Mitzi Moments

Author: Mitzi

ain’t it hunting season yet…

By on November 17, 2010 in desperate cry for help, i die, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister’s atrocious dancing skills “faggots” and “so gay?” Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed “strict Christian morals and values?”


Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it… then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, “you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

Sources talking about they’re just baby bears protecting the Mama Grizzly.

BLANK STARE

Honestly? I can’t.

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn’t fall too far from the tree? Don’t either of these girls have something better to do like I don’t know… go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, …

whats that #1 zodiac sign…

By on November 16, 2010 in it takes a village, it's in the genes, Mitzi- all day every day

Oh shoot, oh shoot! Do you know what today is???


*cues Uncle Luke, turns volume ALL the way up & hops up on the nearest tabletop*

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go, Go Go, GO!!!

For a million and one reasons, I’m so excited and grateful to see thirty-five. It has been such an incredible journey filled with love, laughter, drama, confusion and most importantly, non-stop tomfoolery! And I appreciate every single person that’s contributed to my personal and professional growth along the way. I couldn’t have done it without you.

So while I continue to celebrate my personal New Year’s Day by grinning from ear-to-ear, spontaneously throwing my hands in the air and dropping it like it’s hot, feel free to join the party and twerk a little something for the kid.

Don’t stop, Get it, Get it… GET IT, GET IT!!

send this boy a diddy t-shirt asap…

By on November 15, 2010 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, tapped out, too old for the road, work it white girl

We hear so many horror stories about sexting gone wrong and exes posting nude pics of women AND men on the internet that it’s impossible not to become jaded by low folks can go. But happily, here’s a small victory for the victims…


A 20 year-old man in New Zealand plead guilty to distributing indecent material for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook without her consent and was actually sentenced to JAIL time.

Granted, it was only 4 months but still….

In what he’s calling an “act of revenge” but I consider straight bitchassness, Joshua Simon Ashby posted a photo of a woman he’d been dating on and off (NOT EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND), which featured her naked in front of a mirror on homegirl’s own Facebook page. READ: So she’d be humilated in front of ALL of her friends and family.

As if that isn’t mortifying enough, Ashby altered the security settings to make it available for viewing to everyone on FB, then altered her password so she could not remove it.

Mind you, this happened AFTER previous incidents where he’d already stolen two of her dresses and destroyed them, knocked her down and broke her cellphone and threatened to kill her via text messages.

DEAD SILENCE

I sincerely hope this chick is sues the ‘ish outta him in civil court and leaves his abusive, bullying behind naked and broke.

hopped up like the wwe main event…

By on November 11, 2010 in desperate cry for help, Mitzi- all day every day, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tapped out

HOLD UP!


Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?

*GAG*

O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient… I can’t. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn’t the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I’m willing to bet all my birthday money that we’d have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth ‘roids didn’t have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.

*shrug*

I’m just saying.

there’s a limit to the stupidity…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

WOWOWOW, Amazon.com is BUGGING.


How in the ‘twisted-unethical-hell’ are they selling a book entitled, ‘The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure’???? And wait on it, the freaking product description boldly states:

“This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.”
(FYI- the spelling errors are all theirs not mine.)

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOONG BLINKS


*gags*

For the record:
1 in 4 girls in the United States have been sexually abused
1 in 6 boys in the United States have been sexually abused

And Amazon thinks it’s a good idea to sell a how-to guide for perverts and sexual deviants 2 months before Christmas???

SMH. Greed is a bish.


**UPDATE** Do to the overwhelming negative response and consumer threats of a massive boycott weeks before Christmas, Amazon has decided to stop selling the book. READ: Money talks & bullshit walks.

the mugshot says it all…

By on November 10, 2010 in end of days, made for the maury show, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

I have to tell ya, I’m definitely at a loss for words this morning.

First, there’s the Manhattan judge that co-signed on a plea bargain that will give Tony Simmons, a juvenile court counselor who raped a 15-year-old and sexually assaulted a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old 10 years’ probation and NO prison time. Mind you, all three of the girls were his clients at the time of the rapes.

And then, there’s Lyndsey Fiddler, the 26 year-old Oklahoma woman who accidently tossed her 10-day old baby in the washing machine with a load of dirty laundry. It turns out homegirl was high as a kite on meth, amphetamines, benzodiazepine and opiates at the time. Anyhoo, so this mom of the year proceeds to pass out on a chair while the baby drowns. She’s only facing child neglect charges.

BLANK STARE

I mean seriously? How can the Manhattan DA that originally crafted the plea bargain or this wack FEMALE judge sleep at night knowing they’ve allowed a serial rapist to simply go free. Cause the last time I checked, probation ain’t never stopped nobody from committing a crime. Just ask the doctor in CT who’s family was burned and burned to death.

And as for the trashy chick in OK, what makes the story even more horrifying is that her family tried to get her parental rights revoked when she was 4 months pregnant because they KNEW she was an addict and endangering the child’s life. But no. The courts denied their request.

I thought the purpose of the judicial system was to protect the innocent and serve justice. Apparently, not so much.

*logs off*

i like my fries hot…

By on November 9, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

So, it seems city leaders in San Francisco have voted to ban McDonalds Happy Meals because wait on it… they’re not truly healthy.


DEAD FISH EYES

Yo, can someone please tell what exactly IS healthy in McDonalds??? (And puh-lease don’t EVEN say the Apple Dippers because once you dip the fruit slices in the freaking caramel sauce it’s officially candy)

*crickets*

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I swear, people K-I-L-L me. If you’re really that damn concerned about kids leading healthier lives why not put some of that time, energy and MOOLAH into making sure all children have access to GYM CLASSES, AFTERSCHOOL SPORTS PROGRAMS and CLEAN PUBLIC PARKS???

Or my bad, does that just seem too much like the right thing to do?

BLANK STARE

Commonsense beats an education all day, every day I tell ya.

sucking it up…

By on November 3, 2010 in end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, work it white girl

Uuugh, I’m going for my annual check-up this morning. I guess I should say biannual cause as juvenile as it sounds, I really only go to see a regular physician when I have a cold that just won’t go away.


Case in point: this nagging sore throat that’s been killing me and my right ear for the last 3 weeks.

Sigh.

But as bad as I feel, don’t think anyone in America feels worse than Meg Whitman. $140 million dollars of your own personal funds is a lot of money to blow just to get outted for employing an illegal immigrant as your maid (so cliche), being a heartless corporate bee-yatch and ultimately lose your campaign.

Damn ma.

You just know that her family is looking at her like she has about three heads right now. Oh wells… Good luck with that.

riding the white horse…

By on November 2, 2010 in made for the maury show, that sense of entitlement

In some serious WTF??? news… Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his 3rd estranged wife, Brooke Mueller.


PAUSE.

Um, how in the ass backwards hell is Charlie Sheen filing papers on anyone??

I mean, isn’t he the same dude that just got released from the hospital for the coke-fueled freakout on a porn star/ prostitute in hotel while his ex-wife and kids were down the hall? And yet HE wants a divorce?

*faints*

White men with money KILL me. The. End.

27 to 0…

By on November 2, 2010 in keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, too old for the road

Yo, why are the Texas Rangers such HATERS??? Good grief.


One would think having an opportunity to go to the World Series (even if they got their ass SPANKED by San Francisco) would’ve made the miserable Southerns happy but NO. Instead of celebrating the minor miracle, the freaking OWNER of the team, Chuck Greenburg is talking ish about Yankee FANS.

And I quote, “I thought Yankee fans, frankly, were awful. They were either violent or apathetic, neither of which is good. So I thought Yankee fans were by far the worst of any I’ve seen in the postseason. I thought they were an embarrassment.”

Really dude? Yankee fans are the worst? Have ya seen the Red Sox fans???

*rolls eyes*

Man listen… MAYBE if you were just a little more focused on WINNING the World Series rather than bashing a the die-hard fans of your *cough* 27-time championship *cough* competitors, then you might have something more substantial to offer Cliff Lee at the negotiation table in t-minus four days.

Jussayin.

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