Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

money makes all the difference…

By on August 4, 2009 in end of days, i die, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road

I’m so excited about the two days straight of sunshine, I don’t know what to do with myself! Oh wait, yes the hell I do.  


I need to earn a living and also find the time to run some overdue errands- take the car to get new brake pads (call me crazy but something about that grinding noise every time I stop seems a little ominous), finish the laundry and retrieve my cell phone from my mom’s house.  

Sometimes this whole being a grown-up is waaay boring, no?

Theoretically, I could just sell my multi-million dollar ranch, move around the world to India, become a transsexual named Elizabeth and live in a community of eunuchs and transgenders.  Oh wait, John Jeffords, a primary member of the old money, blueblood family that owned the legendary racehorse, Man ‘O War already beat me to it. And apparently he wants to tell the whole world about it on an upcoming ABC special: ‘Primetime: Outsiders’ which airs on August 25th.  

Sigh, rich kids have all the fun.   

he makes my ears suicidal…

By on August 3, 2009 in end of days, going to hell in a handbasket, tagging out

Ummm, you ever have the feeling that some folks just don’t know when to just be quiet? It’s like they keep going on just to hear themselves speak? Yeah, you too? Well this time, Vincent Nicholos Archbishop of Westminster in England, I’m talking about you.

According to Reuters, dude (who happens to be the Head of the Roman Catholic Church in England) is “concerned that excessive use of emails and mobile phone text messaging is creating shallow friendships and undermining community life.” Now, initially, I almost co-signed on his sentiment but then he had to go that extra inch and hit us in the head with his opinion”that popular social networking sites led young people to form “transient relationships” which put them at risk of suicide when they collapse.” Suicide? Really? Please insert blank look with three blinks.

Listen, I too wish kids nowadays spent waaaay more time running around, playing sports and being carefree than playing video games, talking on cells, sending IMs and stalking one another Myspace/ FB or whatever the hell is the cyberflavor of the month. But I can’t act like back in the day, I wasn’t up until all hours of the night talking/ whispering (’cause each Elsa caught me it was sure to be an ass whooping) on the 3-way call, beeping some cute boy on a those ginormous skytel pagers and acting like I was gonna literally die if my Dad didn’t click over every time the call waiting sound beeped. And guess what? I turned out just fine. So Father God forgive me if I think to imply that suicide is imminent if someone ‘un-friends’ you (especially when you’re the leader of a church) is a bit much…. Oh well.

Jesus be the bungee cord.

every day is xmas…

By on August 3, 2009 in it's in the genes, miracle on 169th street, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

OMG, OMG, OMG! My Mommy (yes, it becomes Mommy in moments like this) just surprised me with a brand new Kindle!!! Woo-HOO, go Mitzi, it’s ya birthday! Go Mitzi, get busy!

Um, actually, it’s not. But yet and still. Big E hooked a sister up for no reason at all, except that she thought it would be something that I’d L-O-V-E. And even though I am SO not the new gadget/ techie-type person at all; I really, really do.

Seriously, tho? There is absolutely nothing in the world better than random acts of kindness. You know the funny card in the mail, ‘have a great day’ flowers on a Wed, taking my car to get washed ’cause you know I HATE to do it or simply having the bed made by the time I drag my butt out the shower. Can the church get an amen? (On the flip side, this is prob the reason I’m so damn relationship retarded… ‘Cause I don’t understand when the person you’re dating doesn’t seem to ever think outside the box and you know, do something special just for the hell of it. It’s damn. My mom is better at his than you and I don’t even got to swing from a chandelier for her…. But I digress.)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU MOM. I am SOSOSOSO excited. You just made my whole summer!!

‘n’ for nice try…

By on July 31, 2009 in end of days, it takes a village, team obama, why we as a people can't get ahead

Wow, its a hard week for the Obamas, huh?


First Barack tries to hold his man ‘Skip’ down and winds up having to suck salt and have a couple of brews with a man that 9 times outta 10 probably didn’t even vote for him.  And now, it turns out that the soil in Michelle’s beautiful vegetable garden was fertilized by straight up sewage sludge.  Mmm-hmm… READ: every and anything you toss/ flush/ washes down our sewer drains.  

Just let me know when your stomach settles… ’cause the visual on that is a bit much.

Apparently, that damn Clinton administration used a sludge-based product to fertilize the garden back in the 1990s and the effects are STILL lingering.  So when the National Park Service recently tested the soil beneath the garden to see if the vegetables/ fruit could quality for organic certification, it discovered elevated levels of lead averaging 93 parts per million. Mind you, the EPA recommends that you do not even try to grow food in any soil that tests at 100ppm or higher. 

So um yeah, about feeding all the innocent kids in America a salad?  Yeah,  survey says, no thank you.

lord…

By on July 31, 2009 in desperate cry for help, going to hell in a handbasket, moment of silence, too old for the road

So if you were wondering how long it was going to take Eminem to respond to Ms. Mariah’s cute little single, Obsessed (which for the record, I actually like), this video is your answer. 

Dayum… can you feel the shank? Marshall went IN.  

Ya know, I might be going out on a limb here BUT I’m thinking that Mariah and Nick should probably just go sit down somewhere, be quiet and reflect for a sec. Cause I don’t care how many red carpets you wanna wear between now and forever and this right here… this is NOT okay.

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