Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

so this is how we’ll remember u…

By on December 2, 2009 in made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, that sense of entitlement, why we as a people can't get ahead, work it white girl

Oh Tiger… *struggles to suppress the patent good-for-that-ass side-eye*


There you were, frontin’ like you transcended the average man and even the idea of race. Well lookey here… Not only are you just as bad as the average good-for-nothing man, when push comes to shove, race is exactly the reason you are sitting on the cover of every newspaper looking like Boo-Boo the Fool that caught a bad one with a 9-iron from his own wife (the former nanny).

Yeah, I said it.

See, it was the NEGRO (not even black), that made you assume that because you are wealthy and born with a penis, you can be sloppy with the side chick selection and affair behavior. Who da hell in this day cheats with the nothing-to-lose COCKTAIL WAITRESS (who apparently also appeared on VH1’s Tool Academy) and then leaves a trail of over 300 raunchy text messages and lord only knows how many voice messages?? Um okay Mr. “I Will Wear You Out”…

Then that damned WHITE part, must be where you got the false sense of entitlement to try and simply dismiss the situation. Talkin’ about you sent the Florida police away ’cause you don’t have to answer any questions… Oh yeah? And guess who’s issuing public apologies to all their family and friends now? Pathetic.

And I’m take a wild guess here and assume that unfortunate ASIAN part of you is why all these women are pouring out the wood works to snitch. ‘Cause keep 100- ain’t NOBODY tryin’ to mess up the really, really good thing. READ: when the d-ck game is proper, hoes are too satisfied to snitch. *Drops the Mic*

Good luck out there my dear…

somebody doesn’t watch CSI…

By on December 1, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

Hmmm, I’m torn.


When I first turned on the computer and saw the breaking AP report about the guy in Washington State that murdered 4 police officers being shot to death, I figured I’d write about this recent trend of African-American serial killers and crazies. ‘Cause lord knows ever since the DC Snipers set it off, the folks been actin’ all out of pocket. Doin’ stuff we had pretty much left the pinktoes, i.e leaving half buried women around your house, going on unprovoked killing sprees, etc. *Dead Fish Eyes*

THEN, I read the story about Casey Johnson, the “troubled” 30 year-old lesbian heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and daughter of the owner of The NY Jets. And I promise you, this story made me straight laugh out loud! WHY in the world would a woman who stands to inherit BILLIONS of dollars rob anyone? Least of all, a friend? Sigh. The only thing I can come up with is too much time on her hands… ‘Cause it seems Ms. Baby Lotion herself ganked “dozens of pieces of clothing, jewelry and some documents” from Jasmine Lennard, an alleged supermodel (although I ain’t never ever, ever hear of this chick before).

Oh and here’s the funny ‘ish- the socialite got caught ’cause her bottom bee-yatch ratted her out (mind you this is the same shady jump-off that apparently beat that ass and set #1 Jets fan’s hair on fire earlier in the year).

Anyhoo, Casey showed up at the on-again, off-again girlfriend’s crib acting CA-razy! So the chick freaked out (’cause who the hell wouldn’t) and sent Jasmine a text message talkin’ about: ‘There’s a problem Jaz, Casey Johnson just got into bed with me and she is wearing your underwear. You need to call the police. There are documents here, your shoes and your clothing– you need to call the police.” Wearing another woman’s panties? Tragic.

But wait on it… Casey was so gangsta with it, she left said supermodel a used vibrator in her bed and a wet towel on the floor.

And I’m DONE. Feel free to order the Walmart casket IMMEDIATELY.

all aboard…

By on November 30, 2009 in it takes a village, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Now before I go in, I need to state that a good friend of mine is one of the new owner/ exec producer of Soul Train Holdings, LLC. And I am very, very very proud of how far the show has come since the last time it aired. And considering that aside from the BET Awards, this is the only televised award show dedicated to “our” music, it’s important to support and encourage. Howsomeva…

Homeboy or not, there are a couple of things that I’m confused about:

- Was Fonzworth Bentley the most uninteresting red carpet host ever? No, forreal. The very sound of his voice was making my eyes roll back in my head.
- Please tell me my eyes were deceiving me but was the audience seated on FOLDING CHAIRS?
- When did Keith Sweat turn a thousand?!?!? That negro looked like the crypt keeper up on the stage.
- Didn’t Keri Hilson reading her thank-you list off of a bedazzled BB seem a bit much? I know, I know, she was probably still flustered from getting her grind on with the unbelievably sexy (and prob gay) background dancer but still…
- What was up with the return of the Hi-Tek and Timbaland boots? Mario, Raheem DeVaugn, Sean Garrett? Really? Are we bringing back to the 90s R&B thug look like that?
- Speaking of inappropriate throwbacks, why in the hell was K-Ci doing the stanky leg during the Charlie Wilson tribute?? Boo.
-Why does Terrance Howard STAY trying to sing to somebody? I’ma need him to focus less on his acoustic guitar career and more on not getting released from mega-blockbuster franchises.
- Which was worse, Robin Thicke’s porn-stache or those hot ass lookin’ leather pants?
- How funny was it when Chaka snatched the mic during her own tribute? Like, listen Angie I appreciate you trying and all but lemme show you how its really done.
- Is it really considered an awards show if you only give out 4 awards?
- Why was everyone from Toni to Taraji open-mouth kissing like herpes/ H1N1/ HIV ain’t real? Uugh, so disgusting.

Okay, okay, that’s all the flashbacks I can deal with on an empty stomach. Again, very proud of the award show itself as for the performances, eh not so much. But at least with time (and a bigger budget), that can be improved.

Fingers crossed.

my stomach is growling already…

By on November 25, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

It’s amazing how quickly this year has flown by! It’s like one minute I was standing in the bushes (literally), freezing my ass off in DC watching the first Black President of the United States get sworn in and now I’m trying to figure out how many more hours of exercise I’m going to have to add to my lazy ass workout routine to balance the ridiculous amount of food I plan to consume tomorrow afternoon. Crazy.


There’s so, so much to be grateful for… Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

hola mi gente…

By on November 24, 2009 in it ain't easy, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day

Things I learned on this vacation:

1. The sun is not my friend. The last thing I remember is laying out poolside with a drink. The next time I looked in the mirror, all I could only see the whites of my eyes. Not cute.

2. It is not a smart idea to laugh as the ocean drowns you. Real talk? One sec I was “frolicking “in the waves the next I’m upside down underwater- funniest shit ever. I’m still picking the sand out of my scalp as I type.

3. Being subjected to the sound of heterosexual sex through the hotel walls is way less uncomfortable than listening to homosexual sex. Mmm-hmm, you do the math.

4. Never take water pressure for granted. Forget the shower, that lag time on the toilet flush is a killer. Seriously.

5. There’s nothing like a direct flight. No offense to the folks in Texas but if I never, ever, ever see the Houston airport again in LIFE, it will be too soon. Nationwide computer glitch my ass…

Thank you Cabo for the sun, ocean and tranquil days but I’ll tell you what, there’s no place like home!

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