Mitzi

its all so clear now….

By Mitzi on June 29, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So in case you weren’t keeping score: the devastation in Haiti remains unabated, the oil spill continues to gush in to the Gulf waters, Nikki Minaj won 3 BET awards without being able to spit a rhyme in front of the live audience and now we’ve got Russian spies (that “looked like regular Hispanics” to their brilliant neighbors) living in Montclair, NJ

Blank Stare.

With all of these going ons, it only makes perfect sense that one of the police officers that participated in the unwarranted shooting of Sean Bell is now counter-suing his family. Mm-hmm, of course it does.

Now, if you’ll excuse me while go cop Ron Artest’s new album. Because the way things are headed, I fully expect him to nominated at next year’s Grammy Award Show.

*slowly sips the kool-aid*

i remember…

By Mitzi on June 24, 2010 in moment of silence

Today marks the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death. How times flies…. And yet, 365 days later his death still doesn’t feel right. The circumstances were just a little too shady, 50 years old felt just a little too young and I will always believe that there was way too much music left inside.

Damn.

R.I.P Michael. You were and continue to be the GREATEST.

those are some great shoes…

By Mitzi on June 24, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day

Whew! Good gracious it’s hot outside!

*fans self like the fat ladies at Sunday service*

Now, I’m not complaining cause Lord knows I’ll take a 90 degree day over the miserable winter cold every trip. Howsomever, this type of muggy heat seriously affects my ability to concentrate. Kinda like I have a heat induced ADD or some such nonsense… And the only thing I can think about is finding the nearest pool with a cute boys like Mechad Brooks popping up out the water.

Anyhoo, until my brain cools down , think I’m just gonna listen to music that makes me smile and keep trying to write something that makes sense.

Get into it.

how the mighty keep falling…

By Mitzi on June 23, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Tell you what, it is a BAAAAAD day to be Lawrence Taylor. Apparently, this morning the former Giant great was officially indicted for rape, committing a criminal sexual act and sexual abuse. So basically, dude is looking at a potential max of THREE YEARS in a box behind this tomfoolery.

SILENCE.

You know what… I. Can’t.

When are ya’ll Negroes with money gonna learn? STOP paying for ass from women of unclear purpose. STOP having unprotected sex with the same chick ya boy banged out at last year’s all-star weekend. STOP bringing hookers to your real homes. STOP taking nekkid pictures on the cell phone you lose every other month. STOP wifen’ out strippers, exotic dancers, studio rats or whatever you wanna call them. And TRY to act like you have a drop of God-given commonsense.

It’s really, really not that hard.

On a lighter note, the above video courtesy of Miss Jia and the Anti-Bitch Antagonist is the answer to EVERYTHING this wonderful summer morning. Like the nice lady on the cell phone says when your call is connecting: Please enjoy the music!

he needs to thank his mama…

By Mitzi on June 22, 2010 in cuteness kills, end of days, tagging out

So I went to a party this past weekend and met the 16 year-old cousin of a friend. He’s about six feet, super adorable, sweet but obviously young and more important, obviously underage.

Turns out, homeboy is dating a 20 year-old college junior. And wait on it… she’s really cute.

PAUSE

Now you know, at first I was like WTF?? Why in the world would a junior in college (who could clearly date men her age AND older) want to date was a damn junior in HIGH SCHOOL? I don’t care how freakin’ cute he is… It made no sense. I was so confused.

But that was Saturday night, before I saw the above picture of Puff’s son Justin chilling at the pool.

*blank stare with 3 looong blinks*

And for a hot second, I remembered all the energy that excited 16 years-old boys inherently have… Um, yeah. Can you say instant clarity?

Now, I’m not saying it’s right or that I would EVER, EVER,EVER get down like that… at 34. But real talk, if 16 year-old boys had looked anywhere NEAR this developed back in the day, it might’ve been a different story.

*kanye shrug*

Charge it to the game.

eye on the prize & the crazy white woman…

By Mitzi on June 21, 2010 in cuteness kills, Mitzi- all day every day, work it white girl

So today is the first day of the Catherine Malandrino summer sample sale. Normally, I’d be dancing on table tops in eager anticipation of all the beautiful goodies that I was about to score at 40-60% off retail.

Howsomever, out of respect for my 2010 personal savings goal (oh you know, to have some sorta savings to leave behind for my kids when I kick the bucket), I will not be attending.

SILENCE

For those that know me and how happy those dresses make me, this is a tragedy that borders on epic proportions. READ: had it not been for the long, hard come to Jesus with my accountant AND my therapist, I’d probably put my damn self on suicide watch for the next three days.

*inhales deeply and exhales slowly*

Yes, it’s that serious to me.

Perhaps the only thing helping me through my self-imposed shopping fast is the fantastic news that the third season of The Rachel Zoe Project featuring my favoritest fashion bish of all time, Rachel Zoe kicks off on August 3rd. WOO HOO!

And wait on it… come Fall 2011, that neurotic lunatic will be launching her own fashion line including apparel, accessories and shoes. OMG, I DIE!

*the angels start to sing*

Whew! Okay, frivolous girlie moment is over, back to work.

bout to cop ron’s new single & a bag of tht indian yaki…

By Mitzi on June 18, 2010 in it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

Couple of things and then its back to grind:

1. Congrats to the LA Lakers! I am not and will never be a fan of Kobe Bryant but one monkey don’t stop no show. Like it or not, when it mattered the entire team dug in and managed to turn that game around in the 23rd & 1/2 hour. And not for nothing, Phil Jackson is one of my favorite professional coaches. So here’s to Phil and one particularly psychic Laker fan, ya’ll made the magic happen last night. Le sigh.

2. Vanessa Bryant and the bedazzled mini-Kobes were a lot. Like seriously? I swear her and them lil’ girls were down on center court faster than freaking security! Granted, we all know Mr. Bryant told her to have that ass front & center if/when they won but still… Can you relax and stop throwing cut-eye while that man celebrates with his teammates? Jeesh. (Lord knows, if the 1st Lady of the Lakers was African-American, folks would be calling her clingy ass all kinds of emasculating right about now. SMH. That good-good hair works wonders, I tell ya.)

3. Ron Artest is everything to me today. So proud of that man for giving props where it’s due and shouting out his therapist!! I can only imagine how much craziness that poor woman had to wade through before she got his mind on the right track. DEAD FISH EYES. Say what you want but maybe if a more athletes and “high powered” men (um yes, I put that shit in quotes for a reason) would carry their macho asses to therapy, there’d be less drama and confusion poppin’ off. Looks directly at Michael Vick, Kwame Kilpatrick, Plaxico Burress, Lil’ Wayne, Lawrence Taylor, T.I., and every fool ass Black man with a lil’ money and influence that’s been in the headlines for some extra preventable bullshit.

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT of the entire post:If Rajan Rondo is need of any type of extra-curricular hand-holding/ comforting between now and next season, puh-lease be sure to point that adorable knobby-kneed boy in my direction. Not now, but right now.

Thanks.

filling my prescription early…

By Mitzi on June 17, 2010 in cuteness kills, i'm not ready to be a grandmother, Mitzi- all day every day

So today’s the day the FDA decides whether to approve a drug to boost women’s libido a.k.a. the highly anticipated Viagra for females… Interesting.

I see a lot of experts are on the fence because they believe a lowered libido in women is less physical than mental. And therefore, they feel it should be treated with psychotherapy or counseling versus medication. And quietly, they probably have a valid point.

But I’ll tell you what- if God forbid, my libido ever slows down, I don’t want to spend a single, solitary minute talking about wanting to have sex. Nope, not even one. Just gimme the damn pill and let me get back to getting it on.

DEAD FISH EYES

Seriously, can you imagine how many relationships and marriages would be saved if all a woman had to do was pop a pill and suddenly be turned on by their partner? Man listen…

Just LOOK at the majority of men you know who are in their late 30s, early 40s. How many of them have already noticeably deteriorated from rock hard, 6-pack toting, he-can-get-it-all-day, 20 year-olds into the extra comfy, soft tummy, man boobs and flabby arms cause the most consistent exercises they’re doing are talking ish to their boys and lifting the remote control grown men? Mmm-hmm… Now wait on it, imagine what that’s gonna look like at 65??

*grabs the smelling salts*

And don’t get me wrong, I’m no more mad at the dudes than they are with us women. Change is a part of life. Fuck what Dr. 90210 told ya, having the body of a 21 year-old until the day you die is NOT NATURAL. I refuse to be working out 5 days a week for the rest of my life. No way. And neither should my husband. ‘Cause when I’m 75 years old I d not want the man in my bed to be all hard body, knees, and elbows. Uh-uh, to hell with that. Yours truly is gonna need something nice and easy to cuddle up with on them cold nights.

HOWSOMEVER, if said soft & squishy man expects me to be gonna be playing find-the-penis under his 6 pound belly on a regular basis then a little picker-upper will probably go a long way. The End.

*drops the mic and walks away*

sunshine on a cloudy day…

By Mitzi on June 16, 2010 in it takes a village, using our powers for good

Err-um, have you seen Jada on the cover of the new issue of Essence? Woah. Homegirl is H-O-T.

Even more fire is the ‘Why I ♥ Being A Black Woman’ feature.

Like seriously, what a breath of fresh air to see such a positive cover line on an already breathtaking cover! And guess what? The inspiring opener was written by my fabulous & prolific co-author Denene Millner. All I can say is: if there was ever a question, here is your answer.

I know there’s a recession and all but take my word for it, it’s worth the splurge. Purchase this month’s issue of Essence. You will not regret it.

Another fantastic job ‘Nene!

a little too sunnyside up is all…

By Mitzi on June 15, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day

So Drake’s highly anticipated 1st studio album finally drops today…

*crickets*

Err-um yeah, think I’m gonna wait a minute on that one. Oh and let me be clear, not b/c I don’t believe it has the potential to be a good album. I’m sure it will be more than fine. I mean, the kid is talented- overexposed- but certainly talented.

And speaking of overexposed, I honestly think I’m just a little tapped out on the emo-rap right now… Granted, first it was Successful, then it was the Best He Ever Had, next he was trying to Find Your Love, certainly there were Fireworks but now, it’s Over.

BLANK STARE

I’m sure with enough airplay in the hood over the summer, I’ll soon recover from this temp aversion. But for right here, right now, the whole ‘I’m a suffered rapper who rhymes about running through young impressionable girls like a car wash b/c one random girl didn’t support my dream & broke my heart into a ka-million pieces’ has run it’s course.

Thanks.

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