Has anyone NOT seen the post, What Black Women Can Learn From Michelle Obama? I swear it’s been circulating all week like a viral flu…
For those that haven’t, this sentence from the article sums it up: if black women are going to defy the statistics, they need to start being more realistic. Holding out for the perfect man, someone who is intellectual but not nerdy—cool but not arrogant—impeccably dressed but not effeminate—not a player but with just the right amount of edge—is useless.
And you know what my response to that entire train of thought is? YOU SHUT UP.
Cause forreal, forreal, why are we so quick to assume that Michelle was being ‘realistic’ (read: settling) when she started dating Barack? Maybe the First Lady has a thing for skinny bi-racial guys with big ears that are into helping the community and wanna be President?? How do you know that Barack wasn’t EXACTLY what she was holding out for? And so what if the car he was dead broke and driving a hoopie?You ain’t never seen a sexy struggling artist/activist that could get it? Shoot, we’ve ALL seen the pics of him smoking ganja. Ain’t nothing about that man look the least bit nerdy or effeminate- at all.
All I know is, I continue to work DAMN hard to pull myself into a marketable package. And I want to see the same in my partner.
I refuse to spend a moment (let alone the remainder) of my life with a man that makes me wish I was anywhere else under the sun but with him. And that’s exactly how I (or anyone that’s willing to be honest with themselves) will feel if we give up the search and start accepting whatever is in front of us…
If I don’t like lame guys, I’m not dating them. If I don’t like dudes who are excessively overweight, I’m not dating them. If I don’t like men who spend more time grooming themselves and looking in the mirror than me, I’m just not dating them. PERIOD.
I refuse to walk through life in a pair of dark shades so that my significant other doesn’t notice all the side-eye I’m throwing at him just for being him. And keep it one thousand, if you’ve ever been with someone that works your nerves for no good reason, you understand exactly what I’m talking about.
And on the flip side, I for damn sure don’t want anyone settling for me. If I’m not the one- Keep It Moving Shorty. There are way too many options out there for you to be wasting my time, making me jump through hoops when you already know I won’t ever measure up. No thanks, I’m good.
Oh and real talk, NONE of the women that I know in relationships/ marriages worth talking about EVER settled.
Mitzi I understand exactly where you are coming from but in fairness to the original article I think the post was more about having realistic expectations and not looking for someone who we have crafted in our minds as perfect and many of us do that. Youre right Obama might have been exactly what Michelle was looking for but if she said I am not going to date him cuz he ain't prez yet and
Mitzi I am so in agreement. I see "together" women all the time with scrubs. Now no offense to these men, but some (not all) of these women just decided to latch on to the first guy that seemed to be interested because they fear being alone. I would rather be by myself than with someone that made me feel like I was settling for a less than mediocre life. I am not going to school,
In the beginning of this article, the author describes how she was initially turned of by Pres. Obama's overall nerdienss, his lack of dance skills on the Ellen show and his geeky look playing basketball on election day in tight grey sweats. I do not think the article was intending to tell black women to settle if they expect to be in a relationship. In the article she makes reference to her
Let's start with…Just date someone SMART and not ugly and you will be fine. He will have potential to make tons of money and he'll be smart enough to know how to act. how and when to shut his mouth and how and when to buy a ring. everything else you leave to jesus.
I normally avoid responding to the comments on my blog b/c I've already said how I feel and the rest is up to the readers… BUT in this case I think its important for me to speak:<br /><br />@ANOYMOUS who doesn't understand why most women's reaction is to feel they're being urged to date someone broke… the only reason that I even mention finances at all is because so much was
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT CHICK??? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO BARACK? HE CAN TALK YOU OUTTA YOUR PANTIES IN 30 SECONDS FLAT. BROTHER HAS GAME!!! IF BIGGIE MADE YOUR SNATCH TINGLE IMAGINE WHAT A MAN WITH A SILVER TONGUE LIKE BARACK COULD DO TO YOU. GET REAL! CORNEY? NERDY? NOT BAM! HE GOT HIGH, PLAYS BALL AT 46! (really…how many 46 years olds you know play ball daily?) AND HANGS A SUIT LIKE A MUG. TELL
Michelle Settled? really? Sorry-I agree with mitzi. I will never settle. I like nerdy guys as long as their cute and cool enough to make me laugh and aren't socially inept. I also like badboys (who doesnt) but settling BE DAMNED. Michelle was "realistic?" ??? what the hell is she talking about??! Barack was cute for his day and smart and taller than her damnit! Do you have any idea
Maybe I'm missing something because I'm a college educated black man and we're rarely confronted with these kinds of questions. But what I took from the article is not that women should lower their standards but that maybe they should discard the more superficial criteria that may lead to overlooking a valuable person. <br /><br />I guess it's kinda reiterating the whole
amen mitz to your original post and your 2nd response! loves it. and to the anonymous man who said maybe black women "should discard the more superficial criteria that may lead to overlooking a valuable person" i hope many black men (who often want you to look like beyonce' all day, everyday, even when you are making them a ham sandwhich…lol..) can do the same
girl I settled for a minute and thats why I ain't in that relationship anymore…it just ain't worth it…you feel like crap…he feels like crap cause you expect more than he can deliver…just crap crap crap…a smelly old relationship…glad I'm out and I encourage others never to get into one…even though I learned a lot about myself, I feel like I learned the lessons in the
Amen sister. I've seen far too many women who settle just 'cause they wanna be married. No ma'am. I've waited this long-I wanna be HAPPY. <br />" Settling " can kiss my ass.<br /><br />Maria
PREACH!!!! My sentiments exactly. Michelle was hardly settling-Barack never lacked looks, ambition, drive and obviously swagger (concluding from the story of how they met-he wooed her as an intern!). <br /><br />So ladies, keep the sunglasses OFF 'cuz "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
Re-read her article and I definitely don't think she was saying that women should settle. And I don't think she was even discouraging women from setting standards. She was talking about women with unrealistic expectations and yes, there are women who have them. Just like there are men who have them. Mitzi, you are not one of them but you can't pretend that there aren't women who
Mitzi, I really do think you and evereyone who agreed with you on this article read it one more time. Not once did she say "just take the first man you see, make it work and stop being so picky." It said, don't be so harsh to judge. I am also shocked that you are so mad about this article because you are doing actually what she is suggesting all women do and that is "get to
I'm really tired right now so I wanted to comment before the next blog is released and I really hope what I say makes sense. I have had fun reading everyone's comments and had to chime in. As a married man, who believes that he married the perfect woman I must comment. <br /><br />Fundamentally it comes down to what you define individually as the perfect partner/person. <br /><br />