Author: Mitzi

It looks like the voyeurists have it- 57% were A-okay with being immortalized on video as long as you retained full custody of the tape (wait, are they even tapes nowadays?). And what can I say? If you like it, I love it. So by all means, go ahead and get your Paris on. I think it’s fantastic that your self esteem is that unshakable. Just please be sure to try and tone those soft and squishy parts before hand to avoid unnecessary jiggle (if it’s a spontaneous decision- dim the lights), DO NOT look into the camera (nothing says faked orgasm like having one eye open), and for god’s sake find a safe hiding place for the memory cards (I’m thinking a bank safe deposit box is probably most appropriate).

In the meantime, until I completely forget all the hometraining that Elsa painstakingly instilled (with a very wide leather belt), I’m sticking with the 42% who don’t need physical proof of our ability to turn it out. First and foremost because I genuinely believe memories are the best pictures (isn’t it funny how you never remember the cellulite when reminiscing on good times?). But also because, as many of my friends know, I tend to be a bit of an overachiever. Which is fine when you’re talking about work and team sports (who doesn’t want to win?). But for something like this, not so much. Knowing myself, I’d wind up overanalyzing instead of appreciating the whole act. I can hear myself now: Do you think my back was arched enough? Does that color bra makes me look fat? Are my knees ashy?
Sigh, it’s way too much pressure.

YES WE DID!!!! YES WE DID!!!

I can barely type these words without tearing up. For the first time ever, I truly understand what people mean when they say they are proud to be American.

I guess I’ll start by stating the obvious. From now on, there are NO excuses. We are “The Man.” It’s time for folks to step our game up. This is the window of opportunity generations of people before us dreamed of, shame on anyone who doesn’t take FULL advantage of this moment. Get focused, the time is now.

But I do think there was a less obvious but just as important statement made last night. And so let me be the first to acknowledge and thank, Barack and Michelle for single handedly redefining the face of Black love. His shout out to her in his victory speech brought tears to my eyes.

I just hope that all the amazing Black men that I know who continue to insist that it’s too difficult to date/love a strong Black woman were paying close attention. The most powerful man in this country just willingly acknowledged that he needed one of us by his side to make it through. Not as a jump-off, baby mama, home girl, etc but as his best friend, wife and the mother of his kids. Michelle is Barack’s first choice.

And I can’t just blame the guys. I take full responsibility for my some of my bad dating decisions and a lot of the ridiculous compromises that I have made over the years. But like my mom said, it was all fun and games… until today. I’m about to pull together forreal, forreal.

POP, POP, POP!!! That’s the sound of the bottles party people! See you in DC on Jan 20th!!

After much ado, I finally made it to the poll. WOO HOO, Go Obama!!!!
I swear I must’ve changed outfits like a thousand times. I finally settled on my official Obama ’08 t-shirt for good luck. I swear I grinned like an ass the entire 2 blocks to my precinct. BUt what made me even happier was the 7 corner boys in line ahead of me, getting ready to make the magic happen.

CNN is turned on and the champagne is now chilling….

I just spoke with my girl Fatima who lives in Atlanta and decided to vote early. She went online to verify that her vote had been recorded and IT HADN’T!!! I’m DEAD SERIOUS. She’s been on the phone for the past two days getting the run around from the election board about it.

And the same thing happened to her sister’s boyfriend. But he decided to go back to the poll to ask what had happened. When he arrived, they told him that a certain percentage of the votes cast had not counted and that they were calling people to tell them to come back. HE NEVER RECEIVED A CALL.

PLEASE ASK EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO VOTED EARLY TO GO ONLINE AND MAKE SURE THAT THEIR VOTE WAS COUNTED.

If they can’t be bothered, do it for them!!! And if you discover a problem (in GA), call 866-OUR-VOTE immediately.

This is too serious for us to have it stolen. Every vote counts!

Omigod, I’m more anxious about voting than going on a first date! Since my eyes snapped open at 7am, all I’ve been able think about is what’s going to happen when Barack wins (its going to be a nationwide block party popping off) and what I’m going to wear to the poll (cause you know I’m taking pictures in the booth!)

On the way to the gym, I overheard a couple of men commenting that the lines to vote uptown are off the chain. And then, this woman in my step & sculpt class said that she’d never seen so many young people come out to vote. So I feel very encouraged.

On the flip side, I passed my local voting poll twice (to and from the gym) and there was nobody outside. Which is not such a good thing. Hopefully when the corner boys and baby mamas get up around three o’clock things will change… In any case, I will be ringing Gladys’s door and making sure that she and her son mosey on up the road to vote, even if I have to stay in her apartment and babysit her bad ass grandson.

Okay, okay, enough procrastinating…. I’m off to BA-ROCK the VOTE!

How exhausting is this statement? “Girls from down South are nicer than girls from up north.” Feel free to insert a deep sigh. But as a favor to my boy Jelani, I posed it to you guys after we spent a good hour on the IM debating whether he-who believes that Southern women are “softer” than Northern women- is in the majority.

Turns out he is not alone.
Only 30% of you think that region doesn’t make a difference in how women treat a partner, etc.

69% believe women have distinctly different dating behaviors depending on where they grew up. Now whether or not “niceness” or “the ability to take care of their man” is one of them, I’m not so sure.

For the record, I’ve met quite a few mean ass, raggedy chicks from down south during my days at FAMU. And every last one of them claims to be a true Southern belle. And I’m willing to bet the house that any of the guys dating my girlfriends from up north have ZERO complaints about their ability to handle the business.

Last night I was having dinner with friends and as usual we were discussing the tomorrow’s presidential election. Is there anything else so talk about?? It’s still hard to believe that in less than 24 hours a Black man could very well be the next President of the United States? Lord, my nerves are a complete and total wreck! I’m talking light-headed, stomach in knots, taking lots of shallow breaths as I lay on the couch unable to stop watching MSNBC.

But then I started to think- I might feel bad but who is sicker than Jesse Jackson right now?

Answer: No one.

Over the course of this election, Jesse Jackson has lost all cool points with anyone under the age of 59 years old (and I’m probably being too generous with that number). Watching Jesse morph from an elder statesman into a straight-up hater was almost as devastating as the moment on the Maury show when the poor girl finds out that not one of the three guys she accused is the father of her baby. Tragic.

Whatever miniscule of political clout Mr. Jackson managed to salvage after the whole “the DNA tests prove I fathered my secretary’s baby” scandal was completely flushed down the toilet when he got caught talking trash about Obama on national TV. And now look… win or lose Obama is the man.

Shoot, I wouldn’t be surprised if once he gets behind the curtain Mr. Power-to-the-People votes for McCain. Mmm-hmmm, I said it.

Well from the looks of it, appearance (and health, I hope) seem to be the priority for the majority of folks. A strong 64% said that you would rather date someone who could potentially never surprise you with a romantic weekend getaway, live in a cold, dark house because it saves a whopping $20 a month, have you cutting coupons for toilet paper or even worse ask you to go dutch at your very own bday dinner IN FRONT of family & friends; than be with someone who is noticeably overweight. True. If you can’t get past jiggly man-breasts and moist backfat, then you just can’t.

How-some-ever, once again I’m rolling with the minority on this one. Like the 36%, I cannot stand cheap people. Worse if it’s a man that I’m romantically involved with. My motto is: life is for the living. There’s a big difference between frugal and cheap. We ain’t gotta ball outta control every single day but good grief you can’t take it with. All that saving every last penny… no sir, mama needs pretty things to keep a happy house. Even if I have to go grocery shopping once a week and replace the mattress every three years because he’s breaking the springs… I’ll be damned if I we go out as a couple with a single girlfriend and homeboy doesn’t inherently understand that he’s expected to pick up the tab for her and I. As my girl Takara so eloquently explained, “one good bout of the flu or food poisoning… and you’ve got the skinny boy of your dreams.” Ha! I know, we ain’t about nothing…

For the first time in I don’t even know how many years, I’ve decided to dress up and celebrate Halloween. At first I was just going to comb out the ‘fro and throw together something from the back of my closet. But then I convinced myself that it’d been so long, I might as well go all out and dress up. Right?

So after 2 long hours (and at least 25 different slutty school girl outfits) in Ricki’s unbelievably crowded Halloween Store aisles, I finally settled on the naughty 5th Ave. maid costume (it’s just like the freaky french maid except my dress has more spandex for the curves).

And please believe, your girl has the whole look- from the feather duster to the frilly fire engine red panty covers (just in case a strong breeze blows) down to the 5-inch lucite heels (um yes, I know that stripper heels have nothing to do with a french maid but this is my fantasy, thank you very much). Don’t hate, I am sososo excited!

So last night I attended the world premiere of Malcolm D. Lee’s new film Soul Men starring Samuel L. Jackson and Bernie Mac. Thankfully, the screening was held at the Apollo, cause otherwise yours truly would’ve missed it. You know mama don’t play that cold weather business AT ALL and the temperature dropped down to the freaking 30s late night!

Anyhoo, overall it was a cool premiere. People got dressed up, there were a lot of Hollywood execs, Sam Jackson came out and so did Bernie’s family. Moreover, I’m happy to report, the movie is actually good (disclaimer: no, it’s not the best Black movie ever but it’s worth your $10). Sam and Bernie just have a natural comedic chemistry that makes you smile despite yourself. And I won’t spoil it for those of you who are planning see it but, there’s a tribute that plays as the credits roll that’s not to be missed.

But can I tell you? Movie aside, you know what made the greatest impression on me over the course of the night? The gentleman sitting directly in front of me. Mmm-hmmm, I surely won’t forget him for a while. Why you ask? Because his dreds were STINK. And I’m not talking slight patchouli oil overload. I mean, SOUR grease and DIRTY scalp mixed with rain water STINK. Every time he moved his head, my nostrils would flair and my eyes would tear up. I’m not even kidding you. It was so offensive, I thought I was going to vomit in my mouth whenever I caught a whiff.

To make matters worse, it wasn’t like he even had one of those full heads of hair that you’re probably envisioning. Oh no, he only had a few straggly pieces of dreds at the top and then I’m assuming the rest had fallen out along the sides. It was a hot ass mess. I was dying to dose him with some of that Pantene for colored hair. Finally, I had to call it a loss and give up my good seat in the center for an empty one off to the side with an obstructed view. It was just that bad.

We have to do better my people.


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