Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

one call I won’t accept…

By on July 30, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it takes a village, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

When I first read about Rodell Vereen, the South Carolina man that was arrested for having sex with the same horse for the SECOND time (um yeah, you read that right. He actually did it once before but the cops weren’t able to clearly identify him on the stable’s surveillance tape until now), my initial response was to vomit in my mouth. I mean the mental image on that was just too much for my nerves this early in the day…


But then, and  feel free to call me crazy, I started to feel bad for homeboy… Mmm-hmm, yeah, I admit it. I actually felt bad for the greasy-looking sexual deviant.

Why? Well, it could be that I’m PMSing and my hormones are all outta wack.  Still, call it a hunch but something tells me that he probably isn’t the brightest or wealthiest individual (otherwise, he’d have his own private stable of horse to bonk, no?).  So he’s gonna have to reach out to some damn body to bail him out the clinker, right? And the only person you could conceivable call at a time like that would be the poor woman that gave birth to you.  And can you EVEN imagine how that conversation went??

“Um yeah, Mommma? Hi. So listen, what had happened was… these folks done caught me getting it in with the neighbor’s filly. And now, well, I’m locked up. Mm-hmm, yes ma’am, as in having sex with the horse.  No, no,  nothing’s wrong with your hearing. You heard me correctly. S-E-X. But I swear, I she wanted it too… (insert sound of  woman wailing and sudden dial tone) Hello? Hello?”

Sigh, poor thang. Let the prayer circle commence.

the real king of new york…

By on July 29, 2009 in end of days, i die, it takes a village, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out, that sense of entitlement

Wait a minute, why is Mayor Bloomberg so freakin’ GANGSTA??


According to this morning’s NYT, since Bloomberg Administration has not been able to curtail or reduce the problem of overcrowding in the city shelters over the past two terms they’ve now resorted to KICKING non-native homeless families up out of the city.  Yes sir… On some real live, ‘No. Actually, you can’t make it here. So please proceed to carry your ass the hell on back to wherever you came from.’  

Okay well maybe they’re not saying it like exactly that… But the good Mayor is funding a voucher program that “offers” to send entire homeless families anywhere outside of New York City a relative is willing to take them in. Mmm-hmmm…

And apparently there is no limit on how far these displaced families can go.  To date, one-way tickets have been purchased to 24 states and 5 continents including: Paris, Johannesburg, Orlando, San Juan and the list goes on.

But my favorite part?  They wanna act like they care about the well being of the families and that this not about getting the number of homeless down so that he can have a justifiable reason for seeking a third term.  talking ’bout it’s all voluntary and that “once a family  leaves New York, homeless service officials follow up with a phone call to make sure they arrive safely, then make a few more calls over the next two to three weeks.” Um, somebody please feel free to insert the hard side-eye cause I. Can’t. Take. It.

All I’m saying is… if it saves me tax dollars, I’m for damn sure not mad. But I see you Mike.  I see you.

carry your own weight…

By on July 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay see now… 


I’m just as worried as the next American about the sky-rocketing costs of medical care.  Shoot, truth be told, probably a little more so considering I got the nerve to be a self-employed liver transplant recipient and whatnot. HOWSOMEVER, what we’re NOT gonna do is blame fat people for all of our problems in the 23.5 hour.  

Uh-uh, all these recent recent reports about obesity-related health issues costing the US $147 billion dollars a year?  No ma’am, I will not co-sign…

Why? Cause real talk? We’re all responsible. Those of who watched bedridden people get lifted out of homes with a crane and the lil’ Maury kids roll themselves on and off the stage every week like it wasn’t a big deal are just as guilty as the individuals who allowed themselves to become overweight b/c of sheer laziness and then developed health issues (as opposed to a medical condition being the REASON they were overweight to begin with).  Yeah, I said it.

Our country didn’t JUST become the land of the steroid-infused chickens, triple Whoppers and Diet Cokes.  We’ve been overindulging for YEARS!! So don’t get mad now that the babies you raised on Twinkies, packaged sandwich meats and watching TV instead of going outside to run around don’t have the slightest clue how to drop those extra HUNDRED or so pounds. 

Jesus be the government that put half as much energy into making sure folks have just as much access to affordable healthy foods/ information on how to live better/ gym memberships as we do a $1 menus/frozen dinners/ happy hours at the local bar. 

Maybe then, things might truly be a whole lot different.

help before I knew I needed it…

By on July 24, 2009 in moment of silence

Hmmm, I’m definitely having a quiet moment…


Just found out that acclaimed author, E. Lynn Harris of down-low lit fame died at the premature age of 53 years. Not hot.

‘Cause let’s just keep it 1000, in addition to it being a juicy story, reading his groundbreaking Invisible Life saved many a woman- black, white, yellow, blue- from making tragic mistake with with a man who couldn’t make a decision. 

RIP.

triple whopper and diet coke, please

By on July 23, 2009 in desperate cry for help, love be a cellulite cream, pocket full of dirty tissue, work it white girl

Hmmm, so the New York Times is reporting that Manhattan is the thinnest county in New York State. Apparently the average across the state is 60% and we’re at an impressive 42% low.


Can’t say I’m uber surprised with all the models, artists, Euro-trash, Stepford wives and beautiful Chelsea boys fa-la-laing all over the damn place.  But what is interesting is how honest the folks they interviewed about being skinny were about how they felt about the socioeconomic implications of being overweight.

“My mom says, ‘The smaller the dress size, the larger the apartment,'” said one Upper Eastsider.  

Well damn, tell ‘em how you really feel ma. Right?

Mind you, although I thought some of these chicks were doing way too much for me to co-sign (so what you’re saying is, you’re 5-foot-8, 119lbs and you’re not tossing your cookies after every meal?  Really?). I gotta admit, I definitely identified with one of the interviewees- Simon Doonan, 56, the creative director of Barney’s.  Good ole Simon was the only person honest enough to attribute the borough’s obsession with weight to straight up, simple and plain, FEAR.
 

“Or closets are filled with all these expensive clothes that are like swords of Damocles, because we may not fit into them anymore.” Preach.  

Cause the good Lord knows, my closet may only be filled with H&M, random sample sale finds and a couple of cute pieces from the GAP (gotta get the shout out in) but I damn sure can’t afford to replace nam stitch of it right about now. 

SO until the majority of the styles at Target start to cater to the short and curvy (and please believe I check in on a regular basis), I too will be unabashedly dragging my butt to the stinky NYSC and trying to make the magic happen.

CATEGORIES