Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

i hate his striped t-shit…

By on June 7, 2010 in made for the maury show, tapped out, too old for the road

Well alrighty then… It seems that Gawker has allegedly identified the latest ‘hot new dance craze’ called Surra de Banda. Mmm-hmmm. Now under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t pay a mainstream blog like Gawker much atention when it comes to pinpointing a hot new anything that relates to people of color but as soon as I read that it’s a Brazilian dance and even better, the name translates to “ass licking” I was all in.

Don’t judge me dammit.

Anyoo in the interest of time, I’m going to skip over the back alley black sheet/backdrop, the purposeless pleather belt hanging idly around homegirl’s waist, the intriguing jiggly movements her saddlebags were doing all on their own and the fact that any actual dancing she attempted sucked. Because honestly, this post is bigger than this rhythmless fashion challenged child.

Instead, I’m gonna focus on one simple concern:

What kind self respecting man is going to willingly sit down and allow any woman to SMASH his complete face into her ass??

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOOONG BLINKS

And I mean to say, homegirl is jerking the HELL out of dude and clearly giving him all kinds of unexplainable shoe burn on the side of his neck. And still, he’s just as calm and smiling… looking like a straight nutjob.

No offense.

Please believe, every time homeboy’s nose disappeared between her cheeks I literally gagged. I mean I’m all for some occasional aggressive foreplay between consenting adults but what if she mistakenly farted or some such nonsense???

*pinches nose and backflips into a bedazzled Walmart casket*

why we can’t win…

By on June 7, 2010 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So I’m flipping through the NY Post and come across an article on former uptown drug lord extraordinaire Frank Lucas (dude portrayed by Denzel in American Gangster). Apparently, as if the film and documentary weren’t enough, some nice publisher has decided to pay good ole Frank to pen a tell-all about the rise and fall of his million dollar-a-day heroin empire.


*deep eye roll*

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not mad at Mr. Lucas for finding a way to keep the gravy train rolling. Shoot, if they’re cutting checks just to regurgitate the same stories then by all means have at it. It’s just a small part of my conscious isn’t so sure how much we should continue glorifying his lifestyle considering we’re smack in the middle of a recession. Cause not for nothing, there are way too many desperate folks already out here trying to turn a dollar into 15 cents. Okay?

But I’m getting old, and my nerves are bad so perhaps that’s just me…

And to be fair, ultimately the NYP’s write-up does make it seem like Frank is very remorseful of the long term impact that the heroin boom had on folks in Harlem. You know in between, detailing all the negroes he punked, broads he smashed and dollars he tossed away cause he had it like that. But I digress… The important thing is that nowadays instead of slinging Blue Magic, Frank is producing music with his son, Frank Jr. while working on a non-profit for inner-city kids with his daughter, Francine.

*cues the shiny happy music*

Aww! Don’t you love a redemptive happy ending? Well almost…

Last month, Francine’s mom and Lucas’ “soul mate” and wife of more than 40 years, Julie Farriat, was busted on drug-trafficking charges in Puerto Rico.

DEAD FISH EYES

once a killer….

By on June 4, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village

Oh shoot, oh shoot, looks like its the end of the road for Joran van der Sloot! Homeboy done got caught in Chile and that ass is about to be deported right back to Peru.

Ironically, the entire time I was down in Aruba, everyone- locals and fellow visitors alike stayed talking about Natalee’s murder in hushed whispers. Five years later, People were still super freaked out by what happened. And seriously, there were so many different opinions on what really happened- sex trafficking, thrown off the cliff, accidental drowning and subsequently eaten by sharks…. the list was endless. But at the end of the day, there were two things we were able to agree upon:
1) Drunk teenagers + remote islands + wealthy psychopaths= epic FAIL

and

2) Not nary one of us wanted to be ‘Nataleed’ while getting our fun in the sun on.

DEAD FISH EYES.

Here’s hoping dude sits in a tiny Peruvian box for the rest of his life.

thank you for being a friend…

By on June 3, 2010 in end of days, moment of silence, pocket full of dirty tissue

It may not have the breathtaking panoramic ocean view but I gotta say, I am happy to be back home in the hood. Say what you want, but nothing says love like being accosted by your neighbor’s two playful (but overgrown) pit bulls as you struggle down the hall with luggage.


DEAD FISH EYES

Clearly, there was a lot going on while I was getting my tan on… Gary Coleman done bumped his head and died, Israel is blockading folks in the Gaza, Natalee Halloway’s murderer struck again, Detroit Tiger Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game by the ump, the freaking oil spills on and now to add insult to injury, Rue McLanahan a.k.a Blanche from the Golden Girls done passed away. Damn.

Yo, I freaking LOVED the Golden Girls.

Not for nothing, I’m gonna need another day to readjust to all of this…

happy memorial day weekend…

By on May 26, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day, the adventures of mitzi carmen and carla, using our powers for good

Did you know that AT& T and Verizon both support politicians opposed to women’s right to choose, that are pro-war and anti-environment?


Apparently, in addition to giving the maximum to McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign, AT&T was a repeat contributor to Sen. Tom Colburn (R-Okla,), who opposes abortion even in the cases of rape and has advocated the death penalty for doctors who perform abortions. It also contributed to Sen James Inhofe (R-Okla,), who called the threat of global warming the “greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.”

BLANK STARE.

Oh and at the same time, Verizon was busy contributing to the Texas Freedom Fund, a PAC that backed loudass war proponent Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) and Rep. Tom Price (R-Ga.), who earned a consistent 0% from NARAL Pro-Choice America and Planned Parenthood as recently as last term. But even better, contributed to Rep. Ander Crenshaw (R-Fl.), who voted against drilling prohibitions in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and strong fuel-economy standards.

DEAD SILENCE.

Right. So just when I was going to complain about my janky Sprint Blackberry Curve that doesn’t allow me to have international access, how ’bout I shut the hell up and enjoy my vacay?? Mm-hmm, think I’ll do that.

Talk to ya’ll on Wednesday!

CATEGORIES