Mitzi Moments

Wow, there’s a lot going on for the Friday before Xmas break, huh?


First, there’s Cincinnati Bengal Chris Henry’s untimely, tragic ACCIDENTAL death (yeah, I’m calling it an accident. ‘Cause if you jump in the bed of the truck that I’m driving to get the hell away and you subsequently fall out- That ‘ish is NOT my fault). My sincere prayers go out to all of his family and friends.

Then, Mama Tina (finally) filed the divorce papers. Now, I’m no fan of divorce but can’t say I blame the woman. She’s too damn old to have to adopt and raise yet ANOTHER one of Papa Knowles’ illegitimate offspring. She did her part w/ Kelly. This time around, Matthew is on his own. No offense.

And in what, as a professional writer,I consider to be a particularly disheartening and downright disgusting story, it seems the Wayans brothers are getting sued AGAIN for stealing someone else’s book/film idea. COME ON. Like seriously, there are not one, not two, but THREE of ya’ll Negroes. Is it that damn difficult to a) chip in and PAY folks for their intellectual property or b) CREATE your own ‘ish??? *DEAD FISH EYES*

But seriously, who needs to gossip about celebrities when real life is so freaking off the chain?

Just yesterday a career criminal who had 14 prior arrests for offenses that include manslaughter, assault, drugs and robbery, kicked in the door of a fellow con he met while serving time for manslaughter and killed dude, his brother and his father. According to the NY Post “Gunman Hector Quinones blew away 24-year-old Carlos Rodriguez Jr., and his father Carlos Rodriguez Sr., 52, and then repeatedly stabbed grandfather Fernando Gonzalez, 87, to death before the elder Rodriguez’s wife and adult daughter walked unwittingly into the carnage in the apartment they all shared.”

But wait on it… As the genius is attempting to make his getaway down the fire escape, he got tangled up in his baggy pants, tripped and PLUNGED three stories to his death.

*crickets*

So me and my girls went out on Tuesday night. You know, tis the season to be heading out into freezing cold in the middle of the night half-dressed in the name of a some holiday party or in this case, my friend Patty’s 40th Bday Bash. Now, overall the outing was actually really fun times. I mean, thanks to D. supplying us with the live entertainment as she got her grind on with the random guy who just so happened to be wearing one of those ex-con home arrest ankle monitoring bracelets. Uh-huh, as in ‘I just got out 12 hours ago and wanna get my party on before I have to check-in with the C.O.’ Mmm-hmmm, very Law &Order classy. *DEAD*

Moving on- because I told her that I wouldn’t talk about her momentary lapse of sanity. But I know ya’ll can keep a secret- Why are my ears STILL ringing from the damn music two day later??

Like seriously, yesterday I had an interview for this cool non-profit that I hope to be working with in 2010. And the whole time I’m sitting there trying to read lips and trying not to speak too loudly. Sigh. Uh-uh, my nerves are too bad for this kinda ish.

Needless to say I’m now, walking around here convinced that that loud ass sound system and wackass DJ- who randomly launched into this loud ass techno/ Pop Rock set in a room full of black people (where they do that at?)- has permanently impaired my hearing. Good grief.

Of course, none of this is going to stop me from carrying on with the rest of the holiday festivities. No sir. I will be up in Sin City tonight celebrating Karina’s birthday… Even if a bish gotta wear earplugs.

Don’t judge me (or my locked down lovin’ friend).

Oh uh-uh, I see the official coming out party for the angry white women continues in full speed. Mmm-hmm…

Yesterday in Wisconsin, 2 women accused gluing a cheating lover’s penis to his stomach back in July finally reached plea deals with the District Attorney.Um, gluing a man’s penis to his stomach because he cheated on you? Who does that?? And better yet, how they manage to get off with no jail time??

Mind you, these weren’t some young, hot headed twenty-something year-olds caught up in an emotional moment. The two women are grown ass, forty-eight and forty-three year-year-old women! And wait on it, neither of the two was actually married to the poor 37 year-old schlub that they tied up and stuck it to- literally.

But tell you what, I’m not gonna judge. Nope. I’ll simply sit back and enjoy the show.

Yo, holdup, timeout. Why is Perez Hilton such a BEE-Yatch???

Now I’m the first to admit, I used to LIVE for his blog- the dirt, the dish, and of course, the doodles! But over the past year, Perez and his blog have become more and more about self-promotion and less about providing the scoop. His opinions have gone from snarky and sarcastic to either pure unadulterated ass kissing or hatefulness. Boo. Nobody needs that from a grown ass man who dyes his eyebrows to match his dated faux-hawk.

And apparently the folks at KTLA-Channel 5 in LA feel the same way about all that ra-ra ballroom diva ‘ish. ‘Cause when that fool stormed out of the studio before his scheduled appearance (that he apparently begged them for), their correspondents went IN! Bump the article, cue Drake and watch the video. Shit is BANANAS!!

And err-um, note to Perez: hell hath no fury like an old school broadcaster who’s already sick and tired of all you talentless new fangled media personalities stealing the shine. *DONE*

Get it Sam!

See now, if you’re gonna get arrested for drunk driving THIS my dears is the way to do it!


According to police reports, 36 year-old Daniel Shilts of Waldo, Wisconsin ran his car into a pole at a gas station and almost slammed into a police cruiser. Then, after failing sobriety tests (DUH!) , the cops decided to transport him to the police station in the back of a squad car.

But wait… It’s at this point where, ‘ole dude begins taking a leak. And not only did he pee all over the back of the cop car, apparently he sprayed through the car’s divider and hit one of the officers in the back of the head with his urine.

*gags and falls over stone cold DEAD*

Okay, okay, I know it’s probably really awful to say but you gotta admit- this ‘ish is HILARIOUS!!! I mean, aside from the whole crashing into a pole and endangering the life of innocent people in the area part… But can you imagine the visual on that? Homeboy aimed and sprayed the back of the cop’s head??? Crazy. And he only saw ONE year in jail for that?? I wonder if this dude is some sort of trust fund baby…

Rich or not, Daniel is so lucky his lily white behind lives in Wisconsin. Cause had he pulled this stunt anywhere in New York… Or worse yet, be BLACK/ HISPANIC/ ASIAN/ COLORED??? No sir. We wouldn’t even be reading about the piss. More like another unidentified dead body in the morgue.

I’m just saying.