Mitzi Moments

You know there are a lot of things that just ain’t clean in the milk with folks living in this country. Yeah, yeah don’t even front.  We all know that Americans definitely contribute to our fair share of tomfoolery (i.e the group of punk ass white boys that savagely beat and killed a Mexican immigrant for kicks in Texas). But I gotta tell ya, even if this isn’t necessary the land of milk  & honey that my parents imagined it  to be when they moved here from Panama, it SURELY beats the hell outta living next to sewage drain in Mumbai, India.  Mmm-hmmm… And that’s exactly where Azharuddin Ismail, the nine year-old star of the not one, not two, not even  five, but EIGHT Oscar award-winning film Slumdog Millionaire has been chilling with his family since returning from the red carpet 3 months ago.

But wait on it… why did the government literally tear down his home the other day?  Talking about, “the ‘town’ (which is really just a group of families living in shanties attached to a drain) was squatting on government property.”  And with monsoon season around the corner, the drains needed to be cleaned out so they BULLDOZED everyone’s shit. Yep, just like that. 
Mind you, when they first came under scrutiny for the squalid conditions that these kids were going to have to return to after all the glitz and glamour of being big Hollywood and Bollywood star for a season, everyone promised them the world.  Specifically, the same gov’t that kicked in their tent flap, assured them that they would be moved to a house. Err-um, guess that didn’t happen, huh?
So basically, months being called a national hero and going to visit Mickey at Disneyland this kid is homeless.  SMH.
Jesus take the wheel, I’m jumping out here.

See now, I’m already in a mood…. 

Because I have to take Drama to see the vet this afternoon. And everybody that knows me understands that I am HIGHLY sensitive when it comes to my damn geriatric dog. 
So aside from the fact I’m certain to be at LEAST $300 poorer for today’s experience; I’m super nervous that the doctor is gonna tell me something I don’t wanna hear. Like, “No Ms. Miller the weakness in her hind legs that occasionally requires you to lift her onto the standing position is not just her trying to be stubborn.”  Sigh. Pray for me ya’ll.  Not sure I can make it without that mutt…
But THEN, I was perusing The YBF and noticed a post detailing Rick Ross’s feeble attempt to prove that his sunglasses aren’t fake. WTF??  Did you not read the letter that the white boys sent XXL? Or better yet, CAN YOU NOT read the letter the white boys sent?? ‘Cause it sure seemed pretty straightforward to me and all the millions of other literate folks laughing at you and your stylist’s dumb asses.
But wait on it… here’s the actual  explanation: 
Rick bought the sunglasses from Louis Vuitton. But afterwards, he had them customized. (Feel free insert blank star and three blinks.)  
Negro, are you serious right now? This ain’t no car!  Don’t nobody get a pair of damn sunglasses TRICKED OUT. What, was you gonna put SPINNERS on them too? I. Can’t. Officer Ricky will you and your frugazzy, Dade County swap-meet special  sunglasses puh-lease move from my eyesight?  And not now, but RIGHT NOW!

I’m almost embarrassed to admit it but the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have gone on so long, I’m almost completely numb to the continual horror stories on the evening news.  Which is probably why I didn’t pay attention to any of the details in the most recent tragedy at a clinic in Camp Liberty in Baghdad when five soldiers were murdered… Honestly, I simply assumed that it was another terrorist’s bombing. But this morning, I learned that it was actually an American soldier that killed his fellow soldiers. SMH.

But wait on it…  Folks sensed that this guy was a loose cannon. Mmm-hmm… Not only was he on his THIRD tour of duty (which already tells you something) but apparently, Sgt. John M. Russell had just been ordered to turn in his gun and undergo counseling by his commanding officer because of erratic stress-related behavior.  
So essentially, while he was at said mandatory counseling appointment, he lost his shit, wrestled the gun away from his escort (yeah, homeboy required an armed escort to the clinic) and shot the hell outta every damn body in the place. Sigh.
Oh and the main reason he was so stressed out?  According to his father, “he had fallen in debt paying his $1,500-a-month mortgage… and he thought they were trying to push him out of the service.” 

Seriously? You’re gonna kill five innocent people who are just minding their business because of a mortgage payment that costs less than most people’s rent in NYC?  No sir, there’s got to be a better way…
Uncle Sam please come get your psycho nephew.

I’m so excited for the summer! Despite the fact that I have not one but two weddings to attend (and suck the life out of my entertainment budget), I am really really trying to spend more time enjoying myself this go ’round.

So first things first, I started researching vacay spots… I considered the Essence Music Festival but eh, not so much for me this year.  It’s too late to get decent tickets to the concerts and not for nothing, I really don’t want to pay $500 to fly into New Orleans. No offense. So I’m thinking about Barbados or some other small Caribbean island…. anywhere that the sun is hot, the beaches are clean and the water warm will work wonders for the kid.
Next, I got a hold of the NYC City Parks Foundation free concert schedule.  Okay seriously, this might be one of the best summers we’ve had in YEARS.  Lisa-Lisa, Slick Rick, Big Daddy Kane, Chrisette Michelle, Naughty by Nature, Joe and a DJ Premier v. Pete Rock battle? And let us not forget the outdoor movie screenings. Can you say, Purple Rain under the hazy NYC summer twillight sky?  I’m done!
Cue the 90 degree temps and let the tomfoolery begin!

Okay Rick Ross, first you’re outted as a fake drug lord and now you’ve been caught wearing the frugazzy Louis Vuitton sunglasses on the cover of XXL?? I am D-O-N-E. 

Um Officer Ricky, I’m gonna need you to go sit down somewhere and be quiet. 

Cause what you know about Louis Vuitton sending XXL magazine the xtra, xtra nasty letter about their recent cover?  It’s so unbelievable, I have to post the notice/ pinktoe pimp slap:

Dear Editor:

We were dismayed to see the cover of the May 2009 issue of XXL Magazine, which features a photo of Rick Ross wearing a pair of sunglasses prominently featuring counterfeit Louis Vuitton trademarks. Because the photo has generated considerable confusion among your readers and Louis Vuitton customers among others, we feel it is important to clarify several points.

The first is that the sunglasses Mr. Ross is wearing were not made by Louis Vuitton, and in fact, are counterfeit. Louis Vuitton did not grant permission to Mr. Ross or to whoever did make the sunglasses to use our trademarks. The second is that no affiliation, sponsorship or association exists between Rick Ross or XXL and Louis Vuitton. The third is that counterfeiting is illegal.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to correct the confusion.

Sincerely,

Michael D. Pantalony, Esq.
Louis Vuitton Malletier


Mmm-hmm, Jesus be the whiteboys that STAY lawyered up.

But seriously? What kinda shitshow are they running over there? Never in my nine years of journalism have I heard of someone wearing bootleg name brands on a freaking COVER. I mean sure, you can try and sneak it in a video but on a magazine cover? One that’s gonna sit on a newsstand for 5 weeks?  And worse, people can take with them into the store?  (Cause you know that’s how they got caught, right?  Pookie and all his boys bumrushed their local LV store with cover in hand talkin’ bout, “We want dis right ‘ere.” 

And as further proof XXL’s situation is 1-800-over, the mag’s website won’t allow folks to leave comments about or ping the post. DAYUM.

Unless… and you know this is just my conspiracy mind at work here but bear with me… What if the editors put him on the cover with the Canal Street special on purpose???  Uh-huh, yeah. You know, as a subliminal way of calling him a fraud??  Almost to say, if this fat fool really knew anything about the LV lines, he’d have known that he wasn’t rocking the real stuff?? 

No? Not so much? What you say? I’m over thinking it? Oh well, can’t say I ain’t try to  help our folks out… NEXT.