Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

tears of a clown…

By on September 10, 2009 in it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Hmmm, so while President Obama was figuring out 50 different ways to politely shank the Republican party in that amazing speech on health care that he delivered last night, apparently former NJ Net Jayson Williams was up in the State Supreme Court falling out and LITERALLY crying poor. 


Mind you, this the same dude who made at least $87 million bouncing a call around for a living. Uh-huh and now he’s talking ’bout, there’s no money and he’s broke. Feel free to insert blank stare with three blinks.

Err-um Jayson honey, I’m sure you thought that Obama was bringing the era of the lightskin man back but it ain’t get this far honey.  At. All.

Granted, $200,000 (which is actually backdated 6 months to March ’09) is a whole lot of money for someone who probably had to barter his left testicle to cover all those criminal defense fees to pay in spousal/ child support. Mmm-hmmm… remember that messy trial? And the unfortunate taser incident shortly thereafter? Sigh.

But dude, ain’t nobody tell you to shoot that limo driver and then try and hide the evidence. And at the end of the day, there’s only so much sorrow that I can muster for someone who lists not one but THREE homes and an ownership in a professional lacrosse team amongst his assets.

Yeah, survey says- no thank you.

when boiling point isn’t hot enough…

By on September 8, 2009 in end of days, it ain't easy, made for the maury show, tagging out

Can you imagine living in an apartment that smelled so bad, people assumed there was a DEAD BODY inside???

According to the NYPost, the cops were originally called to an apartment complex in Long Island City for a domestic dispute but the noticeable stench and dead flies outside of one of the other apartments caught their attention. So after knocking on the door and getting no response, they reported a possible dead body in the apartment.

Later in the day, fire fighters showed up to bust down the door and recover the corpse. And that’s when a very much alive tenant, Ming Li Sung surprised them by jumping out up from underneath piles of trash, and yelling “Get out! Get out!” *

But wait on it… Not only were police officers on the on the scene straight vomiting from the smell of rotting garbage but when they tried to remove the trash AN ARMY OF ROACHES ran out into the hall!!! Please feel free to insert image of me running in circles, screaming my head off and scratching myself to death right about NOW.

You know, there are so many things wrong with this situation, I don’t know where to begin…

First of all, how are you even able to breathe when the air is so stink that the flies are dying on the outside the apartment?? What you got, an extra pair of lungs?

Then all that jumping up out of the piles of garbage? No ma’am, this ain’t some Jason-Woorhees-meets- Micheal-Myers-in-da-hood-esque movie. That fool is lucky one of those firefighters didn’t split his head in two with a damn axe.

And the river of roaches flooding out of the apartment? Uh-uh… there ain’t no way. If you want to live amongst the roaches and rats your ass is more than welcome to hit the streets. Do NOT play yourself and move next door to me. Cause I am not the one. I would’ve been banging on that door night and day until your nasty ass did something about the tomfoolery.

Now please excuse me while I go take a scalding hot shower.

hope ‘pretty boy’ floyd is taking notes…

By on September 4, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, that sense of entitlement, why we as a people can't get ahead

OMG, this video clip of Oregon State football player LaGarrette Blount dropping Boise State’s Byron Hout like a bad habit is CA-RAZY! 


Like seriously? Can someone say, “He got knocked the HELL out??” My god, that poor white boy ain’t even see it coming. At. All.

I only pray that lil’ dude doesn’t lose his football scholarship behind this craziness… Not because I think LeGarrette was right for losing his temper. Cause I don’t. Good sportsmanship is a vital part of the game and Lord knows, there’s NOTHING worse than a sore loser (cough, Kanye West, cough)…

HOWSOMEVER, I am a firm believer that there’s a reason parents teach children to talk with their mouths and not with their hands. At the end of the day, when you lay hands on folks, you besta be prepared to get dealt with. Period.

It’s because the LAST thing we need is another unemployable, angry black man roaming the streets talking about what could’ve been had the man not held him down. Feel free to insert huge sigh and eye roll. No offense, I’m just saying….


Oh and note to all the brand new, fearless, genX pinktoes out there: Puh-lease don’t let Obama and the front row ticket you bought to Jay-Z’s last concert get you gassed. You can still get it.

pants on fire…

By on September 3, 2009 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, too old for the road

Um, so what a minute. Just so I’m clear- that whole story about pioneer female rapper Roxanne Shante negotiating to get a Ph.D as part of her payment from the record company is a lie???  Well damn, I don’t even know what to say. 


Not for nothing, I JUST saw her being honored at this Women in Hip-Hip Achievement dinner thingy not too long ago… Sigh.  It’s just so sad when people lie to get attention and then get caught out like this. 

Kinda reminds me of good ‘ole Tyler Perry. Remember how long he was running around here insisting that he was heterosexual? Oh wait, he’s still talking that ‘ish.  My bad.

it takes a village…

By on September 2, 2009 in end of days, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, that sense of entitlement, too old for the road

It’s official, poor white trash is NOT handling the recession well. No ma’m, Not. At. All.



But wait on it… Apparently the 61-year old, Roger Stephens didn’t know Sonya Mathews or her 2 year-old from NOWHERE.  As in, they were complete strangers up until the moment they turned down the same aisle. 

Then according to the news report, Roger warned her that “if she didn’t quiet down the child, he would do it for her.” And just like that, when the ‘ole girl didn’t do anything, he proceeded to slap the little girl not once but SEVERAL times across the face. Talking ’bout, “See I told you I would shut her up.”  I. Am. Done.

Jesus be a fresh pair of Depends cause I swear I’m peeing on myself right now.

Now I admit… there have been many a day where I’ve fantasized (vividly) about smacking fire out of some unruly brat throwing a temper tantrum in a grocery store or public place of business.  Especially when it’s clear that all the cerebral ” we don’t hit, we do time-outs” bullcrap some of these parents are using isn’t worth the spit coming out of the kid’s mouth and the lil’ punk really just needs a swift backhand to cut the shit short. But these are my FANTASIES.  

Now homeboy right here? He is bananas.  

And more importantly, I’m just trying to envision what-in-the-petite-weakish-non-violent-hell this woman looks like or comes from. ‘Cause not for nothing, I really wish a random old man would go hard with ANY of the women I know that have kids. SHEEEIT.  All I’m gonna say is, this right here is the reason for emergency bail money savings accounts.

Let the police sirens wail…

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