s more offended than the leader) were like, Word? Well, actually Iyanla you can go ‘head with that.

You know, kinda like when you tell the dude you KNOW wanna be with that you’re thinking about kicking it with the random next dude just to get a reaction… and instead of telling you not to or that he’ll be pissed if you do, he wishes you good luck?

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Right.

But when I tell you Mama O didn’t have NOTHING on Anderson Cooper’s interview/ public thrashing of dick head journalist Nir Rosen who tweeted “Lara Logan had to outdo Anderson,” about the CNN correspondent, who was reportedly sexually assaulted AND punched in the head multiple times while covering the recent celebrations in Egypt. And then homeboy ignorantly followed that comment up with, “Yes yes it’s wrong what happened to her. Of course. I don’t support that. But it would have been funny if it happened to Anderson too.”

BABY!!

Anderson lit homeboy’s arse and alibi on FIRE. Every time dude tried to explain and apologize, Anderson just went deeper and deeper and DEEPER. Shoot, I promise you, after it was over dude had a serious case of diarrhea.

Oh well. Cause Anderson Cooper might be a certified media whore but bump no one deserves to have a sexual assault or ass whooping made marginalized.

a Black History month gift from G.Payton…

By on February 16, 2011 in desperate cry for help, end of days, honorary white woman, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

YOOOOOOOO! What in the wide-nostril-cross-dressing- hell is this??

Like forreal, is this clown really on YouTube rhapsodizing about his damn wig $5 wig?

Talking ’bout, “Dis is ‘Still I Rise’ hair; the hope & dream of the slave. Dis is for the colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf- but if them girls was laid, they wouldn’t have been considering suicide.”

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You know what, no. Just no. I don’t care what I see or hear, the devil is a liar.

*logs off of life & goes to glory*

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