Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

just my thoughts…

By on May 1, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out

Soooo… how messy do we think Nas and Kelis’s divorce proceeding is going to be?  ‘Cause not for nothing, homegirl is seven months pregnant.  And whatever under the sun, made her drag her milkshake to the LA County Clerk and file the papers must be SOME SHIZZ-NIT- ya heard?

And not for nothing, am I the only who cannot WAIT till Danity Kane and all those dirty looking, barely talented chicks disappear from all media? I read the reviews of the “reunion show” that ran last night and it sounded like a HOT ASS MESS.  Yeah, I said it. Speaking of made for TV train wrecks…
Is Harlem Heights over?  I mean, I know I personally couldn’t make it past the first 20 minutes of the premiere episode.  Howsomever, there were quite a few of ya’ll (and I won’t call no names Monique and Daria) that got caught up in the tomfoolery. I’m curious to hear how the drama & confusion worked itself out.  Oh and I’ve been slipping on my Bravo reality show game. Is the Rachel Zoe Project even still on?  Cause you know, I DIED for that damn anorexic, neurotic, bi-polar, psycho stylist! And what are the best bridal shows on? There’s nothing like a a little Bridezilla to take my mind off of the fact that I’m so hungry I could eat my own tongue (yes party people, Operation Skinny Bridesmaid is still in full effect).
I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I’m kinda excited for this overcast weekend.    Cause all I wanna do is relax and zone out for a hot minute.  That, and go see the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie. Mmm-hmm…  Cause I LOVES me some X-Men movies and I can’t wait for all the ridiculous special effects. 
Well, whatever you do, have a fantastic weekend!

exhibit a…

By on April 30, 2009 in i die, it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, tagging out, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, I wasn’t even going to say anything about this swine flu madness.  ‘Cause as far as I’m concerned there’s some new fangled Killer African Bee, SARS, Cow-Foot-Head disease popping up on CNN just about every six months or so… 

And between you and me, I think that if certain folks would learn how to cover their mouths and use a little hand disinfectant, half of these problems would be solved. But that’s just my humble opinion.
But THEN I read this article in the NYTimes that set off my spidey senses. It basically details how experts are now trying to blame the whole health crisis on this poor little 5 year-old Mexican boy.  Talking bout, “The government has identified Édgar Hernadez as the first person in Mexico to have become infected with a virulent strain of the swine flu.” Seriously? 

Not for nothing, but doesn’t this sound very much like the whole- AIDS started in Africa from people who were having sex with monkeys hypothesis? Yeah, thought so.  $50 bucks says the Mexican government just needed someone to throw under the bus to keep the World Health Organization off their backs. So naturally, they choose the lowest common denominator- a poor, illiterate family and their kid. So. Not. Cool.
You look at the picture and do the math. Err-um, keep it real. We ALL know where this pandemic really, really started… 

happy 100 days…

By on April 29, 2009 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

So this past week, the washer/ dryer at the boy’s house ate my favorite pair of jeans.

I’m not saying it was his fault of anything like that BUT… my jeans were just fine when I put them in them in his machine. Then lo and behold, when the cycle ended and I started to fold the clothes, there’s a big ass hole under the left back pocket!!  Insert image of my mouth dropping wide open in shock like an idiotic cartoon character.
Forget how much the silly thing cost, I worked SO HARD to get those jeans to fit my booty the way I wanted!!! Those were my ‘get-‘em-girl/ it’s-ya-birthday’ jeans… sniffle, sniffle.  What I’mma supposed to do now?? 
I’ve lost a loved one.  Please light a candle…

the height of stupidity….

By on April 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, too old for the road

See…. cuteness is a tool of the devil.

I KNEW I should’ve stayed my vain self at home on Sunday night, enjoyed the unseasonable warm weather and minded my bid-ness.  But NO.  There I go, worrying about this godforsaken bridesmaid dress that I have to squeeze my ass into in exactly 23 days… and I decide to drag my butt to a 6.30p bikram class.
Well wait on it… don’t you know some worthless ass heifer STOLE my damn flip-flops from the friggin’ studio??
Uh-huh, you read that right: Just like hilarious episode of Sex And The City, where Carrie grudgingly goes to the baby shower and her gorgeous pair of silver Manolo Blahniks get ganked, my BRAND NEW black flip-flops were G-O-N-E. 
(Insert image of me doing the most not to lose my shit on all the hippy ass pink toes standing around at the moment of discovery talking about, ‘are you sure you wore them here?  Did you look carefully? Oh, I’m sure it was just an innocent mistake.’)
Innocent mistake my ass!  I even waited until every last person had come to retrieve their shoes- just to see what was left (and quietly, still hoping the person might return with my shoes) Well, guess what? There wasn’t ONE pair of shoes left. NOTHING. NADA. Translation: that dirty mo-fo took theirs AND mine. 
OMG, who does that?  Sure its a recession, times are hard but MY GOD. Who steals flip-flops in 2009??
But Jesus be a neurotic black woman and her shower shoes… because despite all the side-eye that I catch for wearing flip-flops in the communal shower stall(apparently, they encourage folks to go barefoot to reduce the amount of outside dirt), at least my ass had something to wear go home.
Otherwise, picture me stepping out onto 145th Street barefoot!!!  Shiiiiitttt! No maam, not even on a damn dare…

lookin’ like santa claus…

By on April 24, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day

OMG, I want a wife! 

The sun is shining, the forecast is in the 80s, the toes are done and my ass is inside cleaning a bathroom. Uh-uh, this don’t make no kinda sense.  And THEN, after I finish scrubbing the toilet and tub, I still gotta put away laundry and go grocery shopping.  What in the in unsexy in the city hell??
I’m telling you right now, I wasn’t born to live like this. Clearly the stork got confused and forgot to drop me off at Oprah’s house.  ‘Cause no offense Els but you know the Big O is my forreal, forreal birth mother, right? 
Fine, fine leave me to my delusional daydreams if you want.  But please believe, when Oprah does show up and whisks me away to the big house to kick it with Barack and Michelle, ya’ll non-believers ain’t even getting a tweet outta me!

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