Mitzi Moments

Author: Mitzi

she better than me…

By on April 5, 2011 in desperate cry for help, it's not a game out there, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Err-um real talk, this picture of Wendy Williams’ feet that she twit pic’d after DWTS practice made me GAG!!


Yo, this is CRAZY! What is that lump on her right foot? And why are the bunions on her toes doubled up like that?? MY GOD.

And you better believe her husband Kevin faithfully massages them joints for her… with his bare hands.

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To hell with Charlie Sheen, Wendy Williams got that certified TIGERS BLOOD pumping through her veins. Cause not for nothing, I refuse to do anything that would cause my feet to look like this besides run for my DAMN life.

This is NOT winning.

like chubby trainers at the gym…

By on April 4, 2011 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

So err-um yeah… I gotta ask, exactly WHY are people beefing about the updated etiquette and food restrictions being imposed on New York City Health Department employees??


Because I for one, COMPLETELY agree.

For those who didn’t read the article, here are some of the changes that will be going into effect today:

-no eavesdropping btwn cubicles
-no overbearing perfumes
-no displays, photos or signs that may be considered offensive
-no “celebration” cake and cookies being served at the same time
-tap water is a must
-no drinks with more than 25 calories per 8oz servings
-cut muffins & bagels in half, or order mini-sizes
-ABSOLUTELY no fried foods

Personally, I think the real tragedy is that it’s necessary to TELL folks to act right and eat healthy when that’s what they do for a living. ALLEGEDLY.

*insert mean momma side-eye*

I mean honestly? No eavesdropping or fried food? It’s the freaking HEALTH DEPARTMENT. Call me crazy but of ALL the government agencies, they should be the LAST folks gossiping OR eating crappy food on taxpayers’ dimes.

*sucks back of the teeth HARD*

Man listen… Go talk ‘ish over that cup of red Kool-Aid during your regular off-site lunch break cause nobody needs it. At. All.

stop the presses…

By on March 31, 2011 in made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue

So about this reality show fights montage the Daily News compiled… Um yeah.

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While I feel like we’ve seen most of them in commercial snippets, it’s certainly shocking as shit when you run them all together. And just between you and me, it’s even more shocking was that there was not ONE black person involved in this craziness.

*light bulb goes off*

Of course, that’s why it’s suddenly a mainstream concern. ‘Cause now that reality shows are capturing the Kardashians caught up in domestic violence and teen moms from middle America slap boxing over the little black boy in the mugshot it’s DEFINITELY a crisis.

Yeah, now I totally understand.

time to dial down the meds…

By on March 30, 2011 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue

WAYMENT, what in the slew-footed hell happened to Britney Spears’ rhythm??


Granted, I’d read the rumblings on Twitter about the GMA performance being a little shakey bakey but I charged that on the time of the day. I mean, anyone coming from the west coast *cough* that’s as hopped up on anti-depressants as Miss Spears *cough* might be a little sleepy and off beat at 7.30am.

But now this Kimmel Show catastrophe? Oh uh-uh. This my darling is ree-diculous.

Could she have been anymore lackluster? Or out of shape? Seriously, homegirl went from sexy hourglass to a straight cardboard box. And please don’t get me started on the square 2-inch heels or that god awful, green & black criss-crossed onsey which was doing nada except making her look like the Incredible Hulk.

Oh Brit-Brit.

And let’s be honest, when the dancing fails to entertain, we’re forced to actually listen to the auto-tune nonsense you’re passing off as music nowadays. Who wants that?

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Exactly.

this is not the sticky icky…

By on March 29, 2011 in keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue

Hmm, so I was listening to the radio this morning and Snoop was on air promoting his new album, Doggumentary. And truth be told, I didn’t even know Snoop had a new song out let alone an entire album.


At first, I felt badly. I thought to myself, “DAYUM I’m getting old. I mean, how can I not know when a new Snoop album is dropping??”

So naturally, I immediately google the first (and apparently, ONLY) video from the album. And err-um, yeah. I’m not that old. This ish is just not remotely noteworthy. In fact, it’s kinda bad.

No offense my nizzle.

*shrugs & goes back to listening to my iTunes library*

my bad homie…

By on March 25, 2011 in end of days, Mitzi- all day every day

Little known Mitzi Fact: I used to date a dude who refused to swim in the ocean.


I mean, ‘ole boy would spend all day in a pool but when it came to the ocean? No ma’am. He straight up, would not go into the water any further than his knees. Ever.

Why?

“Cause things we can’t always see live in there.”- the ex-BF

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Naturally, as an avid swimmer and certified beach addict, his random explanation did not make a lick of sense to me. And I used to CLOWN him. Mercilessly.

But after viewing this CNN video taken off the coast of Florida? Well, let’s just say I now understand.

time to do some soul searching…

By on March 24, 2011 in end of days, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Well err-um, alright then. How’s about I’m going to go on and file this video under, “Things That Make Me Feel Better About Sleeping In On Sunday Mornings.”

My boy Jelani sent this to me and asked me to comment but honestly, I don’t think there’s much to say aside from, the devil is a busy man & of course, let us pray.

Seriously.

Because I certainly understand people needing something to believe in to get through these hard times but dancing through dollars? Well, lets just…

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the upside of progress…

By on March 23, 2011 in it takes a village, miracle on 169th street, using our powers for good, we love the free

LOVE it when technology gets it right.


Just read about this new computer program called “Silence of the Celebs” that will filter out any mentions of which ever celebrity you are most tired of reading about from your online news media just by entering their names.

Mind you, it’s totally not limited to celebs. Feel free to filter out any topic of choice. (So basically, we can all pretend that Sarah Palin, the entire Tea Party and the ignorant Arizona GOP don’t even exist.)

Although currently it only works on Twitter, NYTimes, CNN, Huffington Post, NYPost, Google News, Gawker, Mashable and TMZ; the creators are working on expanding it more sources as I type.

And and wait on it… it’s FREE.

Check it out HERE. You can thank me later.

he don’t wanna win…

By on March 22, 2011 in it ain't easy, it takes a village, using our powers for good, why we as a people can't get ahead

Dang, prayers up for C-Breezy this morning. That child can’t seem to get out of his way.


Apparently this morning, homeboy flew into a rage mid- Good Morning America taping after being prodded one too many times about the Rihanna incident. According to sources, he ripped off his shirt, broke a mirror and smashed a window. talking about, he’s tired of people bring up the past… and the difference between his treatment and Charlie Sheen.

Mind you, his album F.A.M.E drops today.

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You know, I’m not even going to bother getting into the fact that as long as that little boy BREATHES, people are not going to tire of asking him about bashing Rihanna’s face in OR the fact that Charlie Sheen is a grown ass WHITE man who’s been in this game for longer than Chris has been alive. So no, he’ll never receive equal treatment. The End.

Instead, I’m just going to point out that across the board music critics have given this album notably favorable reviews. Which is a pretty big deal for any artist nowadays let alone one that stays on the wrong side of public opinion. Okay?

Bottom Line:
Boo, you’re 21 yrs-old. Watching you self-destruct has become exhausting. Enough of the temper tantrums, nude pics, ridiculous dye job and slew of angry tweets. You live a charmed life that MILLIONS of folks would barter their first born to enjoy. Grow up & act like you appreciate it.

Please & Thanks.

def worth a matinee…

By on March 21, 2011 in using our powers for good, work it white girl

Truth be told, it’s been a loooooong time since I’ve seen a trailer for a Cameron Diaz movie that I was remotely interested in spending my money on. And by looooong, I’m talking “Something About Mary” type years. Okay?


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But this weekend, I actually saw one that made me laugh out loud and spill my popcorn. Mmm-hmmm… sure did. Now, I can’t say I’d be that surprised if the trailer turns out to be the sum total of the funniest portions of the film. But hey, let’s keep hope alive, shall we?

Happy First Day of Spring!

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