Okay so, I went in to pick up my bridesmaid dress this past Friday and lo and behold, that sucker still doesn’t fit: the strapless top is too big, the sash is too short to cinch and the entire backside is damn near see-through (yes, I know Toya wants a Super Sexy Second Wedding theme across the board but that does not include me being topless and ass out, homie). Sigh, so annoying. Cause it’s all fun and games till the wedding day when I wind up looking scandalous friend with no home training in all the photos.

With that said, I’m now on the hunt for shoes. Which in theory should be simple because the dress is black… yeah, not so much.

For whatever reason, I can’ seem to find a pair of black strappy, sparkly sandals with a four inch heel that 1) match the black in the dress (cause don’t you hate blatantly mismatched blacks) and 2) fit my feet comfortably.

And no, I can’t just “go get a pair from 9 West or Aldo,” dammit. Why? Because 9 West/ Aldo+Mitzi’s wide ass feet= severe pain. And after all the money I’m spending on this mess, I have no intention of spending half the night in my seat or worse being the girl that has to do the hot foot dance all the way home after the reception. (And you know exactly what I mean by hot foot- foot all twisted out, limping like someone smashed your toes with a sledgehammer and then pushed you unto a bed of hot coals.) No thank you.

So if you see any cute black sandals please let a sister know ASAP. I’ve only got 19 days to pull it together…