Mitzi Moments

Category: pocket full of dirty tissue

black done cracked…

By on October 5, 2010 in cuteness kills, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue

Well goddamn, what in the accelerated aging process happened to Craig David??


Last time I looked he was this young British upstart with penchant for knit ski caps and EXTREMELY well groomed eyebrows boppin’ around to his adorable single, ‘Fill Me In‘.

And now…

Shoot, negro looks like he been living through HARD times (and more than his far share of steroid shots to the ass).

Sigh. All I can say is, “let us pray.”

*bows head & passes collection plate*

look at eddie’s white play cousin…

By on September 29, 2010 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Initially, I thought today’s post was going to be about Eddie Long’s 3rd accuser giving his first televised interview. Mm-hmm… *starts to hum & sway*

But then, I saw this story about Andrew Shirvell. And oh.my. GOD.

For six months, this grown ass white man in Ann Arbor, Michigan has basically waged a HATE campaign against the University of Michigan Student Body Assembly President Chris Armstrong (emphasis on student) because he’s gay.

BLANK STARE.

And when I say campaign, in addition to physically protesting outside of this poor COLLEGE STUDENT’s apartment, Shirvell created a website dedicated to “exposing” this child as, ‘a radical homosexual, racist, elitist, & liar.’ Talking about, “Armstrong has gone back on a campaign promise he made to minority students; engaging in “flagrant sexual promiscuity” with another male member of the student government; sexually seducing and influencing “a previously conservative [male] student” so much so that the student, according to Shirvell, “morphed into a proponent of the radical homosexual agenda”; hosting a gay orgy in his dorm room in October 2009; and trying to recruit incoming first-year students “to join the homosexual ‘lifestyle.”‘

But wait on it, in addition to his frequent vitriol filled updates he also posted pictures of Armstrong with obscenities written over them a la Perez Hilton and wait on it- swastika superimposed over a gay pride flag, with an arrow pointing toward Armstrong.

Um, where they do that at??

Mind you, this lunatic is an Assistant Attorney General for the State of Michigan. So it’s not like he just graduated from college last semester and that’s why he still feels vested in the on campus politics. No. He BEEN out of college! He’s grown as hell picking a fight with a damn CHILD.

And then, the video? With him looking and sounding like a whiny, hatin’ ass, repressed homosexual???

No sir. I. Will. Not.

*immediately cues Willow Smith*

burning my eyes…

By on September 23, 2010 in end of days, keep hope alive, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

So yeah, not sure about you but personally I’m not really trying to go see The Social Network in theaters. Not saying it’s not interesting enough to add it to the queue when it hits Netflix but as for shelling out my hard earned $12.50 to see a movie that’s just prob to make me feel like I haven’t done ‘ish with my entire life- err-um, no thank you.


Howsomever, I do think that it’s pretty fantastic that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is donating $100 million dollars to the Newark public school system. Yep, pretty fantastic and right on time. Cause I for damn sure needed something EXTRA SPECTACULAR to help my mind recover from the leaked cellphone pics of Eddie Long posing in his bathroom like Demi Moore wearing head-to-toe shiny black spandex and a Kangol.

BLANK STARE.

The Lord be coming through all day every day, I tell ya.

let the bonfire begin…

By on September 22, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

They say, a single look is worth more than a thousand words.


Mm-hmm… So, I’m thinking Sasha’s Obama’s laser beam side-eye at the paparazzi as the First Family walked back to the White House from church after this past Sunday morning service pretty much sums up how I’m feeling about greasy ass Pastor Eddie Long.

Cause here’s the thing: How are you going to be “one of the most virulently homophobic black leaders in the religiously based anti-gay movement” and then get caught up in some ish like coercing young male Church members to masturbate you??

HUH, Eddie??

For those who are unfamiliar, Eddie Long is the same ignorant fool who actively campaigned (and essentially convinced THOUSANDS of the poor Southern people that are members of his megachurch to vote) for George W. Bush’s re-election in 2004. Why he do that, you ask? Because according to this psychopath, John Kerry’s willingness to even CONSIDER giving gays the right to get married was more detrimental to the future of our country than the PROVEN facts that George Bush blatantly lied about the war, was robbing citizens of basic rights and sending our economy into the shitter.

I can’t.

But back to those old adages… Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And I for one cannot WAIT to see this hateful S.O.B burn.

the face of self-hate…

By on September 17, 2010 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, that sense of entitlement, why we as a people can't get ahead, work it white girl

Lord… PUH-lease give me the strength.


So Bethany Storro, the woman in Vancouver, Washington who’s heart-wrenching story about having battery acid splashed on her own face by some random, crazed black woman was all over the national news this past week, finally admitted to throwing the disfiguring liquid on her own damn self.

BLANK STARE

Now folks talking about, “It’s so sad. No one understands why she did it.”

Um, how about this? I don’t CARE why she did it. At. All. That’s between her, the parents that didn’t love her enough and the therapist that clearly forgot to call in her prescription.

What I care about is how quickly she reached for the unidentified Black assailant card. Like really? Cause there’s that many Black women running around cold ass Washington state for her to choose that ethnicity for her attacker’s description? Bish, you’re exhausting. Eff you and the racist horse you rode in on.

I’m so thankful the police didn’t simply accept her story at face value and start rounding up Black women like it was the wild, wild West. Forreal.

And real talk, if the authorities don’t press charges for obstruction of justice, I for damn sure hope they throw her deranged, low self-esteem having ass in padded room until the end of days. Cause the world is crazy enough. We don’t need not another loony tune to be out and about with the rest of us.

put down the doughnuts…

By on September 16, 2010 in going to hell in a handbasket, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

Oh the NYPD meter maids… SMH.


It just so tragic how seriously this mean-spirited division of the police department takes itself. Like, it’s not our fault you couldn’t even qualify to fight REAL crime. Tell you what, instead of taking it out on every tom, dick and harry who’s car is even remotely parked near a dead fire hydrant, why don’t you go workout and study a little something? So maybe one day, you can catch a real criminal. No, too much like right? I figured.

*rolls eyes*

So check this out: according to the NY Post a NYPD traffic cop was so busy ticketing a car parked on the wrong side during alternate side of the street cleaning, that the dummy chick didn’t even notice the driver was sitting in the car- DEAD. Oh and wait on it, it’s not like the corpse was leaned back against the seat where he could’ve been mistaken for sleeping. Nope. Homeboy overdosed and died with his body straight slumped over the steering wheel. Can you imagine?

BLANK STARE

Bish, I know all you do for 8 hours is ride around in a little go-cart and bring misery to drivers. But forreal, forreal aren’t you a trained POLICE OFFICER? How you leave a ticket on the windshield and don’t even bother to make sure the car is unattended? Shouldn’t you of all people be AWARE of your surroundings at all times? How you busy telling me, if you see something say something but your oblivious ass ain’t notice a damn CORPSE??

And all fun and games aside, what if dude had been a victim of a violent crime and the perpetrator was still in the area looking for the next victim?? But no. Miss Thang was so busy trying to get back to that ice latte she probably left in the car, she completely missed the actual opportunity to PROTECT & SERVE our community.

Waste of my damn taxes dollars.

go back like subway tokens…

By on September 14, 2010 in pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Wow, remember when Jennifer Lopez was truly relevant? *crickets* Yeah don’t feel bad, took me a minute to think that far back too.


In retrospect, for a typical looking, auto-tune dependent, round-the way Latina from the ungentrified side of the Bronx, who knows she owes her life to the untimely death of Selena, J.Lo sure did have a good little run there. *shrug* I’m just saying.

Anyhoo, it seems J.Lo is back trying to be relevant- again. In addition to signing with Def Jam, it was just announced that she will be the new celebrity judge on American Idol (how ironic is that??), and she’s got a new album in the pipe. The first single, featuring the Dream and Rick Ross is entitled, Run The World.

BLANK STARE

All I’m going to say is that if I never, ever, ever hear Jenny sing another “Bonnie-n-Clyde, I -Gotcha-Back-Boo, Ride-or-Die Chick” Anthem again it will be too soon. Especially since we ALL know she’s the FIRST one to bounce on a negro when po-po comes knocking. Mmm-hmm, just ask Puff.

*cough*disloyal bish *cough*

But enough of what I think, feel free to strain your ears/ check it out HERE.

i’m buying a copy just because…

By on September 10, 2010 in pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, that sense of entitlement

It’s Friday, it’s Fashion Week and tonight is Fashion Night Out. SOOOO excited.


I didn’t partake in the tomfoolery last year because I was on some godforsaken deadline or the other. Not that much has changed but this year, I’m hitting the streets regardless. I wanna party and socialize fabulously while the wealthy spend money, dammit!

Speaking of fashion, about that October 2010 Gabourey Sidibe Elle cover…. PAUSE.

While I’m thrilled for Gabourey personally, you know what… Them mean ass Elle editors KNOW that they’re DEAD ASS wrong for that bargain basement lace front and polyester green grandma dress tragedy. Especially when you compare her cover to the three other covers that they’re releasing simultaneously.

Like forreal? Why is Gabby wearing a cheesy dress from David Bridal’s mother-in-law section and dime store costume jewelry when them other hoes Amanda Seyfried and Lauren Conrad are half-naked in casual clothing???? With all the access a fashion mag like Elle has, they couldn’t find a flattering wrap dress or even ONE pair of skinny jeans and a cute top ANYWHERE in the world for this young woman??

And what School of the Visual Arts dropout photographer thought it was a good idea to zoom in all the way on the plus-size actress’s double chin and left boob but then give starving ass, admitted anorexic, Meagan Fox a full body shot?

*sucks the back of my teeth* Cut the crap.

No, Gabby may not be your conventional size 0 Hollywood beauty but she’s still a pretty girl. Had that obviously, culturally ignorant Elle Fashion Director hired the proper hair, make-up and styling team AND even more importantly given the ridiculous photographer intelligent direction; Gabby could have been wonderful.

Outward appearance aside, on a more serious level you wanna know why this cover really, really irks me?

Because behind the scenes, when Gabby’s cover doesn’t sell half as much compared to the other three covers, the powers-that-be who really make the final decisions based on numbers will say, “You see. Black women on covers don’t sell issues. Plus-size or skinny (’cause they do lump them all together), it’s simply a bad business decision to put a woman of color on our covers.”

And it’ll be another umpteenth million issues before readers will see another brown-skin, non-mixed, 110% Black woman on the cover of a major mainstream magazine. The End.

Lame.

whats a bite between friends…

By on September 8, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Lord have mercy, ya’ll voyeuristic animal lovers are gonna learn to leave these wild animals alone I tell you.

First the tiger in the little Miami wildlife park and now, the lion at the MGM resort in Vegas done attacked and bit one of its trainers in the leg. And again, the whole thing is caught on camera by nosey onlookers

Experts talking about the trainer seemed to stiffen up when the lion looked at him. And in the wild, that’s a sign of aggression. So like a teenager, was simply trying to show his dominance.

BLANK STARE.

Um, I assume that this man is a trained profession, correct? (Hence why he was getting in the glass container with these cats to begin with.) So why wouldn’t he know not to “stiffen up” if that’s all it was? Uh-uh, sorry bruh. I don’t believe you. I think this lion-just like that tiger that jumped the 14-foot fence- was just tired of the shenanigans. The End.

Although quite honestly, my favorite part is the lioness jumping on the back of the lion like, “CHILL negro! You know how fickle these damn humans are. One minute you’re their main attraction and the next, they’re euthanizing that ass!!”‘

ROFL ROFL Yes, I’m an idiot….

But so are the folks that think it’s cute to keep a grown lion and lioness in a oversized fishbowl for tourists to ogle. So there.

at least antoine is getting paid…

By on September 7, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tapped out, the internet is the devil

Well lookey here- The ‘Bed Intruder Song’ (the tomfoolery based on Antoine Dobson’s hood ass interview after his sister was attacked in her bedroom that was cobbled together by a quartet of white musicians from Brooklyn) just hit the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Mind you, the track has sold more than 91,000 copies on iTunes and was at no. 39 on the iTunes chart last week.


Yo. Not to be funny but did Usher’s new single featuring Jay-Z even sell that much?

And wait on it… When asked by the NYT the reason for the viral video’s crossover success, one of the creators explained, “The bar is getting lower for creative artists to break into the mainstream.”
Mmm-hmm, just. like. that.

*makes the sign of the cross and pours out a lil’ licca for the careers of Ciara, Maya, Ameriee, Mario, Lloyd, & all the rest of the 1-name wonder wannbes.*

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